Original subtitles

Peace out. As we journey through life, we learn a multitude of lessons. And we

imagine our ability to cope will be just as abundant.

However, life's lessons are sometimes hard and redundant. We refuse to absorb

the simplest ones until it's too late. Things like, you never miss the water

until your well runs dry.

He who hesitates is locked.

And more appropriately, you blow, you blow.

Felicia. Felicia.

locker full of liquor have my name on it?

Niecy, it's not what you think.

I think you want me to take the fall if somebody finds it.

Okay, so it is what you think.

Hey, girl. How you doing?

How came?

Did you come to see me off?

Come on, Piper.

You're always a little off.

Um, guys, uh, did you know that Piper... It's going to be in a movie. Oh,

congratulations, girl.

Well, what's it about?

I don't know, but Brad Pitt solves my murder.

Oh, well, good luck, Piper.

Now, Hakeem, I don't want you to be jealous.

While Brad is dusting my lifeless but toned body for Prince, I'll be thinking

only of you.

Look, Piper, I hate to pour salt in your knife wounds, but I think you need to

know the truth.

Oh, so you two are a couple.

Yep, yep.

Mo's my girl.

Well, go ahead, Hakeem. I'll be gone for two weeks.

Sow your wild oats if you want.

You'll only want me more when I come back.

Well, I think in order to come back, you have to leave.

Goodbye, Hakeem.

By the time you're finished with your milk dud, your Godiva will be ready.

Piper, break a leg.

Or something.

Well, I guess congratulations are in order. No, I was just saving how it came

from the queen of sweat. Oh, so you're not a couple?

Nope. Oh, then why are you still holding hands?

For the first time in your life, you got your own room.

Mm -hmm. Yep.

I'm just gonna kick back, relax, and enjoy the peace and quiet.

You know, you're gonna be awfully lonely in here all by yourself.

Yeah.

But I'll get over it.

Easy.

Okay, okay, you can move in.

Are you serious? Because I'm ready to move in right now. Yes, girl, it'll be

much fun. We can do our nails together.

Or the pizza. Stay up and talk all night long. Ooh, throw in a bowl of trail mix

and somebody may have to call the campus police.

Thanks, auntie.

You're both welcome.

Dorian, I didn't realize you had so many bags.

Oh, well, you know I got that Mitchell ability to sniff out a bargain.

Fashion conscious and frugal.

Well, you're half, Mitchell.

Next time, you and I ought to go shopping.

I hate to shop. All right.

So, uh, how are you going to explain all that extra stuff you bought? You know

my dad put us on a budget.

Relax, man.

You're starting to sound like your dad.

No, he would sound more like this.

Now, son, is there a reason you ignored your spending limit?

Uncle Frank, if it's about the money, my mother would send it to you. No, son,

it is not about the money. Well, look, if it's not about the money, then raise

up off me. What?

to come at your father like that.

I'm going to hit him smooth.

Check it out.

I'm going to give him his credit card back inside the thank you card.

Okay, now I'm starting to see the smoothness. See, that's right. You got

learn how to work your parents like you work your women, little man.

Well, the way I work my women.

What's wrong?

Can't find that credit card.

Oh, well, where's the last place you remember having it?

I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that's where it is.

Sorry, just trying to help Mr. Smooth.

Aren't you going to help me find it? Let me think for a second.

Nope.

Well, at least help me take some of my bags upstairs.

All right, that's the least I can do, because you're about to be in trouble.

Dorian? Watch it, Uncle Frank.

You just can't be walking up on people like that.

You know what would have happened if I didn't recognize you?

You would have screamed even louder.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for your credit card.

I think I lost it.

Well, where's the last place you remember having it? I don't know, but

good question.

I looked everywhere, and I can't find it.

No, no, no. Just calm down. Calm down.

It's just that I wanted to give it back to you inside this thank you card to

show my appreciation.

Dorian.

Oh, that's very thoughtful of you, son.

Well, look, don't worry about it. I've lost credit cards myself.

All I have to do is call the company. They'll send me a new one.

Well, what if somebody finds your car and tries to buy a Harley or something?

With my credit letter, they'd be lucky if they get a Huffy.

