Original subtitles

Thank you.

I could be so good for you Love you like you want me to

I could be

so good for you Love you like you want me to

Yeah, Arthur reckons this one will be all right.

Right.

Oh, nice one.

Well, I'm a loser.

I'll get the points.

Points? Yeah. Oh, just the half of me, thanks.

Right. Still not the best, though. Right.

Listen, if anything goes wrong with this, just give it a good whack.

That's how the last one got ruined.

Do you want a half on me?

Of course I do, yeah.

Makes me weep, Arthur.

Well, they've all got to leave home sometime, Wally.

And you get no more aggravation from your Rini.

She used to love that car.

Four times a week she'd add a vacuum cleaner in there.

Now all she wants out of it is a bungalow in Eastbourne.

Well, it's going to a good home.

And tomorrow morning you'll have eight grand cash in your hand.

And for a motor that only does ten to the gallon.

You think you're upset.

How do you think I feel about mine?

Look at it.

What do you reckon?

Well... You've got to be looking at 500 notes, Arthur. Oh, come on, Wally. This

is Arthur, not simple Simon.

Inflation.

All right, I'll waive the commission on your motor and we'll call it straight.

I can't start the work, Arthur. I'm brassy.

Can't you claim the insurance on this? What, for a lamppost?

Two witnesses, nine vodka and tonics. I wouldn't even get bail, let alone

insurance.

Well, it's only a second car, isn't it?

Oh, it's all money.

Here you are.

Here's a ton to get started.

But you've got to learn some business sense, Wally.

Get investors.

Use other people's money.

That is what made this country great.

Here, I'll tell you what.

Let's make the next game a bit more interesting.

You're good with the arrows.

Let's have a couple of quid on it.

You on, Derek?

Yeah, it's a good idea. What, fiver? A couple of quid?

Well, to tell you the truth, I never play for money.

And I'll tell you for why.

You meet people.

And it's like in that film.

American bloke.

Paul Newman.

About snooker.

You know, he'd come to a place all innocent, like, and get beaten.

And then soon as money was on the table, no one be old, he'd win.

Oh, you get that a lot now.

Money only breathes animosity in the end.

Wally, it won't start.

Are you winding us up?

Pardon? Look, are we having some money on this or what? You've had a drink.

Well, I'll buy a drink.

Look, it's a couple of quid. Hey, look, I'll start you off for a couple. No,

really, I don't want to.

Look, tell you what. Say I played you. I'd probably start and finish the game.

Or best.

Been in the Middle East for four years, see?

We had a lot of spare time.

And all we did was play dark.

Arthur!

Cherry?

Lunch?

Oh, Arthur, come in.

I'm sorry, I forgot all about you.

Oh. I shouldn't make arrangements when I've had a few.

I'm at the club all afternoon.

I put off a business meeting at the Hilton.

What?

How's Kerry?

All right.

Oh, he was so sweet to me, you know, last week.

Carried me up the stairs and everything.

Yeah, I drove the car, Sherry.

Oh, yes, that's right.

And you said, um, let's have lunch.

Something about discussing your little investments.

Did I say that to you?

Didn't you?

I must have done.

Working at that club's doing me no good at all.

It's not that I drink a lot, it's just that the place is so dark I can never

what's in your glass.

What time do you have to go there?

Half two.

Oh, I'll give you a lift.

Hang on, Arthur, didn't we hit a lamp?

Oh, no, my car's not on the road now.

I'm driving something else.

Take a look out that window.

I'm selling it for Wally Brabham.

You'll have heard of the famous racing driver, Sir Jack Brabham.

Isn't that one done up like a Christmas tree?

Customised, Sherry, customised.

Just went bump.

What are you talking about?

Here, how about a cup of coffee before we go?

OK.

And Terry's well, you say?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine.

This

client of

mine, Sherry, and I would not tell this to many people,

the 23rd in line for the accession, could be keen one day.

Lord B.

