All language subtitles for Newhart s02e09 The Looks of Love

me in here for a minute?

Well, I was busy, but that's okay.

What do you want?

I have something for you. What?

Your first paycheck.

Oh, boy, fantastic.

Oh, your nails are still wet. Do you
want me to open it for you? No, no,

okay.

$437.

Well, I guess it'll be good for me to
try to get by on this every week.

Stephanie, That's not a weekly check.
That's a monthly check.

$437 a month? Well, that's after taxes.

And, of course, we pay for your room and
all your meals, so that $437 is just

free and clear to do anything you want.

Yeah.

Just trying to think what that could be.

Joanna? Yes, George? Did you order
something from a sporting goods store?

Oh, great. Is it here? Yeah. What did
you order? A surprise for Dick.

Oh, neat.

Is it?

Yeah. Here, I'll take this.

Just put it down over there, will you?
And let me give you something for your

trouble. Oh, that won't be necessary.

George, I meant this gentleman.

Do you want me to get dead? Would you?
Oh, I hope he likes it. Yeah, me too.

Here, let's scan in front of it so he
won't see it when he first comes out.

Surprise!

Oh, wow.

Do you know what it is?

Most of a bike.

It's an exercise bike. I saw it in the
store and I thought it would be perfect

for your study.

You can use it when you take a break
from writing.

You don't like it, do you? No, no. Sure
I do. It'll be perfect in the study.

Even if I'm not exercising on it, I'll
still get a lot of exercise trying to

walk around it.

Hey, whose exercise bike?

Uh, mine.

Boy, Marjorie and I had one of these. We
were going to tone up and firm up.

And then, of course, we broke up.

Get on it. See how... Oh, it worked.
Yeah, honey, come on. Oh, okay.

Boy, oh boy, that's, uh... It

really gets the old blood flowing,
doesn't it?

I don't understand. Why didn't you just
get a whole bike?

Well, you can only ride a bike when the
weather's nice.

You can ride this 24 hours a day, 365
days a year.

Isn't that great?

Oh, what a great exercise bike.

Yours? Yeah, you'll never use it. He
will, too.

You bought it, right? Oh, what do you
want, Kurt? Okay, listen up, everybody.

have an announcement to make.

I'm starting a singles club.

Really? Yeah, right here at the inn.

What are you talking about? You're not
having a singles club here. Why not?

You let the Rotary Club meet here and
the Junior Chamber of Commerce.

That is true, honey.

Well, I mean, they're hardly the same
thing. I mean, I know him. When he says

singles club, he means mud wrestling.

I think a singles club is a great idea.
It could help all of us.

Not me.

Maybe not you, but what about the rest
of us? I'm single. George is single.

Stephanie is single. Ed's marriage is
guano.

I'd like to meet some new people. You
know, it's really not a bad thought.

Kirk, why is it whenever you come up
with an idea, you always come over here

dump it on me?

Because you're my best friend?

I don't want to be your best friend.

Why are you always so reluctant to help
me?

You know, speaking from personal
experience, it is hard to meet people in

town. Yeah. A group like Kirk is talking
about would sure make it easier.

Yeah. Well, I guess if you feel that
strongly about it, we can try it once.

Great!

See, it's not so hard to give, is it,
Dick?

Okay, we'll have our first meeting
Friday night, 7 o 'clock in the dining

Oh, Friday night? I can't. I have a
date.

I thought you were having trouble
getting dates. Not in the evenings.

Where's Kirk?

Is he in with the group?

No, and the meeting was supposed to
start 20 minutes ago. What are they

Nothing. They're just standing around
like a bunch of penguins staring at each

other.

I'm going to call them.

Hi, Gus.

Where have you been?

This is the first meeting of my singles
club. Hey, I'm the host.

This is potentially a very important
night for me.

I was gargling.

Those people have been in there for half
an hour. Why are you so mad at me?

Because this evening is turning out
exactly the way I knew it would.

You said it was going to be dignified.
You show up late and then you have

somebody paint that stupid sign.

I didn't have anyone make that sign. I
took it out of the window of my car.

Oh, hi.

I just came out because some of the
singles were wondering if there's going

be anything to eat or drink.

Of course.

There'll be plenty for everyone.

Oh, good.

What have you got to eat or drink?

I don't know. I'll have to go look in
the kitchen and see.

We're going to charge you for everything
you use.

Don't you ever get tired of being angry,
Dick?

Start your meeting.

Just think.

The woman of my dreams may be on the
other side of this door.

Good. Then the two of you can split the
cost of this.

I know these people.

Kirk, there's nothing wrong with anybody
in this room. What were you expecting?

A bunch of beauty contest winners?

I have to be honest. That's what I was
hoping for.

Look, exciting or not, these are decent,
normal people.

There's not a nickel's worth of
difference between you and anybody in

Excuse me.

