All language subtitles for Minder s03e03 Rembrandt Doesnt Live Here Anymore

Thank you.

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

I can be so good for you.

Love you like you want me to.

Turn around and dip and roll the
shoulder and use your arms.

Hands wide.

Hands wide, honey.

Yes? No.

Turn that bloody thing off. Come on.

No, no, take them out one at a time.

Isn't it? What am I going to do with it?
Max?

Hello, Mr. Daly.

B .A .T., please.

Aye.

I've got a couldn't tonic. Oh.

Hey, uh, what's all that about?

Leonard. Best of the business.

Any new girls, we get Leonard
Chazamout's done.

He used to be on television.

Did he?

He'd certainly fool them on What's My
Line, wouldn't he?

What is that?

New deco.

Smart, isn't it?

That'll be two pounds, please, Mr. Daly.

Two quid?

No wonder you're having the place done
up.

When Mr. Simmons is here, I don't
usually pay for drinks. Hello.

If you're paying, I'll have one of
these, please.

That'll be three pounds, please, Mr.
Daly.

You just here for the dress rehearsal?

You're going to stay and watch the real
thing, eh? I'm here on purely

philanthropic grounds.

Well, then who?

I am here on your behalf. I've come to
see that you've settled in all right.

I want to watch this unnatural
behaviour.

With inflated prices.

You are here to check that I turned up
or not.

So you can get your whack off of
Simmons.

Listen, what about the other geezer?

Lee.

What? The other geezer. Simmons' regular
bouncer. What's happening to him? He'll

be up and about in a couple of weeks.

Yeah, you're all right here till then.

Up and about?

You told me last night he'd been nicked.

Oh, well, no, no, not really nicked.
More sort of gashed.

Gashed?

That's from Downing.

Friendy!

Well,

well, well, Arthur.

What's a crooked sod like you doing in a
nice place like this?

Oh, just ironing out some staff problems
for them, Frank. Bit of business, you

know. What are you up to here?

I haven't seen you since they put you up
for that passport fiddle. What was it,

putting your moustaches on bank robbers,
wasn't it? Yeah, they got me for that.

I've gone back to painting since I came
out. Well, I never... Terry!

Terry, I want you to meet a friend of
mine. Frank Downing, Terry McCann. Terry

works for me.

Yeah, that's all right. We met earlier.

Terry's a minder. I rent him out, you
know. Very useful, young Terry. I've

that. You see?

Top man in your field.

World's most expensive lager in your
hand. Endless display of bint under your

nose. Not exactly blood, sweat and
tears, is it?

No, no, I'll manage, yeah. But I want to
speak some money for it at the end of

the night. Yeah, of course you do. I'll
pop in later with some reddies. You can

buy me a drink.

Won't let me forget that, will you?

I'll tell you what.

Couldn't paint a moustache on him, could
you? Maybe he'd leave the country.

Is that a full -time game, Frank?

Painting tarts on walls?

That's just for drinking money. I'm
doing some of the real stuff these days.

Oh, well, I might be able to help you
there. A friend of mine wants his squash

cork re -emulsion.

If you'd like to name your price, I'll
have a word with him.

Not hours painting, Arthur.

Pictures.

Paintings. You know, you hang them on
the wall and look and look at them.

Oh, paintings.

Like Rembrandt and all that lot. The old
Velvet App Brigade.

You got it, Arthur.

Well, I never. How very tranquil.

There can't be a living, can it,
Frankie?

I mean, you have to be dead before you
make any real money at that game.

Well, the ones I do, they usually are.

If you know what I mean.

Yeah.

Genuine forgeries?

Let's say in the style of.

Forgery's not a word they use a lot.

Um, Frankie, would there be any room for
an entrepreneur in this business? You

know, someone with a bit of capital
behind him? Not short of a few quid?

You serious?

Of course I'm serious, Frank. We're
talking about money.

Very serious stuff.

All right, Arthur.

What are you doing right now?

Is it art for pleasure or art for pain?

I've never really thought about it,
Mark. I don't really know.

Young girls in Victorian underwear.

There's not much I can tell you.

I'm not bringing any more of Minico back
to my place. Oh, God, Meg, keep your

voice down.

I thought you were working in Los
Angeles. No, that's half me. He's a man,

like him. He's the one who does all
those men's bottoms.

It's all sexual if you want to look at
it that way. What he's asking you to

decide is whether or not you can come to
terms with your own sexuality or not.

Five quid for a programme?

God, I've got to be into a profit before
one of these even comes off the wall.

It's all a con, Arthur.

Look around you.

Don't matter whether a pitch is genuine
or not. They're all hyping each other on

it. Art game's like any other business.

It's all down to acquisition, investment
and pure greed.

