Original subtitles

Did you call Dick? Yeah, he'll be here in a minute. And I'll get the dinner.

Boy, am I hungry.

Me too. You know, I never used to eat much, but ever since I've been here,

been ravenous. Well, it's probably all the work you've been doing.

I guess that's true. I have been busy.

Boy, that looks good. I hope so.

I never realized how much there was to do around a place like this until I had

to do it. It can wear you out.

Oh, boy. Mashed potatoes.

I'll get the rolls and gravy.

Thanks. I'm just exhausted all the time. I know what you mean. It never ends.

Now, have I forgotten anything?

The butter. Right.

I don't mind saying I could use a day off. Who couldn't? But in this business,

it's seven days a week, 24 hours a day.

Oh, there.

That should be everything. Look at this. Hot roast, vegetables, rolls, homemade

gravy.

Joanna. Do you think someday when I meet the right guy and get married that you

could teach me to teach whoever I hire how to cook just like you?

Sure.

There you are. How's the book coming? Oh, not fast enough.

This is the last time I do a book on such short notice. I mean, it's

to write everything you ever wanted to know about camping in a week.

Just can't be done.

Well, I'm sure you'll finish on time.

No, it won't, honey. I just told you it can't be done.

Where are you going?

Back to work. Dick, I hate to think of you wolfing down dinner at your desk.

Well, wolfing is all I'm going to have time for tonight.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. I don't mean to interrupt.

Can we help you with something? Who do I see about a room? Me. I guess I'm going

that way anyway.

I'm not taking you away from your dinner, am I? No, you're taking away

work. My dinner is right here.

I'm sorry.

No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to seem grumpy. I guess I'm very busy. I'm not

completely sure I need a room.

I mean, I need a room, but I'm not sure I need it for the whole night.

Oh, I don't mean that the way it sounds.

See, I had a little spat with my wife, and I figured I'd better get out and let

things cool off.

So that would be a single room?

Uh, yeah.

First time in 19 years.

But it's no big deal. I mean, she's probably calling all over town for me.

She hasn't called here yet. Has she, Holstead? Marjorie Holstead? No, no, she

hasn't. Whether she calls me or I call her, it's no big deal.

Well, there you go, Mr. Halstead. Top of the stairs, third door on the right.

Oh, great. Now, look, I'm going to pay you now in case she calls and I end up

leaving early. How much was it?

Thirty -five. Oh, good. Oh, look there. That's my wife right there.

She's a handsome woman. Yeah.

You should see her in color.

Oh, I'm sorry. Now, look.

Look, I've got twenty. How much was that? Twenty. Oh, good.

That dinner looks great, by the way.

I didn't even get any dinner.

Hi, Dick. Oh,

you want to talk in your study?

I want to work in my study. Listen, before you start, what would you say to

and me building a miniature golf course?

I would say I'm very busy and good night.

Dick, pull your head out of the sand and listen to the world around you. People

love miniature golf.

I have a book that's due in four days. I don't care.

Miniature Golf is a goldmine. I mean, just think how it would sound. The

Stratford Inn, nestled in a grove of maple.

Stratford Inn, nestled in a grove of maple. Just a stone's throw from

College. Featuring colonial decor and 18 holes of championship miniature golf.

No, Kirk.

Before you say no. I just said no. Let me get some brochures. No. I'll bring

them over tomorrow.

No. I'll be by at 8 in the morning. No. I'll see you at 8.

Hi. No breakfast?

No time. You can't write on an empty stomach.

Yes, I can. Honey, I'll have a big lunch. I've got to get started. And I

it. No calls, no interruptions. I don't care if the inn is burning down. Just

throw a wet blanket over me and let me keep working, all right? Morning.

Any word from my wife yet? Morning, Mr. Halstead. No, I'm sorry. Oh.

Dick told me what happened. I'm sorry, too.

You'll have to excuse me. I have a book to write.

You're a writer?

Yeah. Boy, I always wanted to be a writer.

And a pilot. I really wanted to be a pilot.

All right, I really have to get to work.

What's the book about?

Camping. Oh, I always wanted to be a camper.

