All language subtitles for Newhart s02e04 The Stratford Wives

This is awful.

What? I can't stand to read about
current events anymore. It's just one

depressing thing after another.

What are you reading about?

Leather jumpsuits.

Everyone says they're in this year, and
it just makes me sick.

It's a brutal world, Stephanie, but we
can't let it keep us from our dusting.

Right.

Morning.

Dick, I just did something by accident,
and I feel terrible about it.

What is it?

I opened all of your mail.

You opened all of this by accident? It
was put in my box by mistake, but I

didn't read any of it.

All I looked at was one thing from a
record club.

I'm really sorry about it.

It's okay, I guess.

So, are you going to join the record
club?

I doubt it.

Wise move, considering the size of your
electric bill.

Kirk, there's smoke coming from your
cafe.

I guess it's time to flip those burgers.

People, go back in. It's not a fire.
It's just a little smoke.

Dick, I picked up a copy of the Times
for you.

Did you get my loofah sponges? Yes.

Thanks. Loofah sponges?

It's beauty night. I set aside one night
a week to maintain myself.

What are you using them for?

Well, I use them to scrub away dead, dry
skin. Do you want to try one?

No. No, I have someone come in once a
week to do that.

So, how are things in town?

Great. I ran into Mrs. Wanamaker at the
drugstore, and she invited the two of us

to a community potluck tonight.

Well, maybe sometime we'll do that.

I thought we'd do that tonight.

What's a potluck?

Oh, it's a big mass dinner where people
bring food they wouldn't serve at home.

Down into a dingy church basement and
sit around on folding chairs and eat off

paper plates.

That sounds horrible. It sounds horrible
the way he describes it.

I think it sounds like fun.

You don't want to go, do you?

You know I don't like that kind of
stuff. But Dick, it's a chance to make

friends. And it's so New England.

No, it's not. We had potluck dinners in
New York and I didn't like them there

either. You never want to go anywhere.

Yes, I do. No, you don't. And you know
why?

Because you don't like people.

I do, too, like people.

No, you don't. You'd rather sit around
in a torn T -shirt watching television

and swilling beer.

I never do that.

I certainly hope not.

Look, Dick, if you don't want to go, we
won't go. I'll just call Mrs. Wanamaker

and tell her to count us out.

You don't have to do that. You're just
saying that to pacify me.

That's true.

Well, I'm not going to go anywhere just
to be pacified.

If we're both not going to enjoy it, I
think we should just forget it.

Dora, Joanna, I just talked to Dick and
we can't wait to come tonight.

Isn't this charming? Look at the dishes
and the people in the room.

Isn't it wonderful?

Yeah.

Ready to go? Come on, honey.

You promised to at least pretend to have
a good time.

I will.

Joanna! Come on in. I'm so glad you and
Dick could make it. Well, it was nice of

you to invite us.

Well, I always say no one should miss
out on one of our potlucks.

What's that casserole you've got there,
Joanna? That looks pretty exotic.

Tuna. Oh.

Well, I always say, can't have a good
potluck without four or five tuna

casseroles.

I'll put it with the others. Here, let
me take your coat.

Oh, thank you. Oh, Shirley, come out
here. I want you to meet my wife.

Shirley, this is Dick and Joanna Loudon.
How do you do?

It's nice to meet you. I'll put these on
the table over there.

I feel I know you already. I've heard so
much about you.

Oh, really?

Well, you can't live in a town this size
and own the Stratford Inn and not have

people talk about you. I get that's
true.

What do you do, Dick?

I'm a writer.

A writer?

Isn't that interesting?

Where are you from? New York.

The Big Apple, huh?

Shirley, could you help me for a minute?

Excuse me. Excuse me. It's so nice to
finally meet the people I've heard so

about.

How does it feel to be a celebrity?

Fine.

Well, are you having fun so far?

Boy, I am.

I think it's just wonderful the way the
whole community gets together like this.

There seems to be so much warmth and
fellowship.

Okay, everybody!

So much for warmth and fellowship.

Hey, Dick, you should write a book about
our potluck dinners. You could call it

Vittles of Vermont.

Right. I have never seen so much food in
all my life.

Doesn't it all look wonderful?

Can't wait to go back for a second. I'm
going to have to get some of these

recipes.

Pardon me.

I'm a bit confused.

Oh? What's wrong?

Well, the women are all going into the
kitchen and the men are all staying out

here. Yeah?

Why aren't we all eating dinner
together?

Oh, we never eat together.

Why not?

I don't know. It's just a tradition.

A tradition?