Do we have the right night for the
single social club?

How's it going?

Pretty good for fall.

How did you hear about tonight?

Barbershop?

Just out of curiosity, what were you
doing at the barbershop?

Daryl here was getting a shave. They do
real nice work, too.

Show them, Daryl.

Why don't you guys have a seat?

The meeting is going to start any
minute, isn't it, Kirk?

I'll never forgive you for making me go
through with this. Look, this is your

idea, not mine. Now go up there and
start the meeting.

Where are you going? I'm going in the
kitchen to add up your tab.

By the way, did everyone fill out a
little card with his or her name and

so we can keep you informed of all of
our club activities?

Okay, good.

I'm very eager to get to know each and
every one of you, and I know at future

meetings we're all going to become very
good friends. And with that in mind, I

think we'll adjourn for now.

Please leave your cards at the door as
you go out so we can get in touch with

you.

Excuse me.

By some giant stroke of luck, are you
here for the singles club?

Yes, I am.

Get in your seats. The meeting's back
on.

I think the first order of business
should be introductions.

Hi, I'm Kirk.

Hi.

And you're?

Iris. Iris.

Iris. That's my favorite name.

And my favorite part of the eye.

By the way, you have beautiful eyes.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Excuse me, Kurt.

Huh? Do you want the rest of us to
introduce ourselves?

Sure, do what you want.

So, have I seen you around town before?

Actually, I just moved here.

Well, uh, I guess I'll start.

What brought you to the boonies?

I'm an artist. I just wanted to live
someplace more serene.

I guess I'm mixed. I'm Larry. This is my
brother, Daryl.

And this is my other brother, Daryl.

through a divorce and just kind of
auditing.

I'm Iris Beecham and I'm new in town.

And I'm looking forward to getting to
know as many people as I can.

Oh, now that's what I call an
introduction.

So what do you say? Is it you and me?

I didn't come here to get picked up. I'm
not trying to pick you up.

Can't you see I've fallen in love with
you?

We've become so jaded in this day and
age, we can't profess our feelings.

I just want to know when I can see you
again.

You can see me at the next meeting.

Okay.

Can I have your attention, please?

I'm sure at this point we're all asking
ourselves the same question.

When can we do this again?

How's tomorrow night for everyone?

Okay, well, until then, let's adjourn.

Oh, and people, let's have a theme for
tomorrow, shall we?

Let's all show up looking as good as we
can.

This is what I'm talking about.

Hi. Hi, where are you going? We went to
open a checking account for Stephanie

with her first paycheck, but kind of got
sidetracked along the way.

How many did you hit?

Just one.

What have you been doing?

Working. I'm just taking a break.

Oh.

I thought maybe you'd be taking a break
on your new exercise bike.

No, I thought about it, but, you know,
these are kind of nice clothes. I didn't

want to get them all sweaty.

You won't be able to use that excuse for
long.

What are you talking about?

Joanna bought you sweat.

Now you don't have to worry about your
nice clothes.

I was... Is there no end to your
thoughtfulness?

Hi, guys.

Kirk, where are you going?

I've got to get ready for my singles
club meeting.

That was last night. Tonight, too.

Hold it.

What? You didn't say anything to us
about this, Kirk. We've got people

over for dinner.

Not in the dining room, you don't.

It's our dining room.

Well, what am I supposed to do if I have
a dozen people coming over for a

meeting? Cancel it.

Look, you don't understand.

I met someone last night who I fell
deeply in love with.

Well, then have it at her dining room.

Really, Kirk?

You're in love?

Yes. What's her name? What's she like?

Well, her name is Iris.

She's gorgeous, long hair, hazel eyes,
great skin.

That's what she looks like. What's she
like? I have no idea.

Then you're basing all this on how she
looks.

She looks great.

Kirk, when are you going to learn
there's more to love than looks? When

are no more great -looking women?

Kirk, believe me, I am the last person
in the world to diminish the importance

of physical beauty.

I mean... But I think what

Dick is trying to say is that there are
other things about a person that are

more important.

Exactly. Like what?

Like what?

Personality, character, depth.

I can't love someone who isn't
attractive.

Attractive people are confident. They
love life because life loves them.

Ugly people are depressed and neurotic.
They hate life because life has no time

for them.

It's too busy loving attractive people.

It's not my fault. This is the way the
universe works.

I'll give you 50 bucks if you eat in the
kitchen.

No. Honey, uh...

What if we let them meet out here in the
lobby?

Why are you doing this for him? I'm not.

I'm doing it for the other people in the
club who are not necessarily depressed

and neurotic.

You've seen them, haven't you?

All right, you meet in the lobby, but
this is the last time you meet in the

ever, and you bring your own food.

Thank you, Joanna.

When Iris and I get married, I promise
we'll go away, and Dick won't ever have

to be kind to anyone again.