Besides, anything that you and Miles didn't buy, not my responsibility.

Really?

Right. All right, I think I got it now. Hit me. Oh, Mo, you just got 18. I think

you should stay.

This is my hand. I said hit me.

If you don't let me finish this book, I'm going to hit both of y 'all.

Sorry, Niecy. It's just the casino night this weekend. I'm trying to get ready

for it. Oh, and here I am trying to get ready for midterms.

Where are my priorities?

Well, she is right, Moe. I mean, it is getting kind of late. Maybe I should go.

No, you still have to teach me poker.

Whoever gets the most trips wins the VCR. Oh, yeah.

Then all I got to do is win the TV. It's on.

Let's go. You can race.

You want to watch some TV? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The midnight movie's still on.

Let's do it.

You know what? I love living in the dorm. We can stay up all night and

can clean. You know what I'm saying?

God damn.

Mama, is that you?

You know what? It's really time for you to go now.

Call me when you get home.

He can call, but the phone's going to be unplugged.

Okay. Are you asleep?

No, Mo.

I'm just looking for something inside this pillow.

Do you have any dental floss?

It's in the bathroom.

Is it waxed? Because the unwaxed irritates my gums.

Well, your gums and I are about to have a lot in common.

You're not a night person, are you?

Well, actually, I am. The problem is, it's morning.

Hi.

All done.

Finally.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Eighteen. Nineteen. Twenty.

Hello? I can't. Where are you?

Good movie.

And where'd you get Cornbread Earl and me on video?

Bernie, he's had it so long, he owes Blockbuster more than the movie cost to

make.

So, uh, that movie was made in the 70s. Why is everybody dressed like Uncle

Bernie?

They're like Uncle Frank.

Very funny.

All right, fellas.

Before I send this fax back, now, you sure you circled all of the things that

you charged at the mall?

Yep. All right.

What happened, Frank?

I lost Uncle Frank's credit card yesterday.

Oh, I remember when I lost my card. I went through the same thing. I was

to say I didn't buy anything on the list.

Oh, dear.

I said tempted, Miss Holily now.

Yeah, but then your conscience kicked in, huh?

No, fear.

Jailhouse orange is not my color.

Well, what do you mean?

Oh, lying on those forms is a federal offense.

That's right.

Dessert, anyone?

Oh, yes.

Come on, Pat.

Oh, thank you.

Mo? Hey!

Why are these people in my room? Because, girl, this is where all the

Oh. Well, let me rephrase the question.

Why is Casino Night in my room?

Because the dorm lounge is too crowded.

So you just dragged my bed out into the hallway?

No, no, no. Hakeem did, girl. I didn't want to break a nail.

Please.

Excuse me.

This is our opportunity to make friends with people in the dorm.

Mo, I've lived here for three months.

I'm already friends with everybody in the dorm. Watch this.

Woody, Portia, Ike, Sasha, get out!

Bye!

Bye -bye.

Go on, now.

Bye.

Hakeem?

What?

And I was this close to winning the VCR!

Let me see.

I have tried to work with you, but now you're being plain rude.

Mo, you have got a lot of nerve. Because you have been rude, selfish, and

inconsiderate since you got here.

Inconsiderate? Niecy, did I say anything to you when you ate two bags of my

Funyuns and a whole box of my Pop -Tarts?

Plus, you're very evil when Hakeem comes over to visit us.

Visit? Mo, you have to leave to visit.

Honey, are you sure that Dorian went through this fax thoroughly?

Well, I assume so. He signed it. Why?

Well, I remember a bag from Anice.

Dorian can't even pronounce that.

Well, it's on the fax. All right, Dee.

Where are you going with this?

Frank, I hate what I'm thinking, but what he circled would have fit in one

He had five.

Dee, the boys sat here and listened to Andell say it was a federal offense not

to report his purchases.

I know.

Well, even Dorian wouldn't do something like that.

He even gave me a thank you card.

I'll go check his room.

What's up, my D?

Hey, Joe.

I was looking over this fax again. Would you please make sure that you circled

everything that you bought?

I already did that.

Well, honey, just in case you overlooked something.

