All language subtitles for Newhart s02e20 Vermont Today

What are you doing?

I'm just making some notes on my new
book.

I thought you said last night you
weren't going to take that assignment.

I know, but I called him this morning
and said I would. But I thought you said

you weren't interested in glassblowing.

That's not true. I like glassblowing.

As a matter of fact, I've already
thought of some chapters, like blowing

own ashtrays, blowing your own candy
bowls, not to mention all the animals

you can blow.

Hi, guys. Oh, hi, Kurt. Hi, Kurt.

When Cindy and I were at Niagara Falls,
we picked up some souvenirs for you, and

I forgot to give them to you.

Here. Oh, you didn't have to do that.

I know, but Cindy really wanted to.

Do you like it?

What is it? Well, I know you're a
history buff. It's an authentic

the winter at Valley Forge.

You can see the hell they're going
through right there.

Thanks. You're welcome. Where's George?
He should be in his room. Well, we

picked up something for him, too.

Oh, that's nice.

Well, I think it's stupid, but George
will like it.

See ya.

Do you believe this?

No, those poor brave souls.

Hello there. Oh, Michael, hi.

I'm sorry, I didn't know you were
eating.

No, that's all right. Come on in. Honey,
this is Michael Harris. He was the

producer on that TV show I did, Book
Talk.

Oh, it's nice to meet you.

This is my wife, Joanna. Nice meeting
you.

Great taste, Tiff.

Listen, the reason I came by was
something very exciting happened down at

television station this morning, and
rather than calling you, I wanted to

by and tell you about it personally.

I've come up with a fabulous new idea
for a television show, and I want you to

be the host of it.

Really? Well, thanks, but I'm not
interested.

Honey, you don't even know what it is.

Honey, you just got finished telling me
I never turn down anything.

Is it me, Dick? Is there some bad blood
here I don't know about?

No. Michael, it has nothing to do with
you. I just don't want to do a TV show.

Listen, I know book talk was not a
pleasant experience for you, but that

diminish the fact that you were
fantastic in it.

Listen, at least come down to the
station. Let me give you the whole

presentation. If you don't like the
idea, I'll cry a little bit, but I'll

understand. The least you can do is
listen.

Honey, I really don't want to do a TV
show. You said that. I respect that. Now

let me change your mind.

All right, what time would you want me
there? Well, Dick, it's going to be your

show, so let's let it be at your
convenience. But 3 .30 would be great

Just about the most incredible pair.

Hello.

Hi. Oh, Stephanie, this is Michael
Harris. Michael, Stephanie Vanderkellen.

How do you do?

Very well, thank you. How do you do?
Excellent.

Michael is the producer of that show
Dick was on, Book Talk.

Oh, you're a producer.

For three years and four days.

Your wife and children must be very
proud of you.

I'm not married.

Oh.

Uh, Stephanie works for us here at the
end. Really? Well, if you could call it

working, I have all my nights,
afternoons, and weekends free.

Stephanie, I know we've just met, and
forgive me if I'm moving a little too

fast, but would you let me take you out
for Manhattan sometime?

I'd let you take me to Manhattan
sometime.

That sounds like a yes.

I think it was.

Great. Well, then I'll see you at 3 .30
and I'll see you... At Barney's at 6

.30? Extra great.

I'm going to see you too.

Joanna. Exactly.

Bye now.

Bye.

He's gorgeous, my God! Where have you
been keeping him?

Stephanie, take it easy.

He's everything I've been looking for.

He's young, he's successful.

Did I say gorgeous? I can't believe it.

I feel tingly.

My heart is pounding.

It's like my whole life is suddenly
falling into place.

I think that this is the guy that God
meant for me to have.

What did you say his name was?

Pour in about an inch of water, or if
it's a particularly festive occasion,

in a little wine.

Chopped onions and some carrots. Right
this way, Dick. This is where we'll

actually be doing the show.

Then add a teaspoon of salt and a
quarter of a teaspoon of pepper.

Should we be here? I mean, isn't she on
the air? We have some chatterboxes in

the studio today.

I really think we ought to go. Oh, don't
be silly, Dick. It's just Pearl's

kitchen. It's not important.

Apparently, the chatterboxes are not
going to be quiet until they get some

attention.

Would you come up here, please?

Me? Yes.

Come join Pearl in her kitchen.

Oh, thanks. I'm just visiting.

No, I want you to come up here.

Go on, Dick. Go on. Plug your show. Yes,
come on, little chatterbox.

Now, what's your name?

Dick. Dick Loudon. Well, Dick, is this
your first time in a television studio?

No, I've been here before.

Well, then you should know it's rude to
talk when someone is trying to do their

work.

I'm really sorry. I won't say another
word.

Until then, this is Pearl Metcalf saying
ciao.

The next time someone disturbs Pearl's
kitchen, they're going to get a face

of bacon grease.

Ignore her, Dick. She's in a lousy mood
because her husband just died.

Well, here it is, Dick.

What do you think?

Michael, you know, it's very nice,
but... Come on, sit down in your spot.

here. Come on, sit down. Oh, I... It
wouldn't hurt to sit down.

