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Until now, January 30th has done very
little to distinguish itself, even
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my father insists that my birth made it
the greatest day of his life.
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See, in the eyes of father time, it's a
problem, child.
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00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:24,150
If miles were a day, he would be January
30th. But see, tomorrow, however, that
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will change forever.
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See, no more sin in the face from the
April fools and the Halloweens of the
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world, because tomorrow, I, Moesha
Mitchell, will be 16 years old and
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able to date boys.
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Completely changed since you and I came
up. Yeah, bro. They're not young
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anymore. No, sir. They're bigger. Yeah.
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Faster. Dumber.
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Everything we liked in a young girl was
covered up.
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Be right back, bro. All right.
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Oh, I'm sorry, my brother.
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Got to pat you down.
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What? You ain't no cop.
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Nope.
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Batman.
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00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:28,960
Stopping you from embarrassing your
daughter? No, I just have to tell her
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something. What?
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You know.
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No, I don't know.
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What? You know.
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Bo, I was wondering.
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What?
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You know? No, I don't know.
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I know.
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Miles, go to bed.
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You can't make me. But I can pull them
ears off trying.
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00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:06,170
Jay, you look good out there. Why, thank
you. Too bad your partner didn't. Still
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doing the robot.
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Boy,
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you just can't let go. Oh, come on, man.
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You can't let go. Bernie, why don't you
talk some sense into your brother? He
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00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:21,190
promised Mo that she could date, and now
he's waffling. No, I'm not waffling. I
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don't want her to date, period.
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You ain't right, big brother.
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Oh, come on now, Bernie. You just said
so yourself, didn't you?
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00:03:26,590 --> 00:03:29,310
These kids nowadays are bigger, faster,
dumber.
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00:03:29,590 --> 00:03:31,770
Yeah, but I meant that in a positive
way.
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00:03:32,330 --> 00:03:36,970
All I'm saying to you is, let Mo be a
kid. She's going to be fine, big bro.
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00:03:37,190 --> 00:03:37,989
Yeah, right.
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I'm telling you.
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I'm telling
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him
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now.
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Honey,
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what are you going to do?
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00:03:52,210 --> 00:03:53,410
You going to lock her up?
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00:03:53,990 --> 00:03:55,170
Certain parts of her, yeah.
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00:03:56,430 --> 00:04:00,170
Frank, if Mo is going to do something,
she's going to do it. You've got to
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00:04:00,170 --> 00:04:04,290
that you raised her right, and when it
gets down to it, she will do the right
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00:04:04,290 --> 00:04:07,490
thing when it comes to crunch time. Oh,
no, no. See, now, Mo, no, I don't allow
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00:04:07,490 --> 00:04:08,490
no crunching.
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00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:13,450
So I guess you've had a discussion with
her about the dangers of an active sex
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00:04:13,450 --> 00:04:16,970
life. Yeah. I told her if she come home
with a baby, she got to deal with me.
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That's about as dangerous as it's going
to get, too.
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That is not a discussion.
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I know.
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00:04:23,650 --> 00:04:24,650
It's a threat.
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00:04:25,830 --> 00:04:27,650
It's Pop's idea of birth control.
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Kidney cussing. No, not cussing.
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00:04:32,190 --> 00:04:34,430
Yeah, bro, Pop's wasn't no Bill Cosby,
huh?
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00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:36,410
Man, he thought Cosby was a punk.
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00:04:38,390 --> 00:04:40,890
Hey, yo, D -Dad, could you tell Miles to
go to bed?
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He's ruining my party.
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00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:43,650
Uh -oh.
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for the right something, something.
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00:05:29,650 --> 00:05:31,130
Nobody asked you, huh?
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00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:33,490
You slipped the script, ma.
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00:05:33,890 --> 00:05:37,690
You must be crazy to think I'm asking a
boy for a date. How you think I got my
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00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:38,469
first date?
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00:05:38,470 --> 00:05:39,470
Choco?
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Party her, her, her.
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Uh -oh. Sex with chocolate at the go.
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00:05:47,490 --> 00:05:48,610
Why is Ohaji here?
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Ooh, can you believe he's got the nerve
to come up here to your party after what
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he did to you? What did he do?
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00:05:54,750 --> 00:05:55,750
Ooh, he...
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00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:08,500
Happy birthday, Moesha. It was until you
showed up. Who invited you?
