All language subtitles for Newhart s02e11 A Jug of Wine, a Loaf of Bread, and Pow!

I've worked hard all my life, right?

Right. If I could have one extravaganza
for all the work I've done, what do you

think that would be?

What did you think it would be?

Snowmobile.

Oh, boy. A snowmobile.

Morning. Morning. Hi, guys.

Guess what Dick is buying.

Seasoned basketball tickets.

Close. A snowmobile.

What was this about basketball tickets?
Oh, feel free to say no if you're not

interested, but the Big Green's first
basketball game is tomorrow night. The

Green? That's Dartmouth, Joanna.

Oh, don't feel badly. Kirk didn't know
either.

Anyway, I'm this giant basketball fan,
so I asked Kirk if we could get season

tickets, and he said, well, why don't we
ask Dick and Joanna if they'd like to

go in with us?

Well, we appreciate your asking, but
Joanna doesn't like basketball.

Oh, really?

I know it's supposed to be exciting and
fast -paced, but for some reason it

bores me, and whenever I watch it, I end
up getting grumpy and depressed.

Have you seen that many games?

Oh, yeah. I was a cheerleader.

George, how about you splitting the
tickets with us? Me?

Yeah, you like basketball. But who would
I go with? That's the great thing about

this. You can go with anybody you want.

Dick, would you go to some of the games
with me?

Sure, George. I love basketball. I'll
even pay for the games I go to.

Remember, you're buying a snowmobile.

I'll just buy a cheaper one, George.

In that case, I'll do it.

Great. You go down today, stand in line,
and get the tickets.

Uh, Kirk, this was our idea. I think one
of us should go down and get the

tickets. That's okay. I'll take care of
it. Thanks. That's sweet, George.

Does anybody know where the Dartmouth
ticket office is?

Somewhere in Dartmouth.

Hi, Stephanie.

Do you happen to know where the
Dartmouth ticket office is?

Somewhere at Dartmouth.

Dick was right.

Joanna, how would you like to go to a
poetry reading tonight?

I didn't know you were that interested
in poetry.

I wasn't until a cute guy handed me this
flyer.

The Romantic Verse of Byron, Shelley,
and Keats, 8 p .m. tonight, Campbell

room 309.

Sounds like a great place to meet men,
don't you think?

I think at a poetry recital there would
be more women there than men. And I

think other men will think the same
thing, which is why I think there will

more men there than women.

Well, I may be the only one there who's
interested in the poetry, but I'd like

to go.

Wait a minute. I'm confused. If you're
only going there to meet men, why do you

want Joanna there? Because I don't want
it to look like that's why I'm going.

I just want it to look like I'm there
with my very good friend to be

intellectually enriched.

Providing my very good friend promises
to get lost if some guy hits on me?

Maybe you'd like your very good friend
to take her own car?

Would you? No.

Well, we can work that out later.
Meanwhile, I'd better go up and figure

what I'm going to wear.

And maybe make some beds while you're at
it?

You know, on second thought, maybe I
should take my own car. If she meets

somebody there, she could end up leaving
me there.

Well, don't worry about it, honey. If
she does, I'll pick you up in my

snowmobile.

For me, I fain would please the chosen
few.

Those souls to feeling and to nature
true will spare the childish verse and

destroy the light effusions of a
heedless boy.

I seek not glory from the senseless
crowd.

Of fancied laurels I shall ne 'er be
proud.

Their warmest plaudits I would scarcely
prize.

Their sneers or censures I alike
despise.

Thank you, Ted.

That was answered to some elegant verses
sent to a friend by the author

complaining that one of his descriptions
was rather too warmly drawn.

And that concludes our selections from
Byron.

Are there any questions or comments?

Yes. I just wanted to ask, Ted, isn't
it?

Yes. Could you tell me when that last
poem was written?

November 26, 1806. I thought so.

Well,

if there are no more questions or
comments, why don't we take another ten

-minute coffee break and resume with the
selections of John Keats.

Okay, let's go.

I have sat through two poets and two
intermissions, and not one guy has even

stepped on my foot.

I want to leave.

But Keats is one of my favorites. But
it's just more poetry.

But you're the one who asked me to come,
so I should be the one to say when we

go.

