All language subtitles for Newhart s05e07 My Two and Only

Gee, you two are back early.

Stupid, stupid rural people.

What happened? You know that garden
party Michael and I were invited to?

It turned out they expected us to weed.

I haven't been to one good party since I
moved here to Vermont.

Steph's right. When it comes to parties,
the people in this town are all

poopers. And you can quote me.

I don't think there'd be much doubt who
said that, Michael.

Michael, if you joined the Beavers,
you'd have a great party to go to every

week. They have beer and darts, and
sometimes some of the guys even bring

dogs.

Well, gee, George, if word gets out
about this, nobody will hang out at

Mansion anymore.

Michael, I know.

Why don't we throw a party?

Stephanie, that's really nice of you.
Thanks, Joanna.

I figure if we throw a party, all the
people who come will learn to throw

parties for us to go to in the future.

Shall we party plan, hostess? Okay,
host.

Hi,

I'm Larry.

This is my brother, Daryl. And this is
my other brother, Daryl.

And this is our buddy, Sam.

met at a hollering contest a few days
ago.

I think they hit it off because Daryl
was such easy competition.

Yeah!

Well, thanks for bringing Sam over,
Larry.

Sam just started work over at Cooper's
Garage.

Yeah, if you come in, I'll wash your
windshield for free.

Once.

Well, we'll...

We'll make sure and try to take
advantage of that.

When?

Can we leave it loose?

Oh, by the way, could we borrow a
toothbrush?

Sam unexpectedly stayed for dinner.

We have Lindy Myers, but we only have
the tooth.

So, on the invitations, we'll say...
Oops, ixnay on the arty pay.

Excuse me, Miss Stephanie, but we
couldn't help overhearing that you're

an arty pay.

Well, we'd be happy to cater it for you.

Thanks, Larry, but I don't think this is
going to be that fancy of an affair.

Up and down, never a frost.

Thanks.

I'll get this right back to you.

Oh, no, there's another one.

I can't decide whether to have raspberry
jam or marmalade on my toast this

morning.

Well, George, I had the jam and it was
very good.

But I had the jam yesterday morning.

Then have the marmalade. Yeah, but
except for yesterday, I almost always

that.

I've got it, George. Why don't you have
it half with marmalade and half with

jam?

Gee, Dick, isn't that sort of copping
out?

Thanks,

Dick.

Okay, Steph, we've covered all the
details.

Now all we need to do is find the right
party theme.

I know.

How about a theme where people have to
bring us presents?

Yeah, we'll have it at my place and
we'll call it a housewarming party.

Michael, you've lived there for three
years.

Dick, if you spread that around, it
could really bring down the party.

Intro and the extra guy's been taking a
lot out of me.

Oh, here's the toothbrush back, as
promised.

That's all right, Sam. Why don't you
just keep that?

So, what have you guys been up to?

Well, I took them on a free tour of the
gas station where I work.

Yeah, we held Darryl's nose and pumped
him up with air.

to see if we could get him to float.

It didn't work.

Well, thanks for mentioning it. It, you
know, saves us from trying.

There's something moldy in the
refrigerator, and I'm not touching it.

Didn't you hear about the mold?

Uh -huh.

What is it, Larry?

What would you do if some guy kept
coming around bothering you all the

Well, of course, I'll have to use my
imagination.

The thing is, it just ain't the same
doing things with Daryl and Sam.

Instead of just Daryl.

I mean, you take bath time.

The river's big enough for all four of
us, but... I'm a modest man.

Larry, Larry, you know, when you make
new friends, you have to make certain

adjustments.

Not... Usually the one you describe.

But generally,

friends are worth it.

Yeah, I guess.

It's just that Daryl and I have always
been like this.

I don't want that to change.

Well, Larry, I don't think you have to
worry.

I've never seen brothers closer than you
and Daryl and Daryl. Not even hands,

hands and dead?

Time for the best part of the day,
cleanup.

And the sooner we're done, the sooner we
can get to our Wednesday night firefly

catching contest.

Okay, let's start with refilling them
straw machines.

We wasn't expecting you. Well, you
should. I hang around here all the time.

you doing?

What's it look like?

We're rounding up the reusables.

Oh, I'll help you.

Okay, guys.

This is the last straw.

Just for future reference.

That's my job.

And my joke.

We ain't done yet.

We still got to clean the tables and the
floor.

And scrape all the grease off the grill
for safe keeping.

Well... Well, I'll take the grease.

Sure. Grab the glamour job.

What do I do with the grease?

Pour it in the bucket in the
refrigerator.

Oh, and just so you won't be beating
them to it, Daryl gets to lick the bowl.

Hey, work's done. Let's limber up those
tongues and get after them fireflies.

Is that the plan for tonight?

Well, that sounds good, but they got
these new shopping carts over at the

market. I thought we could do wheelies
through the produce.

Seems like we got us an embarrassment of
choices here tonight.

But I'm afraid fireflies is kind of a
family tradition.

Hold on, Darryl.

You picking those shopping carts over
them glow bugs?

Well, okay, if that's your choice.

Aren't you coming, Larry?

No, thanks.

