Original subtitles

Lately, Dee has been trying to move our relationship into what I call phase two,

the hang out and be friends phase, which I suspect will be quickly followed by

the call me mom phase.

Obviously, that'll never happen, so I might as well put an end to it now.

Someone has to.

See, the men of the house have fallen completely under her spell because,

they're men.

But I'm not going out like that. I don't care how many Delta picnics, Whitney

Houston concerts, or Don't Tell Your Father shopping sprees she tries to lure

with, her witchcraft will never work on me.

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

Whoa,

whoa, slow down, Crisco Kid. What are you doing? Making Molotov pancakes?

Just relax.

I just used a tisp.

box says.

Didn't think I could cook, did you?

No, but I thought you could read. It's a teaspoon, Julius Stepchild.

Hey, maybe if they bought a barrel, a brother would understand something.

Well, here you go, Mrs. Mitch. Go for what you know.

Sorry, Harkin. I am taking the day off. But you might want to talk to Frank and

Miles because they are going out for breakfast.

Morning, everybody.

Hey, Papa Mitch. So what's it going to be? Breakfast jack, croissant with your

egg McMuffin? Try Egg McNuckin.

Can't have it your way today, bruh.

Or any other day.

See ya.

Oh, Frank, take him with you.

See, he's not my child.

That's all right. I don't want to crowd you.

I guess I'll just go home and eat the last two Froot Loops.

We're out of milk, so I guess I'll just use water.

Again.

Good, that's subtle.

and fun, there's a great home and garden show at the Civic Center.

Oh, really? Mm -hmm.

Dang. Why didn't I tell Kim I was going to hang out with her today? But you know

what? Mark me down for next year.

message. Uh, Dee.

What is it, Miles?

Your niece from New York called.

Thank you, Miles.

Well, you met everybody?

Everybody but Moesha. I heard a lot about you. Hi, I'm Moesha.

Sure, girl. You better give me a hug. We're family.

Yeah, I'm family, too.

Come on, girls. We'll see you later. Well,

come on. Let's get you settled. I know you got to be tired.

Don't you touch that. You are a guest.

Moesha, would you help Charisse with her luggage, please? Sure. Thank you,

Moesha. You're welcome.

Look at you, looking just like my little sister.

How is she? Oh, the same.

Oh, Ma wants me to get Denzel's autograph.

You know she's seen The Mighty Quinn 80 times.

Oh, I love that movie.

to see the product first?

Relax, they come at G -Dawg and them Park and the Corps.

G -Dawg and them Park and the Corps?

It sounds like the brothers should be chasing the Corps.

Okay, okay, I see that's not your breed.

Why don't I hook you up with your brother?

That is much better. So, where exactly did you meet Mr. Dawg and Mr. Bug?

Oh, so they're hearing impaired too.

Baby, this is good. You put your foot in it.

Mr. Mitch, please tell me that's a quaint old dude saying.

Mo, you're just in time. Come and tell me what you think of this. No, thanks.

I'm not hungry.

Oh, girl, you obviously haven't had Auntie's red pea soup.

I'll pass. See, I have a standing Friday night dinner with Adele. Uh, Mo, it's

Saturday. Then I'm running a little late, so if it's okay with you, I'd like

be excused. No, no, no. Wait a minute. Oh, it's all right. You're excused, Mo.

Thank you, Dee.

Bye.

Putting your butt out, I have a date.

You have a date? Okay, now. Either you can walk out or you can limp out.

I'm sorry, Andell, but I have to know who this brother is.

If nobody, you know.

Andell, what's up, baby?

Dion, hold up. You are not Dion Sanders, are you? Check the rings, baby. Check

these rings.

Dang, who does your nails?

Jerry Jones.

Dion, this is my friend Moesha. She was just leaving.

Excuse us, Dion.

Give me the scoop. Why are you going out with Dion Sanders?

Because he asked me. No, really. Did you win some Super Bowl contest or

something? Get out, Mo.

So, what do you two kids have planned tonight?

Well, I figure we'll catch a move and have a little candlelight dinner.

Great, but first we got to stop by Kim's house because I wanted to see me with

you. And then we got to stop by Niecy, Sarah's, and Hakeem's. But when we go by

Hakeem's house, ignore the sealer posters because he's still in denial.

Check this out.

You didn't tell me that this was going to be no promotional tour.

No, baby, it's just going to be me and you.

No blocking, no flags, no uniforms.

But I have to get rid of my suicidal friend first.

Thank you, sir.

I'll be in the limo, okay? All right.

All right, what's up, Clueless? You got one

minute.

Ooh, 55 seconds.

It's Dee. She's always in my face, trying to be my best friend.

Five, four, three.

Come on, Angela, I'm serious. I'm really serious about this.

I know you are, sweetheart. That's why your time is up.

Here's a little something to think about on your way home.

Come on. Walk with me.

Little girls with long braids need to grow up. Or at least go home when Deion

Sanders stops by.

Do you know?

You know, I can light the camera for you.

But she wouldn't be so hard on you if you would go easy on the boys.

There'll be plenty of time for that.

I broke up with three of them.

All right, Auntie.

All right.

Thanks, Auntie.

What would I do without you?

Oh, hi, Mo.

Hi. How was dinner?

It was cool.

Okay.

I'm going to let you ladies get a good night's rest.

Oh, don't forget, church in the morning.

Good night. Good night.

What side of the bed do you prefer?

You know, I never really thought about that.

But I guess the right side because that's where the phone is.

Advanced

chemistry?

I'm impressed.

Girl, don't be. I'm getting a D.

