Original subtitles

Niecy, why do you keep watching Waiting to Exhale? Girl, that movie is old.

Because my lungs are still full.

There are going to be wall -to -wall men at the Omega party tonight.

Come on, get dressed and come with me.

What, Mo?

So you can get all the cuties and I can get stuck with the losers?

Please. I'd rather stay right here with Angela than watch her blow up homeboy's

car.

Close your eyes, girls.

All of this beauty could blind you.

You must have been blind when you put that together.

Jealousy. I'm used to it.

But tell me, do I look too good for my date?

I'm sorry, Niecy. I'm sorry.

Webster's defines a date as when a guy takes you out in public, tells you how

beautiful you are, and spends lots of money on you.

Well, I define that as being a hoochie.

And for your information, Alicia, I do go on dates.

Don't I, Mo?

Yeah, yeah.

All the time.

Please, the last time Niecy had a date, Michael Jordan was still playing

basketball.

For North Carolina.

I swear that girl is the devil's daughter.

Anyway, Niecy, come on, let's go party.

Oh, well, Alicia's right.

I feel

bad for

Nisi, Hakeem. I mean, don't you have any friends you can hook her up with? No.

that every time you hook your friends up is nothing but drama.

Will you do it for me?

Please? That doesn't work anymore, Mom.

Hockey!

Okay, all right.

Hey, all right, my homeboy Mark in poli -sci class might like me.

Okay, well, tell me about this Mark.

Okay, for starters, he's blind, so he won't care how she looks.

How's everything with you, man?

Oh, Troy, this is Moesha.

Hi. Nice to meet you. Pleasure.

Oh, we don't see you around much, Troy.

You must not hang out.

No, no, I don't hang out. I'm all about the books. That's good, that's good.

Do you have a girlfriend?

No. A boyfriend? Mo!

I'm not seeing anyone right now. I'm just, you know, I have a hard time

to women.

Oh, all right. Well, you know, I had a perfect girlfriend.

Her name is Niecy.

She's right over there.

Oh, wow.

She's so cute. I mean, you think she'll want to talk to somebody like me? You're

breathing, aren't you?

Macy, I am the perfect man for you, girl.

Oh, no.

Oh, I mean, no time like the present.

Troy, me, Macy. Macy, me, Troy.

I love you.

Okay, well, let's talk about this.

All right, boys, I'm off to the regional sales meeting.

All right, Uncle Frank, I'm going to hold it down for you. All right, Dorian.

Now, listen, this is the first time I'm leaving you two alone.

Now, I'm trusting you to behave, follow all of my instructions, and you watch

over your little brother.

Uncle Frank is all good.

Yeah, Dad, relax.

Okay.

Oh, and if you need anything, just call Moesha.

And I'll have my page drawn at all times.

No, no, wait a minute. Maybe we should go over the rules one more time. No, we

know the rules. All 75 of them.

All right.

All right.

Oh, oh, oh, and no company. And I want you both in by 9, and don't forget to

turn on the alarm.

And when... Uncle Frank, look, you're going to Anaheim, not Hong Kong.

Trust me.

You're right, son.

All right.

Well, take care. All right.

I'll be back by Sunday. All right.

No company.

And no dancing.

Tell me about your new mate.

Honey, he is the love to my Joan.

The almond to my joy.

And the nutter to my butter.

What's up, Niecy?

I ain't gonna find black man heaven.

I guess I haven't lost my touch.

No. Girl, thank you so much. I mean, this is the best thing you have ever

for me.

He is so perfect, you guys. He even has nice feet.

Girl, you've only known him for two days. How'd you see his feet?

Foot massage.

Girls, my T .J. is so perfect, too. He is so thoughtful and sweet.

He even bought me flowers.

He drives a Lexus. And I have never seen his feet, nor do I care to.

What's his name? Tony.

Or is it John?

Oh, I don't know. I just call him LS400.

Well, all right, ladies. I can be the first one to say that men can disappoint

you.

Kiss your best friend. Take your ring back.

Mo, Mo, come on back.

Oh, I'm sorry.

All three of you are happy, so I guess that calls for a toast. Oh, yeah.