I won't be able to be here because it's
Saturday night, so obviously I have a

date. But as your friend, I want you to
know that I really hope everything works

out just the way you want it to between
you and Irene.

Iris.

Whatever.

Well,

you did it.

Did what, George?

This club, it's great. I even met
somebody.

Who?

Dave, over there.

George, the club is for meeting women.

Well, I'm not too crazy about the women
that showed up, so Dave and I are just

going to go fishing together.

Eden.

Hi, Larry. Hi.

Slim Pickens.

Of course, even if the pickings was
good, there's no getting a girl with

around.

I guess even when you get older, the
guys still end up hanging out together.

When did you make these?

This afternoon.

Why? They're cold.

Shouldn't we try to do something to keep
them warm?

Why don't you put your coat over them?

Excuse me.

My woman's here.

Hi. I was afraid you weren't coming.

I was painting.

The important thing is you're here now.

Mind if I cut in?

We just started.

Why don't you try the next dance?

Okay. Sorry.

Okay, single.

We're here to meet new people.

Let's change partners.

Shall we?

Would you mind if we have just one
dance?

Oh, sure.

My mistake.

Would you like to dance?

Artificial leg.

What's the deal here? I mean, this is
supposed to be a mixer. Let's mix.

I'm sorry, would you excuse us for just
a second?

What is the matter with you? Can I help
it if you're the only one here I want to

be with? You're very rude.

All right, I'm a little pushy, okay.

But look around the room and ask
yourself, which two people have the best

at good -looking children?

You're all so arrogant. I'm sorry, I'm
attracted to you.

Well, I'm not attracted to you.

Look, I don't like pushy, I don't like
rude, and I don't like arrogant.

All right.

I deserve that.

But I think you should know I'm really
not like this.

I'm usually a very sensitive person.

I guess I've been acting this way
because, well, I'm insecure.

I guess I was pushy because I was
excited about meeting you, and I was

because I wanted you so much. And what
sounded like arrogance was really just a

man who knows what he's looking for and
thinks he may have found it.

I guess what I really don't like is a
guy who thinks he can make it with me by

spilling his guts.

Maybe you'd like to go fishing with me
and Dave.

Can I talk to you?

What? Talk, you know, talky, talk, talk,
talk.

We're having dinner.

Well, I'm having a crisis.

Which one do we put off?

I'm sorry, I'm Kirk.

We're sorry, too.

Clifford Murphy, this is my wife, Peg.

Hello. Nice meeting you.

Kirk is in charge of the singles club
that's meeting in the lobby.

Oh, yes. When we came in, someone asked
us if we wanted to join.

Yeah, single people are stupid.

Dick? Kitchen?

Kurt, I'm not going off. We're
entertaining our guests.

Oh, don't mind us.

Look, you don't understand. She rejected
me. Who did?

Iris. I came on too strong. I blew it.

Now she's out there dancing with another
man, and I wish I was dead.

Anyone want more salad?

I'm sure Cliff and Peg are impressed
with your compassion.

I loved her.

You loved her looks. I mean, that's the
only thing you care about. You followed

Victoria from Montana because you loved
her looks.

Then it was Leslie. Now it's Violet.
Iris.

Whatever.

Look, I know you don't think I have any
feelings, but I poured my heart out to

that girl and she rejected me for it.
Kurt, maybe she didn't reject your

Maybe she's just as shallow as you are
and she rejected your big nose.

Well, thank you, Dr. Basset Houndface.

Guys, we're having a nice dinner.

I didn't mean to insult him. All I'm
trying to say is if you...

You live by the sword, you die by the
sword. Is that another nose joke?

Kirk, what I'm trying to say is you can
continue with this obsession about looks

or you can get past that and give an
ordinary person a chance. Oh, come on.

can't tell me you didn't pick Joanna
because of her looks. Not at all.

Thank you.

Honey, I don't mean you don't look
great. It's just that that wasn't the

reason I went out with you. And that's
certainly not why I went out with Dick.

Are we even now?

Sorry about all this.

Yeah, me too. Look, Kirk, you're going
to turn around and leave now. And you're

going to go out in the lobby, and when
you do, you're going to have to make two

choices. One is you're going to have to
stop and talk to some nice people, or

you're going to go home and be alone and
miserable the rest of your life. It is

up to you.

But you are going to leave now.

put this whole thing together.

Those people are out there because I
invited them.

I'm their host and I have
responsibilities.

The only thing left is for me to go out
there and do what I have to do.

Excuse me.

Listen, I, uh...

I lied to you before. I really don't
have an artificial leg.

And if you still want to dance with me,
I'd be honored.

I'd love to.

This is a nice song.

Yeah.

You're nice yourself.

Could I ask, what do you do for a
living?

I represent this district in the United
States Congress.