Big collection of motor vehicles.

Need I say more?

Can't place him.

I'll drive you to work.

Oh, Arthur.

Yeah? I think I'd better call the minicab.

Eh?

That's it.

Oh, lovely. A nice, smooth follow -through.

A couple of years in the Gulf would improve you a game no end.

You going back, then?

Well, I don't know.

I had a plan when I was out there to spend all my money home so my mother

buy her out.

I've got some happy memories, but I miss my home.

What you doing?

Standing on me head. What are you doing? Come here.

Now, hold on, hold on. I'm Arthur Bailey, Daffy Evans.

He's Welsh. Really? Yeah, come here, come here. I'll see you in a minute.

Listen.

Get this.

And get a towing truck.

And go to this address.

You'll find what's left of Wally Brabham's motor.

And tell him he'll need a spare set of wheels for a spin ray. Get it to the

garage as soon as you can.

He's going to need some money for it, haven't he? Oh, God, yeah.

He won't put a daily mirror down unless he's got a tenner in his hand, will he?

Look, there's 25.

Tell him that is to show good faith. If he knows what that means.

This is Bevin Street.

That's right, yeah.

Where are you going to be? Probably an intensive care.

Keep the streets nice and tidy, won't you?

Large VAT, please, Pat.

That is Bevan Street, isn't it?

Isn't that where old Sherry Wasson lives?

No.

Well, hello. Yes, you do. That's Sherry Bird, who works in the Napier Club. We

drove round the other night. You dropped?

Yeah.

You didn't, did you?

What?

You've been a little rascal, haven't you? I don't know what you're talking

about. I had a business appointment in Bevan Street and I parked the car in the

only suitable place. It's all right, Arthur. I understand.

There is nothing to understand.

No, it's lovely.

I'm very pleased for you.

Oh, sorry, David, I'll see you again, maybe. Oh, you are, are you? Yeah,

Nice talking to you.

Oh, Mr Rice?

Oh, yes.

I'll put you through to the estate office.

Yes? Arthur Daly here, Daly Holdings.

I'm ringing about the customised...

stingray for his lordship.

He's down in Sussex at the moment.

Is the car ready?

Well, Mr. Rice, I am absolutely furious.

I mean, if I tell you I am having it shipped from Scotland, and then I say

British Rail, well, I bet you know what I'm going to say next.

Good God.

No, no, sorry. Sorry, Mr. Rice.

Look, I've got my people.

They've been having a word with BR, and apparently it's stuck in a siding at

Holdham. Old Oldham.

Thanks, man.

Got a job for you.

Hello.

That's not it?

No.

When's he going to be back?

About a fortnight.

He's in Benidorm. For his holidays.

He asked me to come down and buy a shop for him.

Things are quiet at all.

Ted Turton.

Turton Trucker.

Bradford.

Ah.

Terry McCann, I'm a mate at Desi's.

Well, listen, you couldn't pick up a motor for us, could you? It's urgent.

Sure. Do you want to go now?

Well, if you're not too busy, yeah, smash him.

OK, that's it, Rod.

My rig's parked it next street.

Oh, we're going to need a set of wheels for a thing like.

Now you're talking.

No, no, no, no, I can't look.

Taffy. It's David, actually.

Yeah. I would like to tell you that never in all my years in the dart world

I seen a talent like yours.

Are you involved in darts, Mr Daly?

Daily holdings. Sports and leisure pursuits. We work with all the media

Kent Wharton. I was with him just the other day.

You know, with the right sort of handling, you can make a tidy sum of

darts. No.

I never play for money.

It creates such ill feeling between people, I think.

No, no, no. You've got it all wrong, my son.

He's a highly respected sport now. He's civilised.

He's on BBC Two.

Oh, my God!

It's one swell motor.

I always fancied a Yankee car when I was a kid.

I loved power steering.

They all drive a one -handed Americano.

What do they do with the other one?

Just look casual.

