Original subtitles

Hey!

Are you single?

I'm a matchmaker at Adore.

Please give me a call if you want to meet somebody.

We have a lot of great matches for you.

Talk soon.

James, hi.

Thanks for calling me back.

Um, I just wanted to get some feedback on your first date

with my client Sophie.

I'm actually on my way to meet her right now...

but I had a quick chat with her this morning...

and the headline is, she had a great time

and would love to see you again.

Hello? James?

Yeah, I'd like to be taken off the service.

May I ask why?

I thought you were going to set me up

with high-quality women.

I said: a fit woman in her 30s with a nice smile.

She's 40 and fat.

-She's 39. -39 is not 30s, that's 40.

I would never swipe right on a woman like that.

I'm sorry you feel that way.

I'm so happy.

You did it, Lucy.

When you said that he's 47 and only makes 150K a year...

I almost said no, but I'm really happy I trusted you.

I know it's only been one date

and I need to manage my expectations...

but this is probably the best first date I've ever had!

Uh, Sophie, so I just got off the phone with him.

And he loved meeting you,

he had a great time...

But he doesn't feel like the chemistry

is there for him at this time.

So.

Onward and upward.

He doesn't want a second date?

No.

He's balding.

How fucking dare he?

Dating is a risk.

You took a risk. It's brave.

Why did you set me up with someone like that?

He checked a lot of our boxes...

and you checked a lot of his.

So, onwards and upwards.

Let's talk about your next match.

I have an amazing guy for you.

His name is Mark, he's a doctor,

he's very handsome...

he has a full head of hair, he's 48.

That's almost 50.

He looks great for 48.

He's very fit. He looks like he's 40.

-How tall? -5'11".

Is he actually 5'11" or is he actually 5'9" and is lying?

What's a couple of inches?

I don't want to waste my time.

I am not asking for a miracle.

I'm just asking for the bare minimum.

I'm trying to settle.

Sophie.

I know how it feels right now.

But I promise you...

you're going to marry the love of your life.

I don't believe you.

That's okay.

I believe it.

Girl of the hour!

Tonight, we're all gathered

to celebrate the most talented Lucy.

One hell of a matchmaker with razor-sharp instincts...

and an eagle eye for chemistry because this weekend...

her client Charlotte B. is getting married!

Charlotte B. is marrying Peter C.

The Prince Charming

Lucy matched her with 20 months ago.

How many marriages are you responsible for now, Lucy?

Nine.

Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!

Lucy, do a speech!

Speech! Speech! Speech! Speech!

Okay.

My speech is...

that if the girl asks for

a 6-foot-tall drink of water...

in his 40s with a salary over 500 grand

and a... good hairline...

you deliver.

How did it go with Sophie L. today?

It took our membership team an hour to get her to renew.

Hopeless.

I'm afraid there's not a single man in New York City

that'll date this girl.

What seems to be the issue?

That's the thing. There is nothing wrong with her.

She's okay attractive...

okay money, okay educated, okay personality.

There's just not a standout quality.

She's not competitive in the mainstream market...

and there is no niche market for her.

Exactly.

And if there's no specialty appeal...

then there's no place for her in any market.

That is tough.

And she's my favorite client right now.

I mean, she's entitled like everyone,

but she's sweet...

and she's realistic, she's not crazy.

She's a nice girl.

There's got to be a guy out there

who just wants a nice girl.

What about Mark P.?

He's okay.

I pitched him to her already.

She's afraid he's not actually 5'11".

And I'm like, can we please not worry

about a couple inches right now?

Because you're about to die alone.

You know there's a surgery for that.

For dying alone?

For getting taller.

Up to six inches.

You break your legs, and...

extend it, let the bone heal itself.

That's a game changer.

It costs like 200K.

Six inches can double a man's value in the market.

If you can afford it,

it's definitely worth the investment.

What's the saying?

"You're not ugly, you just don't have money."

Right.

Do you have a dress picked out for the wedding?

Yes.

Are you going alone?

Mm-hmm.

Lucy M.: The Eternal Bachelorette.

A voluntary celibate.

Do you want me to set you up with someone?

No, I'm gonna die alone.

Or get a rich husband.

Same thing.

Hi, Charles.

Good to see you.

You look beautiful.

Oh, my God, look how big they are.

Mom.

Congratulations.

Nice to see you.

You look beautiful.

Nice to see you again.

Hi, Henry. Hi.

I have been saying to everyone

that Peter and Char are my couple goals...

and I need to find my own Peter

and you're responsible?

Well, I'm how Charlotte and Peter met, okay?

But it's up to the client

to build a strong enough relationship...

that leads to marriage.

But how did you know that

Peter would be the perfect guy for Char?

Well, she can't tell, it's her industry secret.

There are no industry secrets.

We can always meet our life partner

out in the wild or swiping on apps.

But the happy ending to a first date...

is not the second date.

It's changing each other's diapers

and burying each other.

You're looking for a nursing home partner

and a grave buddy.

Who our partner is...

it determines our whole life...

and how we live.

Not for one, two, ten years, but...

forever.

Oh, my God.

I need you so badly.

Yeah, I'm desperate.

Can I give you my card?

Of course.

I'm going through a divorce, but once it's over...

I would really, really like to give you a call.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

Lucy. She needs you.

Excuse me.