They want to be conned. They con each
other and they con themselves.

Well, business is business, Frankie. I
mean, that is what makes the world go

round. That's the beauty of it.

They make their own rules in this game.

Come on, let's take a wander. I'll tell
you about it.

The point about art dealing is that it's
all down to what they call.

Oh, yeah. That is, proving whether a
picture's authentic or not.

And the dealers call their own tune on
that.

It's their opinion that the punter goes
on.

If they want a picture, they want to be
convinced.

Yeah, well, it's the same with motors,
isn't it? Of course it is.

In this game, it's a lot easier, because
it's all down to signature.

If you don't sign it, it's not fraud.

Um, Frank?

What sort of money are we talking about?

Depends on the painter.

Anything from £500 to £500 ,000. If it's
a good oil.

A name they're looking for.

Talking about one of my genuines.

One I could put a signature to.

Five or six grand.

Five or six grand, eh?

Tell me more, Frank.

No, it's going on the phone. Well,
that's all right.

It's £28, but we'll tell him that before
he opens it.

She's not bad for a beginner, is she?

I'd say she's shaving up rather well.

She starts looking bald with it. They
all do.

Not that this lot here had noticed.

Well, still takes her mind off the
economic recession, doesn't it?

It's like they come down here and jump
under a tube.

Yeah, Arthur's right.

I mean, that's what it's all about,
isn't it?

Job satisfaction.

Yeah.

I wonder how long it would take them to
get bored.

5 ,000.

5 ,200.

5 ,500.

5 ,800.

And 6.

6 ,200.

6 ,500.

At £6 ,500 now, in advance on £6 ,500.

Wouldn't do it to get a nervous tick out
of turn, would it? Might have to rush

out and flog the motor to pay for it.

Doesn't work like that, Arthur.

You've got to prove you're reserved
before you're allowed to bid.

And that geezer up there's tuned in to
what's going on like a laser beam.

Otherwise you could have a couple of
hoorays in there, pumping up the price

you.

At £4 ,800 now, in advance on £4 ,800.

Lot 27, 19th century hunting scene,
unknown artist, possibly by J .F.

Bid me 2 ,005 for this.

2 ,005 I'm bid.

2 ,800 and 3 ,000. 3 ,002, 3 ,500.

Who are they all, Frankie?

I mean, they don't look like you're
coming to guard Mark, love, do they? Not

exactly lawyer and glasses.

Dealers. From all over the place. Paris,
New York.

And agents for private buyers.

They don't like a lot of publicity in
this game. So nobody knows who's buying

what for who.

Or why, when you look at half of it.

I can tell you one of them is right now.

Who's that?

Bull -headed geezer. Gold rim specs.

Second round.

His name's Rory Quinn.

Got a license to print money down in
Fulham.

He's a boogie.

I think I'll have to get down to some
serious researching on this game,

Well, if Quinn's got his nose in a
trough, he's got to be favoring it.

Box 27, 6 ,500, Mr. R.

Wynn.

Good stuff, is it, Mr. Daly?

Turn the lights up, Max, will you?

A man could go blind in here.

Arthur.

Oi.

No, no, this is a strip club, not a
library.

Get replaced with bad name doing things
like that in here.

What's the matter? Can't I have a quiet
read? Am I obliged by the staff to sit

and contemplate her navel?

I would, no.

Give us a lager, Max.

Come on, then, I'll give up. What is it?

Arthur. Terry, Terry, it cost me seven
and a half quid.

All official outs review.

Art review? What's all that about?

This, my son, is the official form book
of the art trade. I do not intend to

start laying the odds without a little
bit of research behind me. Arthur,

do not bet on paintings.

Not in this country, anyway.

Hold on, you're onto a fiddle, aren't
you? You're pulling a stroke, aren't

For your information, I'm about to make
a foray into the art world.

Something a little more aesthetic than
used cars and Japanese watches.

Are you saying you're setting yourself
up as an art dealer?

I don't believe it.

You don't know anything about art.

It's all in here, isn't it?

Names, dates, stables, starting prices.

Yeah, listen, listen to this. Look.

Atkinson Grimshaw. Whitby by night.

Signed 1883 on canvas.

19 and three quarters by 29 and three
quarters.

Auction by woods.

How much?

How do you know what I know?

Seven grand.

And that is only Atkinson Grimshaw.

Who's he?

I don't know. That's not the point, is
it?

The point is that one of his murky
moonlit numbers is currently valued at

grand. If I could pick one out for a
tenner in a junk shop, I'd be well in,

wouldn't I?

So that's your new career, is it?

Looking for undiscovered Atkins and
Brimshaws.

Well, listen, good luck, mate.