They're more laid back than we are.

Do you like Elvis?

Yeah, he's all right.

Some say I look a bit like him.

Can't see it myself.

No, no.

Oh, dear, oh, Lord, someone's given this the right theme to, haven't they?

I bet it was kids.

In America, they call this a dude's car.

In England, they call it a bleeding right -off.

Live one, Glentonic Dave, on the phone.

Right -o.

There you go.

It's all a bloke's phone about some videotapes.

You left a number.

Oh, God. I'll call him later.

Grab them, Gru.

Hello, Wally, my son. It's Arthur.

Hello, Arthur.

Is she sold yet?

Um, not quite.

Doesn't he want her?

He loved her. Yeah, will love her. He wants me to drive her down to his place.

Yeah, I've been invited for the weekend.

I'll have the lolly for you when I get back.

Yeah, yeah, but Arthur, I could drive... Hang on a second, hang on.

Yes, officer, I'll move it immediately.

I'm on a double yellow line. I'll call you later.

There you go.

About our machine, Arthur.

Yeah? It never pays out.

The members are starting to complain.

All right, all right. I'll get a maintenance check done for you.

Terry?

What's wrong with Terry?

We are living in a technological age, Arthur.

All Terry does is give it a right -hander.

Oh, he just had new window arms fitted.

Type La Cucaracha.

Yeah, they're 24, 28 quid for a start.

They cost a fortune to run, these.

You can get into Debsville real fast if you have one of these.

Well? Oh, look at it.

Where's Debs?

He's in Benidorm on holiday. Ted's looking after the gaff.

Ted's certain. I'm a pal of Debs's.

Oh, yeah?

How much?

Well, what can I say?

If I can get the parts, I reckon four or seven days' work should see it back on

the road.

Yeah, yeah. How much?

Well, 1 ,000. 1 ,300?

Yeah, well, as I imagine you know, Mr Durton, Des services all my company

so I automatically get a 20 % discount.

I imagine he told you that. Anyway, you'll find it in the book.

He never mentioned it, actually. Well, that is the arrangement.

Well, there's...

425 for the wheels and... So let's say, for argument's sake, 11... Less VAT

for cash.

Get off.

Well, call it 975.

Call it 975. He's doing me a favour.

I'm afraid I'll need something up front.

Eh? In advance.

He's already had 25 quid, hasn't he?

Oh, yeah.

Well, that only covered the 1201.

The what?

1201. It's a code.

12 .01 is throwing the car in. 25 quid.

All right, all right. Here you are, look.

There's a tonne.

That'll not go very far. All right.

200.

Well, if you made it three, I could really get stuck into it.

I mean, I've got the wheels on account, but there's a limit to it. Yeah, I'm

sure there is, but you see, I've got a slight cash flow problem at the moment

account of being bled white by members of the motor trade, if you get my drift.

Double 18.

Double 18.

Hey, Dave.

How'd you like to come in with me as his co -manager?

I reckon 300 quid could buy you a piece of a future champion.

Do you know what your bar slate adds up to, Arthur?

Eh?

94 pounds, 13 pence.

Oh, Dave, you should have said.

It'd be a blight if you could see some of it off, Arthur. Tell you what,

around 50.

I'll give you the rest next week.

Thank you very much, Arthur.

Another one?

Yeah, cheers.

Yeah, but what's all this G &M up about he's going to make a fortune?

That lad is going to play in and win the finest darts tournament this city has

ever seen.

If Bob Hope can do it for golf, I can do it for darts.

The Arthur Daly Pro -Am.

Have you gone cranky or something?

I mean, what you know about darts, you could write on the back of a stamp.

You could write what anyone knows about darts on the back of a stamp. Three

arrows and a board.

Not exactly nuclear physics, is it?

Now, look, listen.

We put up a first prize of £1 ,000.

I thought you had a cash flow problem.

Here you go, Terry.

Terry, Terry, Terry, you do not use your own cash.