Well, maybe if you tried listening,
you... What?

Well,

enjoying it?

Enjoying it?

I can't get enough.

In fact, I was just telling this lady
here that the best is yet to come.

Oh, you're an admirer of Keats, are you?

We're talking Keats -o -mania.

And who do you admire?

Well, actually, I like Keats, too.

Although I think Byron was probably the
more romantic.

Well, certainly in his personal life.

To quote J .H. Plum, Byron was born to
be romantic, the driven individualist,

sensitive to wrong, yet capable of
diabolical personal behavior, saint and

sadist in one impulsive heart.

By the way, I'm David Cameron.

Stephanie Vandercallen.

And you are? Joanna Loudon. That's a
beautiful floor coat.

I love to see men in tweed.

Thank you.

Are you a student? I don't think I've
seen you around before. No, but that's

very flattering.

I always think of tweed as a sign of
high intelligence.

Could I ask how you heard about tonight?

Someone handed me a flyer.

Well,

it's always nice to see new faces at our
poetry readings.

Especially faces as pretty as yours.

Oh. Well, thank you.

Her face is married.

I beg your pardon?

Stephanie. Well, it is. I know, but I'm
sure Mr. Cameron didn't mean anything by

that. Oh, you're right. It was just an
innocent compliment.

And her name is David.

Can I get either one of you a cup of
coffee? I don't think we care for any

coffee, thank you. Maybe we should be
going.

Well, you're not going to leave before
Keats. I'm sorry, but I do have to get

fairly early tomorrow morning. She and
her husband own a Stratford Inn, and we

have to get up and cook breakfast for
the guests.

Well, maybe you can catch Keats another
time. Maybe so.

Ready? Desperate.

Good night's meeting you. We really
enjoyed the evening.

Ouch! Oh, I'm sorry.

Sure, now that we're leaving.

Yes, I want to place an order from the
sales catalog.

On page 32, the Silver Eagle snowmobile
with the telescopic strut suspension and

the twin piston port engine.

It says in the catalog that you can get
optional leather grip handles.

Yeah, are they really good or pretty
much decorative?

Just decorative.

Yeah, give me those two.

One more thing. The picture in the
catalog, it shows a guy riding the

snowmobile. He has a jacket on with a
Silver Eagle decal on the back.

I was wondering, would you... Oh, you
do? Good.

Give me one of those, too.

Thank you. Goodbye.

What was that about?

Just getting my snowmobile.

So how was the poetry reading?

I take it you didn't feel that Keats was
all that he's cracked up to be?

We didn't stay for Keats.

I know Stephanie's upset, but it really
was kind of funny.

What was?

Well, we were there because Stephanie
wanted to meet some men, right?

Right.

I'm sorry, Stephanie, but you do have to
admit it was ironic.

Anyway, this professor came up to the
two of us at intermission, and instead

talking to Stephanie, he started talking
to me.

What did he say to you?

He just asked me if I was enjoying
myself and if I liked Keats. And he said

were pretty.

Did he say you were pretty?

Oh, no, not really. What he said was I
had a pretty face.

Well, then he said you were pretty.

Well, I guess he did, but he didn't mean
anything by it. He was just trying to

make me feel comfortable.

Hello, Stratford Ann.

Yes, she is. May I tell her who's
calling, please?

Oh, hold on.

Was the professor's name David Cameron?

Don't tell me that's him.

Seems to be obsessed with your country.

Do you believe this guy?

Miss Tiffany, be quiet.

Do you believe this guy?

Hello, Professor Cameron.

David.

Yeah, we got home fine, thank you.

Yes, I'm sorry we couldn't stay, too.

Oh, that sounds interesting.

Could you hold on for just a second?

He says he's going to be discussing
Keith in his morning class tomorrow, and

since I couldn't stay tonight, if I'd
like to, I can sit in. In his class or

lap?

Wait a minute.

He's calling you at 9 .30 tonight to ask
you if you want to audit a class

tomorrow morning?

What's wrong with that?

Come on, you two. He's just being nice.

Look, he knows I'm married. Do you think
he'd be calling me here if it was

anything but innocent?

That is so insulting.

What is?

That you don't think it's possible that
a man could find me intellectually

stimulating. I happen to like Keats. He
happens to teach Keats.