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Kim.
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00:06:11,420 --> 00:06:15,100
Well, he drove past my mama's car on the
freeway. What else was I supposed to
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00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:16,100
say?
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00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,800
Look, I'm afraid you're going to have to
roll up on out of here or hide you.
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00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:25,540
Look, I know you're upset about what
happened between us, but if you think
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00:06:25,540 --> 00:06:29,500
it, since you couldn't officially date,
you weren't officially my girl, so it
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00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,620
wasn't like I officially did you wrong,
you know what I mean?
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And you must be officially out of your
mind if you think I'm going to forget
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what you did just because you come up in
here with a weak rap, a cheap gift, and
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a fake African name.
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00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:44,160
So it's like that, huh? It's the way you
made it, bruh.
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Poop.
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That's right.
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Because if you mess with my girl again,
you're going to have to deal with the
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killer gay.
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00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:53,179
You want to dance?
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Sure.
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00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:13,450
Much home alone, one, two, and three.
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00:07:16,030 --> 00:07:18,730
Hakeem, why won't a boy ask me out?
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Well, for one thing, your dad's
threatened every brother at the party.
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For real? Yes.
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Plus, you're intelligent.
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You've got direction.
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You've got your situation together.
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Excuse me, that's a problem?
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00:07:31,490 --> 00:07:32,490
Well, yeah.
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00:07:32,690 --> 00:07:35,110
Look, Mo, you're a high -maintenance
sister.
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A brother gotta step to you with the
full package.
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Looks.
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brains, and an ATM card.
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So what you're saying is that they're
scared of me, Hakeem?
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Yeah.
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Don't worry, Mo. Brothers are scared of
me, too.
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Terrified.
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Look, Mo, forget all that madness.
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Why don't you just go to the movies with
me?
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That's sweet, but no thanks.
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00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:04,599
Oh, come on, man.
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00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:09,400
Yeah, come on. We can have a threesome,
later I'll drop her off, and we can have
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a twosome.
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We can all go to movies. I'll even
drive, Mo.
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Anybody got a paper? I think that new
Eddie Murphy movie is still playing at
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Dollar Theater.
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Forget it, Ohaji. I'm not going anywhere
with you, especially on a date.
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What?
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You hear yourself?
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A date? Who say anything about a date?
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On a date, you wouldn't have to buy your
own popcorn, kick in your own gas
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money, or hold your own hand. All I want
from lovely is a ride.
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No obligation.
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I wasn't looking for any.
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Good, so we understand each other.
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Y 'all be ready by seven?
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Makes me sick.
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He thinks he's so cute.
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Yeah, but baby's definitely cute.
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Huh, Hakeem?
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What? Oh, yeah, he nice.
139
00:09:01,630 --> 00:09:02,810
He got a nice build.
140
00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:05,310
I mean, I don't know. I don't look at
dudes, man.
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00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,920
Yes, Hakeem, I'm not going to look at
you. I told you I don't look at dudes.
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I don't. I don't like dudes.
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Checkmate.
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00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:30,640
Well, who taught you that move?
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00:09:31,180 --> 00:09:32,180
D.
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It's a fool's mate, mate.
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00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:37,900
D.
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Can you pass him her bracelet, please?
Sure, honey.
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00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:43,670
Well, it looks like somebody's going out
on a date.
150
00:09:44,330 --> 00:09:46,790
Nah, a bunch of us just going to the
movies. No dates.
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00:09:47,230 --> 00:09:48,550
So why are you dressed like that?
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00:09:49,350 --> 00:09:50,350
Dressed like what?
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00:09:50,510 --> 00:09:52,230
Like you're going on a date.
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Miles, go do your homework.
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She's the one with the freak -like knee
dress.
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00:10:03,190 --> 00:10:05,930
I don't see why all of a sudden
something is wrong with my dress.
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00:10:06,270 --> 00:10:07,490
All of a sudden?
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00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:10,440
Baby, that dress was wrong when they
picked the cotton.
159
00:10:12,220 --> 00:10:15,520
Then I guess it was wrong when you and
Dee gave it to me for my birthday,
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00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:21,240
Would you talk some sense into this
girl?
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00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:23,120
Because I can't talk to her anymore.
162
00:10:27,420 --> 00:10:31,540
Don't pay him any mind. He's just
nervous. Your 16th birthday hit him kind
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00:10:31,540 --> 00:10:33,300
hard. What is he nervous about?
