All language subtitles for Newhart s04e23 Replaceable You

I'm Larry.

This is my brother Daryl, and this is my
other brother Daryl.

Could we borrow 150 pounds of sugar?

Do you make do with a cup of sugar?

Nope. One cup ain't gonna hold the door
open.

Larry, you don't need sugar for that.
Have you ever considered using, oh, a

rock?

Whoa. You got some kind of engineering
background or something?

Hi, everybody.

I have great news.

I'm going to redecorate my room.

You are?

Every so often I change it around so I
don't fall into a rut.

How often do you do it? Every ten years.

In April.

On a Monday.

After lunch.

But this time I'm pretty much out of
ideas. So, Joanna, could you... Oh,

I'm not sure we have the same taste.

Joanna, you have the best taste of
anybody I know.

Then obviously you need to get to know
Daryl better.

He's the one that came up with that dirt
idea for the floor of our cabin.

You might be able to woo him as a
consultant.

Well, that's very nice of you fellas,
but I did ask Joanna first.

That's okay.

Daryl is priced a little bit out of your
league.

So, Joanna.

Okay, George. I'll come up in an hour
and make a few suggestions, but that's

all. An hour?

You could give a guy some notice.

Here's your breakfast.

Stephanie, just a hint.

It's bacon and eggs.

Not bacon, then eggs.

Morning, Stratford Innites.

We interrupt this breakfast for a
Michael Harris bulletin.

I'm going away for a week. Michael!

Save those boo -hoos, Steph.

I've got a big job interview.

Michael!

In Syracuse.

Michael.

Cupcake, Syracuse is up and coming. It's
often called the New York of Central

New York.

Michael, you just can't take off for a
week. Who's going to produce Vermont

today? No problema.

I've asked Alma Sprote to fill my floor
shots.

The station's receptionist?

Well, what does she know about producing
a television show?

Not a hell of a lot.

But in case I don't get the job, watch
my stock rise.

Alma will be fine. This week, I've lined
you up with the perfect guest. Name,

Mr. Ned Nicholas.

Occupation, builds models of national
monuments out of cherry life savers.

That's a Supreme Court building.

It is?

Come on, Dick, you're the history buff.

I don't want Ned Nicholas and his candy
models.

Very bad candy models.

I want Dmitri Alexandrov.

Come again?

Dmitri Alexandrov.

The guy who spent ten years in a Russian
gulag and then escaped to the United

States.

Dick, Dick, the U .S., Russia, us, them.
What can you say that hasn't already

been said?

Michael. Whoops, oh, I've got a plane
again.

Oh, bye, Steph.

We now return you to your regularly
scheduled breakfast.

Hello, Mr. Loudon. I'm Elma Throat.

I'm really excited about producing your
show this week.

Yeah, yeah, this... Candy Architect
should really be...

be something.

Oh, yes, it'll be fa... Fascinating to
see what the Washington Monument will

look like if it's red and round.

Yeah, yeah, we'll probably want to build
to that.

I know I'm brand new at this job, and
it's probably not my place to say, but

this guest is really stupid.

Oh, Alma.

What can we do? He's already booked.

Well, let's give him the old heave -ho.

We can't just cancel him, can we?

So, who should we book instead?

Can we really do this? Come on.

Who's your dream guest?

If you could have anyone on the face of
the earth, who would it be?

At this moment, you.

But my second choice would be Dimitri
Alexandrov.

The escaped Russian?

He'd be a great guest.

Yeah, but how would we get a busy guy
like that on such short notice?

Easy, I know his secretary.

And I have the recipe for a stroganoff
that'll make him hustle his bunskies

right over here.

So, what sort of changes do you usually
make?

Well, ten years ago...

I moved this from over there.

Ten years before that, I moved it from
over there.

Ten years before that, it wasn't here,
so I bought it.

Well, how do you use the room? To read,
to watch television, to work?

Yes.

So, now that you've got a handle on the
private me, what should this place look

like?

This.

Come on, there must be something you
could do to improve this place.

Nothing really.

Maybe I'd add a splash of color.

Whoa, color!

What kind of color?

Oh, what's your favorite?

Boy, they're all so nice, I don't know.

How about blue?

Blue! That's my favorite!

No offense to the others.

Could have a blue bedspread. A blue
bedspread?

Joanna, you've got to do it.

Have your way with this room.

I'll stay at the inn. Don't show it to
me until you're done.

Might be kind of fun.

I did see some nice curtains at
Benford's.

Curtains!

George, I'll do it, okay?

When I finally stepped off... I realized
at last I

am free.

I threw myself to the ground. I took
dirt. I put it in my

mouth. I wanted to taste freedom. Oh, my
God, it was

sweet.

Wow.

Yeah, another thing I'd love to ask you.

Oh, darn, we're out of time.

Join us next week on Vermont Today.

And we're clear.

Well, that was wonderful. I grew as a
human being. Thank you, Dick. You must

my book.

Could someone help me carry thick quarts
of stroganoff to the trunk of my coupe

de ville with Landau roof?

You must say goodbye to the lovely Mrs.
Sprout.

Dick, this show was good.

Thank you, JJ. No, I mean it. It was
good.

Normally, I don't go in for this public
affair stuff, but today, five minutes

into the show, we completely forgot our
trivial pursuit game.

You play games while you're directing my
show?

Well, it keeps the guys in the booth
from nodding off.

But today, the game was almost, well, a
distraction.

Thanks to this little lady right over
here.

Thanks. Oh, J .J., would you help me
clear things off the set?

Oh, Alma. I made some butterscotch
chewy.

