Original subtitles

No, that sounds great, Elliot. You know, I've seen other writers before in

bookstores autographing their books, and, you know, I've always kind of

them. What bookstore wants me?

Handy Sam the Hardware Man.

Dick! Hold on, Elliot.

Excuse me, Dick.

There's a man on the front porch who would like a room.

Fine, George, have him come inside.

He can't come inside.

He's afraid of hotels.

What? He says it's a phobia.

Well, tell him it's not a hotel, it's an inn.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Elliot. Tell him I'll be there.

Saturday at ten.

I was just talking to Elliot. He wants me to do an autographing session.

That's great, honey. At which bookstore?

The one that carries most of my books.

Oh, Handy Sam the Hardware Man.

Dick, now he says he's afraid of me.

What?

Hi.

I'm, uh, really sorry about this.

That's okay.

What's the problem?

Uh, this man needs a place to stay and apparently he has this, um, fear of

hotels.

Catalamophobia.

I, uh, wouldn't be in this mess except that I had a flat tire and I can't get

fixed till tomorrow. And, uh, the people at the garage won't let me sleep in my

car.

Well, look, this really isn't a hotel.

It's our home.

Why don't you think of it as just a big house?

Or... Just a big car.

Think I can give that a try?

Well, do you want to register?

Thank you.

What do you do, Mr.

Cass?

I'm a heavy equipment salesman.

There you go. Room 5, up the stairs on the right.

Stairs, huh?

Look, uh...

Couldn't I just stay in the lobby? It's just for one night. I'm sorry, we can't

really allow that.

Yeah, I don't think you'd be very comfortable on the sofa.

Yeah, you're probably right.

That's velour, isn't it?

Uh, why don't we put a cot down here in Dick's study?

Oh, that'd be great.

Okay. Stephanie?

Yes? Would you please bring down some fresh linen so we can make up a bed in

study? Could you do it? I'm kind of busy right now.

What are you doing?

I'm drinking a tap.

Stephanie, get the bedding.

I'll go get the cot. You're not afraid of cots, are you?

I guess we'll find out.

Well, Mr. Pack, why don't you go on in and make yourself at home?

I really appreciate this.

Well, you might as well give my organs to science. My life is over.

Hi, Kirk. Hi, Kirk.

Doesn't anybody care why I'm upset?

Do you?

Why are you upset, Kirk? Oh, no reason, except apparently Cindy and I aren't as

close as I thought we were. What happened? Last night I found out she's

a whole vacation without me. She's going to Europe with some friend of hers,

Idiot Debbie.

When is she leaving? A year from next spring.

And you're upset now? Yes. How could she plan a vacation without me? I can't

even plan a day without her. And a year from now, I figured we'd be even closer.

But if she's planning this trip, it means she doesn't think she's going to

the same way about me as I think I'm going to feel about her.

Kirk, I think you're being ridiculous. Well, it didn't seem ridiculous last

night with brochures of stupid Italy spread out in front of me.

Well, I don't understand what a guest is doing in a study, but here's the

bedding. Oh, would you put it in there?

Sure, why not? I've come this far.

How are you, Kirk?

Devastated. I'm not having a good day either.

Well, here's the cot.

I left the stuff on the chair.

Oh, now that the cot's here, could you make it up?

It's so busy down here. Can I talk up in your bedroom? No. Kirk, it doesn't

sound like there's anything to talk about. How can you say that? I'm losing

Cindy. Kirk...

Cindy doesn't know how strongly you feel about her. Well, what am I supposed to

do? Tell her?

What's wrong with that?

What if she doesn't feel the same way about me?

Well, you'll never know that if you don't talk.

Kirk, how strongly do you feel about Cindy?

I can't imagine life without her. Then I think you should tell her how you feel.

I think I should do more than that.

I think it's time I pop the question.

You're kidding.

Dick, a year from April, I don't want Cindy winging daily to sunny Rome with a

girlfriend. I want her frozen in Vermont with me.

Oh, that's sweet.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get a reservation at Barney's Friday

night, buy her a special gift, and give up the swinging singles life forever.

Oh, Kirk.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have people waiting in the cafe, and I think I'm

going to throw up.

Alone? Oh, no.

With Kirk.

He's in the bathroom.

This is my date, Marshall Coleman.

Prima.

This is my friend, Cindy Parker.

She's a clown.

Pleased to meet you. Would you like to join us for coffee?