Well, I guess I'll be leaving. I hope things work out with you and your wife.

Oh, I'm sure they will. We have our little tips like everybody every once in

while. You wouldn't know where I can get some flowers this early in the morning.

Gee, I don't know. I doubt if the florist is open yet.

Hi. Where's Dick?

I thought I'd stop by the house before she left for work.

Who? His wife.

Sure would help if I had some flowers on me when I do.

Take these.

Those would be fine. Oh, that's awfully nice.

You wouldn't have a card to go with these.

What do you need a card for? She'll know they're flowers.

Is Dick still sleeping? No, Kirk. Well, thanks anyway. Gosh, this is a nice

place. Maybe I'll come back sometime.

With your wife.

Right. Goodbye.

And good luck.

Thanks. Oh, and I'll return the vase.

Keep it.

Is he in his study? You can't go in.

I'll tell him he tried to stop me.

You're not going to believe how cheaply we can get into miniature golf. Joanne.

I tried to stop him. No, she didn't.

Kirk, get out. It's okay. I can take her.

Kirk, get out.

Guess how absurdly little it will cost to build a course. No.

Guess or I'm never leaving.

$5 ,000.

Get real, Dick. $15 ,000. But we'll make that back the first day. Get out. Just

take a look at some of these themes we can choose from.

There's galactic golf.

There's daffy golf.

There's gorilla golf.

Kirk, it's a dumb plan. We have snow on the ground six months out of the year.

Polar golf.

And the other two months, we have mud.

I mean, I don't have time to run it. You don't have time to run it. It's a

stupid plan.

Are you saying you're not interested? That's right.

I'm not giving up.

I'll build the course without you. Fine.

And I'm putting it on your property.

You do, and I'll sue you. Fine. You can serve me the papers on the windmill

hole.

How did the meeting go? Your husband is living in the Stone Age.

Well, if you don't need me, I'm off to do some shopping.

Before you go, did you wash those bedspreads?

Uh, why don't I just buy some while I'm out?

Do you realize how long it's been since I've gone shopping? Not until you finish

your work. You don't understand. I'm not someone who goes shopping to get out of

work. And I don't go shopping because I'm bored.

I go shopping because I need to shop.

It's not that I don't want you to go shopping. It's just that I want you to

understand priorities.

Do you want to come with me?

That's not going to work, Stephanie.

No, I mean it. I want you to come.

Really? Yeah.

Well, even if I come, you know, you'd still have to do your work first. I

How quick do you think you can finish?

Twenty minutes. What if I help you? Half that. Let's go.

George, could we talk about this later? We can't talk about it too much later.

I'm not going to have a future if I don't start planning for it. I saw

on TV last night. You know, say what you want about TV, but it can be pretty

darn informative.

I guess.

I just worried about ending up all alone.

Well, you won't be alone, George. You have Joanna and I. I know, but let's

it, Dick. Any Sunday afternoon, you and Joanna could go out for a drive. A truck

comes around the corner and, man, I'm alone.

Well, George, if you're really that worried about it, why don't you go down

the bank and talk to someone down there about it? I mean, that's their business,

you know, planning for the future. That's a good idea, Dick.

What would I do without you?

I guess you're going to find out at the bank.

Oh, are you still out here? I thought you'd be working.

I'm trying, but every time I turn around, somebody interrupts me.

I mean, if I could just get 24 hours with no distractions, I'd be home free.

Hi. Oh, no.

Mr. Halstead, don't tell me you're back.

Funny, that's just what Marjorie said.

What happened?

Honey, it's none of our business.

My whole life just fell apart.

I don't suppose this is anything we can talk about after I finish my book?

Dick!

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be coming over here.

dumping all my problems on you guys. Don't be silly.

It's not silly.

Boy, I didn't realize Marjorie was this angry. Do you know what she called me?

An aimless, indecisive wimp.

Maybe you're just taking it wrong.

Ed, do you know why she called you that?

Because I've never been able to decide what I want to do in my life.

Now, Marjorie is a career -oriented person. She's a high school principal.

Lots of responsibilities.

Very imposing woman.

Well, you've seen her picture.

Boy.

But me, I'm not like that. No.