Dick, the show is called Vermont Today.

And what we want to do with this show is
to celebrate Vermont.

You know, there are a lot of fascinating
people in this state. College

professors, doctors, authors.

And these are the people we want.

It's going to be a very uptown show.

Well... It sounds like the kind of show
you and I would like to watch. All

right, let's talk money.

You really don't think I can be bought?

This is what we were talking to start.

You're kidding. A week?

No, a year.

I was going to say, maybe I can be
bought.

Dick, we've talked it over, and everyone
here is convinced that you'd be

absolutely perfect for this.

You're a classy guy, and the bottom line
is, We want to do a classy show. Well,

I can appreciate that. Hal, can we see
the logo, please?

Wow, is that really the logo?

That's it, Dick.

Now, I know just showing you a logo
isn't going to change your mind.

I mean, a host of Vermont Today is going
to have to be committed to quality,

unafraid of hard work, and dedicated to
presenting the kind of show that

everyone in Vermont can be proud of.

What can I say? I'm your man.

Honey, wait till you see the set. It is
so classy.

What's it look like?

Well, they have this logo that says,
Vermont today starring Dick Loudon.

The letters must be a foot, foot and a
half high.

That sounds classy.

I don't know. I don't think they've
worked that out yet. What time will you

on?

Um, I don't, I don't know.

Well, how long a show is it?

I, I... Well, how often is it on? Every
day?

Gee, I hope it's not on every day.

Honey, how could you take this job if
you don't know anything about it? I know

lot about it. I know it's called Vermont
Today starring Dick Loudon and I'll be

interviewing people from Vermont.

Are you going to pick the guests or are
they?

I don't know.

Well, the next time you talk to Michael,
will you find some of this stuff out?

You bet I will. When do you see him
again?

Oh, Michael.

Did I see you a minute?

Back so soon? Well, we decided to go to
a movie, but Stephanie thought she

should change.

Then I thought it would be more fun to
have one car.

I take it you're having a good time. Oh,
we are.

You know how hard it is on first dates
to find a subject to talk about. You go

from one topic to another and
everything's so superficial.

Not us.

We sat down and started talking about
sweaters and we didn't talk about

else for an hour and a half.

Well...

If you'll excuse me, I have to change.

Hey, don't go changing too much.

I like you just the way you are.

Michael, sit down. I'm glad you're here.

Joanne and I were talking about the
show, and there may have been a few

that I sloughed over.

Did he tell you about the logo?

Yeah, he didn't slough over that.

Maybe I should have asked you this
earlier, but I... See, I really don't

that much about the show. Well, what's
to know? It's a half -hour format. It's

on every Sunday afternoon at 4.

Oh, did I tell you about some of the
people we've got lined up?

No, I'd love to hear that.

It's class on class.

We've got the president of the
University of Vermont.

Seems like a very bright guy.

We've got the first Vermont doctor ever
to perform a heart transplant.

And we've got a woman sculptor lineup
who's done some extraordinary things

fish bones.

I think it's going to be awesome.

Sounds awesome.

And classy.

Ready?

Wow. Leather on leather.

And your car seats are leather.

Wow. Leather on leather on leather.

Well, you two have a good time. We will.

Let's go.

See you at the studio, dear. Right.

When? Michael, where?

No, first shows are a little nerve
-wracking. I've directed lots of them.

get through it.

Putting myself in your hands.

Gee, is that the only coat you've got?

Yeah, why? It's going to strobe like
crazy.

What does that mean? It means when we
photograph you, it's going to look like

you've got 500 ,000 ants crawling on
you.

Well, don't worry about it today.

The glare of that white shirt, nobody's
even going to notice it.

Well, I'll get back to the booth.

Good show.

your first show.

Did they like the jacket I bought you?

Yeah.

Hi, Dick.

Looks like everybody came down for the
first show.

Oh, that's right.

Today's your show.

Have you seen Michael?

No, I haven't. I'd like to know where he
is myself.

Are you nervous?

Well, I'm excited, but I'm not nervous.

How about you, Dick? Are you nervous?

No, I'm sure I'll be fine once the show
gets going.

Ah, there he is.

Michael, could I talk to you for a
minute? Sure, Dick. Look who's here.

Um, Michael? Right here, Dick.

Could we go over the format again? Okay.

Well, first you introduce yourself,
explain a little bit about the show, and

then give the folks at home the number
to call so they can call in and ask

questions of the guests.

Oh, speaking of guests, probably should
have consulted you on this.

We decided to move the president of the
University of Vermont up to next week's

show. But why?

Well, we felt in order to attract that
initial viewing audience, we needed more

of a hook. Something a little more
promotable than some egghead college

president.

Who'd you get? The world's smallest
horse.

You promised this was going to be a
classy show.

Wait a minute, Dick. Since when does
size have anything to do with class?

We think it's going to be a dynamite
segment.

Look, I didn't take this job to
interview Adam. Honey, it might not be

Yeah, you like horses.

Michael, this... 30 seconds, Dick.

This really is a dirty trick.

Wow, I can read strobes.