Wait a minute.

That's what I thought. They charged me $50 for the Eugene.

It was supposed to be on sale.

Dorian, would you explain how these clothes, which you never bought, ended

your closet?

I can't believe you went in my closet.

Whatever happened to the trust in this family?

I do hope you're joking. I wish I was.

As soon as I turn my back, you go through my stuff. And you tried to trip

when you knew I was lying.

No. Now we know you're lying.

Well, I'm sorry, okay?

Dorian, your apologies are a dime a dozen. And this time, I'm sorry is not

enough.

And not enough for you because you don't like me anyway.

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna like putting you on a plane back to Oakland, son, but

that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

I'm through with you, Dorian.

I want you out of my house.

All right.

Cool.

I'm out.

Hey, Mom.

Hey.

Got you something?

What's this?

Yummions and Pop Hots?

I mean, it's just as good as the brand name.

Even better.

Pop Tarts don't come in bananas.

Eastie, we need to talk.

I was thinking the exact same thing.

And you know, no matter what happens, we'll always be best friends, right?

Mm -hmm. I know that.

I mean, because even if you were to move to Timbuktu, we'd always be friends. Mm

-hmm.

Especially if you move to Timbuktu.

Anyway, isn't it funny how you can want something so badly, and then when you

get it, it's nothing like you expected?

You slept with Hakeem?

No, I'm talking about us.

Now, I know how bad you wanted us to be roommates.

Piper, you're back!

What happened to your movie?

Shouldn't you be dead?

had artistic differences with the caterer.

I told the producer one of us had to go.

How was I supposed to know they were married?

Why is your stuff in my space?

Oh, I'm sorry, Piper. You know, Mo was just leaving.

I am?

Mm -hmm, girl. Thank you for being so understanding.

You know, you can pick up your stuff in the morning, okay, girl? Call me.

Time for dinner, guys.

Dorian, you ought to get something to eat before you leave.

I'll grab something to eat at the airport.

Okay, suit yourself.

You're really leaving, huh, Dorian?

Hey, they kicked me out.

Come on, Dorian. You know all you have to do is talk to Daddy and Dee, and you

know they'll let you stay.

You mean beg, don't you?

Look, Dee, money doesn't beg anybody for anything.

You want me to talk to them?

Man, I don't need no woman talking for me.

And I thought I was a knucklehead when I was your age.

Good luck, Dave.

All right.

All right.

You coming?

Oh, yeah.

I'll be there in a minute.

Bye, Dorian.

So, Dorian. Man, I'm going to miss you around here, boy.

Please. The only one around here that cares about me is Miles.

Now that I'm leaving...

I want you to look out for him for me.

No one else in this house could teach him how to be a man.

Well, he got his father. Look, Uncle Frank isn't all he played up to be, all

right? Aunt Dee runs this house.

No, let me see.

See, Mr. Mitch is the real deal.

I mean, why do you think I spend so much time around here?

Food.

Okay, man, besides that.

Man, look, man.

I've been hanging out here since I was a little kid, man.

Just to be around Mr. Mitch.

It's like the father I never had.

Oh, is this the part where I'm supposed to start crying?

No, no, no. See, this is the part where you're supposed to stop fronting.

See, you can pretend all you want, that it don't hurt not to have your father

around, man.

But I know it hurts.

If Mr. Mitch hadn't have been here for me, man, when I was growing up,

man, I probably would have been just as wild as you.

Shoot, with my mama working three jobs as a supporter, man, I probably would

have been worse than you.

But he was here for me.

He could be here for you, too.

If you let him.

Look, I'm not staying where I'm not wanting.

And they don't want me here.

Yo, Dory.

I can see it, man.

Stop frontin'.

Dorian?

Grab a plate. Food's getting cold.

Are you okay, son?

Look, I got something I want to say.

To everybody.

I know I've been nothing but trouble since I got here.

And I know I probably don't deserve it.

But can I please have another chance?

I don't know what Hakeem said to Dorian, but it must have been what he needed to

hear. We finally saw a crack in his bad boy facade.

For the first time, he really opened up to us.

Hopefully, now we'll all get a chance to know the real Dorian.