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00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:34,800
Oh, you know the usual.
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You having sex, getting pregnant, and
dying of some disease.
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00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:43,740
He doesn't have to worry, because Hakeem
said I'm too together for that to
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00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:48,340
happen. Oh, and what does a two
-together woman do to prevent such
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00:10:48,340 --> 00:10:52,680
happening? Dee, you gotta trust me. I
know how to protect myself. You do?
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00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:56,680
How? Well, for one thing, I got these.
170
00:11:05,599 --> 00:11:07,160
Condoms. Mo, are you having sex?
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00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:08,720
What?
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00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:14,220
You know, are you doing the wild thing?
173
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,260
Getting down, slapping shoes?
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00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:19,980
Slapping shoes?
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00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:23,160
It's knocking boots, Dee.
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00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:24,699
Are you?
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00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:25,700
No, I'm not.
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00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:27,780
Well, then what do you need these for?
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00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,620
Somebody gave them to me for my
birthday.
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00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,500
Well, who would give you condoms for...
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00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:35,040
Kim. Maybe.
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00:11:36,700 --> 00:11:39,020
Well, you know, there is a better way to
protect yourself.
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00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:41,140
I know. Don't do anything at all.
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00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:44,060
That's my right. I gotta go.
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00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,080
I gotta go.
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00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,180
Have a good time.
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00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:54,680
Not too good a time.
188
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:04,490
Hey, Ohaji.
189
00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:09,770
Hey, what's up? Where have you been,
boy? I've been trying to reach you all
190
00:12:10,570 --> 00:12:11,570
I've been around.
191
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:12,890
Well, not around me.
192
00:12:13,430 --> 00:12:16,310
Listen, the gang's all over here. Why
don't you come and join us instead of
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00:12:16,310 --> 00:12:17,350
sitting over here by yourself?
194
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,530
Excuse me, Taylor. Ohaji isn't by
himself.
195
00:12:21,010 --> 00:12:22,010
He's with me.
196
00:12:22,170 --> 00:12:25,430
Oh, Moesha. Do you know I did not see
you sitting over here?
197
00:12:25,790 --> 00:12:29,110
I was blinded by the glare from Kim's
swampy lip gloss.
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00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,360
Don't you start it, bougie. Don't you
start it.
199
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:38,020
Anyway, you're still welcome to join us
if you like.
200
00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:40,640
Well, no, I'm cool. I'm going to just
sit here and hang with Mo.
201
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:42,340
All right.
202
00:12:42,620 --> 00:12:45,960
Well, you know where to find me when
you're through slumming.
203
00:12:48,420 --> 00:12:50,540
She better be happy my fries are coming.
204
00:12:52,620 --> 00:12:53,279
What's up?
205
00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:54,280
We together now?
206
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:58,340
Please, don't ever try to play a player.
Why? Because you might get...
207
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:02,760
Happy birthday.
208
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,500
Look, I didn't open it the first time
you gave it to me, and I'm not going to
209
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,360
open it now. How open it?
210
00:13:10,380 --> 00:13:13,860
Boom! That's a pretty fly fly swatter
you got there.
211
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:16,679
That's right.
212
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:18,400
That's the dream catcher right there.
213
00:13:18,620 --> 00:13:19,620
The what?
214
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:20,760
It says it right here. Look.
215
00:13:27,980 --> 00:13:31,920
The dream catcher was used by the
Woodland Indians to catch all dreams,
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00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:32,920
bad.
217
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,660
The bad dreams are held to the first
morning light, then burned off.
218
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:41,000
The good dreams filter down to the
feathers where they are held to return
219
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,420
another night to be dreamed anew.
220
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:46,740
That's beautiful.
221
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,480
I'm going to buy you one of those so you
can dream about me.
222
00:13:53,540 --> 00:13:55,460
They better get me that nightmare model.
223
00:14:08,979 --> 00:14:12,040
Frank, what are you doing in here with
Moesha's diary?
224
00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:14,660
Proofreading.
225
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:17,600
I had to do it, baby.
226
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,880
This child was sneaking around with a
boy before she was 16.
227
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:24,060
It seems as though sneaking runs in the
family.
228
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:26,480
Frank, you know that isn't right.