I just need five minutes alone with her.

-Hi, Charlotte. -Hey, Lucy.

How're you holding up?

Not good.

What's going on?

What's going on...

is that I am a modern woman.

Like, I could've been anything.

Anything.

But I chose to become...

a bride.

I chose this.

It's not like I'm getting married

because I need to forge a...

relationship between two kingdoms.

It's not like my family needs a cow.

I chose this. I chose to marry a man.

Charlotte.

Marriage is a business deal.

And it always has been

since the very first time two people did it.

You can always walk away if the deal isn't good.

And as the person who introduced you to Peter,

I will walk right out of here with you.

So tell me: do you not want to get married today?

I have to.

- Why? - Bec...

My parents spent so much money on this wedding.

We spent hundreds of thousands of dollars...

on this wedding just so that

I could feel like a fucking woman.

Why do you really,

in the darkest, ugliest part of yourself,

want to marry Peter?

And I promise you...

I have heard every reason

why a person wants to get married to someone.

And none of them are shocking or wrong or crazy to me.

It will be a secret between you and me.

You promise it'll be a secret?

I promise.

You cannot tell anyone.

Not a soul. It is so awful.

I will take it to my grave.

He makes my sister jealous.

She's never said that, but I know it's true.

She thinks he's better than her husband.

She thinks he's...

got a better job, that he's better-looking.

Taller.

And...

that makes me feel...

...like I've won.

So this is about value.

Peter makes you feel valuable.

Yeah, he does.

He really does.

Does that make you want to marry him?

Hey.

I'm Harry.

Lucy.

You're the matchmaker.

You're the brother.

What are you doing at the singles table?

My mother wants me to marry.

I can help you with that.

I saw you recruiting earlier.

A wedding like this must be a gold mine.

There's a lot of opportunity here for our company.

Your sales pitch is perfect

because you make it feel like it's their idea.

It's not like you're telling people they need you,

nobody wants to hear that.

If they need you,

then something is wrong with them.

Instead...

you're saying: "You could do this on your own

"but if you're lucky enough to be able to afford me,

"why not?"

You're a luxury good.

Then they really do feel like they need you...

just like they need every other luxury in their lives.

Once you get your first $400 haircut,

you can't go back to Supercuts, can you?

It's easy.

No. You're just really good.

What's it like?

What's what like?

Being a matchmaker.

It's like working at the morgue,

or an insurance company.

In what way?

6'2", 5'6". Skinny, fit, fat.

White, Black, Asian.

Doctor, lawyer, banker.

100 grand, 200 grand, 300 grand.

Smoker, non-smoker.

But you must know a lot about love.

I know about dating.

What's the difference?

Dating takes a lot of effort.

A lot of trial and error.

A ton of risk and pain.

Love is easy.

Is it?

I find it to be the most difficult thing in the world.

That's because we can't help it.

It just walks into our lives sometimes.

Are you hitting on me?

Definitely not.

But I do think that you would be

a great match for a lot of our clients.

We need more straight men in New York City.

You look about six feet tall. How much money do you make?

Just straight up like that?

I make 80 grand a year before taxes.

Do you make more or less than that?

More.

I know.

Finance, right?

Private equity.

Do you want a drink?

-Sure. -What do you want?

Coke and beer.

Hey, buddy.

Hi, John.

Working now, obviously, but talk after dinner service?

Yeah.

Okay.

Love is the last religion...

the last country, the last surviving ideology.

So what else really is there to believe in?

When you get lost...

and I know you'll be lost at times...

it's life.

When you're lost...

the answer is simple.

Just go where love is.

Just go where love is.

♪ Touching hands ♪

♪ Reaching out ♪

♪ Touching me, touching you ♪

♪ Sweet Caroline ♪

♪ Bah, bah, bah ♪

♪ Good times never seemed so good ♪

♪ So good! So good! So good! ♪

Hi.

Hey.

So, what made them perfect for each other?

Similar economic background.

Politically aligned.

Well-matched in their attractiveness.

Similar upbringing.

Similar upbringing?

They both come from big happy families.

"Big happy families."

Yes.

I'll believe it when I see it.

The perception of a "big happy family"...

is all you need to have a "big happy family."

That's all it takes to be soulmates?

Basically.

Poor...

voted for Bernie...

shitty family.

Are we soulmates?

Probably.

How's acting going?

How does it look like it's going?

Sorry.

No, don't be, I'm just being a dick.

I'm giving you a hard time because I'm embarrassed.

What are you embarrassed about?

Having a job?

I'm in a play.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

It's not for a while.

I'm just doing jobs like this to try and save some cash...

before rehearsal starts.

Definitely didn't expect to run into you tonight.

I missed you.

Yeah.

You don't even remember my face.

Got it.

Your turn.

You seeing anyone?

You saw me at the singles table.

I missed you too.

Can I give you a ride home after I'm done finishing up?

I have my car here.

Yeah.

We should catch up.

Mommy, mommy.

Giving me your number?

Recruitment.

Worked for your brother,

so I think it will work for you.

I'll call you if you dance with me.

I'm going to call you.

But not to hire you.

I'm probably not someone you want to date.

Why not?

Because the next person I date, I'm gonna marry.

So what kind of a person

does a matchmaker want to marry?

Well, my non-negotiables are that they're rich.