Thank God I'll be accepted to college before finals.

So what are you going to make?

first two years, I'll probably major in wild social behavior.

Beyond that, I have no idea.

Well, I definitely know what I'm going to major in.

Literature.

Or journalism.

Or black studies.

Actually, girl, I don't know what I'm going to be.

One day I'm a poet, the next a journalist, the next Angela Davis.

I love poetry.

You do?

You know what? I'm reading my stuff down at the den. Why don't you hang out with

me tomorrow?

Alright, I'm there.

Okay. Cover.

So, Sharice. Uh -uh, girl. Call me Reese.

Reese.

Kind of close to Dee, huh? You are so lucky to have her around full time.

She's good people.

Oh, girl, help me pick out something to wear tomorrow night.

Man, man. Reverend Henry Shaw was preaching to... Oh, girl, he sure was.

Mm -hmm.

What was he talking about, Frank?

Oh, well, he was talking about, you know, the scriptures and the Lord and

praying. Right, Miles?

Ask me. I fell asleep right after you did.

Yeah, well, I'm wide awake now, and it's Laker time.

Come on, Miles. The remote is broke. I need you to change the channels.

So, uh, Cherise, what are we doing tonight, love?

We're not doing anything, Junior.

I'm going to hear Mo read her poetry at the den.

Oh, Auntie, why don't you come with us? Oh, I'm sure Dee's busy grading papers

or something.

I don't know, Cherise.

Mo's right. I do have some work to catch up on. Oh, come on, please.

Do it for me.

Please.

Please.

Please. I'm not going to stop until you say yes.

Please.

Till the break of dawn.

No,

have you lost your mind?

Bringing your mama up in here?

Kim, she's messed up.

Well, she's my teacher, okay? And she got my mama phone number. Now, how am I

supposed to get my swerve on with her sitting at our table?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Forget that. What is that? How's he doing next to my

music?

Kim, come on back to earth, baby, okay?

Uh -huh. Akeem is not yours. And Nisi, you'll get the same rhythm you always

get. None.

Uh -oh. I got like a physical funk and a baby got plenty of junk in his truck.

Oh, my goodness. The finest honey in the school. Fool is in the house, and I'm

here with my stepmom. Dang.

Exactly. Loser.

And trash for who?

Look at her. She ain't got no shame throwing herself in my hot cake.

Huh? You should know.

Oh, Moe, this is so exciting.

Play this slammer. Yeah, L .A. got lots of slammer places.

Hey, you know what? Next time you come to town, we're in a car. I'll show you

around town.

I was supposed to call the UCLA recruiter at 8, but I left the number at

Well, I'll walk back with you.

You serious?

I'm very serious.

Hey, Mrs. Mitch, can you spare a breath for me?

Never mind, I'll wink.

I feel so invisible tonight, as I sit here alone on this bar stool so

unattached, as Billie Holiday plays on quietly in the background.

And the jazz band prepares to play upstairs.

And the brother with the black hoodie carrying Nikki Giovanni's book, Cotton

Candy on a Rainy Day, orders peach carbon with his hot teeth.

As the sister with the Jamaican braids and damaged hairline playfully catches

the eyes of the brother huddled over there in the corner, watching the sister

with the Jamaican braids. I sit here alone on this tattered bar stool,

invisible.

That was very good. Thank you. Where did everybody go?

Cherise had to make a phone call. She left the number at home. Anyway, Hakeem

walked her home. Oh, how does it feel?

Oh, well, very exciting. I'm glad I came.

Yeah, I'm glad you're back.

That's so funny.

Look at those kids.

They look like they're having a seizure. They're just bouncing up and down. What

do you call that dance?

The bounce dance.

Is this how you do it?

Now, that looks like a seizure.

If I were you, I would stick to the twist.

Now,

I'm not that old. You see, when I was out there doing it, we were doing the

hustle. Oh, okay. Oh, my goodness.

Hi, Kevin.

Hi,

Kevin. What are you doing?

Just hanging out with Mrs. Mitchell.

Why don't you two join? All right.

Niecy, could you show me how to do that dance?

Um, Kim will show you.

You just do your shoulders like this, like you're riding a horse.

That's not it.

Come on, Mrs. Mitchell.

I'll show you.

Thank you, Kevin.

Oh, show me too. Show me, lady.

I don't know why I make that physical bump.

I don't know why I make that physical bump.

I don't know why I make that physical bump.

dances. Call the bounce. Let me show you how to do it. No, no, no, no. Like

this.

Frank, have you been bouncing behind my back?

Now that the brother was doing that.

Good night.

Oh, Moesha? Yeah. Tomorrow?

Just don't make another one when you go shopping tomorrow.

Hey, girl.

Hey, Reesey, you missed it. Dee had everybody doing the hook. Oh, she put

the way back machine?

Yeah, but it was fun.

So, did you make your phone call?

Oh, oh, yeah, that.

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, I made a couple calls.

You left us there on purpose, didn't you?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

I just thought if you spent some time with her, you'd get to know her like I

I mean, I wasn't trying to get in your business or nothing.

I just thought you needed a little push.

We still cool?

We cool.

Dear diary, I guess sometimes you have to look at a person through someone

else's eyes.

Thanks to Recy, Dee and I have a thickly into phase two.

The hangout and cook strange food phase.

And you know what?

Kicking it with Dee has its benefits.

I discovered the secret life of plants, developed a taste for red pea soup, and

I've been on enough leave -the -bags -in -the -car shopping sprees to stock a

boutique.

I hate to admit it, and I probably shouldn't put this in writing, but maybe

lucky to have Dee around.