All language subtitles for Newhart s02e17 Kirk Ties One On

And with that, I will pronounce you
husband and wife.

You will kiss the bride, and half your
guests will be blubbering, and that'll

that.

Listen, thanks a million for everything,
Reverend. You've been great.

My pleasure. Thanks for me, too. I
really appreciate everything you've

Uh, Mr. Devane, we can take care of that
tomorrow night. Okay.

Good night, Reverend. Good night.

And I'll see you all tomorrow night.

Remember, 7 o 'clock.

I'll remember.

Well, are you starting to get nervous?

Yeah, a little. Not me. I'm just
excited. I can't believe in 24 hours I'm

to be Mr.

Kirk Devane.

I know it's a little premature, but I
thought we should have some champagne to

celebrate. Oh, hi, dog.

Right.

Here you go.

This is the greatest night of my life.

Dick, would you like to make the first
toast?

Uh, sure.

To the bride and groom.

Did I pick

the right best man or what?

Now I'd like to make a toast, but Dick's
is going to be pretty hard to top.

To Dick and Joanna.

for allowing us to be married in their
lovely home and for being our best man

and matron of honor. Oh.

To Stephanie and George for being our
bridesmaid and our usher.

And to Cindy whose goodness of spirit
and joy of life have made me the

man in the world.

Oh. And to America.

I'm not used to drinking champagne after
amen, but...

Now I'd like to make a toast to

Cindy for asking me to be a part of all
this.

It's really an honor for me.

I've always been a bride, never a
bridesmaid.

Stephanie,

that was beautiful.

You know, Kirk, I have to say, I've
never known a man who was...

So happy about getting married.

I can't help it, Dick.

Nobody knows how long I've dreamed about
this.

And the amazing thing is everything is
turning out exactly as I hoped it would.

I'm having a beautiful wedding in a
beautiful place with beautiful people.

I love each and every one of you.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Honey, honey, I think that's enough
champagne.

So, what's everybody going to be doing
tomorrow before the wedding?

Well, Kirk, I think we're all going to
be busy getting everything ready. Oh,

right. Why? What are you going to be
doing? I don't know. In the morning, I

think I'll get a haircut, and in the
afternoon, I thought maybe I'd go down

bowl a few games.

If that's okay with you.

Whatever you want, honey.

It's your day.

This is my other brother, Daryl.

Are you here for the wedding or the
septic tank?

The invitation said the wedding. Oh,
fine. Would you like to sign the guest

book? Sure.

you to your seat.

Thank you.

Maybe during the reception we can take a
look at that septic tank.

Kurt, can you please stand still? I'm
sorry.

I'm excited, Dick. This is the happiest
moment of my life.

I have to tell you something.

Can you tell me facing the other way? I
have to get this tie fastened.

I wasn't sure I was ever going to meet
anyone who...

cared enough about me to go through all
this.

Well, Cindy loves you very much.

I meant you.

Oh.

Thanks for everything.

You, uh, you aren't gonna hug me again,
are you?

What do you think?

You look absolutely stunning.

You should see yourself. I did, in the
refrigerator.

I look squatty.

It's hard not to be a little overwhelmed
by everything that's about to happen.

I mean, marriage is permanent.

No, it isn't.

Guys, it really isn't bad at all. I'm
really glad I'm getting married.

It's just I hope I don't mess up my vows
or do anything to embarrass Kirk.

I just love him so much, and this day is
so important to him.

I just want everything to be perfect.

I'd just like to take a moment before
the ceremony to say a few words to the

groom.

You want to know if I'm chaste?

No, it has nothing to do with that.
Because if you do, I can get witnesses

prove that I am.

Kirk, why don't you just let Reverend
Miller say what he has to say?

I want you to pay particular attention
to the vows that you're about to take.

Why?

Because many times people think of them
as just words, and they're so much more

than just words. They're a commitment, a
contract for life.

They are.

Yes. You are about to take a very big
step.

You are making a promise before God to
love, honor, and stand by this person,

matter what, for the rest of your life.

Boy.

Kirk, it's more fun than that.

Well, no word from the governor, so I
guess it's a go.

Well, a joyful moment has arrived.

I'll see you in the lobby. Excuse me.

Is it hot in here?

No, Kirk, you're just a little nervous.

Well... I'm sure you'll feel better once
you're out there enjoying the happiest

moment of your life.

Right.

I love you.

Can we get our puppy now?

Yeah, he's fine. Cindy just called from
the hospital and they're on their way

home right now.

It was a shame.

Oh, thank you. We thought the place
would look lovely, too.

We got them from Sweeney's Flores.

Oh, those are little crackers that are
made from cream cheese.

Well, I'm sure she'd be glad to give you
the recipe.

Well, listen, thank you for calling, and
thank you and your brothers for fixing

the septic tank.

Good night.

That Larry is a class guy.

I can't help it. I still feel badly for
Kurt.

Yeah, it's just such a shame this had to
happen after all of this work and

effort and worry.

I doubt if my hair will ever turn out
this well again.

Like a fool?

Oh, Kirk, can we get you anything?

No. I'll have some coffee and maybe one
of those little eclairs.

Oh, why don't you make coffee for all of
us?

Oh, I see. It was a trick.

This was supposed to be the happiest
night of my life. Now it's the most

humiliating. Would somebody talk to him,
please? I can't get through to him.

Look, uh...

I know how you feel. Have you ever
fainted?

Well, no.

Then you don't know how I feel.