My nice-to-have is that they're mind-numbingly...

absurdly...

achingly...

rich.

Are you hitting on me?

We have the penthouse at the Ritz

for the afterparty, if you want to come.

Maybe next time.

Can my driver drop you somewhere?

I have a ride.

Remember this one?

Yep.

You still live in the same place?

Yep.

Rent's still $850.

No fucking way.

It's falling apart.

I never get hot water.

How are your roommates?

David moved in with his fiancee...

and I think Logan is developing

a drinking problem.

David is engaged?

Yeah.

To the TikTok girl?

Yep.

She does OnlyFans now too.

Good for him.

Is it?

He's a 5'7" depressed novelist who's never been published.

He couldn't do better.

It's that simple, huh?

It's just math.

What are you thinking about?

It smells the same.

What, my car?

Mm-hmm.

-Look, there! -I'm not going to pay $25

to park this piece of shit for an hour.

That's the cheapest we'll ever get.

We'll find street parking on the next block.

John, it's been 20 minutes. I'll just pay for it.

You're not paying.

-We're going to have to... -These fucking people...

forfeit the reservation

if we're more than 15 minutes late

and then they charge us a cancellation fee of

$25 per person.

Wait, are you fucking serious?

I told you this like 10 times.

That's extortion. Why would you make

a reservation at such a criminal place?

We agreed to go to nice restaurants

on our anniversary.

Oh, there's no "nice" places in New York City that won't...

charge you 50 bucks if you're a couple minutes late?

Why did we even bring the car?

Yes, it's my fault, my rehearsal ran long.

-You made your point. -We could've called a car.

So we could spend $50 to get into the city...

and then another $200 at the restaurant?

Why do you have a car if you can't pay for it, John?

Look, right there.

$20 for 40 minutes? What the fuck is this math?

I don't want to fight about money

with my boyfriend on our anniversary.

It makes me feel like my parents.

I'm sorry, okay?

We'll park at the next garage we see.

What are you doing?

Lucy.

Where the fuck are you going?

Hey, I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry.

I don't have any money, and I forgot.

What? What did you forget? That you love me?

Will you please get back in the car? Please?

I don't want to hate you because you're poor...

but right now I do, and it makes me hate myself.

Do you know how hard it is to make you happy?

And I want you to be happy. I'm trying. I really am.

I know. And it's almost enough to make me happy.

I wish that I didn't care if we ate from a halal cart...

on our five-year anniversary, but I do.

And however much you hate me, I promise, I hate myself more.

I don't hate you.

You do.

And it's not because we're not in love.

It's because we're broke.

You want to come up?

Yes.

But I shouldn't.

Thanks for the ride.

Anytime.

Invite me to your play.

I will.

I'm just giving you feedback

so you can improve your performance...

and I can start getting better matches.

I want to meet someone who is a combination of all

the different awesome parts of the last four matches.

Sophie's job and education level,

Emily's body and lifestyle,

Piper's face and sense of style...

and Jane's hobbies and taste in TV shows.

Easy, since I'm Dr. Frankenstein.

I'm turning 48 in a few months

and I think I need to meet someone more grown.

Someone I can talk to,

just a proper woman who knows good music...

has seen old movies, things like that.

My last couple girlfriends were 21 and 24...

and they were honestly kind of immature.

I can imagine it might be

a little hard to relate to girls born in the 2000s.

I have a really special client,

her name is Sophie...

she's a highly accomplished lawyer, she's 39.

Um...

I wasn't really thinking 30s.

So when you said older...

I meant more like 27, 28.

Ah.

It gets really intense and complicated

with women in their 30s.

They have really high expectations

and they tend to rush things because I guess,

their biological clock's ticking.

I have another really beautiful client, she's 31--

Uh.

No.

Someone... 27.

Even 29 is pushing it.

Trust me-- it's the best thing for everyone.

I genuinely get along much better

with girls in their 20s.

I don't care what she's like or how she lives...

I just care that she's my type physically.

What's your type physically?

Fit.

Just fit?

Fit. Nothing over 20 BMI.

Okay.

Thank you for agreeing to come on a date with me.

Well, I only said yes to this

so you'd realize you're wrong...

and you're not actually interested in me.

My instincts are usually right.

You think that you're more right

about this than a professional?

Oh, sure, you're the expert, but I trust my gut.

Okay. We'll see.

You look really good today.

Thanks.

How many drinks per week?

Depends, but like, 8? 10? Work makes it hard not to.

-Do you do drugs? -Never.

I do pot at parties.

Me too.

So not never.

Hmm.

What do you think is your best physical feature?

My eyes aren't bad.

How did you end up doing what you do?

Both my parents work in finance...

and so does my brother,

so I just kind of ended up doing it.

And we all work for the firm my mother started.

-It's a family business. -Yeah, it's boring.

Mm.

How did you get into doing what you do?

It was the... first and only thing

I was really good at.

What else do you want to know about me?

I bet your parents never raised

their voices at each other.

I think almost never.

Maybe they were secretly fighting.

Did they ever fight about money?

No.

Makes sense.

I think we emulate the way our parents fight.

Hmm.

I see couples fighting in the middle of the street

in New York and I don't get it.

Aren't they embarrassed to do that in front of people?

I'm the type to fight in the middle of the street.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Have you ever done that?

Never.