I hope it all works out. And if you ever
find any, give us a shout, I'll help

you carry them all home.

It's funny you should say that, Terry,
because I was not going to impose on

free time, but there is a little favour
in that direction you could do for me.

Favour? What favour? What do you mean,
favour?

It's ten o 'clock, Frank.

I brought you some coffee.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

All right, all right.

Listen, Frank, you've got to go this
week.

I mean, I know you've been good to me,
but I think I've returned the favor. You

can't talk here forever, for God's sake.

I know, I know.

I'm working on it. I know what you're
working on. Fortune.

Not fortune, Miss Monica.

Works of art.

Paintings in the manner of.

But not fortune. It doesn't matter what
you're working on. If Kevin comes back

and finds you here, he'll go mad.

Why should he?

All I've done is borrow some paints and
a few books.

I haven't strayed from the couch, have
I? It wouldn't make any difference.

You're here and I'm here. That's all he
needs. I've told him about you. I've

told him it's finished.

It wouldn't exactly look like it if he
came back and found you living here,

would it?

Good while he lasted, though, wasn't it?

You don't give up, do you?

That was three years ago, Frank, and I'm
not looking for father figures anymore.

Why did you let me stay this time?

I didn't exactly twist your arm, did I?

I know.

I must be silly, mustn't I? But not that
silly. And you've got to go as quick as

you can. Please, Frank, don't make any
trouble for me.

Bonjour, tout le monde.

Ici France Inter.

Bonjour, tout le monde. You too.

I was looking for Frank Downing. I was
told he lives here.

Sort of.

What do you want him for?

Well, a friend of mine's bought a
painting and I've come to collect it.

If he sort of lives here, is he sort of
in or sort of out?

It's all right. I've come to collect a
painting. No, it's National Insurance

contributions.

He's working. You'd better come in.

Frank, there's someone here for you.

Who is it?

What does he want?

It's me, Terry.

I've come to get Arthur's picture.

Oh, yeah.

Hang about.

Be with you in a minute.

It's good, isn't it?

Bit dated, though.

It will be when I get the geriatric code
on it.

The what?

Did, er... Did Arthur say anything to
you?

No, he just said, come and collect a
picture.

Didn't mention any geriatrics?

No.

No, he wouldn't.

Here you go.

Tell him I'll be in touch in a couple of
days.

No, sorry, yeah. Well, I'll see you
then. Cheers.

Yeah, it's nice, that, isn't it?

You can't see what all the fuss was
about.

Yeah, go treat with all the other stuff
you got here. What do you mean, stuff?

What do you know, anyway?

Only canvas you ever studied was covered
in blood and boxing boots.

Ah, it's a very fine piece.

Reflective.

Mellow.

Fake.

What do you mean, fake?

Does that look like a fake to you?

Well, no, no.

That don't.

You do.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, come on.

You're no more an art collector than I
am.

Oh, no?

What do you think all this stuff is?

You're surrounded by very tasteful
artefacts.

This will blend in very nicely.

I thought I was there, weren't I?

That little set -up he's got, he can
knock them out like ice lollies.

What did Frank say?

I didn't say anything, but I've got eyes
and a brain, haven't I?

All right, all right, all right.

Do you know what a geriatric coat is?

Do what?

You should do. You're old in one.

Yeah, you see, it's the finish they put
on to make them look old.

Geriatric, get it? You should know about
that, shouldn't you?

You see, it's varnish, bit of dust out
the uva, under the sun lamp for a couple

of hours, and hey, presto, one old
Victorian masterpiece, brand new.

What you been doing, watching open
-blooded universities?

O -level art forgery.

Well, I'll be careful, but that's how
Jesse James got shot.

He was a bandit and all, wasn't he?

Up a bit.

Left a bit.

It's a shame.

What is?

You're a skilled artist, Frank. It's a
shame you don't do something of your own

instead of forging other people's work.

Yeah.

By painting murals in strip clubs.

You don't have to do that, either.

You could start by putting as much
confidence into something of your own as

do into copying.

Or maybe you've got nothing of your own
to say. Is that it, Frank?

Now, listen. This whole game's a rip
-off. You know that as well as I do.

Nothing's new, Monica.

You just can't go any further.

And all I'm doing is proving what a rip
-off it really is.

It's all just a joke.

Frank Downing strikes back.

Okay?

Hi. Hello again.

I do hope this isn't just a coincidence.

Oh, not really. I had to come down this
way.

Frank told me where he'd met you.

That's the aftershave, isn't it?

Oda Street Club. Oh, that's a killer.

Listen, I tell you what, I haven't had
any breakfast yet, let alone lunch, so I

feel like joining me in a bit of egg on
toast, bacon, berries.

I picked up with him when I came to
college in London.

