All language subtitles for Moesha s02e11 The Regulations Of Love

Kim has spent the last ten years of her
life chasing Hakeem.

And Hakeem has spent the last ten years
running.

Well, all this chasing and running is
driving me crazy.

And I'm not going out like that.

Because I don't have anything that goes
with a straightjacket.

Mo, Mo, Mo, Mo, you got to help me. I
mean, Kim's been stalking me all day.

If it wasn't for that barbed wire, brick
wall, and pit bull, I probably never

would have lost her. Well, Hakeem, what
do you want me to do?

Tell Chucky to back off. Moesha ain't
telling nobody nothing.

Hakeem has to handle his own business.
No, no, no. That's your buddy. Hakeem!

Oh, Hakeem!

You haven't seen me.

Oh, Moe, have you seen my Hakeem?

Maybe I do need to see a shrink.

So, who you bringing to the dinner
party?

I'm thinking about asking Ernest. Ugh,
you mean Mumbles?

Don't call him that.

Please, girl, he makes Scooby -Doo sound
like James Earl Jones.

Girl, I don't think I'm coming.

What are you talking about, girl? We've
been planning this dinner party for

weeks. I'm talking great fun. Food,
boyfriends. No parental guidance. We

grown -up business. No.

Yeah, but, um, Nick's been tripping
lately.

Believe me, long distance relationship
bite.

I thought Nick only lived 30 minutes
away.

Yeah, by car.

But on a puppy, it's more like three
hours.

It's working, it's working.

Not that outfit.

On your lip wax.

Anyway, Hakeem is blowing up my phone.

For real? For what?

Because he likes me. And I owe it all to
the regulations of love.

Not another relationship book.

But this is the real deal.

I saw this on Ricky Lake.

Just because she's dropped a few pounds
doesn't mean she's dropping science.

Now, hold on, y 'all, okay? This isn't
just another relationship book.

This one got pictures, diagrams.

It even got coupons.

Let me say this book.

Regulation one, never ask a man out.

Two, never say yes to a date without
waiting five seconds.

Three. Never sneeze or burp in front of
him.

And Freud never leave Kim alone in a
bookstore.

Clown me if you want, but the
regulations helped an 80 -year -old

soulmate. He wasn't her soulmate, Kim.
He was an inmate.

What's up, Kim? Hey. What's up,
shorties?

Hey, Kim.

You're looking good today.

Man, forget towel boy, man.

We're doing a set right here next week.

Look here, pass these out to your girls,
all right? Okay.

Q, why don't you let me sing at your
set?

Yo, son, you ain't read the flyers? I
got yo -yo. Nobody want to hear no

rookies.

But I got to follow them.

Well, lead them somewhere else.

Just listen to my tape.

I could probably blow this spot up.

If you give me a tape, will you jet?

Like a 747.

Hey, shorty, I got to roll. I got to be
more practical. Okay, but remember to

wear something nice to the dinner party,
okay?

So, uh, how does a hungry brother get
invited to this soiree?

A brother has to be invited.

Is that an invitation?

Oh, Michael!

You know I'm Keeney's girl.

Lucky man.

Hey, man, let's bounce.

Talk to you later, shorty. Okay.

I think Michael likes you, girl. Please,
Michael's just trying to get a free

meal.

That's the reason why I'm sticking with
my Hakeem.

What makes you think he's gonna ask you?
Hello, I've got an insurance policy.

Oh, the regulations are live? I've been
looking for this.

Can I borrow it?

Oh, okay, but don't blame me when your
phone starts ringing off the hook.

Blame you? Shh, I'll pay you.

Hey, Kim, here comes Hakeem.

Let's see you regulate now.

He may ask you out. Just wait five
seconds before you say yes.

Hey, what's up, girl?

Hey. Hi,

Kim. Hi.

I mean, so what's the deal? I mean, why
haven't you been returning my phone

call? I've been busy.

All right, well, look, look, check it. I
really want to go to this dinner party,

okay? So I want to know, can I be
your... Can I be your...

your date?

One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three.
Kim.

All right, all right, good, good. I'll
see you there, okay?

See you.

Oh, this is going to be a very classy
event.

Uh, where does this go?

In a recycle bin.

Uh -uh, but the Monster Gopher is
Hakeem's favorite.

Ladies, it is time you learned how to
separate your men.

from their tacky possessions.

Kim?

Come on, Dee.

Okay, honey.

Okay, just turn it this way, and
everybody can enjoy it. Okay, great.

Oh, all right, though. Bon appetit. Bon
appetit.

The faster we get to this drum festival,
the faster we can get back.

Um, why don't I just skip the fun and
chaperone Moe's wild party?

Oh, son, I wouldn't want to deprive you
of an evening of culture.

I'll stay.

You guys have two options.

You either go and it kills you, or you
don't go and I'll kill you.

I guess the honeymoon's over, Dad.

That was dope.

Get over here, boy. I got to get me
another bite.

Son, who's your pop? James Brown?

Yeah, Niecy, what did he say?

He said I'm cuter than Halle Berry.

Well, thanks for dinner. Gotta go.

Wait, wait, wait.

Why are you leaving?

There's no more food left.

pick it in the TV room. Yeah, and I
think that's a good idea.

Guys,

let's play charades. Two words sound
like... Bye, Kim.

Uh -uh, that's not it. And if you talk
out loud again, you're out of the game.

Kim, we don't want to play.

Well, let's talk about some more current
events.

So, how do you guys feel about New
Edition getting back together?

I mean, with Johnny being there, I mean,
we don't really need Ronnie, do we?

Why don't you go put on a CD or
something?

Okay. At your house.

Get rid of your girl.

I can't.

Well, he's trying to save your pop some
money on his light bulb.

Well, I can't argue with conserving
energy.