Do you think he will like me?

I think you will really like him.

- Are you sure? - Stay open-minded.

-I'm so nervous. -All right.

Okay, text me after

-and I'll call you tomorrow. -Okay.

-Okay, talk soon, Sophie. Bye. -Bye.

-Hi. -Hi.

Wow. Thank you.

You're welcome.

You okay?

Yes. My client is going on a date right now too.

You seem nervous.

I really want her to like this guy.

She's had, like, 10 bad dates in a row

and I just need to deliver.

Are you feeling guilty that

you're about to go on a good date?

I don't know if I like you

or if I just like the places you take me to.

You like me?

When did that happen?

I think when I saw the way you pick up the bill.

I do it really well, don't I?

You do.

Just one swift motion.

No hesitation. No fear.

Well, I can afford it, so why would I be scared?

You're investing a lot in me, huh?

I just want our dates to be romantic.

How expensive a meal is makes the date romantic?

Doesn't it?

When we first met...

you said your job makes you think like a mortician

or an insurance claims adjuster.

How am I as a corpse?

A good corpse.

How about as a payout?

Couldn't ask for better.

As a nursing home partner?

A grave buddy?

You can do better than me.

Can I?

You know how to do the math, don't you?

In my line of work...

I meet hundreds of highly desirable,

high quality men...

but you are what we call in my industry "a unicorn."

An impossible fantasy.

Your brother was a unicorn, too.

The reason my clients cannot lower their expectations...

is because, against all odds,

men like you do actually exist.

Well, I'm sure something is wrong with me.

You're perfect.

You're smart.

You have ideal income, ideal education...

ideal lifestyle, ideal height...

you're good-looking, you have a great body,

you're charming.

You were born rich, raised rich,

you're still rich.

You own a penthouse in Tribeca.

You can take a girl to a restaurant like this

and it's not even like a special occasion.

You don't have a drug habit or a call girls habit.

You even know how to cut your hair,

and how to dress.

You have taste.

You are a 10 out of 10 in every category.

A complete package.

So I don't know why you're trying to throw it all away

on someone like me.

What's someone like you?

Just a girl who works.

I'm older than the women you could be dating.

Which means my looks won't last as long.

And I have fewer years left to get pregnant.

If you marry a 25-year-old,

then in 10 years she'll look like me.

If you marry me, in 10 years I'll look like my mother.

What does your mother look like?

I was born poor, raised poor,

and even though I work, I have debt.

I'm a college dropout and a failed actress.

I have no dowry.

If anything, I have a negative dowry.

Do I look like I need a dowry?

At the end of the day, the math doesn't add up.

Given your position in the marketplace and given mine,

I'm not a girl you marry.

I'm a girl that you go home with once,

and then never call again.

So...

what are you doing with me?

You say you think I'm smart,

but you're talking to me like I'm a caveman.

I wouldn't date you if I didn't see value.

I'm not like my brother.

I'm not looking for the nicest,

prettiest rich girl who likes me back.

I'm looking for someone who understands the game,

how the world works.

I'm looking for someone I respect.

And trust.

Someone who knows more than me.

I don't want to date you for your material assets...

though I think you're underselling them

by a significant margin.

Material assets are cheap,

they don't last.

I want to be with you for your intangible assets.

Those are good investments.

They don't degrade. They only get sharper.

And, besides, I have enough material assets

for the both of us.

I see a lot of potential here.

I think you and I could make great partners.

I hope you agree.

As for what I can do for you...

I think I'm the only guy this rich

you can actually stand.

I don't like you because you're rich.

Then why do you like me?

Because you make me feel valuable.

You are valuable.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

Do you want to see each other more seriously?

Hi, you've reached Lucy from Adore Matchmaking.

Please leave a message

and I'll call you back. Thanks.

Hey, it's John.

Okay. Just give me a call when you get this.

Just wanted to invite you to the play.

We start previews next week, so...

Okay. Bye.

What's your dream vacation?

Iceland.

Hmm.

Would you let me take you to Iceland?

-I don't even have a passport. -Well, let's get you one.

How much is this apartment?

Twelve million.

Do you like it?

Oh.

What the fuck?

Fuck!

Hey, motherfucker!

You can't leave your used condoms on the kitchen floor!

It's unacceptable!

I got kind of drunk last night.

I must've missed the trash can.

Why don't you throw it out in your own fucking trash can?

I don't want it just sitting there in the room.

Why don't you want your own cum in the room?

It's fucking gross.

So we have to deal with it in the fucking kitchen?

I know it doesn't make sense, man, I was drunk.

Hey, can you two stop yelling?

I'm teaching an acting class on Zoom...

and you're making me look really unprofessional.

Oh, fuck!

Right.

So he's asking for a valuation in his dreams.

It's inflated.

He's giving us a DCF based on pure fiction...

on future revenue streams with blinders for expense growth.

Yeah, he's a bad analyst...

and he's just making shit up at this point.

He's just saying numbers that come to his head. Listen...

it's still a good growth story for our company...

so we're going to have to continue

playing ball with this guy.

Hi, you've reached Sophie...

Hello?

Hi, Mark, it's Lucy from Adore.

Oh, hi.

Hi. So, I just wanted to get some feedback

on your first date with my client Sophie.