I don't know, there seemed to be
something glamorous and exciting about

then. It's not like that now.

So why are you still putting up with
him? Well, it's your gap, isn't it?

I share it with the guy I've been with
for a while.

Well, he's away, and when I ran to Frank
in the Portobello, he was a long way

down. He took him out of jail.

He was very good to me once. I really
did love him.

I felt very safe with the artful Dodger.

Do you like some bacon? Oh, I like it a
lot.

It doesn't matter what you do for a
crust, does it?

I mean, love and that, it's...

But why am I getting all this?

Or is it just my animal magnetism?

You know what Frank's doing, so you must
be in on it somehow.

Hold on, hold on.

I'm not a crook, if that's what you're
trying to tell me.

But Frank told me you work for a man
called Arthur. He said Arthur was the

craftiest villain in London, so I
thought you must be one of the... A man

Arthur. Oh, dear, oh, dear. You writing
his autobiography next?

I'll tell you what.

Frank can do the illustration, can't he?

Now, look.

I've got no connection with Frank at
all.

I mean, I'd hardly go and tell him to
fold up his easel as far as you're

concerned, can I?

No, I work for Arthur. Well, I work with
Arthur, really.

Throw a bit of muscle about, I drive a
car. I'm a minder, and that's as far as

it goes.

Well, half the time, anyway.

What do you mean?

Well, Frank was wrong about me.

But he wasn't totally wrong about
Arthur.

Interesting, isn't it?

Of course, Delaunay is generally
regarded as the inventor of Orphic

I wouldn't say this was Orphic in the
strictest sense of the term, but it does

have that fusion with Fauvism that
anticipates the pure abstract painters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You into business, then?

Oh, yes, indeed. I picked that up at an
auction in Paris last month.

A little out of the mainstream these
days, but I like it.

Just the same concern with the emotional
effect of colour as, well, any of the

Impressionists.

Don't you think so?

Oh, no, no, I'm no judge. No, no, that's
why I've come to see you.

Really?

Well, if you could tell me what it is
you're looking for, I'd be glad to

you. Oh, no, no, no, I'm not buying.

No, what I require is a professional
evaluation of a recent acquisition of

I take it you mean a painting?

A painting, yeah.

But more representational, you know, not
like all these things you've got here,

you know.

More horses, cows, chickens.

Real painting, you know.

Real painting?

I see. Well, now, is it contemporary
work? No, it's not contemporary.

not contemporary.

I mean, it's been in a family for years.

I only came by it after a recent
bereavement. God rest her soul.

It was coloured in dust when I got it.

I mean, she was out of the ark herself,
so it can't be, can it?

An heirloom, eh?

Well, these things can sometimes be of
value.

Mr... Daly.

Arthur Daly.

I'm in the entrepreneurial line myself.
You know, property, automobiles,

manpower services, that sort of thing.
Nothing as specialised as your game,

which is why I've come to... Yes, of
course. Well,

perhaps if you could show me the
painting itself, Mr Daly, I might be

express an opinion for you. No problem.

No problem at all.

I see you've got a problem, and I'd like
to help you.

The only trouble is, it's the old
eternal triangle, isn't it?

I mean, if I had a word with Frank, it
would just make things stickier.

Well, what about Arthur? Maybe if I said
something to him... Arthur?

No, he's not too receptive to things
like that. Not unless there's a few bob

it for him.

No, whatever he and Frank are up to,
they're up to it together, aren't they?

Your best bet is just be straight with
your geezer. Honestly, it's the best

policy in all that.

Unless you've got something to lie
about, and you haven't, have you? No,

pleasure, right?

It's just I've got myself into a silly
situation, that's all.

Well, thanks for talking to me. I hope
you didn't mind.

Pleasure. Mind how you go.

Oh, listen.

It'll work out. It always does.

There you go.

Thank you. Oh, please, don't mention it.

It's a pleasure to have an aficionado
like yourself in the house, Squire.

You see, the trouble with my game is
it's full of, um... How can I put it?

Riff -raff. You know what I mean?

I mean, there are times, there really
are times, when I cry out for a bit of

equal company.

Yes, I'm sure you do.

So, what do you think, then?

Interesting.

Very interesting.

That's a early Victorian. Ah, there,
that's just what I said.

Handed down over the years.

and then bunged up in the attic with a
rocking horse and forgotten all about.

I think I'd go so far as to say you had
a Herring here, you know.

Eh?

The artist, Mr Daly.

John Herring.

Either him or his son.

They were both painters.

Pity it's not clearly signed, but no
matter.

They painted in the same style, and
they're both sought after in the

market. Herring Senior actually did some
work for the old biddy herself at one

time.

Oh, the Americans love him.