Right. To all men, especially the ones who are sensitive, ambitious, and

romantic. And to the smart guys who like to listen. Because I like to talk, you

know, especially about my dog. Really, he's a puppy. And to the brothers

who are like wine, who get finer with time.

To men with old money, new cars, and nice butts.

Check the scene.

Hey, man, you've been watching horror movies all day.

It's my turn to watch something.

What's wrong? You scared?

What does Daddy's little boy want to watch? The Powerpuff Girls?

No, I'm not scared.

What's wrong with cartoons?

Buttercup is fine.

You need to get out the house more.

Here, little man, watch whatever you want. I'm out.

Hey, Dad said we're supposed to stay in the house when it's night.

And it's night. True, true, but this is business.

See, nice as Cousin Peaches is cutting Jay -Z's hair for his concert tonight.

I slide in my demo tape, and it's on. Bam!

Dad found out you were out at night, so I'll really be on.

Bam! Bam!

What's your problem, man? Are you scared to stay home by yourself?

No, man, I'm not scared.

Well, look, you can page me if the boogeyman comes to get you, all right?

I'll be back in a few hours.

Me, Jay.

You're right.

The whole crew and myself.

Checking another satisfied customer.

What are you talking about?

Troy and Niecy. He was all shy.

She was all lonely. Now they're all in love.

It's only been two days, Mo.

Okay? We'll see if they make it through the weekend before you start patting

yourself on the back.

Ha! Too late.

I'm going over there to congratulate him right now.

Hey, what are you doing here?

I thought you said you had to get the Lexus details for our date tomorrow.

Oh, the car will be ready.

Just make sure you are.

Oh, I was born ready.

Alicia, who was that guy you were kissing?

Oh, that was my Lexus.

Take a mental picture, hon.

You'll never get a man that gorgeous. Shut up.

And the drama begins.

Your boy Troy is dating Alicia and Niecy. Well, Mo, what can I say? The

player, player.

It's not funny. Niecy is going to be heartbroken when she finds out. Well, he

won't get away with it.

Like my mama always says, the sun will always rise on what you do in the dark.

Well, here comes the sun.

Get up off of me.

Girl, did I thank you today for hooking me up with Troy?

Please don't.

Well, if it isn't the couch potato, the cheese, and the sour cream.

Lacey, Alicia, I need to talk to you.

Mo, don't. Okay, let it go. For once in your life, let something go.

Hakeem, I can't.

All right, they are my friends.

Well, Nisi is.

I'm out.

I don't want to be here when the hair starts flying.

What's up, Mo?

Well, I really don't have an easy way to say this, but you guys are both dating

the same guy.

What?

Well, that's absurd.

I mean, my man has class.

No, Mo.

Troy would never cheat on me.

Niecy, I just saw Troy kiss Alicia.

No, Mo, you're wrong.

Because yesterday he told me that I was his African queen, and then he gave me

this bracelet.

You mean this bracelet?

But he told me I was his sweet lady.

Well, what are you going to do?

Nothing. Nothing. I mean, Lexus and I have been dating a whole month.

And this must be some sort of a charity case. Or a dare. Or maybe he was drunk.

Or maybe he fell in love with me, Alicia, and he's about to dump you.

Why would he want spam when he could have filet mignon?

Colin, can't meet your little Vienna sausage.

Oh, I'm Vienna sausage. Yeah, you a Vienna sausage.

Ladies, ladies.

Why are you fighting each other? Troy is the enemy here.

Play both of you.

No, you're right, Moesha.

Besides, I met a guy with a Range Rover today anyway.

Niecy, are you all right?

No, Mo.

My heart hurts.

I'm gonna go home and watch Set It Off.

Niecy, I'm really sorry, all right?

And I promise I will make this up to you.

It's time somebody taught little Troy a lesson, huh? Mm -hmm. I say we poison

the rat.

No, no, no, no. We should key his car. Uh -uh, girl. That's a nice car.

I think I got a better idea.

Yo, Mal.

Yo, Mal, open the door.

What do you think you're doing?

Trying to get in my house.

Through the window?

Oh, no, I can't get in the door.

Well, I thought you said you live here.

I do. Wait, yo, yo, yo, yo.

Hey, yo, ma, open the door, man. If you live here, where's your key?