I just kind of go along, you know, dreaming and selling suits.

Ed, there's nothing wrong with being a suit salesman. There is if what you

really want to be is something else.

Well, what is it you really want to be?

Anything but a divorced suit salesman.

all she needs is a little cooling off period.

Yeah. Well, it's not like I've been a bad husband, you know. I mean, I don't

drink, I don't gamble, I don't smoke, I'm reliable.

Boy, when she walks in that door at night, her dinner is on the table.

I mean, where does she get off being the injured party?

I'm the one who got yelled at. I'm the one who's going to need a little time

cooling off.

Well, maybe so.

Yeah. Maybe it's good this happened. Oh, yes, sirree.

Maybe I'm even glad it happened. I mean, it's about time I realized that

Marjorie and I have just grown apart.

I'm going to my room.

And if she calls, well, you can tell her for me.

But is this really important? I'm very busy.

Okay.

Honey? Joanna, is this a conspiracy? Nobody wants me to finish this book?

Dick, that's not fair.

We have tried to leave you alone.

But now George is back home from the bank where you sent him.

And he just wants to talk to you for five minutes.

And you told him I wouldn't. For five minutes.

I'll leave you two alone.

Thanks, honey.

Joanne told me you didn't really mean it when you said you were busy.

Well, how'd things go at the bank?

Well, pretty good. They took my life savings and put them in a new account

earns a higher interest.

That sounds good. You know, Dick, the man at the bank said that over the

of a lifetime, the average person earns over $400 ,000.

I think I've heard that. And he said that the average person ought to save

10 % of that.

That's $40 ,000.

And how much have you saved? $600.

He said at the rate I'm going, I probably shouldn't think about

lifetime.

George, maybe you should think about saving a little more.

That's what the man at the bank said.

I guess I could cut back on a few things. I know I spend a fortune on

George, anything you spend on the inn, I'd reimburse you for it. Really?

I've been buying things for the inn ever since you came here.

You don't suppose you owe me $40 ,000?

No, no, George. I'll tell you what. Why don't you figure out what you can put

aside every week, and whatever that is, I'll match it. You'd do that?

Well, I was going to give you a raise, George. We'll just call it your raise.

Oh, that sounds like a great idea. Gee, thanks, Dick.

It sure takes a load off my mind.

I'm glad. Now every time you and Joanna go out for a drive on Sundays, I can

breathe easy.

Ted, I know you're up to your ears in work. Who isn't?

But I thought you'd like to know that there are men outside with a bulldozer

a windmill.

I'm going to kill Kirk.

Ted, did you know that there are men out there? I heard.

out and tell them we don't want a miniature golf course.

A miniature golf course?

George. Okay.

Kirk, don't turn away. I know you can hear me.

You get in here this instant or I'll hire that bulldozer to mow down your

Is he coming?

Of course he's coming. That was a great threat.

What is it? What in the world do you think you're doing?

Why are you getting so upset? I told you I was going to do this. Are you crazy?

Look, just calm down, Dick. Give me $14 ,000 and we'll both be rich. Get those

men out of here or I'll call the police.

Look, I can't have these people leave now or I'll lose my $500 deposit.

Get them out of here. You're the most unbending man in the world. No. Kirk,

okay, fine.

But from this moment on, our friendship is over.

Boy, he's really nuts, isn't he? Yeah.

Just as a matter of curiosity, what is a miniature golf course?

Well, a miniature golf course is a golf course that's very small,

and you put these colored golf balls through a windmill and a

dinosaur and a loop -de -loop.

Why?

No one knows.

Hi. Hiya.

I thought you checked out.

I checked back in.

Oh. Uh, in that case, why don't you loiter in the lobby for a few minutes,

I'll run up and throw your room together.

Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Rough day?

Boy.

I, uh, I don't want to seem insensitive, but I have a book to write.

Is that that same book, Dick?

As this morning?

Yeah.

You know, you are a lucky guy.

Yeah, I know that. Well, I gotta get started. You've got this beautiful inn,

real career, a wife who likes you, a reason to live.

Did something else happen today, Ed?