Somebody's got to maintain the balance
of nature.

Okay, let's go, guys.

Well, go on.

I've been wanting some time to myself.

Don't take no wobbly wheels.

It sure is quiet around here without
Daryl.

Sorry, really, Mr. Darrow.

He's obviously very lonely.

He needs a friend.

Yeah.

Why don't you spend some time with him?

You mean voluntarily?

Come on, Dick.

If you do this, there's a big kiss in it
for you.

From you, right?

Larry?

Yeah? I was just thinking, maybe we
ought to go out and do something.

You mean it?

Well... I guess.

All right.

What should we do?

Why don't we go for a walk in the woods?

I think we should start with something a
little less intimate.

Mind if I suggest an activity?

Okay, as long as it doesn't involve a
follow -up tetanus shot.

I guess that rules out wolf taunting.

Larry, this isn't going to work.

What? Well, it's obvious you miss your
brothers.

Right now, I miss them, too.

But maybe it might be a good idea if we
got a new friend.

And that way the Daryls could, you know,
spend more time with you.

Okay. I'll take your idea and shove it
through my head.

That's all I ask.

To quote an extremely popular Beatles
tune, Hello, Goodbye.

Oh, hi, Jojo. And here's your personal
party invite.

Oh, George, you're invited to our party,
too.

Gee, thanks, Stephanie.

That's right, George, but I must tell
you, there is a no -plaid rule.

Oh, then I'll have to think about it.

You're into snakes.

No.

Are these books or something?

Yeah.

What are you doing with them?

I read and write them.

Yeah, sure.

Want to go spit in the reservoir till
the water level rises?

No.

Tell me something, is it just me or
aren't we sparking to each other?

It's not just you.

Oh boy, that Larry pulled some joke on
me.

He said you'd be interesting.

So, Larry... Larry sent you over.

I'm sorry, Sam, but I'm not looking for
new friends right now.

I think you're home free.

When I suggested you find a new friend
for Sam, I didn't mean me.

I should have figured you wouldn't stand
a chance with Sam.

Not after the white -hot energy of
Daryl.

Larry, why don't you just tell Daryl
that you need... them.

I can't do that.

I can't be weak.

Daryl's always needed me.

I sure could go for that walk in the
woods now.

Okay. With one condition.

What's that?

I really don't want to talk about Daryl
anymore.

Fair enough.

But I have one condition.

If we see any wolves...

It's a proper name.

One word.

Gee, it seems like I used to be better
at this game.

Dick, Joanna, welcome to Michael's new
home.

Gee, I'm getting this weird sense of
deja vu.

Isn't it a great party, Joanna?

Stephanie, we just got here.

But I'm sure it is.

Thank you.

Hi, George.

We weren't sure you'd come since you
couldn't wear a flag.

Well, I didn't want to miss a good
party.

Besides...

You're a

real rebel, George.

Hi, I'm Larry, solitary man.

I'm sorry, Larry, but no one's admitted
without a present.

Happy housewarming.

Thanks, Larry. We'll open it later.

Okay. But in this heat, it might hatch
prematurely.

Hi, Larry. How you doing?

Suicidal, thank you.

Tell me about it. I just got creamed at
charades.

And this is my friend Daryl. And this is
my other friend Daryl.

Happy housewarming.

Here's some motor oil.

Do you realize the faux pas of inviting
both them and me to the same party?

Larry, we didn't invite any of you.

It's really tough watching them have the
loud and...

boisterous times we used to have.

I'm not going to let them get the best
of me.

I'll show them if they can have fun, I
can have more fun.

I'll be the life of the party.

Hi, I'm Larry.

Want to hear a train?

And gentlemen, there's been Fred and
Ginger, Baryshnikov and those girls with

the skinny necks.

Tonight, those people eat our stardust.

Step.

Dip position.

When you have a party, you can dance.

What a shameless way for attention.

Pick a card, any card, and I'll guess
what it is.

Four of spades.

Jack of clubs.

Eight of hearts.

Gee, I guess those fellas who did it on
the first guess must know some kind of

trick.

Michael, no one's applauding.

You made the photo too big. It's
distracting them.

Off the stage by our own likeness.

Well, I tried to mingle, but these
people obviously aren't in a partying

Larry, we both know some people you
could mingle with.

I bet you could be like that.

Well, I guess the time has come to rip
out my heart and slap it on my sleeve.

Hi.

Hi, Larry. Great party, huh?

I guess it would be for you.

You're with Daryl.

Daryl. I hope you won't thank any less
of me for telling you this, but I miss

you.

And I need you.

And I hope we can spend more time
together.

You really miss them?

That shouldn't surprise you.

You know what it's like to be with
Daryl.

The only reason they've been hanging out
with me is they thought you were

happier without them.

You're kidding.

Is that true?

Well, I'll be.

I've heard of other families having
communication problems.

But I never thought it'd happen to us.

Come here, you lugs.

Sure,

they always applaud that schmaltzy
stuff.

You know, the firefly population in this
town is...

Getting artificially enlarged.

What do you say we make a den in it?

Sam, want to join us?

All right, fireflies, light up your
behinds, because here we come.