Original subtitles

Today, I decided to clean the dirt out of my room and the junk out of my life.

I'm getting rid of everything I have that reminds me of Keith.

See, I'm making room for something fresh and fly in my life.

Yo, shorty, there's something important I've been wanting to talk to you about.

Get with me at the den around 11.

Keep it real.

Keep it real? Get with me?

Does he ever ask anyone to do anything?

And what's suddenly so important?

I mean, if he's going to try to beg me back into his life, he's going to have

do much better than that.

But if I have to break his heart, I might as well look good doing it.

Now, here is my favorite word of the month.

Not now, Frank, honey. I got to get ready for the art show tonight.

Honey,

why do these pictures have soul signs on them? Well, Frank, you know when people

see soul signs on the paintings, it motivates them to buy.

Oh, I see.

And who was motivated to buy these?

Well, you got me, Frank.

Happy birthday.

Dee, I... It's for charity.

Dee,

I smell something burning.

Oh, my gosh.

What happened?

I told Hakeem not to put cheese on her bread before he put it in a toaster.

Well, this is how we make cheese toasted on.

If we had a toaster.

Or bread.

Or cheese.

Yeah, well, that's all it takes to get you back there. Here.

So, D, don't forget you gotta pick up Sammy for the sleepover tonight.

Miles, I got the message that you pinned to my pillow and the message that you

wrote on the mirror in my favorite lipstick, not to mention the 5 .30 a .m.

-up call.

Just trying to keep you focused.

Ooh, don't you look stunning?

What's the occasion?

Oh, it's just my Saturday hangout at the den outfit.

You mean you're trying to catch a boyfriend outfit?

Okay, what's his name? Well, I hope it's not that rough back you had over here.

It's Rough Neck Daddy, and that ain't my flavor.

Mm -hmm.

Hello.

Oh, yes, operator. I'll accept the charges.

See, it's my sister Carolyn. Probably wants some more money.

Oh, hi, sis. Yeah.

Yeah, the kids are just doing fine. Uh -huh.

Oh, yes, Dee is just as beautiful as ever.

What do you mean? Is Clark here yet? Clark? Here? Yes.

Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, it's no problem. We'll be waiting for him.

Yeah, I'll be sure to thank Dee.

Goodbye.

Dee, why did you tell my sister that Clark could spend the weekend?

Because he's your nephew.

Baby, the devil is somebody's nephew, too.

But nobody's inviting him over.

Dad,

tell her about the time he tried to kill me on my baptism.

Mm -hmm. Oh, you mean the time that he jackknifed into the holy water because

thought Reverend Smith was trying to drown you?

Yeah, I bet if you shade the back of homeboy's head, you'll find three sixes

Satan's beeper number.

That's him. That's him.

Okay. Okay. All right.

Everybody, just be quiet. Maybe he'll go away. Yeah.

Y 'all are ridiculous.

This child can't be half as bad as you're making him out to be.

Quick, I need $20. I have to pay the cab driver.

Guess he's in a hurry.

So you must be on D.

described you perfectly.

Big hair and dimples.

So, where are my keys?

Everybody, look who's here. Frank!

Clark!

Um, how are you?

Uncle Frank! Uncle Frank!

Oh!

Yeah,

right.

I'm out of here. I'm going to work.

Frank, don't you want to take Clark with you?

The art show this evening.

Oh, great.

We're going to hang out, Uncle Frank, me and you.

Just like the old days.

I'll get you.

Angel, I'd like to see your menu for the whole weekend.

What for?

Clark is back in town. Okay.

Everybody drink up this last cup.

Mixed between Pauly Shore and the Energizer Bunny.

What's up, Shorty? I see you got my message.

Did you leave me a message? Yeah. Don't you remember? That's the reason why you

got all dressed up.

For your new boyfriend, Arva.

Oh, yeah.

I guess that's our cue.

That's not our cue. That's Moe's.

Come on, rerun. Let's go.

All right, Rog.