Well, I told my boss that Marjorie had thrown me out. He said if I let it

my work, he'd fire me.

And I tried calling Marjorie at the school, but she wouldn't take my calls.

I even went down to the school cafeteria.

You know, I thought I'd catch her at lunch.

She must have eaten in her office.

Sat through both meal periods.

Oh, by the way, we're not having fish sticks for dinner, are we?

No. Oh, that's one good thing.

I'm sorry about all this, Ed. Well, I'm sure eventually things will work out.

We'll just have to have me mope around here a little while longer.

Well, you know you can stay here as long as you want. Oh, thanks.

No, no, we can't.

What? Well, I don't think this is the best place for him. Look, there's

I hate more than butting into other people's personal problems.

I welcome it.

You say your marriage is in trouble because your wife thinks you're a wimp.

Yeah. Well, you want to know something?

You are a wimp. Oh.

Yeah.

No, no, he's right. Go on, Dick. Lay it on. I need this.

You want your wife back, right? More than being a stuntman.

Well, then tell her that.

She won't talk to me.

Then go see her. Go over to your house and say, Marjorie, we're never going to

solve our problems with you here and me over at the Stratford.

I mean, my marriage means a lot to me, and you're not going to ruin it.

Oh, I could never say that to Marjorie. Why not?

Well, I can't talk and dodge dishes at the same time.

Well, then don't try to talk. Take a dish and throw it back at her. Jake!

I'm trying to tell him to stand up to her.

Wish I could.

You can.

You really think so? Yes.

You'll go with me? No.

Why not?

Because she wants him to be strong. Being strong is not bringing two friends

along with you. We could wait in the car.

I have a book to write. I promise I won't keep you... Look, with you there,

know I won't chicken out.

What do you say, honey?

Please, Dick.

All right, this is stupid, but if it'll help, fine. Let's go and get it over

with. Okay, we can't. She's not home.

When will she be? Oh, I don't know. With Marjorie's schedule, you can never

tell. I mean, it could be any time from 7 to 7 .10. Okay, that's it. We go over

to your house 7 or 7 .10. Now, I have got to get some work done on my book.

Don't take him wrong, Ed. He's a wonderful guy. He'd do anything for

It's just that he has this thing about his work.

Oh, I know what you mean.

I go through the same thing with Marjorie.

This is good. This feels right. This is the thing to do.

Would you quit bouncing up and down in the back seat?

I'm sorry.

Neighborhood looks really good.

This is it.

Oh, that's a pretty house, Ted. Yeah.

You see those two trees in the front yard?

And all... those hedges by the front porch?

Yeah.

They were all there when we moved in.

That's great.

Well, this is it.

Just remember, be strong. Right.

You put 20 years into this marriage and you're not going to give up on it now.

Right. Show her you're a man.

Man. Got it.

Look, I don't know what I would have done without you two guys in the last

couple of days.

If I don't see you again, I just want you to know I think you're terrific

people. Oh, thank you.

Dick, if you ever finish that book of yours, I'm going to buy it.

Well, Ed, that may be just the incentive I've been looking for.

Honey, I know you didn't want to do this, but I'm awfully glad you did.

Well, if the great Ed was going, there was no telling how long he'd be with us.

If it helps him and saves the marriage, I guess it was worth it.

What are you doing back here? Oh, this isn't a good time.

What do you mean it isn't a good time? What would be a good time?

When she's alone.

Boy, she didn't waste any time, did she?

I guess not.

Well, two can play at this game.

I know who that guy is in there.

And I know how to get even.

What are you going to do?

Nothing yet.

But wait till he needs a suit.

Yeah, I wanted to be at the post office when it opened.

You finished your book?

At four this morning. Oh, Dick.

Well, if it's any consolation, I'm proud of you. You had an almost impossible

task, and you did it.

Well, I think I'll appreciate it more when I get some sleep.

Freeze, Dick.

Tell her I'm going to bed.

Dick, listen.

I acted like a fool over this Richard Goff thing.

Our friendship means too much to me.

I'm willing to let bygones be bygones if you give me $250 for your half of the

deposit.

No. Then our friendship is over.

Wake you up around noon?

Fine.