Actually I haven't gotten ahold of her yet...

so I don't know how it went on her end...

but I'm excited to hear how it went for you.

It went so well. She's wonderful.

Like really nice face, good body,

good job, great energy.

Just all the things I said I wanted from a match.

Okay.

Okay, I love hearing this.

Um, I'm so glad you had a good time.

Sophie is really wonderful.

Yeah, no.

Like the conversation just flowed.

Uh, we ended up staying out pretty late.

Cool. So, do you want to see her again?

Sure.

Sure. I'm not sure how serious it's going to be...

but I wouldn't mind seeing her again, if she's game.

Great. Yeah, of course, one step at a time.

All right. Thanks, Lucy.

Great. You have a good day

and I'll reach out this afternoon...

after I speak with her. Thanks, Mark.

Thanks, Mark!

Hey, it's John.

Okay. Just give me a call when you get this.

Just wanted to invite you to the play.

Hi, you've reached Sophie...

-Hey. -Hey.

So, uh, Rose was asking for her client Mia W.

How it's going with Peter C.'s brother, Harry?

Were you able to recruit him?

Yeah. Uh, actually, um...

I'm dating him.

-You're dating him? -Yep.

-You know he's a unicorn. -Mm-hmm.

You couldn't let him go on a couple dates

with some of our clients first?

He insisted.

I'm sure he did.

Hey, Lucy. Can I speak to you in my office?

Have you spoken with Sophie L.?

Uh, not yet. Just Mark P.

I just hung up with Sophie's lawyer.

Her lawyer?

Apparently, she was assaulted on the date.

What?

By Mark P.?

Yes.

Last night?

Are you serious?

She's bringing charges to the company, not you.

I have a call with the legal team in two minutes...

and we're going to figure it out.

I need to speak with her.

Lucy, no.

- Violet, she's my client. - She's not anymore.

So if Sophie calls, you must not pick up.

- I can't do nothing. - Do nothing.

You made the best match you could

given the information you have.

This particular match did not work out

but you've been doing amazing work for Sophie for months.

The match didn't "not work out," Vi,

she was assaulted.

A matchmaker can't vouch for how a person is

in an intimate setting

since she's never been in one with them.

Has something like this happened before?

Of course.

This is dating.

This happened to one of my clients

the third year I worked here.

If you do this long enough, it happens to all of us.

It's a known risk.

Hi, you.

Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

No worries.

Am I dressed nice enough?

You might be dressed too nice.

My mother and father made love.

I was born. I grew up.

I entered this restaurant. I'm on a date.

A waiter walks up to me and asks,

"What can I do for you?"

"I don't know. What can you do for me?"

I order a glass of water.

My mother and father made love.

I was born. I grew up.

I entered this restaurant. I'm on a date.

The waiter is touching my back.

I went to school. I read books.

I wrote book reports.

I went to more school. I wrote essays.

Well, it's certainly different.

I mean, it's, it's, uh...

It's been a good experience. I feel really lucky.

Listen, it was great to meet you guys.

- Thanks for coming. - Of course.

-Hey, buddy. -Hey.

-That was great. -Was it?

Yes, I loved it.

This is my boyfriend, Harry.

Hey, nice to meet you. Thanks for coming.

Congratulations. That was really interesting.

Thanks.

I can't believe you remembered all those lines.

Yeah. Yeah, it's nuts.

Well, listen, we're going around

the corner to get a drink.

You guys want to come?

-Yes. -Great.

-Okay. -Yeah.

So, what did you really think?

I liked it.

Some of it didn't make sense...

but I loved watching you act, you know that.

Do you ever miss it?

Acting? No.

Not even a little bit?

I'm not like you.

I was never going to be an actor.

I didn't know how to stand or... speak.

You were always good though.

You're even better now.

I'm really proud of you, John.

You met him at the wedding?

Yeah.

He's the groom's brother.

You're not gonna marry him, are you?

Why not?

Because he's good-looking.

And rich.

Has a real job.

Probably doesn't have roommates.

Probably doesn't get angry

at stupid shit all the time that doesn't matter.

Can we talk about something else?

You okay?

Why do you ask?

Just... you don't seem like you're okay.

Is it him?

Is it work?

I just don't think I'm very good at my job anymore.

I'm sure it's gonna be fine.

You're so hard on yourself.

You're not a drone pilot or a gun lobbyist.

You don't work at Shell or McKinsey.

It's just dating. It's not that serious.

Right.

Dating is not serious.

It's just girl shit, right?

That's not what I meant.

You always know exactly what to say to me.

Ready to go?

Yep. I'm gonna wait for you outside.

Uh, I'll get the drinks.

Thank you, Harry.

Thank you.

I don't want to date a liberal

and they have to go to church every Sunday.

I don't want someone who likes cats.

I'm a dog person.

Is a moderate democrat okay?

Only republican.

I want someone who identifies as a conservative.

Audrey, I don't know

if there's a cat-hating, Christian conservative lesbian

in most parts of New York...

who wants to date a closeted

49-year-old with three children.

Would you be willing to date someone

from Long Island or New Jersey?

I want to prioritize dating a man

who's white at first

but then if we have no luck, we can move on to other races.

So "whites only," at first?

I mean, technically, I'm open to all ethnicities.

Eleanor, "technically,"

you're asking me to set you up with only white men.