Okay, I got your message. What's so important?

Look, Shorty, I've been thinking.

Did it hurt?

It's clever, Shorty, but anyway, we've been on each other for some time now.

Too long.

And in that time, we've learned to trust each other.

Speak for yourself.

Okay, I'm willing to trust you.

But anyway, tonight, I'm doing a set at the Bombay.

Cascade.

And you are the only one I trust to be on the door.

I'm saying yes or no. You figure it out. What you want me to do, shorty? I want

you to commit.

Whoa, how we get to all of that?

I just wanted you to work the door tonight, help a rubber stack a few

You know what? That camouflage you're wearing, it's really working. I mean,

only do I not see you, but I don't hear you.

I be like that.

Hey, Frank. Hey.

Frank, honey, what happened?

He was on a routine test drive and had a minor accident.

Yeah, thanks to old Clark here, it was a minor scrape with death.

with you?

Sweetheart, are you okay?

Sure, I'm fine. Well, of course he's fine. The one who causes the accident

gets hurt.

It wasn't my fault.

A bee flew in the car and I'm allergic to bees. I could have died if I had been

stung. So you slapped the driver upside the head and almost killed all three of

us?

Four count the bee.

Frank, honey, it was obviously an accident.

You can't blame Clark.

Yeah, Frank, everything worked out.

When your car careened out of control, it totaled my customer's new car, and he

was forced to turn back around and buy a new car for me.

You know, with that sale, I beat you out for Salesman of the Month.

Again. That's real funny, Raul. Very funny.

Hey,

Clark. I love you, man.

Bye, dude.

Honey, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm all right. You sure you're okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Oh, good. Now you

Clark can help me move the sofa. Come on. No, no, no.

Mo,

you need to take Q up on his arm. I don't think so.

Really, Mo, if you want a man to notice you, you gotta be on his mind, in his

face, and under his skin.

That sounds like acne, Kim.

Can we please get back to my dilemma?

What are you going to do? I'm not going to do anything.

I mean, Q's not even worth the trouble.

All he does is dog me out.

I don't care if I ever see that noise -talking, bald -headed, unable -to

gangster wannabe ever again in life.

Hey, Mo.

Put me down, boy.

Aren't you going to introduce us?

Why?

and the pleasure's all mine.

Niecy? What kind of name is that?

And you remember Kim?

No, he doesn't, and if you do, blanket out of your mind.

I gotta go.

He's cute. He's yours. Take him home.

Come on, Clark. Come get your uncle's left side, and we can help get him up

stairs. No, no, no, Dee, I beg you. Don't let him touch me.

Oh, you're exaggerating. No, no, no, no. First he's sick to be on me, and then

he dropped a couch on my foot. Well, what's next, Clark? A little tumble down

the stairs?

Clark, you get the door, and I will help the big baby up the stairs.

Come on, Dee. Come on.

May I help you?

What's up, player? Tell them OQ is here.

L -M -N -O -P -Q?

Yes, son, whatever.

Moesha doesn't want to see you anymore.

Who are you?

A beloved family member.

Look, I'm sorry. I heard it with my own ears, and I quote, I don't care if I

ever see that noise -talking, ball -headed, unwilling -to -commit gangster

wannabe ever again like...

Moe said that?

Well, it was rougher than that. I gave you the radio version.

All right.

I'm out.

Who was at the door?

Q. Oh, what did he want?

Probably wanted to get back with you.

But don't worry, I set him straight.

I told him you didn't want to have anything to do with him.

You did what?

Who asked you to meddle in my business?

That's what I heard you tell your friends. Yes, I told my...

Dang,

why do you have to be all up in my business?

That's why no one can stand to be around you.

All right, okay.

Yeah, I only pray I can survive the weekend.

Ooh, definitely a female artist.

Yeah, why do you say that?

Come on, Frank. It's obvious, buddy. Look at it. It's a castration.

Whoa, and an expensive one at that.

Oh, come on, man. You don't actually believe that, do you? Yeah, for equal

rights and everything, but all the greats were men.