Did you hear that, honey? He says it's
strobes.

Have a good show. Yeah, we're all
pulling for you. And don't worry about

anything, Dick. All the people here are
seasoned professionals.

Folks, would you please get off the set?

We're on the air.

Oh, God, silly us.

And now... Channel 8 is proud to present
Vermont Today, starring Dick Luden.

Well, good afternoon, everyone, and
welcome to Vermont Today, the show that

celebrates Vermont. I'm your host, Dick
Loudon.

Since this is our first show, I thought
I'd tell you a little bit about what

we're going to be doing here.

Every week, we're going to have
distinguished guests.

People living and working right here in
Vermont whom we feel make a very special

and important contribution to Vermont
culture.

As an added feature of the show, we'd
like you, our viewer, to get involved by

calling 555 -8000 and asking questions
of our guests.

Maybe you can hold your questions until
the...

The guest is on stage.

Whoever that is out there, would you
please hang up?

Michael, is there some way we can take
care... We can take care of the phones?

Michael, Michael, Dick is talking to
you. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, oh, excuse

I'll get right on that phone.

We'll try to get the phones taken care
of as soon as we can.

Whoever that is out there, I'm not going
to answer the phone until our guest is

here.

So you may as well just hang up.

Finally, thank you.

Our first guest today is a man who is
not only admired here in

Vermont, but also representative, I
think, of the kind of fascinating and

inspiring guests that we hope will
become the trademark of this program.

Actually, this introduction was written
for the president of the University of

Vermont, who I'm assured will be with us
next week. But it fits equally well, I

hope, for our guest today, Mr. Jocko
Braverman,

owner of the world's... Smallest horse.

Howdy, Dick.

Hi, you want to sit down? Oh, thank you.

By the way, just so there's no
confusion, I'm not from Vermont.

You're not?

No, I'm very happy to hail from the
beautiful city of Hollywood, Florida.

Dick, you can hang that phone back up.
It's all taken care of. Michael, he's

from Vermont.

Really? News to me, Dick.

Well, Mr.

Braverman, since you are here, let's
talk about the horse.

Obviously, that's it.

That's right, Dick.

This is the world's smallest horse.

And what's his name?

How do you know he's the world's
smallest horse? Look at him!

You know, what I meant was, he's small,
but usually when somebody says they have

the world's smallest horse, you expect,
you know, some kind of proof.

Well, I'd dare anyone to find one
smaller.

Well,

looks like we have a call. Excuse me.

Vermont Today.

Oh,

I'm sorry.

Hello, Mr. Lewden?

Yes, this is Dick Loudon. I'm calling
about the world's smallest horse.

What about it?

I got a horse smaller than that.

You do?

I'd like to see it.

You got it, pal. I'll bring it down.

Wait a minute. I don't think we have
time for this today.

Wait a minute, Dick. Go with it.

What? Improvise. This is great. If he
wants to bring him down, let him.

Our producer tells me that if you want
to come down and challenge Mr.

you're welcome to as long as you get
here before the show is over.

I'm on my way.

Well, looks like we have a challenge.

Certainly the kind of intelligent...

Audience participation I was hoping to
have here on Vermont Today.

Vermont Today, you're on the air with
Dick Loudon. Who's this?

Dick Loudon.

That's not the world's smallest horse.

It isn't? Nope. The world's smallest
horse is lying right next to me. Here,

the couch.

don't spend all day answering the phone,
any of you out there who think you have

a horse smaller than tiny here, we
invite you to bring him to the station

the show is over and challenge Mr.
Braverman.

Now let's go to a commercial. We'll be
right back.

All right, Dick, what a start.

Michael, could I speak to you in
private?

You promised me

You promised me this was going to be a
classy show. Well, Dick, what are you so

upset about? People love animals. This
will make them love you.

Yeah, but I want this show to have
dignity.

Believe me, Dick, as long as you have
dignity, the show will have dignity.

See, there's no reason to come down here
claiming you have the world's smallest

horse when clearly you don't.

I mean, this horse isn't close to being
as small as tiny.

Well, it's kind of hard to tell on TV.

I don't have a very good set.

What's

going

on here? What are you doing?

Is there a prize for this?

This isn't a horse. This is a basset,
huh?

No, it isn't.

Yes, it is, and I'm sorry, but this
doesn't count.

Well, then I hate your show.

Oh, come on.

Who do I show the horse to?

You really think this is the world's
smallest horse?

No, this is the world's oldest horse.

We didn't ask for the world's oldest
horse.

Well, that woman doesn't even have a
horse.

As far as I'm concerned, Mr.

Braverman, you have the world's smallest
horse, or at least the smallest horse

in Vermont.

You and Tiny have a lot to celebrate.

For those of you who tuned in expecting
to see the president of the University

of Vermont, this isn't him.

But tune in next week and keep tuning in
as Vermont Today presents stimulating

and interesting...

guess in our continued efforts to
celebrate Vermont.

This is Dick Loudon saying good
afternoon and I'm sorry.

We're clear.

Could somebody please get those animals
off the stage?

Oh no, right on my noose.