Great. Do you mind? No.

Waiter? I love table hopping. I used to do it all the time back home. Until I

moved here, I don't think I ever finished a meal with the same people I

with.

Two more espressos? Fine.

Two more espressos. Fine.

I love your dress.

Thank you.

Is that a natural fabric?

I guess so.

Oh, there you are.

Stephanie. Surprise.

What are you doing here?

Well, they were on their way out when we spotted each other, and I asked them to

join us for coffee. Oh, great. This is Marshall Coleman.

Pre -med. Oh, nice to meet you.

Stephanie, could I speak to you for a moment?

Sure.

I love this.

Beat it.

What? Go on, get out of here. Shoot.

What is the matter with you?

I want some privacy.

I'm about to ask Cindy a very important and personal question.

What is it? I'm not going to tell you before I ask her.

You mean you're going to... Just talking about the inn.

We're in stuff.

Kirk, I had no idea.

We'll leave. I wouldn't dream of spoiling your wonderful moment.

Oh, Kirk, this is just great.

Oh, we love the inn.

Everything okay?

Wonderful. Come on, Marshal, let's go.

We're leaving?

Yeah, come on. I'll explain it in the Porsche.

Bye -bye.

Kirk,

what is going on?

What do you mean?

You've been a nervous wreck all evening. Then Stephanie just left. You're all

choked up about something.

Okay, I can explain.

Excuse me.

Weren't there some people here who wanted espressos?

Yeah. I'm sorry. They had to leave. Kirk, would you like an espresso?

No.

Do you have milk of magnesia?

No.

Well, nothing, thank you.

Look, Cindy, tonight hasn't worked out exactly as I

thought it would, but... Here.

What's this?

Open it.

Oh, Kirk, they're beautiful.

They're earrings.

I know.

Thank you.

But I don't get it. What are these for? I want to ask you a question.

And the question is, feel like a movie?

Well, Mr.

Loudon, how's everything going?

Just fine.

I saw you signing a book. Yeah, that was about 20 minutes ago.

How many have you signed?

Just that one.

Gee, I'm surprised. I thought there'd be a lot more people.

Especially since it's so cheap.

Maybe I could get one for my father.

I'll be glad to sign it for you. Let me think about it.

Where's the rat point?

Aisle two near the front.

I do it.

I brought you some more books. Thought you might be getting low.

Thanks, George.

Boy, this is exciting.

Yeah. I love your name on that sign.

Kind of makes you a celebrity.

Mind if I watch?

Well, there's not much to see, George, but you're welcome to stay. Thanks.

Oh, this is going to help you sell more books, huh? That's what they say.

No one's stopping.

Well, you know, George, a lot of people don't feel comfortable coming up to use

your term of celebrity.

You know, it really isn't the barbecue season.

They did stick me all the way over here in the corner. You know, there are a lot

of reasons why I'll never do this again.

Well, as long as it's quiet, I think I'll look around the store and see if

there's anything we need for the inn.

Wow, it's Dick Loudon, author of Let's Build a Barbecue.

George, don't do that. I never thought I'd meet you.

Boy, here's a book I sure can use.

George, don't do this. In fact, I'll take two. You can't have too many

barbecues. What a great gift idea!

Here, I'll take one of those.

You will? Yeah.

Fine. What's your name?

Ralph.

There you go. And what's this?

That's my autograph.

Well, do I get a discount now that it's all marked up?

Why don't you take a new one and pay the cashier? Oh, okay.

Thanks. Well, it's working.

George, don't ever do that again.

Hey, there's Kirk.

Oh, great.

Why aren't you at the inn?

Why, something wrong?

Yes, I'm miserable and I need to talk to you. What's the matter? I couldn't ask

Cindy. Why not?

I don't know. Every time I went to say the words, I couldn't get them out of my

mouth. What are we talking about?

I think I'm afraid of her answer.

Well, I mean, that's natural.

Everyone's afraid of being turned down, but you just have to think positive and

hope that she says yes.

I'm afraid of that, too.

You're afraid she'll say yes? I'm afraid of whatever she says, because no matter

what it is, it's going to change my life, and that terrifies me. And I don't

know what to tell you. Me either.

Dick, I'm faced with the most important decision of my life.

What I need is for you to make that decision for me.

Are you crazy? I can't do that.

I mean, if I tell you not to ask her, you may be passing up the best chance

happiness you've ever had.