229
00:14:26,820 --> 00:14:30,740
Dee, I've been raising these kids for 16
years. I know what I'm doing. And I
230
00:14:30,740 --> 00:14:35,260
have been teaching 16 -year -olds for 16
years. I know a thing or two, too, you
231
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:38,440
know. I'm sorry, baby. I'm just
concerned about Mo.
232
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:42,880
No, you just don't trust her. Yeah, and
from what I just read, I got good
233
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,700
reason, too. Yeah, see for yourself.
234
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:51,980
Huh? Look, she's been walking in the
park, holding hands, feeling
235
00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:52,980
butterflies.
236
00:14:54,580 --> 00:14:55,580
Congratulations.
237
00:14:56,060 --> 00:14:57,640
You've got a normal teenager.
238
00:14:58,660 --> 00:15:01,180
Frank. Honey, just talk to her.
239
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:05,400
Moesha and I had a very straightforward,
honest conversation.
240
00:15:05,660 --> 00:15:08,980
That girl has her head on right. She's
very mature.
241
00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:10,980
Oh, please, Dee. She's a child.
242
00:15:11,460 --> 00:15:16,820
She may be inexperienced, but she is not
a child. She is gorgeous, has a body to
243
00:15:16,820 --> 00:15:19,220
die for, and carries condoms in her
purse.
244
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,120
Condoms?
245
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:22,860
Dee, you gave her condoms?
246
00:15:23,140 --> 00:15:24,140
No.
247
00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:26,880
Somebody else gave them to her for her
birthday.
248
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,540
Well, now, who would...
249
00:15:29,740 --> 00:15:30,740
Kim.
250
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,440
Maybe.
251
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,120
Well, did you take them?
252
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,780
No. I don't have a problem with it.
Well, I do.
253
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,900
Well, too bad you never talked to her
about it.
254
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:49,820
Frank, if I were you, I would put that
back where I found it, exactly how I
255
00:15:49,820 --> 00:15:50,820
found it.
256
00:16:17,070 --> 00:16:18,070
What are we doing here?
257
00:16:18,950 --> 00:16:19,950
Yeah, man.
258
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:21,390
Well, what are we doing here?
259
00:16:21,910 --> 00:16:25,710
I just figured, you know, we could just
kick back, listen to some music, catch
260
00:16:25,710 --> 00:16:26,710
some dreams.
261
00:16:26,830 --> 00:16:28,610
You dreaming, all right. Take me home.
262
00:16:29,290 --> 00:16:31,650
Yeah, man. Just drop me off at the bus
stop.
263
00:16:33,590 --> 00:16:35,370
What's wrong with y 'all? We just got
here.
264
00:16:35,710 --> 00:16:37,230
Well, you can stay, because I'm going.
265
00:16:37,650 --> 00:16:38,650
Yeah, I'm with Molly.
266
00:16:51,130 --> 00:16:54,950
Yes, you are. This is my chance to brown
sugar, and you all block it.
267
00:16:55,750 --> 00:16:58,950
I'll let me check. He doesn't want to be
what you think. Well, did he tell you
268
00:16:58,950 --> 00:17:00,770
something? No. Then how do you know?
269
00:17:00,970 --> 00:17:02,510
He just left. Ran down the road.
270
00:17:03,370 --> 00:17:04,710
Hakeem! Baby!
271
00:17:05,470 --> 00:17:06,470
Hakeem!
272
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:08,250
Hakeem!
273
00:17:10,970 --> 00:17:12,069
Take me home, please.
274
00:17:13,230 --> 00:17:15,210
Alicia, why are you fighting? You know
you like me.
275
00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:17,430
I'm not fighting anything yet.
276
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:19,270
So let's light that up.
277
00:17:19,579 --> 00:17:22,319
Now that we can finally be together out
in the open, you're not done.
278
00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:23,599
Not with you.
279
00:17:24,619 --> 00:17:26,079
I wrote a poem for you.
280
00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:31,940
I'm not trying to hear your tired poem,
Ohaji. Save it for your goofy tale.
281
00:17:32,220 --> 00:17:33,260
Oh, I can't do that.
282
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:34,800
I wrote it just for you.
283
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:37,400
Matter of fact, I called it just for
you.
284
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:44,480
Moesha, I'm sorry for any pain I may
have caused you.
285
00:17:45,420 --> 00:17:47,640
I've been dogging myself ever since I
hurt you.
286
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:49,840
I was stupid.