But you think the only reason he could
possibly be calling me is because he

likes my face.

Look, I'm not making this difficult. I
mean, if you want to go to a class...

By some good time, Charlie, crawl out
from under the rock.

Poetry professor, then go ahead.

David, what time did you say that class
was tomorrow?

11 .30? I'd be happy to attend. Thank
you for asking.

I'll see you then. Bye.

Now, if nothing else, I'm going to prove
to both of you that a man and a woman

can share interests and be friends
without being anything more than that.

Maybe then you will see that the both of
you are being childish.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to
bed. I have school tomorrow.

How can you let this happen?

Stephanie, you have to understand
something. No matter what I think of

I trust Joanna.

Oh, I never thought of that.

So what do you look like?

He's gorgeous.

I think that when you compare the kind
of life that Keats led with the kind of

life that, say, Byron led, that Keats'
poetry seems more sincere.

Maybe I'm being influenced by what I
know about the two men.

But if, in fact, knowing the personality
of the poet enriches the body of the

work, then that's a very valid statement
to make.

Oops.

We're out of time.

We'll continue this discussion on
Monday.

Everyone have a good weekend.

Joanna, could you stay after for a
second?

Sure. Did you enjoy it? I really did.
Thank you.

Listen, if you've got the time, would
you like to have a bite to eat? Oh, gee,

hadn't planned on having lunch.

Oh, don't feel pressured. It's, uh, it's
up to you.

I better not.

Thanks anyway.

Okay.

Oh, this is silly.

The only reason I said no is because,
well, it doesn't matter.

Actually, there's no reason why I can't
have lunch.

Great. I hope you don't mind bread and
cheese.

fancy. It's all right, isn't it? Oh,
sure. Fine.

I'm sorry we can't go out, but I have
another class in an hour, and the

cafeteria is usually jammed this time of
day.

I know it's like kind of rough in here,
but when you're a teacher, you get used

to the very essentials.

Red or white?

You have wine when you're teaching?

I just happen to pick these up in the
spur of the moment.

You will have some, won't you?

Maybe a little white.

You're very good at that.

You know, there's something I have to
tell you. What's that?

It sounds silly, but my husband didn't
want me to come here today.

He didn't? No, I feel embarrassed even
saying this, but he thinks you're

interested in me.

You're kidding.

No.

What'd you tell him? Well, you know, I
told him I think we're interested in the

same things. Books, poetry.

Would you be interested in going to New
York for the weekend?

What? Or Boston, I don't care.

Is this a joke?

No. You are sick.

You're insulted, right? You bet I am.
You know darn well I'm married.

What's that got to do with it? It has a
lot to do with it.

I happen to believe in fidelity.

Well, Joanna, you don't understand. This
isn't some...

shallow, off -the -cuff proposition.

I really have the hots for you.

This is unbelievable.

Why? This is exactly what Dick said you
would do.

He said you were coming on to me, but
no, I said you were just a nice guy who

liked Keith.

I made a big speech about how men and
women can have platonic relationships.

Boy, naive me.

Oh, wait a minute. You actually said all
that? You bet I did, and more.

And now I feel like such a dope.

Oh, God, I hate myself.

What? I mean, that was a lousy thing to
do. I don't know why I did it.

I mean, I won't even try to make any
excuses. I guess I'm just a victim of

age we live in.

But you know what really makes me sick?

I happen to agree with everything that
you said.

I think that men and women should be
able to be friends without any

complications. And you're the kind of
woman I would love to have for a friend,

Joanna. But oh, no.

I had to open up my big, stupid mouth
and really blow it. Well, now, take it

easy. I'd like to think I'm broad
-minded enough to allow people to make

mistakes. Oh, not one this big. Yes, I
am.

This is incredible.

You are absolutely... the most
understanding woman I have ever

met in my life, Joanna.

What would you say to Justin Nooner?

in the basement.

George,

would you come up here for a minute?

Who's that?

Dick.

So where is everybody?

Dick's writing and Joanna's at a poetry
class.

You seem depressed.

Kirk, if I ask you a question, will you
answer it honestly?

Sure. Do you think I'm attractive?

Last night, Joanna and I went somewhere.