Well, I never.

A herring, eh? A genuine herring. Funny
names they seem to have, don't they?

Yes. Well, look.

You've got initialing here, do you see?

G -B -H?

J -F -H, actually.

John Frederick.

Still doesn't help that it's a father or
son.

Same style, same name. It's a guide to
authentication, though.

It is.

So what, do you think it would be worth
a couple of shillings, eh? Five or six

hundred, possibly.

Well, I never... You might get a little
more at an auction, of course, but

that's an uncertain business without
full authentication.

If you are thinking of a sale, I'm sure
my gallery would be prepared to make you

an offer.

I hadn't really thought about it.

I mean, I suppose it would help to pay
for a funeral.

You have five or six hundred, you did
say?

I think we could offer you something in
that region.

Well, I don't know.

I mean, what would it be in a family
heirloom and all?

Well, if you like to think about it,
give me a call. No, no, no, hang on,

on.

Will you have another drink?

Terry? Lager?

Yeah, yeah.

No, no, I'll tell you what.

I'll have a brandy, please.

Why not?

Large brandy.

No, stick a bit of ice in it.

I'll put it in an egg cup if you really
want to impress him.

There you go, then.

One large vodka.

One small brandy.

Large ice cube.

I don't know why I patronise this place.
The innuendo I have to put up with.

Me neither.

Must be my charisma.

You certainly ain't your prices.

There you are, Terence, my son.

Genuine Napoleon brandy.

Matured in the cast.

I bet Josephine didn't have to freeze it
to death to make it look like a big

one. What you so touchy for? I bought
you a drink.

A drink? Yeah.

Nah, it's that little heartless bird.
She'll call me at work.

Your friend Frank's sleeping on her
sofa, right?

Well, her boyfriend's coming home. She
doesn't want Frank there when he

Listen, Terry.

Don't start getting involved with soppy
birds' emotional traumas. Frank and me

have just made our debut in the fine art
world.

A reputable gallery has just paid us for
that little painting you were slagging

off. Cheers.

That's fraud, is it?

No, it is not. It is a fine point of
authentication, as we say in the trade.

But you wouldn't know nothing about
that.

Oh, an art expert now, are we?

What's next, live on stage at Sotheby's?

You can sit there in idleness and mock,
my son.

I've got business to attend to.

Ars Longa, Rita Brevis. You remember
that, Terence.

Jerry, Peter, listen.

Something rather interesting has just
come up.

Well, I bought a painting from some jack
-the -lat figure who came in off the

street. A fake, but the quality is
extraordinary.

I'd be very curious as to where it came
from. I mean...

I've got an artist working for him. I'd
like to meet him.

We could move the duck by the crate full
across the water.

Yes. Name's Daly. Arthur Daly.

Here you go, then.

Went up all right, then?

Like a charm.

And this is only the beginning, Frankie.
With your talent and my selling power,

we could go into business.

Not that sort of game, Arthur.

I'm not that sort of bloke, either.

What's that supposed to mean? You're a
forger, so keep forging.

No, thanks.

You get me a couple of grand for the big
one.

And I'm off somewhere warm and sunny for
a bit.

Look, you do a dozen of them racehorse
numbers, you can retire at the Torquay.

That's warm and sunny.

I told you, Arthur, it's not that sort
of game.

You do a couple, slip them onto the
market, then leave it. Change your

I've got to get out anyway.

I'm tired of dotting around in this
town.

Oh, dear. That young bint of yours, is
it?

Not mine, Arthur. Not any more anyway.

Hergesa's coming back any time now, so
I've got to get out.

Sooner you've blocked this one, sooner
I'm off.

Where are you going to go?

I don't know.

Morocco, maybe?

I could live like a Lord's bastard down
there on a couple of grand. Morocco?

That's full of Arabs, isn't it? Standing
around in their night shirts, getting

dysentery. Why don't you hang about here
and earn a few quid with me?

Don't worry about me, Arthur.

Look, you want to get Quinn to go for
that painting, that's fine.

Otherwise, I'll knock it out in
Brighton. No, don't talk like that. I'm

him today, aren't I?

Makes you so sure he's going to want it?
I've checked up on him. He is mad about

pictures of Gigi's. He's got them
everywhere.

He'll love it.

You ever been to Morocco, Arthur?

No. What? With my stomach?

Wow, it's a joke, Frank.

Rory, I'm back.

Who was it? Tell him Arthur's here, will
you? Mr. Daly for you, son.

Yeah?

Rory? An old boy called Arthur to see
you.

There we are.

There we are, swine. Good luck.

See you next year.

Rory, my old son.

How are you? Still printing money, I
see. Yeah, I can't grumble, Arthur.