287
00:17:50,020 --> 00:17:51,480
And, yeah, I was wrong.
288
00:17:54,020 --> 00:17:57,120
I would do anything, anything to make it
right.
289
00:17:58,120 --> 00:17:59,120
It doesn't rhyme.
290
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:01,580
We do.
291
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,100
No, you're doing it again.
292
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:05,139
Doing what?
293
00:18:05,140 --> 00:18:06,139
Making me like you.
294
00:18:06,140 --> 00:18:07,140
What's wrong with that?
295
00:18:07,980 --> 00:18:13,100
Look, I don't want you to take this the
wrong way, Ohaji, but you're a dog.
296
00:18:13,980 --> 00:18:15,660
Yes, but a loyal one.
297
00:18:17,580 --> 00:18:19,220
It doesn't matter. You're bad for me.
298
00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:21,120
You end up breaking my heart.
299
00:18:21,980 --> 00:18:23,440
Oops, you already did that.
300
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,780
Wait, wait, wait. I thought we agreed
that that didn't officially count.
301
00:18:27,280 --> 00:18:28,280
Take me home.
302
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:29,900
Just like that?
303
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:31,780
Just like that.
304
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:33,820
Moesha, I'm telling you. Take me home,
Ohaji.
305
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:36,080
Say no more.
306
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,700
Hi, Daddy. What you doing out here?
307
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:51,859
Waiting for you.
308
00:18:51,860 --> 00:18:53,800
Why? I'm not late. No, I know, I know.
309
00:18:54,660 --> 00:18:56,940
It's just the time we talk, Pumpkin,
that's all.
310
00:18:57,380 --> 00:18:58,380
About what?
311
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:01,080
How about your date tonight?
312
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:02,880
It wasn't a date.
313
00:19:04,860 --> 00:19:07,620
Well, you saw a movie, right? How was
it?
314
00:19:07,940 --> 00:19:10,620
Weak. I can't believe Eddie Murphy used
to be a big star.
315
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:15,000
Trust me, your kids are going to be
saying the same thing about Martin
316
00:19:17,580 --> 00:19:18,580
So, uh...
317
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,160
How's everything going between you and
your boyfriend?
318
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:23,860
He's not my boyfriend.
319
00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:26,300
He? Does he have a name?
320
00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:34,220
Look, Pumpkin, I just want you to know
that you can talk to me or not talk to
321
00:19:34,220 --> 00:19:35,220
about anything.
322
00:19:35,820 --> 00:19:37,380
Because I trust you.
323
00:19:37,620 --> 00:19:38,940
And I believe in you.
324
00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:42,060
And I'm here for you. No matter what.
325
00:19:45,260 --> 00:19:46,260
Daddy?
326
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:47,760
What?
327
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:51,760
Why are boys such dogs?
328
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,660
Now, that's a good question.
329
00:19:58,320 --> 00:20:01,100
You know, boys sometimes can be real
idiots.
330
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:02,820
So can men.
331
00:20:04,460 --> 00:20:05,880
So can fathers.
332
00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:15,140
Tonight, I had a real conversation with
my daddy about everything, even Ohaji.
333
00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:17,440
And he didn't act weird or anything.
334
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:20,750
Except he offered to tie an Ohaji up if
I wanted him to.
335
00:20:21,310 --> 00:20:23,430
I told him I would get back to him on
that.
336
00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:28,190
I gave him my birthday condoms to keep
until I needed them.
337
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:31,090
He wanted to know when I thought that
might be.
338
00:20:31,530 --> 00:20:33,590
And I said, when I get married.
339
00:20:34,330 --> 00:20:36,590
Then he said, so you won't need them.
340
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:38,470
You know what?
341
00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:40,530
He's right.
342
00:20:42,710 --> 00:20:46,770
Lizzie McGuire celebrates life as a
teenager, where anything and everything
343
00:20:46,770 --> 00:20:50,430
go wrong. But with the help of her
family and friends, everything will be
344
00:20:50,430 --> 00:20:51,810
right. Yeah, right.
345
00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:56,030
It's where school, cool, and exciting
adventures are just around the corner.
346
00:20:56,030 --> 00:20:58,870
out of three isn't so bad. Get inside
her head. Lizzie McGuire.
347
00:20:59,150 --> 00:21:01,970
Weekday afternoons on Superstation WGN.
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