I must have left it in the house.

Let me see some ID.

Now, if this is your ID, I'm out of my jurisdiction.

This says Oakland.

No, P, I'm waiting for my new one to come in the mail.

Yeah, right.

And I'm Lil' Kim.

Well, your name might be Kim, but you sure not little.

You're under arrest.

Wait, wait. I'm not going anywhere. I didn't do nothing wrong.

Boy, don't make me dropkick you.

Hey, Troy.

Hey, what's happening with you? Thanks for coming over to see me at such a

notice. No problem.

Wow, it's a nice place you got here. Thanks.

You, uh, want to talk to me about something?

Yeah, just that I'm nervous. I've never done this before.

Done what?

Don't be.

It's just that you're so cute and sexy.

And to be honest,

I haven't been able to get you out of my mind since the day that we met.

Really?

Yes.

I don't know why I hooked you up with Niecy.

I should have just kept you for myself.

Oh, really?

I don't know.

What am I doing?

I've never been this forward before.

Oh, I'm so embarrassed.

No.

Don't be embarrassed.

Go ahead.

Be yourself.

I mean, I'm going to track it to you, too.

But what about Niecy?

I won't kiss and tell. I thought you said you were shy.

I am, but there's something about you that takes all my fears away.

Slow down.

This is my fantasy.

Well, let the fantasy begin.

Your wish is my command.

Then strip.

What? Take it off.

Show me what you're working with.

No, locked up in the cell with nowhere to go. My little brother locked me

outside the front door.

What's up, man?

Not much.

Why you talking to yourself? Are you crazy or something?

Oh, nah, I'm working on lyrics.

See, I'm in the music game.

Yo, fellas, we got Juvenile in the house, yeah.

Hey, why you tripping, man? I'm just trying to do my thing, homie.

Well, you gonna have to do it barefoot. Come out of those shoes.

What? You heard me. I want your shoes.

For what?

I have a fetish.

You need to go on hell with all that. No, you need to give me your shoes.

I said I can't do that. Look, little man, you gonna give me your shoes. Step

off.

He's out. He's cool.

My bad, Lamont.

I know he's with you.

Yo, yo, thanks, Lamar.

No problem.

D -Money.

D -Money.

Yeah.

Got a lot of heart, D -Money.

What you in here for?

See, man, I didn't even do anything.

Breaking and entering.

Where at?

I can't even reveal all that information right now.

Small kid.

I like you, yo. You're high.

Hey, look, I appreciate you looking out, man.

Oh, I'll see you around.

Just remember, you owe me one, all right?

All right. Got you.

Hey, Oakland.

What? Your daddy's here.

You having fun yet?

Mm -hmm.

So that means you're ready for the grand finale.

I'm ready. Bring it on. Let's do it real big. Let's get this party started.

I'm about to set it off up in this piece.

Surprise, sucker.

What's all this?

You're busted.

Alicia, Moesha, Niecy.

How you doing, Monica?

Having Alicia around in my Lexus.

I put a little gas in it.

Look, if I'm guilty of anything, it's loving and appreciating my throat just a

little too much. Uh -uh.

Oh, just save it.

And take that.

And that is...

Why don't y 'all uncuff me? Can we talk about this?

No, don't even try it, Troy.

You know, Troy, since you love women so much, you gonna really, really, really

enjoy this here.

Uh -huh.

Yeah, y 'all like this right here.

Bam!

Boisha, can you stop all this?

Y 'all going too far, man.

Shh, shh, shh.

All right, now I'm gonna need this back.

How does it feel to get played?

My Nubian queens.

How can y 'all just do this to a brother?

What are you guys doing to my boyfriend?

Troy, was dating you too?

Man, talk too much.

Oh, no, he didn't.

whole weekend was a big old misunderstanding.

No, no, no, Dorian. I think I understand fully. I trusted you, and once again,

you let me down.

It was my only chance to hook up with Jay -Z. I had to do it.

Besides, it's Miles' fault. He locked me out. No, no, no, Dorian. Don't try to

blame this on Miles. This is your fault.

You did not follow my rules.

Look at you. You're almost grown, Dorian. You should be able to get

home on time, and you should certainly be able to open a door without getting

arrested.