I know the list looks long but I deserve someone

who fulfills all of my criteria.

I really do.

I mean look at me. I'm a catch.

Patricia, I know that every year

you go without having a husband...

raises your expectations for him exponentially.

But that doesn't mean that you're due to get one.

And it doesn't mean that you can customize...

because this is not a simulation.

If the service I was providing you

was building you a man then, of course,

I could build you a man with everything on this list...

But I can't.

Because this is not a car or a house.

We're talking about people.

People are people are people are people.

They come as they are.

And all I can hope to find for you

is a man that you can tolerate

for the next 50 years who likes you at all.

And you are not a catch...

because you are not a fish.

I was managing her expectations.

Patricia canceled her membership

and reviewed us online, calling us a scam.

We are a scam.

We don't give them what they pay for, do we?

We promise them love and then...

we just give them bad dates with morons and criminals.

I know the Sophie L. situation is still weighing on you.

Burnout is common for matchmakers.

You need a break.

You should go on a trip with your boyfriend.

If I take a break right now...

I may never come back.

You will, because you love your clients.

I hate them. They are children.

I hate them.

They give us thousands of dollars.

They're entitled to some regression.

Do you think that any one of them

says to their therapist...

"No Blacks, no fatties"?

And if I'm their actual therapist,

which it feels like I am...

I don't have the schooling to support that.

And I certainly don't get paid enough.

Lucy, we're better than therapists.

We work with the most intimate...

extremely personal,

unofficial part of their lives...

that they'd like to see struck from the record.

We work with their loneliness and rejection...

the kind that makes someone get naked for a stranger.

We're the real deal.

That's why they tell you

more than they would tell their therapists

and why they take risks with you.

"Risks."

Yes. Risks that can lead to a situation

like what happened with Sophie L.

And risks that lead to lifelong marriages.

You know this is life-changing work.

And you're born for it.

Take a break starting now.

And I expect you back in four weeks, renewed.

I insist.

Violet! Amazing news!

My client Zoe H. and Fred A. just got engaged!

Unbelievable! Oh!

That is so impressive!

What an amazing match!

Number four?

- Yes! - We have to throw you a party!

Sophie.

Sophie.

-Sophie. -You don't want to talk to me.

Please.

I am so embarrassed.

I thought I could pay some girl

to find me a boyfriend.

I'm sorry.

"An expert"? What a fucking joke.

-Sophie- -You know what's even funnier?

I almost felt like we were friends.

I, I, I, I really-- I--

Can we please just talk?

Talk about what?

What do you have to say?

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I trusted you.

I didn't know what he was capable of.

I see, so...

you knew his height, which was a lie by the way.

And his job and his salary,

which was also a lie just for the record.

And his looks, which is really nothing much...

but you didn't know who he was.

As a person. As a man.

Well, I went on a date with him and found out.

He's the kind of guy who gets drunk

and follows you into the bathroom.

Why would you set me up with someone like that?

He was a strong match with a lot of potential.

He checked a lot of our boxes.

"Boxes"?

The truth is, you set me up with that man

because you think I'm worthless.

No, I don't--

You didn't know what to do with me.

That's how I ended up on that date.

Here I was thinking that you worked for me...

but the whole time I was working for you.

Worthless merchandise...

to pawn off to anyone who'd take it.

But I am not merchandise.

I'm a person.

And I know I deserve love.

I know you do. I believe it.

Fuck you.

Pimp.

Thanks.

Can I get a receipt?

Thanks, man.

Lucy?

What's going on? You okay?

No.

Do you want me to come get you?

No, I'm at home.

I shouldn't even be calling you.

You can always call me. What's up?

I fucked up.

Okay.

I'm not supposed to tell anybody but...

can I tell you?

Of course.

Anything.

I set my client up with a bad person.

I didn't know he was bad, but I introduced them.

And now

I can't fix it.

I'm the last person who can fix it.

Do you want me to come over?

No.

No. I'm about to go to Harry's.

Right.

Sorry.

No, no. It's... Hey, nothing to be sorry about.

Keep telling me what happened.

I'm here.

Do you know what they are?

I think so.

-It's not a big deal. -I know.

I made an investment.

A body is like an apartment.

You have to invest to get the value back.

I understand you.

I invested too.

Right. I figured.

Did your brother too?

Yeah, we did it together eight years ago.

Six feet or taller was one of Charlotte's non-negotiables...

so I'm glad he did.

Was it painful?

I know it sounds stupid,

breaking your legs to gain a few extra inches.

But we keep saying, definitely worth it.

It changed our lives.

With women, completely, of course.

Women just approach us and talk to us now,

which never happened before.

I haven't struck out since.

But you can also tell the difference at work

and at restaurants and airports. You're...

You're just worth more.

Does this change anything?

No.

What are you thinking about?

I'm thinking that...

that you should go to Iceland without me.

Why?

I don't think that you and I are a good match.

Is it because I got the surgery?

No. Knowing that just makes me feel like I actually know you.

Then what?

It's really hard for me to feel like

this is not about the legs.

It's not.

When I realized what you had done,

it made me feel exactly how I felt about you before.

Which is what?

I'm not in love with you.

And you're not in love with me.

And there's no amount of money that can fix that.

But we're such a good match.

You're exactly what I'm looking for...

and I know I can make your life better.

Harry, you don't want to marry me.