Rembrandt, Picasso, Matisse.

The only thing women are good at painting is their faces.

Oh, come on, man.

Is that a fact, Raoul?

But not you, D.

You're a natural beauty.

If you know anything about art, you're familiar with Kondakova, Barnett

Honeywood, Frida Kahlo, Sally Fisher.

And, of course, one of our featured artists, Imani Santana.

No, she's not in that league.

What makes you such an expert?

Well, you don't have to be an expert to tell the difference between an artist

and a welder.

And you're neither.

What a wry sense of humor. He keeps me in stitches.

No, Dee, that would be me.

Thank you.

Excuse me. Miles!

What are you doing?

Helping out.

Care for a cheese thing, ma 'am?

Miles, why don't you two take Clark upstairs for me?

Ah, but I like it down here, Auntie.

Look, I need you two to help me out. Watch him for me.

Okay, but it's gonna cost you ten bucks an hour.

Deal.

Help me out. Watch them for me.

You mean the Lilliputians over there?

Yes. Okay, but I charge ten bucks an hour.

Huh? Doesn't everyone?

Oh,

I won! I won!

Next. Come on, Clark. It's my game, and I want to play Sammy.

I'm D -set. I'm in charge. He has to play the winner.

D -set, I'm in charge, doofus, and I hand it over. No.

No. No. Sammy, help me. I've got your back, bro.

Help.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid.

Help. Help.

Frank, aren't you going to do something?

I'll be right back.

going this evening? I'm going to the Bombay.

Good.

Take Clark with you. Dee, Dee, Dee, Dee, please.

Why

don't

you just hurry up and do what you got to do so I can get up in here.

Five dollars.

I've already been here.

Hold up, baby Huey. Now you know you gotta pay.

No, that's okay. Go ahead. Your niece is getting it.

Tell me if you have that thing.

Look, Clark, this isn't a happy -go -lucky, gee -gosh type of stuff, so

say anything stupid.

Golly, gee -mo, I could take care of myself.

Well, gosh darn it, you just might have to.

Bottom line, you ain't got to worry about me no more, shorty.

Please pass the mic!

Please pass the mic!

Please pass the mic!

Your homeboy got a showtime at the Apollo Welcome.

but they are real gangsters.

Please pass the mic.

Please pass the mic.

Please pass the mic.

What's wrong with you, boy?

Hey, what can I say, fellas? The Sugar Hill Gang played out years ago.

Hakeem ain't got to do nothing.

Look,

I'm not saying that you can't improve, but you're just not there yet.

I feel your anger. Now redirect it.

Why don't y 'all leave my cousin alone?

What'd you say, girl? I said, could you please not hurt us?

Yo, leave him alone. Leave him alone. You got a problem with that?

That's your boy, Q?

No, she's my girl.

Oh, so Q, you shouldn't mind him getting beat down?

Q, buddy, play out.

She does so I do.

All right, man. We out of here, homie.

See you around, goofy.

Hey,

I bet you won't say that to Q's face.

Thank you, Q, for walking me home. That was really, really considerate.

Get out real cool. I used to go to the hood. Shut up.

Now get in the house.

Anything else?

Now.

Okay, Fonzie.

Hey.

Who the hell is Fonzie? I don't know.

Look, Quentin, I've got to know.

Where are we right now?

The shower's in it.

I'm serious, Q.

You've been doing this space thing for too long.

I don't know what to tell you.

You know what? This is it for me. I don't know how you treated your other

girlfriend. I never had a girlfriend.

Think about it, Jet. Before your pops comes out, give me that jazzy Jeff Hefo.

See you around, kid.

Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Yeah.

Hey. Hey, you know what?

Q never had a girlfriend.

Hmm.

And whoever thought that my knucklehead cousin would lead me to a deeper

understanding of my knucklehead boyfriend.

I won it. I won.

I beat you. I beat you. I beat you. Still,

Sunday can't come soon enough.