I'm really happy you're here, Ernest.

Oh, girl.

You ain't no woman's baby girl. I'm not
the bitch.

Well, Shorty, this ain't rockin' right.

Your friend is wildin'. I gotta check,
man.

Overall, thanks for the grub.

Aw.

I'ma be out, too.

Hey, what's all that racket going on
down here?

What? I said, what is all that racket
going on down here?

Oh, it's just Ricky and little Ricky.

What Nigerian talking drums?

We're learning how to talk to our
brothers.

Yeah, baby.

What do you think, Dee? I think that men
and boys should be seen and not heard.

No, no, no, Pumpkin. We are actually
having a conversation. Now, listen. Now,

this is how you say hello.

And this is how you say goodbye.

How do you say drums for sale?

Oh, come on, Dee. I mean, where's your
sense of history, baby? This was the

first Internet.

You keep that up, you'll be looking for
a new website.

Ooh, the regulations is the best thing I
read since Dennis Rodman's beauty book.

Rude ruffles and rebounds.

Uh -oh.

Hello?

Yeah, I got it.

Thanks, boo.

Yo, everybody got the money you gave her
for my set next Friday?

Oh, I thought you said everyone was
getting in free.

Squash that. This is business.

Hey, Omo, can I get at you for a minute?
Mm -hmm.

Just one minute, homie.

What's up with your girl?

Who, Niecy, Teresa?

Come on, you know I'm talking about Kim.

I heard there might be an opening after
what happened at the dinner party.

And I just wanted you to know.

That I'm not an eating around kind of
brother.

Feed me a meal, I'm going to hang around
and do the dishes.

Michael, why are you telling me all of
this? Because I want you to hook me up.

I can't do that.

Then talk me up.

Michael, you're going to have to talk to
Kim yourself.

Kim, I need to talk to you about last
night.

I'm sorry, Kim.

Look, Mo, I know you were trying to be a
friend and everything, but I'll deal

with Hakeem my way, and you'll deal with
me dealing with Hakeem your way. Deal?

That means we're still friends. Sure.

So anyway, girl, how long you plan on
dealing with Hakeem? Well, see, I

that I kind of slipped at dinner. See, I
broke the most important regulation,

and that was to never, ever let them see
you, Kim.

Well, look, Kim.

Excuse me, Mo.

Yo, Kim, I was wondering if you wanted
to roll with me to Q -Sec.

Oh, okay.

Cool. I'll call you? Uh -huh.

Kim, I'm confused.

What happened to sticking to the
regulations to get high -key? Oh, I am

regulation number 39. If all else fails,
make them jealous.

Daddy,

Q was waiting for me. I know, baby, and
I'm waiting for Quentin.

Q!

This gonna be good.

Good evening, Mr. Mitchell.

Look, Quentin, let's get something
straight.

And first of all, I don't appreciate you
honking for Moesha.

Now, if you come to my house to pick up
my daughter, you ring my doorbell.

Goddamn!

Mr. Mitchell, I'm in no disrespect to
you or Moe. Mm -hmm.

Come on, Q. We're gonna be late.

Bye, Daddy.

I got one word for you, Moe.

Curfew.

Don't be too hard on him, Dad.

He used to picking up Moe at Kim's
house.

Let me make it perfectly clear, Babaloo.

You and the little drummer boy here are
on my last nerve.

Because I don't care if I never hear
another drum again as long as I live.

Thanks, Mel.

Look, I'm working.

I really want to get your son to ask for
your birth certificate.

Really? Yeah.

He's not feeling well.

Get him, baby.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, I want a rose.

But then again, it's just gonna die.

Hey, Kim, you want to go outside and
look at the moon?

No.

All right, well, let's go check out the
buffet table.

No.

That's right, babe.

Slow me down.

Keep me real.

Damn, I'm going to have to slow you
down.

Oh, Kim, I wasn't with Teresa. We just
walked in together, okay?

Whatever. I'm here with Michael.

Yeah, we're here to dance.

Come on, girl.

Oh, well, you kids have fun.

Yeah.

Sal,

I see you patched things up with Nick,
huh? Where is he?

He ain't here.

Zilper, you came along, huh?

Well, excuse me. She's with me.

Oh. Look, let's keep it on a DL, okay? I
don't want Kim to find out until I

break up with her.

Why do you got to break up with someone
you're not even going with?

See, you're talking real sense.

But he's talking. Kim, I know

you're

still into high team and all, but I
don't care.

Because I always liked you.

Ever since we played the dozens freshman
year.

Nobody played the dozens like you.

Except your mom.

That's a good one.

How come you know? You never said
anything.

I did.

Just didn't listen.

Wait, hold up, hold up.

Look, I got a confession to make. The
only reason why I came here with you was

to make Hakeem jealous.

You think I don't know that?

You mean you want to get with me?

I'm still here.

And I'm not going anywhere.

Everybody, Yo -Yo got stuck in the
studio.

Check it out. Tonight, we got a special
guest, all right?

Now, he told me, I mean, word on the
street, he's about to blow up.

He already got his own following.

And after tonight, who knows? You know
what I'm saying?

So I want y 'all to give it up for
Charles.

Everything, everything that you want
from me,

I'm gonna give it all to you.

me.

followed the regulations and caught a
man.

Michael isn't the man she set out to
catch, but I think he's the right one.

As for Q and me, we're just glad she got
one.

And Niecy and Ernest, well, homie can't
talk, but Niecy swears he can sing.

Hakeem acts like he got dumped.

So now he and Vanessa have something in
common.

But Andale regulated herself out of all
of her relationships.

The regulations of love backfire.

Guys stopped calling her, so she started
calling them.

And one guy even put a block on his
phone.

I guess love is one thing that can't be
regulated.