And if I tell you to ask her and she says no, then you'll be miserable. Even

she says yes, you may be miserable. I mean, I can't win.

I can live with that.

Well, I can. I won't do it. Okay, let's stop being silly.

Let's just write down ask and don't ask on slips of paper and draw them out of a

hat.

You can't decide your future from a hat. Fine, then I'll let George decide and

you're going to have to live with that.

You're insane. Do you know that? Yes, that's why I'm here.

Look, I'm going to bend a rule of mine. I'm going to make the most important

decision of your life for you.

In my opinion, Cindy is the best thing that ever happened to you. You've become

a better person since you've known her.

I think you should ask her.

You really do? Yes.

I hope for your sake you're right.

Are you finished, sir?

Huh?

Yes.

You didn't touch your salad.

I guess I'm not hungry.

Well, Kirk, if we're not going to eat anything, why do we keep coming here?

Because this is our place.

And because there's something I have to ask you.

Maybe I can make this easy for you.

I'm really not up for a movie tonight.

Look.

Before I ask you, I want you to have this.

Another gift?

Please, just open it.

Oh, Kirk, what a beautiful pin.

The man in the jewelry store said it was the clown from Pagliacci.

Thank you, but, Kirk, why are you doing this?

Cindy, we've been going out for several months now and I care deeply about you.

You're always in my thoughts.

You're always in my heart.

You're the dearest thing in my life.

Am I making any sense?

Good, because my ears are ringing and I can't hear a thing I'm saying.

Cindy, when two people feel the way we do, I think they should be together for

more than seven nights a week.

What I'm trying to say is, I love you.

I love you too, Kirk.

You do?

Yes. Well, what I wanted to ask you was, Cindy Parker, will you live with me?

Will I live with you? Yeah.

No. No?

Yeah.

I can't believe you said no.

This is all Dick's fault.

I'm sorry.

Sea bass for the lady and steak for the gentleman. I don't want it. Take it

back.

What? I'm not hungry.

Oh, all right.

Well, I guess this is it then. It's over.

What are you talking about?

Us. You just said you don't care about me.

I just told you I loved you. Why won't you live with me?

Because I wouldn't be comfortable with that. But I can't go on like this. Well,

it's hard for me, too.

Then what do we do? Get married? Okay.

Huh?

Well, I mean, that's something I'd be willing to do if it'd be something you'd

be willing to do.

Wow.

Married.

Cindy and Kirk.

Parker and Devane. And you wouldn't have to go on your trip.

Or if you did, I could go with you as a relative.

Waiter, I'll take my dinner now.

You just said you didn't want your dinner.

Well, now I do.

Well, okay.

God, marriage.

You and me, down the aisle, arm in arm, bowling chain.

What are we talking here?

Every day a lifetime, forever and ever and ever.

Take it back. I'm not hungry.

Said you were.

I think he's changed his mind.

We're sorry.

Oh, I see.

Look, Kirk, we don't have to get married.

I mean, what I mean is that you're having second thoughts. I'm not having

thoughts. I just needed a second to think about it. Well, I don't want you

have to think about it. I mean, either you want to get married or you don't.

Well, I do.

Are you sure?

This is the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Waiter, I'll take my steak now.

Kirk, I'm so happy.

Cindy, from now on, we'll always remember this is our night.

This will be our table.

That will be our piano player.

Whatever he plays next will be...

And now for our friend south of the border.

Cork, it's dark. The door's locked. Everyone's asleep.

No problem.

We shouldn't have wakened you. What is this? Everybody has school tomorrow?

Oh, excuse us. We went to bed early. Oh, exhausted from signing five books?

I signed seven books. Things picked up after you left.

Kirk, what are you doing here? We have big news.

Do you want to tell them or should I?

Oh, it's your idea to wake them up. Why don't you tell them?

look at this. Oh, thanks.

Well, we've got to open some champagne for this. I'll get some. Well, come on,

everybody. Let's not stand here. Come on, sit down.

Well, tell us everything.

How he asked you, what exactly he said.

Well, we were at Barney's and, well, you know, come to think of it, you never

really did ask me. I guess you're right. We were talking about things and it

just sort of evolved.

Kirk, don't you think you should ask her?

Here's the champagne.

Wait a minute, George.

Kirk's just about to make it official.

Cindy, will you marry me?

Yes, Kirk, I will.

Wow.