With peanut butter?

I think you've hit your stride. This
show moved me.

When he told about finally getting a
letter from his wife and they had

everything except the words, continued
on next page, I wept.

Thanks, Viv.

I know you're looking for a replacement
in case Michael gets the Syracuse job,

and I just want to say I'd like to
recommend that girl.

From what I've seen today, she's great,
but Michael phoned. He didn't get the

job. Oh.

So he'll be staying on.

You don't sound too happy about that,
Dick.

He's staying on.

Whoopee.

Well, he doesn't have to stay.

You mean, uh... You mean, fire him?

Well, he wouldn't really be fired. He
does a bunch of other shows for us.

Oh, that's true. He's got Cartoon
Lagoon, Sewing with Susie, Vinky the

Hey, You Farmer,

The Mr. Sing With Me Hour.

You want Alma, don't you?

This is Michael's most important show. I
mean, you're the station manager.

You make up your mind, I'll abide by
your decision.

Good, because I've decided to let you
decide. Michael or Alma, but just tell

by tomorrow.

I'm ready to show George his room.

He is such a pack rat.

I had to find a place in the garage for
20 years of boys' life.

Sounds pretty.

Oh, honey, are you still worried about
Alma and my... About Alma

and Michael?

Remember last night you suggested I try
to think of all the good things Michael

had done for me?

Yeah. All I could come up with was the
time I was walking in the driveway and

swerved to miss me.

Sounds like you should go with Alma.

Are you nuts? That would crush... That
would

crush Michael.

Then I guess you'll stay with him.

That's stupid.

I would just produce the best show I
ever did.

I mean, shouldn't kindness, decency, and
skill be rewarded?

Yes. No.

I don't want to fire Michael. I do feel
something for him.

the kind of affection you feel for a
puppy that you don't like very much.

I mean, what the hell am I going to do?
I have to decide between Michael.

There's nothing definite about it yet.

I never... Whoa, that was close.

George, relax. The rug is there for you
to walk on and enjoy.

Great.

Oh, what a lovely bedspread.

It's a 200 -year -old antique.

And wow, look at those pretty cushions.

I'm glad you like them.

Did you notice the way the raspberry
candies bring out the color in those

pillows?

I'm sorry, I didn't.

Boy,

this looks comfy.

Aren't you going to sit in it? I can't.
It'll wrinkle.

No.

No, it won't sit.

I can.

Sit.

I can.

Why don't you make yourselves
comfortable?

Not on the bed!

You three guys can sit on the wrinkled
chair.

Daryl likes what you've done with the
room.

Thank you.

That's very flattering coming from a
decorator.

I'm afraid you're barking up the wrong
Daryl.

Perfectual use of your space.

No offense, guys, but I think Joanna has
created a warm, comfortable,

inviting... Don't touch the candy!

Oh,

dear,

look how late it's gotten.

Come on, Daryl.

We'd like to thank you for a lovely
time.

And if you're thinking about having any
more parties, we can RSVP you right now.

No.

You hate it. No,

I love it.

I love it so much I could never, never,
never live in it.

Everything is so clean, so neat.

Clean is the problem?

Neat?

is the problem.

Board of Health says it's okay.

Come in.

Hi, Dick.

Your prodigal producer has returned.

Michael, I want to talk to you. Sure
thing. Oh, between you, me, and the

lamppost, how did Alma do?

Alma was terrific.

Swung. Well, I must remember to give her
one of my patented well -done.

Um, Michael, I need to talk to you. Say
no more, Dick.

I know you want to offer your
condolences about the Syracuse job.

it.

I realize that that was not the job for
this up -and -comer. I'd rather be here

around people I trust and pardon my
mush, really get off on.

Besides, it's harder to burst on the
scene from Syracuse. There have been

studies.

Oh, by the way, now the word I'm giving
the underlings here is that I'm the one

who turned them down.

It's important to have the respect of
the people you work with, no matter how

much you have to lie.

Michael, sometimes we go away, and when
we come back,

things aren't the same as they used to
be.

Wow, that's profound.

for lunch?

Michael, you're... You're an

okay producer.

But Alma is better.

And that's why I'm hiring her for
Vermont today and...

and reversing the process for you.

Couldn't hear you, Dick.

You're sort of fired.

What?

I'm sorry.

Fired? But only from Vermont Today. I
mean, you still have all those other

shows.

Michael, I... No, don't touch me.

I wasn't going to touch you.

Vermont Today was my show. I created it.
I...

you. I made you what you are today.

You backstabber.

I'm sorry, Dick, but after this slap in
the face, I don't think I can work with

you again.

Well, that's kind of good.

Because as I said, you won't.

I just got a call from Syracuse. They
saw Sunday's Vermont Today and offered

a job. The one you said they could
shove?

Looks like you're out of producer.

And you can just forget this guy.

Beg and weep all you want. The fact is,
I could never come back to Vermont

today.

I understand, Michael. And maybe it's
best that we both part company

and start fresh.

you lose your pride.

I'll do anything you want. Anything just
to get my job back.

We have different tastes. We've never
agreed on a guest for the show.

Just tell me.

Tell me who you want and I'll write it.
I'll write it on the form.

Dr. Raoul Finch, the paleontologist.

How about if you came in on the arms of
some local cheerleaders?

Talk about how their bones differ from
those of Cro -Magnon cheerleaders.

Michael.

All right.

You pick the guest.

No argument.

What do you say?

Am I... Am I still... Your producer?

I know I'm going to regret this more
than I already do.

That's the finest thing.

That's the finest thing I've ever seen a
human being do.

Well, from now on...