Original subtitles

The first time you apply acoustical tile to your ceiling is like the first time

man conquered space.

No, it isn't.

Hi, how's the book coming?

Oh, it's humming along.

So I see.

I'm sure Shakespeare made lots of these.

All right, Joanna, this book's just not flowing like my last one, say it with

tub enclosures.

I mean, that baby just poured out of me.

Honey, you can't keep procrastinating like this. Don't you have a deadline?

Sort of. It's due two days ago.

It's all right.

I've only got a few chapters left. Now, I really, really have to get back to

work.

Oh, those beautiful red leaves.

One, two, three.

Oh, excuse me, Dick. I left my lug wrench here. I'll be out of your way in

jiffy. George, you don't have to rush off. Why don't you stick around and

talk a while. I can't, Dick.

Joanna told me you might try to pull something like this.

I promised her I wouldn't give you the time of day.

Hello?

Oh, I'm sorry. You have the wrong number.

So, what's going on?

Wow, look at all the red books.

One, two... Life in the Old West.

Jed Lawson rode into town, hankering for a home -cooked meal, a fresh horse, and

a hunk of gold.

Boy, I must have read this a hundred times.

A hundred and one.

This is my brother, Daryl. And this is my other brother, Daryl.

And we have a major bulletin. The cafe's gotten a bit boring.

Seems to just be cook, serve, clear. Cook, serve, clear.

Then every six months, you hose the place down and it starts all over.

Larry, bulletins are usually shorter than this.

Well, cutting to the chase, we decided to supplement our restaurant income by

reviving our once thriving business, Anything for a Buck.

Well, that's great, guys, but I can't think of anything I'd need you for.

I mean, it's not like you can do my work for me.

Can you?

With all due respect, Miss Stephanie, what is your job?

We never see you do much of anything.

I'm the housekeeper.

I dust the room.

I touch...

Other people use bed linen.

I scrape gum out of soap dishes.

Ooh -wee. Lots of perks.

We'll do it.

Okay. But part of the deal has to be that...

breakfast. Mrs. Winnick in room six needs extra blankets and bath towels.

Gee, Joanna, it's like you expect me to do the work of three people.

Well, come on, Daryl. We best be getting. We want to make a good

our first date.

Of the rest of our

I've, uh, I've come to a major decision about my life.

Yeah?

Joanna, I want to be a cowboy.

How about some black coffee?

No, I mean it. I want to ride the range, rope steer, and sleep under the big

sky.

Isn't this a lot of trouble to go through, Justin? keep from writing your

It has nothing to do with my deadline.

I read this novel and it reawakened all my childhood dreams of being a cowboy.

Dick, you're serious?

Joanna, don't you see what's happening? I can't finish my book because I'm in a

rut. I mean, if you stop growing and moving forward, you become like me.

Dick, honey, you're a city boy with lower back.

352 pages. I read them all. Everything I did.

Riding, roping, swaddling.

Swaddling? Swaddling is the art of tying your horse to a hitching post with a

single flip of the rein.

Morning, Dick, Joanna.

How you doing?

Dick wants to be a cowboy.

Pretty goomy, Dick.

She isn't telling it right, George. I just want to take some time off and go

west and live in a bunkhouse and... Be a cowboy.

Yeah.

George, haven't you ever chased a boyhood dream?

Sure. I always wanted to be like my dad.

To be one of the best darn handymen in all of Vermont.

Wow, I made it!

George, I just want to live out my dreams.

I checked with some ranchers in Oklahoma and Wyoming.

When they want me, I'm ready.

This is all so silly. You can't really... Anna, don't fence me in.

Don't you be poking around in there.

He ain't never seen the inside of a vacuum cleaner bag before.

Come on, let's sneak you up to the guest room.

Making the inn spotless?

Don't you want that, Joanna?

Something strange is going on here.

There certainly is. I heard about Dick.

Stephanie, there is nothing wrong with Dick. He's simply reexamining his life.

Well, my train leaves in an hour. If I stand down tomorrow, I'll be in a

bunkhouse in Oklahoma polishing my saddle and rolling my own cigarettes.

You don't smoke.

I don't want to smoke them. I just want to roll.

Yeah, he's fine.

Honey, you can't leave. You've got responsibilities here.

I came to wish you luck, Dick. Or should I call you Paul?

Michael. So, Dick, what are you going to do when you want your horse to come?

Run, please.

You really should do well out west. It's a well -known fact that innkeepers are

the toughest guys out there.

Michael, I have spurs in here that jingle, jangle, and maim.

real big on goodbyes, but here's a little something for those long, lonely

nights on the prairie.

Oh, gee, George.

The harmonica, thank you.

That's the Billy the Kid model, Dick.

I didn't know Billy the Kid played the harmonica. I think he just killed a man

who played one.

Dick, did you hear that?

They shoot people for playing harmonicas out there.

Joanna, I know this is ridiculous, but it's something I just have to do.