You charge three quid to enter.

Three quid buys you a chance to win a thousand.

Yeah, but queuing ten deep would have at least 300 people. That's 900 quid in

the bin for a start.

Yeah, but he only plays for pleasure, doesn't he? He won't play for money.

I am giving the boy a chance to make something of himself.

I mean, what's he got to look forward to in Wales?

The dole queue.

It is at times like these, historically, that the great athletes... Come to the

fore. Hungry fighters.

There is no better time than a recession to find a boy like this.

I want some Californian wing mirrors and an Hawaii Five -0 synthesizer.

Oh, well, you'll find those down there at the end on the left. On the left.

Terry!

Where's Arthur?

Arthur?

Daly? Oh, I don't know, mate. He's disappeared with me motor.

I phoned the Winchester, been to his lock -up, he's vanished.

Oh, he'll be all right.

It's the motor, not Arthur I'm worried about.

I'm a bag of nerves.

Well, I'm sure your car's in good hands.

He's spending the weekend at some toff's place.

Here.

You don't think he could have just vanished like that Lucan geezer, do you?

I mean, you read about these flash weekend parties.

They get a few girls in, drugs, drink, and Bob's your uncle.

Nah.

Nah, not Arthur. He wouldn't have the energy.

Do you like custom cars, Tom?

No, not really.

What are you doing in here, then?

Well, I say no, but there's this little dachshund, you see, that I wouldn't mind

customising. But I don't know whether I like custom carving enough to customise

it, if you see what I mean.

Look, I'll tell you what. You go back to work and I'll find Arthur for you, all

right? I can't work.

He only gave me a tonne. That's gone on the new bonnet.

Yeah.

Look, I'll tell you what.

Cop some of this.

Oh, no, Terry, I can't take your money.

It's Arthur's.

Sort of.

You're a diamond, Terry.

Real Jew.

Image, that is the name of the game.

Turn round, Daff.

Look at that.

Goodbye, Daffod. Hello, D 'Artagnan.

Do you get it, Dave? Got two meanings, you see. Dart as in darts, and dart as

D 'Artagnan. Your idea, Arthur. Yeah.

Very well.

Won't you, Mr. Club?

If that's the bloke about the videotapes, I'm in Holland sorting it

Is Mr Daly in the club today? There's a little Freddy for him. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Hello, Freddy.

Where's the venue?

It's the Silver Vose Club.

Well, what's the address?

Yeah, yeah. That's South London.

Yeah, but there's a lot of money changes hands, Arthur.

Yeah, but South London.

All right.

Oh, South London.

A lot of very wicked people, Arthur.

Any news of Wally's car?

My client's getting anxious.

Yeah, be ready in a couple of days.

Oh, good, good.

Did you get the Hawaii 5 -0 synthesizer?

No, I couldn't afford it.

I sent you out with 200 quid.

You were allowed to give 100 of that to Wally Brabham, didn't I?

You don't go around giving people money.

You owe it to him. Only on paper.

Give us 5p. He owes me commission on the sale of his motor.

You haven't sold it yet. He doesn't know that.

Oh, Mark.

Yeah, fine, please.

Hey, come on, what's going on? Get out.

Come on, get out of here.

No, I'm not. No, I'm not. It's the look of your lip, bloody vandals.

How are you feeling, sunshine?

All right, like, you know, a bit nervous.

I don't want to let Mr. Daly down.

No, Wally, I'm still down at his lordship's place.

Yeah, yeah. What, Wally? Did, um, did Terry give you the hundred quid I asked

him to bring over to you?

Oh, he did. Good, good. Excellent.

Negotiations for your motor. Wally, you would not believe.

This is the first chance I've had to get to the telephone.

You've made me feel ambitious.

He reckons I'll be good enough to play for Wales.

He says the sky's the limit.

Yeah, well, it's a long way up over South London, son.

A really long way.

Oh, Wally, Wally, I'll have to go now. Somebody just bashed the dinner gone.