Yes, you see, when this all started back
in the 1800s, the farmers used to come

into town to sell their crops.

Women would cook up some food, bring it
over to the men, then go back to the

house and go on about their business.
And it's stayed pretty much the same all

these years. The men sit out here and
talk about hunting and fishing, and the

women go in the kitchen and talk about
whatever it is women talk about.

We like it.

Do the women like it?

Oh, and they haven't heard any
complaints.

Women feel at home in the kitchen, don't
they?

But that, that, that, that, that,
that's... That's very interesting.

Your tradition, I mean. Well, the
important thing is everybody has a good

I don't think I like this.

What are you talking about?

Well, I'm not going to be packed off to
eat in some hot, steamy kitchen while

you sit out here with the men.

Honey, remember, I didn't want to come
here in the first place.

I mean, as long as we're here, I don't
think we can leave.

I don't want to have a scene in front of
all these people. Well, I don't care

about a scene.

Well, I do, so please, just go in the
kitchen.

Better get over here, Dick.

Jim's going to tell his best fishing
story.

Oh, you don't want to miss that.

Maybe we'll get together later for
coffee.

Isn't this great, Dick?

Oh, yeah.

Stephanie?

Stephanie? Well, here, I'll check you
in.

Like the morning sun or the afternoon
sun?

We're only going to be here one night.

Do you like the moon?

Feel anything.

Then I'll just get you something close
to the stair. Where are you folks from?

Florida. It's lovely there.

Oh, you've been?

No.

The room is $35, and that includes
breakfast, and you can pay when you

out. Okay, thank you. Good night.

Good night.

Why do you look like that?

It's my beauty treatment.

Good luck.

Joanna, will you please calm down?

You still haven't answered my question.

I have no idea why you were born female.

That's not the question I'm talking
about.

Evening. Oh, hi, George.

How was the dinner?

Great, if you enjoy being treated like
an indentured servant.

Well, I'm glad you had a good time.

How could you allow that to happen
tonight?

There was nothing I could do about it. I
think that somewhere in your

subconscious you enjoy seeing the women
sent off to the kitchen.

I can't believe you're this upset about
what happened tonight.

And if the truth were known, you're
probably upset about something much

than being sent to the kitchen with the
women.

Like what?

Like the fact that no one liked your
casserole.

Take a subject that I feel this strongly
about and try to minimize it by

claiming that it's something as
meaningless as whether or not people

casserole.

Besides, they all had weeks to prepare
something and I only had a few hours.

I didn't realize it bothered you so
little.

That's right, Dick.

Sarcasm is so attractive.

Joanna, can we talk about this tomorrow?
It's late and I'm tired. I'm not.

I know you're not.

Look, I'm not trying to be unreasonable,
but it's demeaning to be sent off to

the kitchen like that.

It's like saying we're not important
enough to sit at the men's table and

their conversation.

Well, I'm just as capable of talking
about hockey ball as any of you guys.

Hockey ball?

Sports, you know what I mean.

Oh, Dick, what frustrates me more than
anything is that I felt like I was the

only person there who was bothered by
it.

Well, honey, I was bothered as much as
you were. And if you hadn't been in the

kitchen, you would have heard me bring
it up.

What did you say?

I said...

So the women sit in the kitchen, huh?

Thank you, Dudley Do -Right.

Honey, I'm on your side in this, but
when something has been going on this

it's hard to change it. And therefore I
should just turn my back on it?

Well, it's not a festering social
problem, it's just a potluck.

Dick, if I thought everybody was happy
with this, I'd drop it.

But I'm not convinced these people
realize they have a choice.

Maybe all they need is... for someone to
challenge the tradition.

Is this going to involve a lot of
painting of signs and banners and women

marching around town?

Don't worry, Dick. I am not going to do
anything to embarrass you in front of

your precious male colleagues.

Promise?

You were pulling into the driveway. I
guess you didn't hear me.

I guess not.

Listen, as a gesture of friendship, and
because I still feel so terrible about

what happened yesterday, I thought I'd
bring you your mail unopened.

Thanks, Kirk.

Forget it.

Oh, by the way, you got a postcard from
your brother. He wants you to call him.

Oh, hi, Dick. Glad we caught you in.

Oh, hi, guys.

We were wondering if we could talk to
you for a few minutes.

Sure, what's on your mind?

Well, it's kind of personal, Dick.

Oh, I get it.

That means Kirk leaves.

Well, fine. I had more important things
to do than hang around listening to

gossip.

Goodbye, Kirk.

Details later, Dick.

Well, why don't we go in my study?