Well, I don't know how it feels to
faint, but I know how it feels to be a

Look, the point is you have to get past
this.

If you want, we'll do the whole thing
again, and next

time you'll be fine.

How can we do this again?

We can't afford to pay for more flowers
and decorations.

Well, we'll just put everything on ice.
We haven't thrown anything away.

You know, maybe we should just go to a
justice of the peace and have a nice,

simple little ceremony.

Just you and me.

But I want to get married like we
planned.

I just don't want to faint.

Well, I'm sure you won't. It's possible.
I come from a family of fainters.

Actually, just the men. The women are
bulldogs.

Look, Kirk, when...

And Joanne and I were married. I mean, I
was nervous, too. The only thing that

got me through it was that I tried to
think about something else.

Whenever I get overwrought, I always
just try to clear my head and think

nothing.

You must be the calmest man in the
world.

Well, I'd like to think so.

Look, if you all don't mind, I think I'd
like to try this again next Saturday.

Of course we don't mind.

I'll have to check my calendar.

Of course we'll do it Saturday.

Excuse me.

Is there a table for the wedding
presents?

Well, not really, but if you've got
something, I can take it.

What is it?

Just something that guarantees male
children.

Excuse me.

Hello, welcome. Would you like to sign
our guest book? Yes, I would.

Are you here for the bride or the groom?

We're here for the weekend.

What? We have reservations.

Oh, you're checking in. Oh, gee, we're
right in the middle of a wedding right

now.

Why don't you have a seat and I'll go
get your luggage and then we check in

this is over.

Who's getting married? The bride and
groom.

Well, how's that?

Oh, Cindy.

You get more beautiful with each
wedding.

How are you feeling?

I feel fine.

Does anybody know how Kirk is?

Well, I haven't seen him, but Dick said
he's seen much better. Good.

You know, Cindy, years from now, you and
Kirk are going to look back on this and

laugh.

I just hope when we do, we're married.

I just wanted you to know that we're
ready.

We'll be right out.

George?

What are those?

Oh, come on, Dick. You know what these
are.

What are you doing with them? Oh, some
people are checking in.

Well, put them down and listen to this.
What are we doing? Okay, I need your

guys' help. Now, I think I'm going to be
fine, but just in case I start to pass

out, I want you guys to stop me. How?
All right, I've worked this out. Dick,

tonight I want you to grab my arm just
like this.

Okay? George, get over here.

I want you to hold the smelling salts.

This is stupid.

It's not stupid if it keeps me standing
up.

Okay, now let's pretend I'm passing out.

I start to go down, you jerk me up, and
you hit me with a smelling salt.

All right, let's just try it one time.

Ready?

Wow, okay, that works.

What are you doing back there?

Hating myself.

Come on, please don't.

You don't know the morning I've had.

What happened?

It's so over town that we can't get
married because I keep fainting.

I went into the bakery this morning to
pick out our latest cake.

Yeah? They asked me if I wanted the
little groom standing next to the bride

face down in the icing beside her.

teasing. Well, it isn't funny to me.

Listen, I've been sitting here thinking.

Maybe you should try to find another
guy.

Kirk, don't be ridiculous.

No, I mean it. You deserve better than
me.

You deserve a guy who can sweep you up
in his arms, not fall into yours.

Look, I know I've brought this up
before, but why don't we try a civil

You know, just the two of us at the
courthouse.

On those marble floors? Are you crazy?

Why don't you just elope?

Because I told you, this wedding is like
a fantasy to me.

The way we have it planned is the way I
always wanted it.

I'd like at least to give it one more
shot.

You really want to go through all this
again on Saturday?

Listen, I promise, if I faint this time,
we'll try it your way.

Do you think you can put the dress on
one more time?

Sure. How many girls get this much wear
out of a wedding gown?

We're going to try it again.

This is the best turnout we've had yet.

Dick, you have to promise me that no
matter what happens, you're not going to

let them take me to the hospital.

I have to get married tonight.

Kirk, I'm getting just as tired of this
as you are.

I guarantee you, you're getting married
tonight.

Dick, the doctor is here.

What doctor?

Hi, Dick. Hi, Doc.

talk this over, but I thought that maybe
this time it might not be a bad idea if

a doctor was standing by. You think I'm
going to faint again, don't you? Look at

you. You're a wreck.

You cut your shoulder shaving.

You're more nervous than ever. Of course
I'm nervous. I might be getting

married. Kirk, I'm Dr. Perlow. The
hospital filled me in on your situation.

isn't really that unusual.

You've been under a lot of stress.

Is there anything you can do for me?

Well, I might be able to help you get
through the ceremony.

If you could do that for me, I'd carry
your golf clubs for the rest of your

life.

This was a good idea, Dick.

Now, will you roll up your sleeve for
me, please?

Why? So I can give you this.

What does that do?

It relaxes you.

I'll take it.

That's what's going on.

keep marching.

here to join this man and this woman in
holy matrimony, which is an honorable

estate and should not be entered into
lightly.

Cindy Parker, do you take Kirk Devane to
be your lawfully wedded husband, to

have and to hold from this day forward,
for richer and for poorer, in sickness

and in health, for taking all others
until death do you part?

I do.

I do too.

Okay.

May I have the ring, please?

Would you put this on a finger?

Dick, could you do it? I'm a little tied
up.

Repeat after me.

With this ring, I be wed. With this
ring, I be wed.

I think he means me.

I'm sorry.

With this ring, I thee wed.

By the power invested in me by the state
of Vermont, I now pronounce that you

are husband and wife, finally.