It doesn't matter where.

It was a poetry reading.

And I went thinking that I might meet a
guy.

But during one of the breaks, this very
handsome, very eligible professor came

up, and instead of talking to me, he
started talking to Joanna.

Not that there's anything wrong with
that. I mean, Joanna's very attractive.

It's just that ever since it happened,
I've felt like burning my hair and

to a convent.

With other people, if you don't like the
way they look, they've always got their

personality to fall back on, or they can
as well.

But with me, let's face it, I'm living
life without a net.

If you don't like the way I look, then
you just don't like Stephanie.

I don't know.

I keep thinking maybe it's time I
started trying to improve myself.

Read more. Take more of an interest in
other people.

Just try to become a better all -around
person.

Stephanie.

You're a very attractive young woman.

You've got great hair, great skin, ace
chassis.

You don't need to be a better person.

Oh, Kirk, I had a hunch it was you.

Yeah, I came over to find out if you got
the tickets yesterday. I've got them

right here.

Great.

Don't forget, you owe me $20.

George, if I ask you a question, will
you answer it honestly?

We'll talk later.

Hi. Hi.

How was the class?

Fine. More to the point, how was the
professor?

Fine.

How's everything here?

Everything here is fine.

Oh, hi, Allie.

Didn't know you were home. I just walked
in.

So how was the class?

Fine. Good.

Well, if you'll all excuse me, I think
I'll go start supper.

It's a quarter to one.

Oh. Well, then I'll go start lunch.

Something happen at class? Oh, Dick.
Good, something did happen.

But please don't make me go into it
because I just feel naive and stupid.

The clown made a pass at you, didn't he?

He asked me if I wanted to go to New
York with him for the weekend.

What building is his classroom in?

Campbell Hall, room 309, I'll drive. You
are not driving.

Now, Dick, I don't want you doing
something crazy. You could get hurt. I

want to talk to him. But I...

I don't even want to think about it. I
just want to walk into his classroom,

look at his face, and let my Irish
temper take over. Dick, come back in.

wait a minute. Dick, for heaven's sake,
Dick.

You're not even Irish.

Excuse

me, is

this Professor Cameron's room?

Yes, it is. Can I help you?

Are you Professor Cameron?

Yes, I am.

I'm Dick Loudon.

My wife is Joanna Love.

Uh -oh.

I understand you like New York.

Look, Mr. Loudon, I... You know, a lot
of thoughts went through my mind about

how to handle this.

Some of them were pretty nuts.

But since we are civilized men living in
the 20th century with respect for...

each other's personal property, I
certainly wouldn't come over here to...

break furniture.

Well, maybe... maybe just one.

Mr. Loudon, this, uh... may not mean
anything to you, but I think I should

you these aren't my chairs.

I could say to you, but I didn't come
over here to give you a speech on

or tell you how you should conduct your
life.

What I did come over here for was to sit
down, man to man, discuss the problem

and see if we couldn't come up with a
mutually acceptable solution.

What if I promise never to go near your
wife ever again as long as I live?

You know, that's funny. That's exactly
the solution I was thinking of.

I'm glad we found it.

Well, I won't take up any more of your
time.

Nice meeting you, Professor.

Wonderful meeting you, Dick.

And you will send me the bill for this.

No, I'll take care of it.

You're sure?

Try to be a better all -around person.

Sounds like a good idea.

Maybe I'll talk to Dick.

We're leaving.

Oh, where are you going?

Dick's taking me out to dinner.

Yeah, Joanna didn't get much lunch.

Hi, guys.

Hi, everybody.

I thought you were going to the
basketball game.

We were, but Kirk came down with a
throat infection.

I guess the tickets are yours, George.

Oh, thanks, but who could I get to go
with me this late?

That's your problem.

I'll go with you. You will?

What? How can you go? I'm sick.

Well, then you should be home in bed.

You ready, George?

I'll get my coat. We can take my car.

Bye, sweetie.

Take care of yourself.

Yeah, we should be going, too.

Good night, guys. Night.

I hate when things don't go exactly as I
planned.

What am I supposed to do tonight?

Kirk, I know I've asked you this
question before.

But answer me honestly.

Do you really think I'm attractive?

Meow.