You want to do business with me,

just like I want to do business with you.

But isn't marriage a business deal?

Yes, it is.

But love has to be on the table.

What if I'm not capable of it?

Of love?

It makes me feel like an idiot.

Like I'm...

I'm just a clueless... child.

I feel so... dumb thinking about it...

or wanting it.

I find it...

so difficult.

You won't, when you love someone.

It'll be easy.

No math.

Should I hire you for your services?

If you call the office,

they'll assign someone great for you.

So this is it?

You want to know how many inches?

Yeah.

Six.

You were 5'6" before?

I wouldn't have had the confidence

to hit on you at 5'6".

I'm sure you would have.

Am I still a unicorn?

You're perfect.

Where's my charger?

Hey, is that my charger?

My charger broke.

So you just took mine? I had an alarm set.

And answer the fucking door for once in your fucking life!

What?

Hi. It's Lucy.

I'm sorry.

No, no, that's okay. I was just--

I'll come down there.

Just give me-- Just don't move.

Hey, what the fuck?

Oh...

Sh...

Goddamn it.

Fuck.

Hi.

Hi.

You have a girl up there?

What? No. Why would you say that?

I don't know. You didn't want me to come up.

Oh. Yeah, no, there's no girl up there.

Sorry for showing up without warning.

I tried calling.

Sorry. My phone wasn't charged.

I'm meant to be on a plane to Iceland.

Okay.

I sublet my apartment for the week

that I'm supposed to be in Iceland...

so I, uh, don't have a place to stay.

Sorry, I don't know what I'm doing here.

-It doesn't make any sense. -No, no.

-I thought it made sense. -Wait, wait. Don't go. Stay.

This was a bad idea.

No, it's not. It's just...

My apartment is not...

suitable for you.

It was suitable before.

Yeah, well, we're not in our 20s anymore.

I know what your apartment is like.

Trust me, it's worse than you remember.

Want to drive upstate?

And go where?

I don't know. Just drive around.

Stay at a hotel.

I just got the stipend from my play,

so... I'm feeling rich.

What are you thinking about?

You're the same as always.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

I was hoping you'd say I was different.

Why?

Because if I'm different,

then I wouldn't be the guy that lost you.

What?

That's my catering company.

Do you think they'd get us in?

Oh, he loves her so much.

Yeah.

And special delivery, just for you.

A gift.

A white glove service, handled with care.

If you could just sign here.

Initial here.

Thank you very much and have a good day.

One day, for no reason in particular...

you two will start to hate each other.

You'll resent each other...

you'll take each other for granted...

You'll stop having sex...

somehow... manage to make a couple of kids...

and then you'll get sick of each other...

And one of you will cheat on the other...

and then you'll fight.

At first, not in front of the kids, but then...

in front of the kids...

and then you resent the kids for seeing you fight...

and then you file for divorce...

and you fight about...

who owns what and...

who gets the kids when until it's...

all over.

Why does anybody even get married?

Because people tell them they should.

And because they're lonely.

And because they're hopeful.

They want to do it differently than their parents.

♪ I can only give you love ♪

♪ That lasts forever ♪

♪ And a promise to be near Each time you call ♪

♪ And the only heart I own ♪

♪ For you and you alone ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ I can only give you Country walks ♪

♪ In springtime ♪

♪ And a hand to hold When leaves begin to fall ♪

♪ And a love Whose burning light ♪

♪ Will warm the winter night ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ There are those, I am sure ♪

♪ That have told you ♪

♪ They would give you The world for a toy ♪

♪ All I have are these arms To enfold you ♪

♪ And a love time can Never destroy ♪

♪ If you're wondering what I'm asking in return, dear ♪

♪ You'll be glad to know that my demands are small ♪

♪ Say it's me That you'll adore ♪

♪ For now and ever more ♪

♪ That's all ♪

♪ That's all ♪

John.

John!

-What is this? -What is what?

Are we getting back together?

Lucy, are we getting back together?

I don't know.

I really don't.

So you thought you'd just show up at my door...

not have a boyfriend,

agree to get in my car, kiss me...

fuck me while you try to get over someone else...

and then leave me again? Is that it?

-Do you think I'm worthless? -No, I don't think that.

-Am I disposable? -Of course not.

Do you feel bad for me?

Poor old John can't figure his life out?

-Never. -Then why are you using me?

I'm not.

I'm usually desperate enough to let you.

I'm a beggar for you.

When I see your face...

I see wrinkles and grey hair...

and children that look like you.

I can't help it.

But as your friend...

I would tell you it's a bad idea

to be with a 37-year-old cater waiter

who still has roommates.

I would say...

you definitely shouldn't marry a guy

that has $2,000 in his bank account...

in a city he can't afford...

who's only still there...

to keep trying to be a theatre actor

because someone told him he was good at it once.

So, where does that leave us?

Here.

At someone else's wedding.

I can't give you the wedding or the marriage you want.

I couldn't even give you the relationship you wanted.

It's been years,

and I still can't afford to be with you.

You're right...

You can't.

But just because you can't afford it,

doesn't mean it's worth having.

You don't want me.

Of course I want you.

Are you even listening to me?

John, you and I haven't been together properly...

in so long that you've forgotten.

You don't want to be with me because I'm not a good person.

I'm judgmental...

and materialistic, and cold.