See you.

42 quid for hiring a flash motor, 20 for a dark shirt, 100 here, 100 there, 100

everywhere.

I'm about as stretched as I want to be at the moment.

Yeah, but it's only money, isn't it?

And you know what God thinks about money, don't you? Eh?

Well, you can tell by the people he gives it to.

Number 20.

Sugar Rose Club is just a big boozer. Yes.

We've got a competitor.

Two pounds.

We pay 1 ,001 here on a straight knockout basis.

One game, sudden death.

If you reach the final, it's 200 for the winner, 100 for the runner -up.

I'm required to tell you that no betting is allowed on the premises.

You know anybody?

Not a soul, no.

You're on when they call your number.

Thousand and one.

I thought we'd be playing 501.

Tell me.

Oh, it has been dark, Mr. Daly.

You play 501 over several legs.

As you know, as a game, it favors the skilled player.

Go on. Thousand and one is more a game of chance, like.

Especially if you're a slow starter like I am.

Slow starter?

I usually need at least one game to get into my stride, so to speak.

Playing one game, sudden death.

It'll all be over in five minutes.

I'll tell you what. Come over here. You'll need some practice.

Number 21.

Right,

Freddy. Where's the clever money going, eh?

Why, what's wrong with backing your lad?

He tells me he's a late starter.

I hire him a motor, buy him a shirt. I'm a late starter, Mr Davy.

Well, he'd be better off at 5 .01, wouldn't he?

Keep this under your head.

You see that fellow over there?

They brought him in for me then.

Name of Tommy.

They got him down as having no chance of passing the first round.

He's got a quiet 700 quick on him from various quarters saying that he'll win

the semi -finals and lose the finals.

That's your clever bed, Arthur.

Watch that bookie.

They call him the Juggler.

Oh, yeah.

They used to call me the Wizard of Odds.

What are the odds for Tommy? Three.

Four. Seven to two.

All right. Tenner.

Glad you're here with me, Terry.

Can we have kelts together, like?

Pardon?

We can.

Irish, isn't it?

Oh, kelts, yeah.

Yeah. I'll stay with you, mate.

Don't worry.

Just do your best. That's all anybody can ask.

Can I have a bet on him?

No, no, no. I don't think I will.

No? I'm going to do a fiver.

Us kelps have got to stick together.

Get us a lager, will you?

Kelps?

Half a lager, please, lads.

Here we go.

It's good, this guy's running.

Oh, my son, you can do it.

180! He's there! Come on! Up the kilts! Do what,

son?

Hold on, this is down to a finish, isn't it?

115.

315, so that's 45.

20.

He needs a ball.

Come on. Get that ball, Duffy.

He's already done it, hasn't he?

Look at that.

He's got the ball. A little Welsh wizard.

Come on, son. You've got to have a bet on him now. He's winning, isn't he? I am

not here to bet.

I'm here to watch the boy's throwing action.

Weigh up his potential, his response to a crowd.

You're skint, aren't you?

Don't be silly.

Winnings.

Kelts. Bloody Welsh Kelts.

Who are they? I don't know, but they're working together. I put money on it.

There's a Welsh kid and a bloke called Kevin.

He's the one that beat Tommy in the first round. Tommy?

I take weeks trying to get a decent price on him as a no -hooper. And when I

finally manage it, that's exactly what he turns out to be.

Point these two out. Right.

There.

That's the Welsh one. In with Dart... Dartington on his shirt.

And that's the Kevin one.

Look at that. See? They're a team, Eddie.

This Charlie's to be? Yeah.

Do you reckon either of these two could beat him? I reckon they could both beat

him. That's it, isn't it?

If they don't shyly reach the final, they'll decide who's going to win. And

without that, they'll still stitch us up.

Get that Welsh over here.

You, get over there and have a word with Kevin.

Right, I'll say this once.

I represent the winner of this tournament.

Now, unless you want to crawl out of here on stumps, I suggest you pack your

gear and get the bus home.

Sorry, I really don't know what you mean. The iron is disgusting, I'm

you. No, I'm also curling.

I'm telling you, this bloke's... You believe me?

Yeah, both of you, out now.

I don't want to see your boat or yours down there again.

You want to play darts? Play alone.

We're trying to make a living out of this, and your lad and the other one

got in there are a bit too good.

Oh, and what other one?

Don't give me that. Off away.

What about my coat?

Go and get it.

You, go.

Come on in. What's all this about?

Nobody tries to stitch me up. Stitch?

No, you got it all wrong, pal.

I didn't get where I am by being wrong.

Where you are?

A South London boozer.

Hardly Al Capone, is it?

You came down here to make a few bob.

That's right.

Here. Nice job, son. Well done. Thanks very much. Thanks a lot.

Now,

I'd feed it, mate. Thank you.

What's the car in here?

Want to stitch something up? Stitch that up.

Stop! Stop it!

Stop it!

Out of it!

Terry! Terry, leave it!

Terry, get out of it!

You scum!

Why, Terry?

Pennies, that's why.

Pennies!

I didn't know that was going to happen, did I?

Still going to get him on telly, are you?

Introduce him to your mate, Kent Walton.

Yeah, you were quite happy when you were winning a few bob on him.

I'm putting on a pro -am and I've lost my ace card.

Panic over.

I don't have to have enough for anything.

Today should be better.

Thank God for the National Health Service.

Come over here, Mr Evans.

I'll need a picture.

Listen, are you sure you're all right?

Not all the wild animals are in the zoo, though, are they?

Human nature? My God.

How can I make a dress for you? Oh, it's all right. I can manage.

Oh, look, it's right. Look at that. Eh?

Yeah.

A bit extra.

Pick that up in the desert as well.

Oh, so you can still throw the... Yeah.

Somebody up there likes me.

Just as well, innit? Because no one down here does.

Oh, nice and warm down there.

All out.

Good.

There are only three more competitors, though.

Three? Well, that makes only 20.

I was expecting 300.

What's the matter with people? Don't they want to win money anymore?

Keith, the downstairs was saying there's a big tournament in Las Vegas worth 15

grand. Apparently, they're all over there.

Bloody yanks are in on everything.

Come on, you better have a word with young Dackard. He's looking rather

He's nervous, isn't he? Well, he's not exactly match fit either, is he?

Ladies and gentlemen, may I welcome you all to the Arthur Daly Pro -Am Darts

Tournament.

501 is the name of the game, and this is what you are all playing for.

£1 ,000.

This crystal box will be placed above the bar for the duration of the

tournament. And round about six or seven this evening, we'll know who the lucky

winner is.

But I would just like to say this.

This old game of darts of ours isn't only about winning.

It's about the ordinary Joe coming along with his arrows in his hand and his

heart full of hope and trying to play the game.

He ain't going to sing or did it my way, is he?

Sorry about the wait, but you know what these lords are like about time.

Hey, you will be paying me today, though, won't you? When my client gets

we'll all be paid.

OK, swell.

Arthur Daly.

Oh, Mr Wright.

How nice to hear your voice.

Pardon?

Well, that's handsome, isn't it? Handsome.

He has me motor all this time.

I borrowed money to finish his heap.

Now, really, he's found a bungalow in Eastbourne, and the old thing's up the

spout because a polo pony puts the top in the hospital.

Don't they bloody me?

Heap! There he's done it! Well done, my son!

Woo!

Oh, thank you.

All that, mate.

Here you are. Have a little cuff. Thanks.

Another step nearer to final, innit? Maybe.

What are you talking about, maybe?

I don't know, Teddy. I don't feel right. I'm not on top of my game.

Some of these blokes look good, don't they?

Don't worry about them.

Listen, you've got to think like a winner and you're halfway there. You

like a loser, you might as well pack up now.

This is your corner talking.

And from one kelp to another, sod the hand and you win that first prize for

mum in Wales.

I've got two gross ladies' tights. I can knock them out to you for fun.

Eh? Oh, you don't?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Fair enough, Morris, fair enough.

Oh, you're not looking for a car, by any chance?

No, no, you're not, no. No, OK, fine, fine. Me?

Oh, in the pink, as ever.

Terry? Come.

Oh, cheers.

Hello. It's me.

Look. Get the spare dartboards.

Hold on, hold on. Where are you?

Upstairs. Get the boards we haven't used and take them back.

What, now?

Yes, now. Get the deposit and a refund.

Meet me at the lock -up. And it's urgent.

All right, all right. Keep your hair on.

Hello? You had anyone in about my car?

Oh, it's only been out there a couple of hours, Mr Daly.

I'm trying to get you the right price.

You've had a bit of bad luck, so I stuck it in at 2 .250.

Oh, I thought I said sell it, not give it away.

Well, you said a quick sale.

I can put the price higher if you want.

No, no, no, leave it. Just sell the flaming thing.

OK. Have a nice day now.

The result of the draw for the semi -final is Big Bry Walsh versus Baz and D

'Artagnan versus Ron Billingham of the Royal Oak.

Mission control here.

Pat, what's happening on your end?

Oh, they're playing the Demons.

We're in the semi -finals.

What, already?

Oh, God, is that the time?

Who's still in? A bloke called Baz.

One called Billingham. Big Bri.

And your lad is still trying. Is he winning?

He's two games in front.

Oh, hang on. No, he's not.

No, he is not.

Pat, Pat, what's happening?

He's three games up now.

Oh, he's a great lad you've got there.

Yeah, yeah, better than I thought.

Hey, Pat, that machine I had put in the bar for you, don't you still owe me 50

going on that?

Well, I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll deduct that from what you owe me for the heart of the room.

Is that OK?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fair enough, Pat.

I'll be down later. See you.

Look, I don't suppose you've ever seen one of these before. That is an income

tax form. Year ended April 1976.

I had a majesty's mafia around here last week. Pay up or else.

Bloody liberty.

Look at that, look at that. That's an order of 3 ,000 quid's worth of

videotapes. 1 ,500 paid in advance.

I've got a client who'll pay five grand for that lot. Where are they?

In a custom shed at Amsterdam Airport.

Blue movies?

Certainly not.

And you want to know the final coup de grace? The stab in the back?

The car deal's off.

Ain't really been your week, has it, mate?

I tell you, Terry, I really believe it's cosmic.

It's what?

There's unseen hand at work in the life of Arthur Daly.

Oh, come on, don't give me all that bunny. I know you.

Look, my business is like the sea. It's all ebb and flow.

Look, what I'm trying to say is the tide is out.

I haven't got the prize money.

Your skin?

Embarrassed. Arthur Daly's short of a grand. It's ridiculous.

Peanuts. I've always got one grand.

I'll never move without one grand in cash.

Except today.

Arthur. What?

Well, if you haven't got the prize money, what's in that plastic box on

bar?

Seven tenners and a toilet roll.

Did you get it?

An 108 quid.

That's all I've got anywhere, right? I won't forget this, Terry. I really

Don't worry, I won't hurt you. Come on.

Daffy's in the final. Amazing, isn't it? Yeah, that's my boy.

It's him and Big Bri for Edgway.

Is that a big prize lot?

Yeah.

Oh well.

The old firm.

What? You and me. Against the world.

Again.

Ladies

and

gentlemen.

Now the moment you've all been waiting for. The grand final. of the Arthur Daly

Pro -Am.

And to those of you who didn't get this far, in the words of the Bard, you can't

win them all.

I present, from Edgware, London, Big Bri Walsh.

And from the green, green valleys of Cardiff, Daffod, D 'Artagnan, Evans.

Your caller for this game, Mr Ronnie Clark.

Best of order, please. Thank you.

Big brighter throw first.

Game on.

Hey, get an iron and an ironing board, will you?

Do what?

Well, look at your money. It looks like something the cat ate.

You don't have to have it, you know. Get the entry fees from Pat. 60 quid.

45.

140.

486 quid.

What about the money in the box?

Yeah, I counted that too.

Arthur Daly?

Yeah, yeah, you're all right, Ted. What's happened?

Nothing. No, no, don't try Monday. The car is now off the market.

Because I need the money tonight, that's why.

Well, that's it.

No, no, no.

You'd better hold on there, pal. If you don't get that money tonight, they're

going to pull this place apart and us with it.

Well, there's only one place left.

The place I make it a rule never to go.

Me own doorstep.

Winchester Club.

Hello, Arthur. How's your luck?

180!

He's never going to do this. Not with his left hand.

I said he wasn't match fit.

Come on, Daffy. Come on, my son.

Mind the shotgun.

We're going out.

If Daffy can pull one back, he's still in with a chance here.

140!

Woo! Up the kelps! Terry, please.

100.

Dave, if there had been any other way... I know, Arthur, I know.

I, uh... I managed 500.

Oh, Dave, what can I say?

You could give me a receipt of it. Oh, yeah, of course.

Eighty -one.

Well, our thing's going for our side. No, Dave, it's not looking too good at

moment. If our lad doesn't win this one, it's all over.

One hundred.

I see the bookie over there.

What, a long case? Yeah.

Don't let him leave without seeing me first.

137! Yeah, all right.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

120!

You require four.

Come on, boys. Come on, boys.

Come on, big boy. Come on, boys.

Yes! And that's the big boy.

Go and take care of Daphne. He looks disappointed.

Walk this way, my son.

Thanks.

Still, you can't win them all, can you? Sorry, Terry, I let the say down.

Of course you haven't. If my hand was up, I'm sure I could win for Mr. D.

just forget that, will you?

They cut your hand, next thing they break your heart.

You don't want to be mixed up with all this ducking and diving for a living. It

ain't you.

What you want to do is go back to Wales and tell your old mum you can beat them

all up here with your left hand.

She'd be proud of you.

Nice to have somebody be proud of you, isn't it?

Yeah, I suppose it is, yeah.

Maybe you're right.

I am.

I know I am, believe me.

Now come and cheer up and have a cup.

Well done, Arthur. Cheers, Dave.

What's all that... Oh, I see.

Why didn't you tell me?

What? What was all that rubbish about the old firm and all that?

No, no, don't go on, don't go on. Look, you got your money back.

Dave didn't even have to part with it.

Oh, Daffy, Daffy, there you are, my son. Second prize.

Oh.

And a bonus.

Thank you very much.

Funny, really, isn't it? If you'd won that final, my son, you wouldn't have

a penny.

And I thought there'd be 700 quid in debt to Ted and Wally. Say nothing of

250 I'd already given to Bookie.

Oh, well, it all swings and roundabouts, doesn't it?

Now, hold on.

Where's this 250 come into it?

That's the bet I had on Big Bri at one o 'clock this afternoon.

Odds of 15 to two. I couldn't resist that, could I? First bet of the day.

Are you Didlow or something? What would have happened if two other geezers got

into the final?

We would have been on a very sticky wicket, Terry. We?

You'll never understand, will you?

It's the risk element that makes it all worthwhile.

You see, some people, they go through life walking down the middle of the

To them, that is life's highway.

But that is not my way.

The cliff edge is where you'll find me.

Taking the risks.

Dreaming of dreams.

I've changed the situation.

Right people, right time, just the wrong location.

I've got a good idea.

If you keep me near, I'll be so good for you. I'm

going to help you.

Love you like you want me to. I'll do anything for you.

I'll be so good for you. I could be so good for you.

I'll do it like you want me to. Love you like you want me to.