Added a couple of shots to the chain
since I saw you last.

How's yourself?

Oh, not bad, not bad.

Can we talk?

Give us a moment, would you, Joe? Sit
down, Arthur.

What's on your mind?

Well, the thing is, Rory, I've been
branching out a bit lately.

You know, wider spectrum of business
interests.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yours was a bit of a dabbler, Arthur.

What's it this time? Second -hand light
bulbs?

No, no, no, nothing like that, Rory.

No, strictly upmarket this time.

It's what you might call an investment
in the aesthetic realm.

Works of art.

And when this particular piece came up,
you sprang to mind immediately.

Did I now?

Why was that?

Well, a bit delicate, Rory, a bit
delicate. I mean, normally I would have

utilised my affiliation with a gallery
that I've been dealing with, but...

This one is not for the open market, if
you get my drift.

More for your private collector, you
know, someone like yourself.

You mean it's nicked?

Well, not to put too fine a point on it,
yeah.

What is it?

That is the beauty of it, Rory.

Right up your street.

Winner of the 1821 St Ledger. It is a
masterpiece. It makes you want to reach

out and give it a sugar lump.

You're telling me you've got a John
Herring?

There you are.

One connoisseur to another.

How did you guess?

I guessed it ain't in it, Arthur. He
painted 33 St Ledger winners. I got two

them meself.

Oh, Rory, I don't know what to say.

I mean, you only need one and you've got
the treble up.

I mean, for your eyes only, but that is
the whole frisson of collecting, isn't

it? You only need 30 and you've got the
complete set.

Where did you get this little item from,
Arthur?

The paintings don't fall off the back of
lotties.

No, no, no, no, no. As I understand it,
it was a furniture removals van.

You know, one of them firms that pops in
while you're in Barbados.

Oh, no, come back on it. Stand on me.

and they are anxious to make a sale.

All you have to do is give it a nod.

What do you say?

All right.

Bring it round.

If it's what you say it is, we'll talk
money.

My pleasure, Rory. My pleasure. All
right this evening?

Hello?

Kevin! Hello, darling.

Where are you?

Will you be home today?

Yes, of course I will.

Over here is

Foods Corner, darling, please.

If you'd like to pander to the needs of
a far from penniless artist, look after

my young friends here.

Larger, bitter.

So, when Mary got back, she asked me if
I'd go along next time as Chris' friend.

And I said, you must be joking, like
great black Americans.

She said he's not that fat and he is in
oil.

I said he'd have to be, wouldn't he, to
get into his clothes?

And large ones, please, darling.

Make a much of it. It might be the last
time.

Terry?

Yeah?

Oh, sorry, sorry. What were you saying?

Who's the big spender, then?

Oh, he's the... He's an artist.

A friend of Arthur's.

Is he famous?

Not for his own work, no.

Look! Don't worry about it.

Now, what were you talking about?

I can't remember now.

I suppose conversation's not your
greatest effort, is it?

Thanks very much.

No, no, well, I'm no great talking
myself when you get down to it.

No wicked for the peaceful, is there?

All right.

Don't go away.

All right, all right.

Come on, Ben. I might have known it was
you. What do you want? What do you want?

Is that any way to address your guide
and mentor terms?

Hey, hey, I didn't get you out of the
bath, did I?

No, not out of the bath. Listen, I'm a
bit busy. If that happens, though, do

want to come back later? Well, no, I'm
here now, aren't I?

What do you mean, busy?

Well, it's, er... What are you doing?
I'm terribly busy at work.

Oh, hello.

Sorry.

At this hour?

And in daylight?

Have you got no sense of propriety?

They haven't put licensing hours on it
yet, have they?

Anyway, we'll sit with you.

Well, if this is how the underemployed
spend their time, I'm not surprised it's

all going down the drain.

I shouldn't think you've got the
strength to do an honest day's work,

You'd know about an honest day's work,
wouldn't you?

I've seen her before, haven't I?

Most of her, yeah.

She works down the club.

Anyway, I've got a job for you.

If you can tear yourself away from your
rampant sex life to worry about little

things like paying the rent.

Yeah, all right. What is it, then?

I suppose it's not getting your mate
Picasso off the floor from the dolphin,

it? No. Eh?

What, Frank?

What about him?

I saw him the other afternoon.

Well squandered.

Oh, that is lovely, isn't it? That's all
I need for a workforce.

A stripper's gigolo and a drunk and
superannuated beatnik.

Where is he now?

I'm not his minder. Why should I care?
Because I have set up a deal with Rory

Quinn. We've got to take Frank's picture
round the Quinn's Gap this evening.

Oh, have we? Yeah.

So that's the job, is it?

They've been your net from Quinn while
you ditch him up?

Nah, don't leave me out.

I think I'll go back to bed. No, no, no,
no, it's not my letter. It's just a

question of delivery and collection.

Deliver the picture, collect the cash.

You heard what she said. She's got to go
back to work.

I mean, look, look.

What is five minutes unbridled lust
against 20 notes in your pocket? Be

sensible.

All right, I'll be sensible. Good boy.
50.

Do what?

For riding around for a couple of hours
in my car? Don't be silly.

No, no. All right, all right, all right,
all right. 50, 50, 50.

25 up front.

Oh, God.

You'll pauperise me.

I doubt that very much, Arthur.

Thank you.

Well, better get some gear on, then.

Please do.

Oh, er... It's going to take a few
minutes, like, so, er...

Well, you might as well wait in the car.
No, no, no, I'm fine here, I'm fine.

No, you'd be better off in the car. No,
I'm all right, I'll have a cigar.

No, I hate you smoking in the flat. No,
I'll make a cup of coffee. Here, have a

lot. No, I don't like a lot of that. Do
you want a drink? No, no, no, Terry.

Do you hear my bill?

I want to sleep now. Come on, have a
drink.

Raps in the money again. Yeah, I can see
that.

Don't stop that. Now, listen.

I've been thinking.

I've got a real wedge coming today.

This is nothing.

Why don't we just take off somewhere?

Just you and me.

We did it before.

Listen to me, Frank, will you?

You've got to go now.

Kevin's just phoned. He could be back
any time.

I don't care about Kevin. I don't care
about Kevin.

I'm talking about us.

We can go to Spain, Morocco, Turkey.

Get it into your brain, will you, Frank?
It is finished.

I was stupid to let you come here in the
first place. Now, for God's sake, just

get your things and go.

Listen, I've just had an offer for that
painting.

Guess how much. I don't care.

I don't know and I don't care.

You've got money, you've got friends, so
just leave me alone.

want you. I don't even like you anymore.
Can't you see that, you stupid, selfish

old man?

Yeah, I suppose I can.

Just don't want to, do I?

Please, Frank, just go.

You're sulking, aren't you?

Because of that bird, eh?

Tell you what, I reckon you're jealous.

Don't talk ridiculous.

Just bear in mind I am not your tarts
taxi service, eh?

She had to get to work, didn't she?

And you wanted me on the job, didn't
you?

Or off it, depending how you look at it.

Hello, darling.

Don't worry.

I'm on my way out.

It's all right, Kevin.

Frank's just been staying here for a few
days.

Oh, really?

For old times' sake, I suppose.

Look, I just told you, don't worry about
it. I've just been doing a bit of work,

that's all. And now I'm leaving.

Yeah, so I see.

What's that?

Have I come back here ten minutes too
early, or is there a queue round here

supposed to join?

Look, take it easy. Piss off, Grandad,
you've had your turn.

No, Frank!

Stop it!

For God's sake, stop them! Stop them!

I've had a feeling something like this
will happen. I don't know what to say to

myself.

All right, lads, come on.

Oh, wait, wait, come on.

Do something, whoever you are!

Right.

Don't worry, love, I'm in the train. My
boy will look after you.

Watch it, watch it.

Just get this out of the way. Back soon.

Oi, oi, turn it in, will you?

For God's sake, Kevin, you're so silly!

It makes four of us, doesn't it?

Just get him out of here, will you?

Get...

Well, Mr. Downing, another of Grandma's
dusty heirlooms. Eh?

What's this? What are you doing here?
Much the same as you, except that Mr.

Downing has accepted my offer for his
work rather than yours.

Do what?

He's really very good, you know.

I've already covered my investment on
the last one, and this one sounds even

better. Get off me!

Get off me! Terry, I'm being robbed!

Ah, Mr. Downing.

Here, you get in the car.

You're enough trouble as it is.

All right, come on, what's all this
about, then?

I have an arrangement with Mr Downing
over that picture.

No, I think you'll find it's first come,
first served. You see, Mr Downing had a

prior arrangement with us. Let's not
make it unpleasant, shall we? No, no,

quite right. Let's not make it
unpleasant, eh?

It weren't too unpleasant, was it?

Jerry! You are pathetic, if you know
that.

I'm mortified, Frankie. I truly am.

Going behind my back like that. It
wasn't like that, Arthur.

He'd done some checking on you.

Then he came up to me in the pub and I
told him he could have a look at it.

some checking?

What about the law?

No chance, Arthur.

He's as crooked as you are.

That's a relief, isn't it?

At least you're all bent in this
business.

How about Quinn, Arthur? Is he game?

No trouble.