I broke up with you because you're broke.

I've hurt you over and over.

You hate me.

I don't hate you.

You do.

And you're right to hate me, because I'm awful.

Even now...

I'm thinking: If I choose to marry you...

I'm gonna be sitting across from you

in cheap shitty restaurants for the rest of my life.

I'll be riding in your shitty car,

and living in your shitty bedroom...

and fighting with you about $25.

I'm weighing being with you...

against these shit tradeoffs.

I'm doing math.

This is what I'm like.

I know what you're like.

Then how could you still love me?

-Sophie? -Lucy.

I didn't know who else to call.

I haven't told anyone.

I don't have any friends in the city

and my lawyers aren't picking up and...

What's going on?

Mark is outside my building.

I called the cops but they said they won't come

unless he's trying to break in.

And...

he's not trying to break in,

he's just buzzing the doorbell.

That's still harassment, they should--

He walked me home after the date.

Which I shouldn't have let him do, but...

I was scared and...

- It's my fault. - Lucy.

That's not your fault.

Can we finish talking, please?

He says he just wants to talk about it,

but I'm not gonna let him in.

No.

Bolt your door.

I'm about an hour outside of Manhattan,

but I'll try to get there sooner.

I'm worried someone's going to open

the building door for him.

I'm almost there.

He has to leave. He can't stay outside all night, can he?

I want you to tell him someone is on their way.

Sophie, it's Lucy.

Is he gone?

Yes. No one was here when we got here.

Oh. He must've run away

when I said that you're coming.

Can I come in?

-Hi. -Hi.

How are you holding up?

Uh, not good.

Mark sounded really angry.

Well, he's angry because...

he thought he was going to get away with something...

but he won't...

because you're not going to let him.

You are brave.

Can I hug you?

You know what I've been thinking about?

What?

I really need to get a boyfriend

so that I have someone to call

that's not my fucking matchmaker.

I'm going to die alone.

Sophie.

I promise you, you're going to marry the love of your life.

You don't expect me to believe that.

You don't have to believe it.

I believe it.

Let me guess.

Someone who checks a lot of my boxes?

I'm not asking for a miracle.

I just want to love someone.

Someone who can't help but love me back.

She's asleep.

Good.

You okay?

Yeah.

You should go home.

I'll take you home first.

I'm gonna sleep on her couch...

and help her get a restraining order when she wakes up.

Okay.

Thanks for the ride.

Yeah, of course.

You asked how I could love you.

I just do.

It's the easiest thing.

I love you too.

More than you know.

You're the only reason I know I'm capable of love.

I've been doing some math.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

And I'm ready to make you an offer.

Okay.

Here's the offer.

I love you now, like I loved you before...

I'll love you 'til the day I die.

It's a lifetime guarantee.

And I won't forget it the way I used to...

even when things are shit.

I'll make a calendar item

every day reminding myself that I love you.

I'll be your certainty.

It's my final offer.

You can't negotiate because

I don't have anything else to offer you.

Deal.

Now I admit, I'm not confident

that I can make myself less broke.

You don't need to worry about that.

You know I can take care of myself.

Yeah, I know.

It's not for you.

It's for me.

For us.

You make me brave enough

to admit that I want to be happy.

And I want to be happy with you.

And I'm gonna pick up more catering shifts...

And ask for a raise...

I'll find a serving job at an actual restaurant...

And I won't say no to commercial auditions,

even though they're annoying...

I'll make an actual effort to find a manager.

And I'm going to move out of my apartment.

And sell my car.

Don't sell your car.

No?

No, let's just...

Let's just drive around in it...

until it breaks down and it won't move anymore.

I've been dreaming about

the first people who got married.

Two cavepeople... fell in love...

in between the hunting and the gathering.

And in my dream...

I keep asking myself...

what made them perfect for each other?

Similar economic background?

Politically aligned?

Well-matched in their attractiveness?

Similar upbringing?

Or...

was it something else?

Something like you and me?

Hey, man.

Can I get two chicken over rice?

Yeah.

Thanks a lot. Keep that.

I'm sad you're leaving, Vi.

Me too. They really need me at the London office.

And I'm calling you first of all the Adore girls...

because the CEOs asked me who should be asked to step up

and be promoted... to New York head

and I said it absolutely has to be you.

-Me? -Yes.

You're getting a promotion.

What's so funny?

Well, I was going to hand in

my resignation letter tomorrow.

No, you weren't.

Yep. I have it printed out and everything.

You can't quit.

What would you do instead?

I honestly don't know.

Maybe marry someone poor.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

Just think about it.

You can negotiate

a crazy salary, too.

Ask for any amount you want,

and I'll support you. Okay?

Okay, I'll think about it.

Vi, I have to go. My boyfriend's here.

Yeah, before you go, tell me:

How did Sophie L.'s date go last night?

She liked him.

Brian A., right?

Yeah.

5'8". 36. Dentist.

200 grand before taxes.

Just... looking for a nice girl.

Sounds like a strong match.

He liked her too.

We are cautiously optimistic.

Good.

You should know Harry C. is going on his first date.

Rose made a very strong match.

Gemma N., 30, an art dealer.

Vi, I have to go.

Fine, but hear the offer first.

I will.

Call me.

Hi.

Hi.

How would you like to make a very bad financial decision?