Your mind is made up, isn't it? I can't fight it.

I'm going.

All right, Dick.

If you feel so strongly about it, go west, middle -aged man.

Thanks, honey.

Well, I'll need to be back in a week.

I'm here to sign on as a hired hand.

Where'd you get those, Jeff?

You a rodeo clown or something?

I talked to you on the phone. My name's Dick Loudon.

Oh, yeah.

Loudon.

Sounded younger and bigger on the phone.

You interested in hiring the voice or the man?

So, uh, what do you want to work on?

Chuckwagon or something?

Squaddle. Squaddle?

What's that?

That's where you tie your horse to a hitching post with one flip of the

Really?

I can handle myself. Give me a... Give me a shot.

Well, I guess any guy who knows what squaddling is deserves a chance.

Pay $600 a month plus room and grub, we rise at five.

No gambling, no town women, no killing, no horse stealing.

Can live with that.

Welcome aboard, cowboy.

My name's Love.

Well, I'm Chet.

This is Roby, Wayne, Les, Miguelito, and Hillel.

Howdy. Hey, stranger, you got a bunk yet?

Not yet.

Why don't you take us in right here?

Fourteen hours of riding dusty trails, and then, boom, the Toyota blew a

You round up cattle with a truck?

Say, you hungry, stranger?

We could rustle you up some grub.

All day long, I've been hankering for steak, beans, and biscuits.

Well, sorry. Today's Wednesday.

Salad night.

I think I'll pass.

So where about you from, stranger?

Does it matter?

Well, I guess we're all running away from something.

Me, I ran into a little trouble down in Texas.

What kind of trouble?

I had a chain of patio furniture stores that went into Chapter 11.

drifted up here.

This place has been pretty good to me.

The ranch owner is a fair man?

Ranch owner?

Let's spread the wholly owned subsidiary of DeForest Chemical Incorporated.

That must be some branding iron.

You got your gear on my bunk.

I didn't know.

Loudon, meet Bart.

Bart, Loudon's the new hired hand.

Looks kind of puny.

You got any experience, Loudon?

Well, I've eaten salad and sat in a Toyota.

you think you're doing?

Throwing a cigarette?

This is a no -smoking bunkhouse stranger.

Yeah, you trying to kill us?

I don't believe this. I came out west for adventure.

And look where I end up, the lazy quiche ranch.

a truck is not exactly what I had in mind.

You ain't so hot.

I've seen that chrome shining.

It's time to have some fun.

Let's get the kids.

I'm sick of my teeth.

Down a dirty game of poker.

Poker? What are you talking about, Loudon?

Gambling's against the rules.

Have a little respect for the corporation you work for.

What are we doing tonight?

What we always do on Thursdays.

Watch videocassettes.

Hey, guys.

I rented high noon.

High noon?

What's that about?

Forget it.

Tonight we're watching the Muppets take Manhattan.

Again? Bart, do we have to? I say we have to.

Anybody got a problem with that?

with the Muppets take Manhattan?

You do, do you?

Not as a film.

It's a delightful romp with strong production values.

But it seems everybody in the bunkhouse wants to watch High Noon.

You're talking mighty tough for a guy with clown pants.

I don't want trouble, Bart.

I'm just following the code of the West.

Majority rules when it comes to videocassettes.

Okay.

High noon tonight.

But only tonight.

Wow, nobody ever stood up to Bart before. Yeah, he's really something.

Yeah, you're pretty tough around VCRs, Loudon.

Let's see how tough you are tomorrow out in the range.

Well, I'm meeting Michael for lunch.

Your chores, they're all done?

At 11 .30?

Joanna.

I'm good.

Stephanie, something suspicious has been going on here lately.

The guests have been mentioning odd occurrences like happy faces carved in

soap.

Oh.

I'm just the maid.

I suppose I'm not allowed to express myself as an artist.

And stepped on a cat.

Nice try, Miss Stephanie, but I'm afraid we've been caught rubber -handed.

We was just fixing to clean a bathtub, but I guess the bather still had feet to

do.

You mean you've been doing her chores?

This has to stop immediately.

Stephanie is the housekeeper here.

Oh, poo.

you won't.

Guys, here's the dollar.

Don't ever work for Miss Stephanie again.

I'm sorry, Miss Stephanie, but it is anything for a buck.

first seen you, we had our doubts.

You sure proved us wrong.

You earned our respect, Loudon. Yeah, nobody could double clutch like Loudon.

Better get out of here before Bart gets back. He said he didn't even want to see

you today.

Loudon, you still here?

I guess I am.

Why do you have to go?

I got what I came for.

I got to follow my dreams where... wherever they take me.

I guess I can't fault the guy for that.

Ever since I was a kid, I've always had a dream of my own.

Someday I want to get myself a little place.

Maybe rent out a few rooms.

If it goes well, maybe do a little writing on the side.

You dream big, Bart.

And one hell of a cowboy.

I better hit the trail.

Meow.