We'll drop you off at Terry's place,
then we'll go on round and do the

Excuse me, do I have a say in this? I do
live there, you know. Oh, goodness

sake, Terry, be a little charitable.

You've just given a man a mild pounding.

Least you can do is offer him somewhere
to recover his wits.

Now, don't start yapping and spoil
everything with your lack of expertise

this subject, will you?

What do you mean, don't tell him it's a
forgery?

There you are, you see, you've started
already.

Have I said anything about a forgery?

And don't forget who is paying you 50
quid for this little doddle.

Not a bad day's work, is it?

Careful, careful.

Oi,

oi. What date was this supposed to be
painted?

Never mind about a date. Just bring it
in.

Arthur, I think you'd better have a look
at this. Look, you worry about the fly

-by -night strippers, I worry about the
picture business.

Shut up.

All right.

There you are.

I mean, it looks so at home, doesn't it?
I mean, that could have been painted

for you, Rory.

Of course it's not. It's not Orphic in
the strict sense of the term, but, I

mean, it's got a confusion of energetic
emotions, and it predates it from the

other lot.

That was half the reason I thought of
you when I first saw it.

Rory will appreciate the tonal qualities
of this work, I said to myself.

And that was without being aware of your
fondness for the equine subject matter.

That's why he's so sought after in
America.

They cannot get enough of him over
there.

They're very fond of horses over there,
aren't they? You know, the Wild West,

all that sort of stuff.

Bandit country, isn't it?

No, I like it. I like it very much.

Well, at five, that's got to be a
bargain, Rory.

I mean, Christie's knocked one out about
12 months ago for five aid. Well, you

reckon with what?

Inflation and all that?

You're looking at eight grand's worth of
light and shade hanging on the wall.

All right, Arthur.

Done.

Just hang on here a minute. Yeah, yeah,
of course, of course, of course.

I don't suppose... No, no, no, no, just
don't say a word.

Just look at the picture.

What are you talking about, lucky?

What you witnessed last night was the
art of the entrepreneur in full bloom.

I mean, Frank's got his two grand to go
and play Lawrence of Arabia.

Quinn's drooling over a new Gigi on his
wall.

And I made more money than you'll see in
six months.

No, luck had nothing to do with it, my
son.

Consummate skill, that's what it was.

Oh, I'm glad you brought up my financial
status, because you owe me 25.

All right, all right, all right.

I'm not going to leave the country, am
I?

Well, Frank has, hasn't he?

And you might well when Quinn discovers
a deliberate mistake in his 150 -year

-old masterpiece.

Mistake?

What deliberate mistake?

Don't keep on. It's done, innit? Yeah,
but why didn't you say something?

Instead of just standing there, you let
me walk right into it.

Couldn't could I? You kept telling me to
keep quiet. That is beside the point.

You're supposed to be looking after my
interests.

I mean, what am I going to do?

You'll tear me to bits when he finds
out.

You'll just have to give him the money
back, won't you? Eh?

You'll tell him it was an artistic
oversight on your part.

Yeah, you'll tell him that. Oh, my God.

You hold him off, tell him I'll go out
this way. Oh, don't think so, Arthur.

You tell him.

Rory, how about that?

Just on my way up to see you. Wasn't I,
Terry?

Yes, you were, Arthur.

We can leave you out of this, McCann.
It's up to you.

No, I don't think so.

Looks a bit one -sided to me.

We've both been victimised, Rory.

I swear to you, I'm as innocent as you
are.

The trouble is, the guilty party's
already flown.

Where's my money, Arthur?

I haven't got it.

That's what I'm saying, isn't it?

Terry!

Terry!

Give him the money! Do what?

Just give him the money now!

All right, that's enough.

You might find that's a bit light, Rory.

But Arthur will split the difference
with you.

Won't you, Arthur?

Oh, yeah, it's only fair, isn't it?

Very fair -minded, my Terry.

See, the other fella is abroad at the
moment, so you're both going to have to

put it down to artistic licence, aren't
you?

I mean, it's not a bad picture.

No, no.

Even with the Timex.

Yeah, all right, I'll buy that.

You're a useful fellow, McCann.

Any time you feel you're wasted on that
tow rope, just let us know, eh?

I might just do that.

Hard open, gentlemen.

You wouldn't, would you?

Terry, we're partners.

We're a team.

I mean, think of all I've done for you.

Flat, car, regular employment, no
worries.

Shoulder to lean on when you want it. I
mean, think about it. Do you know what I

think? What?

I think you're like the Mona Lisa.

Eh?

Bleeding proudly.

Right people, right time, just the wrong
location.

I've got a good idea.

You keep me near.

I'll be so good for you. I could be so
good for you.

I'm going to help you. Love you like you
want me to.

I do.

Be so good for you.

I'll do it.