Yes, well, thank you for your time.
Goodbye.

Oh, I'm...

I was just on the way out.

Don't mind me.

Hi, Joanna. Good to see you. Loved your
casserole.

Thank you.

If you'll excuse me, I have some more
calls to make.

Why don't you have a seat?

Oh, what's on your mind?

It's your wife, Dick.

What about her?

We think she's crazy.

Exactly. How do you mean that?

Well, she's been calling the women in
town. Seems she's not happy with the way

we run our potlucks.

Did you know that?

She may have mentioned something like
that.

Dick, we've been having this potluck for
I don't know how many years. Nobody's

ever complained before now.

We love Joanna, but I can tell you we're
not comfortable with change.

This has all the earmarks of something
radical.

We just happen to think when a problem
comes up that we should confront it.

Well, if you're that concerned, you can
talk to Joanna.

Oh, no.

up to you. Yeah. I don't control Joanna.
She pretty much has a mind of her own.

Oh, that's too bad.

But, I mean, if you're that concerned,
I'll tell her you're upset, but that's

about as far as I can go.

Well, that's better than nothing.

Well, we'd appreciate it, Dick.

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot my phone there.
Oh, that's all right. We were just on

our way out. Yeah, good to see you
again. Bye.

Did I chase them off?

No, no. They were leaving.

They wanted you to talk to me about the
phone calls, right?

Right. Did you tell them we have the
kind of relationship where we don't tell

each other what to do?

Are you telling me that's what I should
have told them?

Well, why didn't they just talk to me?

Because they're scared of you.

I just got off the phone and I can't
believe it.

Everyone in this town is scared.

The men are scared of change. The women
are scared of the men.

And now everybody's scared of me.

Oh, it's so silly. I'm not an ogre.

I'm just an average, ordinary woman
trying to drive a whole town into the

century.

Well, honey, if the phone calls aren't
working, why don't you just, you know,

give up?

I think maybe you're right.

You do?

I probably should give up, but I'm not
going to.

What are you going to do? I don't know,
but just wait till the next potluck.

You're going to see a hundred years of
tradition brought to its knees.

What's the matter?

Nothing, I just... Just thinking.

About what?

About when you and I were first going
out and everyone asked me what I liked

best about you and I always said you
were fun.

chicken salad this time. Oh, boy,
something different.

Food's ready.

Anytime. Well, I better put this with
everything else.

We weren't sure we'd be seeing you two
again.

Sorry we got a little carried away the
other day.

Joanna just had us worried. Your wife is
quite a rabble rouser.

Dora has a little rebellious streak
herself.

Only last month, out of a clear blue
sky, she came home with pierced ears.

And I thought I had problems.

Well, we'd better get in line if we want
any food.

You all right? I'm fine.

We really went for your chicken salad.

It should make you feel good.

Uh -huh.

Everyone seems to be having an unusually
good time tonight.

Yes, they are.

Remember how long that's going to last.

Hurry up, Dick. You don't want your food
to get cold.

Well, I'll be sitting down now.

All right.

Saved your seat, Dick.

Thanks. Did you get some of that three
-bean salad, Dick?

I wasn't that hungry. I took two out of
three.

He's funny.

fish lately?

No.

Me either.

Oh, for crying out loud, this is
ridiculous.

Look, uh, I know what I've done and I
know why everybody's upset, but would it

really be so horrible if we all ate out
here together?

I mean, these potlucks are supposed to
be a chance for people to talk and get

know each other. So why should the men
and women be separate? Separated.

Now, let's be honest.

Wouldn't you rather be eating out here
if you had a choice?

Well, how about you, Shirley?

I don't know. I've never thought about
it. Well, think about it.

Look, we could all be out here together
talking about... Well, I don't know what

we'd talk about, but wouldn't that be
better than keeping up some meaningless

tradition?

Yes. I guess I would like that better.

You would?

Yes. You know, it sounds like a good
idea to me, too.

It does.

It gets awful hot back there.

When you think about it, there's no real
reason we shouldn't eat in here.

Good. Don't be afraid to change.

Give myself a mud bath and a manicure.
Get a good 12 -hour sleep.

Leave it at that.

Good night, George.

Good night, Stephanie.

Oh, hi, George.

Hi. Well, how did it go?

Pretty good.

You know, I was really, really proud of
Joanna. She didn't think the women

should be cooped up in the kitchen. She
said something about it, and I really

think the potlucks are going to be
better from now on.

Thanks, honey.

Well, what are you going to do now?

I think I'll go in there and study and
read.

If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen.