All language subtitles for Newhart s03e12 Local Hero

hot chocolate. Oh, great, honey. Just
pour it in my boots, will you?

Hello?

Yes, Mr.

Palmieri.

Yeah, we know your room is cold. It's a
problem with our thermostat.

Yeah, but our handyman should be back
with a new one in just a few minutes.

Well, I seriously doubt that your nose
is going to drop off.

Well, then stop pulling on it.

Oh, George.

What took you so long? Oh, I'm sorry.
But some kids ran their snowmobile into

the river, and I helped them get out.

Are they okay?

Fine. And I've got the thermostat right
here. Oh, thank goodness.

I don't believe this day.

It isn't enough. I have to walk around
hiding.

I look like a burrito.

And if that isn't enough, they
interrupted the top 20 countdown on the

times with the same stupid news
bulletin. What news bulletin?

Oh, about some stupid guy who risked his
stupid life to save some stupid kids

who drove their stupid snowmobile
through the ice into the stupid river.

Did they say who... who this hero was?

No, that was the stupid part.

Nobody knows. He just dropped the kids
at the hospital and disappeared. The

whole town's looking for him. Why does
everything happen to me?

George, didn't you say that... Would you
hand me that screwdriver?

Oh, my God.

I know who it might be.

Michael. You're Michael? It all fits.

He hasn't called tonight, and the radio
said it was a selfless hero. That's

Michael.

You're Michael?

Oh, I've got to call him.

What is he thinking of risking his life
like this so close to the winter

carnival?

George?

You're... You're the hero, aren't you?

Oh, I didn't do anything anybody else
wouldn't have done, so I'd just as soon

keep it quiet.

But, George, everyone wants to know who
you are.

They're all going to want to thank you.
I know, and it'll be Biff Davis all

over. Biff, Biff Davis.

He grew a potato that looked exactly
like Clint Eastwood.

They put a picture of it in National
Tattletail with a caption that said, Go

ahead, bake my day.

Fans started calling, and mostly women,
who pretended they loved him, but they

were only after his potato.

And he couldn't sleep. He lost his job.
He ate the potato.

Then one day he died.

I don't want that happening to me.

I really don't think that's going to
happen.

Not if you don't tell.

Well, if you don't want me to, I won't
tell.

Promise? I promise.

Cross your heart and hope to die?

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Do you solemnly swear... George, I'm not
going to tell, all right?

What about you, Johanna? You won't tell,
will you? No. Then that's good enough

for me.

Come in.

You'll be relieved to know I talked to
Michael and he didn't pull those kids

of the river.

Really?

Luckily enough, at the time, he was in
his weekly session at the tanning salon.

Thank God for...

Narcissistic pastimes.

Dick, Jim and Chester want to talk to
us.

Dick, we just gotta find this hero
fella.

If it helps any, he's not a sun bronzed
Adonis.

The whole town is abuzz. The man does
this courageous deed and then just

disappears. Everyone wants to show their
gratitude to this noble Samaritan.

Yeah, we thought we could smoke him out
with some cash.

We've been talking to the merchants in
town, and they're all putting up some

reward money.

Well, it's just possible, you know, he's
a shy man who prefers to remain

anonymous. You saying you don't want to
put up any money?

No, no, no. I'll make a contribution.
What is everyone else giving? Fifty? A

hundred?

Well, most people are giving five, but
that hundred sounds good.

Okay, if I use the phone, I want to find
out how much the other guys have

raised. Help yourself.

I never thought there'd be a reward.

Well, that's not all. The mayor's going
to give this fellow the key to the city.

A key to the city.

Well, it doesn't really open anything.

Now, that's true, but it does start
Willie Fry's tractor.

Jim.

We've got to say something.

Honey, if we tell, it's going to be Biff
Davis' potato all over again.

I mean, can you live with that?

Yeah.

Well, Mr.

Anonymous just came forward to claim his
reward.

He did?

That's wonderful!

Yeah, who would have guessed it was
Crazy Ollie?

Crazy Ollie? Yeah.

But that's the man who spends his days
directing traffic.

In wooden shoes and a band uniform.

That's the one. So, Dick, if you'd care
to write that check.

Wait a minute. Don't you think you ought
to investigate this before you turn the

money over?

Comes out of the mouth a lot easier than
the wallet, eh, Dick?

No, I'm just saying I don't think it's
prudent to take the word of a man whose

first name is crazy.

And also, I don't think it's a good idea
to give money and a key to drive heavy

farm equipment.

Oh, he won't need a tractor, Dick. Hank
Capwell's going to lend him a brand new

Cadillac. The car that talks to you?

Honey. And they're dedicating the new
teeter -totter in the schoolyard in

Ollie's name.

What is Crazy Ollie's name?

Well, whatever it is, it'll live on.
Because when tales of heroes are told,

whole town will remember the name.
George Utley.

Huh? George.

Dick. We promised we wouldn't say
anything, but he told us the whole

saved those kids.

Oh.

Well, it did seem kind of odd that Ollie
said there were four kids instead of

two. And that he scooped them out of the
river with a spoon.

Let's go congratulate George.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

I better speak to him first.

In fact, I'd appreciate it if you didn't
let this go any further until after

I've talked to him. Okay. Mom's the
word.

Just a minute.

Okay, come on in.

Hi, George.

You, uh... You got a minute?

Yeah, sure thing. I was just folding my
laundry. I love the smell of fresh

laundry. Here, take a whiff.

Is that sunshine in your nose or what?

Close enough.

Grab that end, would you?

George, remember how you wanted to keep
it a secret how you saved those kids?

Yeah, that's the plan.

Well, I had to move to Plan B.

What's Plan B?

That's where I opened my big mouth and
spilled the whole story to Jim and

Chester. Bad plan.

Well, you might like it, George. I mean,
they want to give you money and a key

to the city and a car that talks.

Dick, did the Biff Davis story mean
nothing?

You're right. I'm sorry, George.

Life can sure turn on you fast.

George, it may not be as bad as you
think.

Jim and Chester promised not to tell
anyone until I said it was okay.

I'll call them and tell them to keep the
lid on.

Mr. Utley! Mr. Utley! Why did you wait
so long to come forward? How does it

to be a hero? Did the reward have
anything to do with it? You're not going

run for town council, are you?

Honey, did you find George?

No. I think he's avoiding me, and who
can blame him?

Well, don't be so hard on yourself. You
thought you were doing the right thing

at the time.

Well, I guess you're right.

Besides, if I hadn't told Jim and
Chester, you would have. I would not.

I gave George my word.

What? You were the one who was dying to
spill the beans. But, and this is the

point.

I didn't.

Face it, Dick. You just can't hold your
beans.

A reporter just asked me if he could
look through our garbage. I told him no.

Was that all right?

Fine. Oh, good. See, my first impulse
was to say, oh, yeah, get out of here,

disgusting piece of filth.

But then I remembered it's not really my
decision.

Well, I think you pretty well captured
our thoughts on the subject.

That was well worth the rumple.

I'm sorry.

It's just that when I remember the other
night, it gives me the goosies.

To think if you had left that tanning
salon just an hour earlier, gone home by

different route, and hadn't had the
radio on too loud to hear the cries, it

might have been you who dove into that
river and I could have lost you.

I'm still shaking.

Yeah, promise us you'll never take a
chance like that again.

Well, this calls for a celebration.

I'm going to go moisturize this face.
and make you glad you didn't do anything

foolish. What?

Great.

Oh, Dick.

What pops into your mind when I say the
greatest show on earth?

The circus.

Wrong.

Vermont Today starring Dick Loudon with
this Sunday's guest, George Utley.

George is hot. George is now. George is
what's happening.

George is mad at me.

Well, whatever the prop is, he'll forget
about it when you offer that airtime.

He won't go on the show. He hates being
famous. That's the prob.

Did I just say prob?

Wow, catarola -rama.

Look at this. Everywhere I went, people
kept forcing stuff on me. At the bank,

all the tellers insisted on posing with
me in front of the security camera.

And then at the filling station, Jolene
not only checked under the hood, She

greased the axles, and she doesn't even
work there.

The regular mechanic was too busy making
me a casserole.

George, this is my fault, and I'm sorry.

It was the best day of my life.

It was.

George, how would you like to appear on
Vermont today?

I'd love it.

You would?

Thanks, Dick. You're the best friend I
ever had.

I am? None of this would have happened.

If you hadn't spilled the beans.

Dick, guess who's in the headlines
again?

Eleven -year -old girl has science
project accepted by NASA.

Well, not this headline.

That headline.

Local hero at groundbreaking ceremony
for ice cream parlor. That's nice, Joe.

Did you see my quote?

Quipped Utley.

Maybe I should do one shovel full for
each flavor.

That's pretty good.

The crowd laughed appreciatively.

I'll try to be that funny when I do your
show, Dick.

Oh, by the way, is there anything I
should know before we do it?

Well, it's pretty straightforward. I'll
simply introduce you and then you tell

what happened in your own words.

Well, I was driving by the river, I saw
the kids, and I saved them.

And then maybe I'll try to draw you out
a little bit.

Hi, guys.

George, I need to talk to Dick for a
moment about Vermont today.

Oh, good.

George, don't I hear some kids going
through the ice somewhere?

Oh, you want me to leave, right? If it's
okay. Well, I do have a lot of thank

you for the casserole notes to write.

They don't make a card for that, you
know.

Dick, have you heard about this Kelly
Hepplewhite kid, the one who's got a

science project going up on the space
shuttle?

Yeah, she's in the paper today.

Paper today? Your show Sunday.

Here's the poop on the tyke.

Michael, wait.

This Sunday?

Problem, Dick?

This Sunday is George's show.

Kelly can do our show next week. Dick,
if it were up to me, hey, perfect

solution. But she's off to the Space
Center Monday, then on to the coast and

Merv. As for George, he's pretty much
here whenever we need him.

Either George goes on the show, or I
don't.

Well, this smacks of ultimatum.

Yeah. Well, okay, Dick, it's your show.
That's why we call it... Vermont Today.

And, George, you'll be sitting here. Oh,
maybe I should tell you, sometime

during the program, I might make a
mistake.

I thought I'd get us on one of those
blooper shows.

Dick, George, look who's here.

Little Kelly Hepplewhite.

This is Uncle George and Uncle Dick.

Hi. How do you do?

The girl with the science project.

You know, Dick, when Kelly showed up
accidentally so close to showtime, it

of sparked an idea.

But this show is Uncle George's show.

Fifteen seconds to air places, everyone.

Michael. No time, Dick.

Michael. Ten seconds, please.

Thank you for having me on the show.

I needed some practice for Merv.

And now, it's Vermont Today, starring
Dick Loudon.

with today's special guest, science
whiz, little Kelly Hepplewhite.

Hi, I'm Dick Loudon. Our really special
guest is a renowned local hero you've

been hearing so much about, the man who
risked his life to save two children

from an icy river, George Utley.

We're also joined by Kelly Hepplewhite,
who has some science project that...

Nass is apparently interested.

Interested? They chose me out of 4 ,000
kids.

Well, it all sounds a little too
complicated for us on this show.

Oh, it's not that complicated, Mr.
Loudon.

I just wanted to see if seeds would know
which way to sprout in a weightless

environment. So what I did was, I took
the plants, and if it turns out like we

hope, maybe someday there'll be gardens
orbiting the Earth. I think that'd be

neat.

Well, it really is simple when you break
it down into sections.

We'll be taking phone calls in a few
minutes so you can hear the sound of

another voice.

But first, I know everyone would like to
hear from George Utley about his heroic

attempts to... We'll be taking your
phone calls after we talk to George.

I think you better answer that, Lick
Dowden.

Oops, I mean Dick Loudon.

This is Dick Loudon, Vermont Today.

Hello, Kelly?

Yes? Don't all seeds sprout towards the
sun?

Well, everything changes when it's
weightless. Like in space.

You know, it's interesting.

Weightlessness is not unlike a feeling a
person gets when they're submerged in

icy water. Isn't that true, George?

Gee, Dick, I was in and out so fast, I
really wouldn't know.

Well, let's get on to our next call.

Vermont Today.

Yeah, I have a question about
photosynthesis.

Oh, okay, okay. Who would like to handle
that?

Me. I'll take it.

I had a feeling you would.

Well, it all has to do with chlorophyll.
You see, when the sun's raised... We're

back. During the commercial, Kelly
confided in me her throat's getting a

sore, so... Why don't we give her a
rest? Ready? I didn't say that my throat

sore. All I said was that I wanted...
It's for your own good, honey.

So in the few minutes we have left,
let's hear from all those people who

questions for George Utley.

There's nothing wrong with my voice.

Vermont Today. I have a question for
Kelly.

Well, maybe you weren't listening.

We're only taking questions for George
Utley. Do you have a question for him?

Uh...

Okay, I'm sure there's a lot of you out
there who do have a question for George,

so... You're on the air.

Kelly?

Look, I'm not going to say it again.
We're only taking calls for George

Calm down, Dick.

No, I've had it with these people.

Call George Utley or don't call.

Come on, this man saved lives. She grows
plants.

This better be for George Utley.

Hello? I have a question for George
Utley.

Finally. What is your question?

Where do you get off lying about how you
saved those kids?

I saved them, and I've got the spoon to
prove it.

Ollie!

Ollie, I think we have to move on.

have time for nothing else.

Join us next week for another episode of
Vermont Today.

And we're clear.

Michael.

Boppo show, Dick. You insensitive,
rating -grabbing jerk.

Dick, Dick, tiny ears.

What about your tiny mind?

Take it easy, Dick. It's not his fault.

What? Well, let's face it. Nobody wanted
to talk to me, and your yelling like

that didn't help.

I had the same note, Dick.

Michael, get out of here, or you got big
problems.

You, uh... You all right, George?

Yeah.

Now, George, you know you'll... I mean,
you'll always be a hero.

Thanks.

Well, you want to... You want to grab a
pizza?

Dick, I'm a grown man. Are you just
saying that to cheer me up?

Yeah. Well, then, make an ice cream.

Well,

I gave Hank Capwell back his car.

It didn't even say goodbye.

I'm sorry, George.

Boy, do you think you know a car?

Hi. Hi. We'd like a room.

And some friends of ours told us we
should stay in the James Madison suite.

Well, the James Madison suite is nice,
but I really recommend you take the

George Utley suite.

The best room in the house.

Meow.