All language subtitles for the_three_stooges_1958_-_s25e03_-_pies_and_guys

Hello. Hello.

Hello.

Environment.

Heredity. I still say environment.

Heredity. It's the very foundation of
social distinction.

Environment. What do you think, Miss
Lulu?

Oh, please, gentlemen, don't get me into
this.

Excuse me.

My dear Professor Sedlitz, your theory
is illogical, preponderantly

impracticable, and moreover, it stinks.

I'll wager you a thousand dollars my
theory is correct, Professor

I'll accept your bet, and I'll take a
man from the lowest strata of society.

And within two months, through
environment, make him a gentleman.

It's a bet.

Pardon me, Professor.

The plumbers are here.

Come on. What a joint.

They must be crooks. Yeah.

This joint's put in a reform school.

Boys, we want this gas log removed.

Right. Right. All right, fellas, get
busy.

Now, you watch your P's and Q's, and you
behave yourself.

There are your guinea pigs, Professor.

If you can make gentlemen of them, you
will go down in posterity as having

solved the Darwin theory.

Quite so, Professor Selitz. Come on, get
busy. You hold the chisel. I'll cut the

pipe. I'll watch.

Come, let us interview them.

I'm sorry, Bob, but you should have
honked your horn before you approached.

it's nothing.

I'll be all right.

Hey, you with the mattress head, if I
gave you a dollar and your father gave

a dollar, how many dollars would you
have?

One dollar.

You don't know your arithmetic.

You don't know my father.

How would you like to make a thousand
dollars?

All you have to do is let me make
gentlemen of you. Gentlemen?

No, not that.

There hasn't been a gentleman in our
family for five generations.

Quit bragging.

For a thousand dollars, we'll even
become gentlemen.

Good. Then it's settled.

Kindly sit down.

Right here.

Wash your legs.

May I borrow the chisel, please?

Here we go.

It's amazing, my dear Sedlitz.

Inconceivable, my dear Quackenbush.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

You know, Professor Sedlitz, there is
definite evidence of vacancy of the

cranium. Oh, thank you, Professor.

Well, you made the bet, and you're stuck
with them.

Oh, no.

I'll win. What? With those morons?

How'd you know?

And we're organized.

Amalgamated Association of Morons.

Local 6 and 7 -8.

Oh, we are warrants fighting through. We
will do our job for you.

And you've taken care of everything,
Miss Lulu? Yes, sir. I have also

for lunch. Oh, good. Thank you. Thank
you very much.

We're ready.

Oh, gentlemen.

This is my secretary, Miss Lulu.

She's going to help me with your
education.

Glad to meet you.

Boy, what a Lulu.

The lesson will be table manners.

You must always remember... Pardon me.

Luncheon is served.

Luncheon is served!

Now,

boys,

the first thing at the dinner table is
the serviette.

I never ate one of those.

The napkin.

Hey, in your lap.

Good. Now, gentlemen, watch Miss Little
carefully.

Whatever she does at this table, you
boys must do. We'll do everything that

does. Good. Now, pardon me, gentlemen.
I'll be right back.

Yes, sir.

You know, babe, you're really the cat's
meow.

Absolute end. Toots, I'd love to cover
you with furs. Only the best furs.

Mink, skunk, porcupine.

Only the best for you.

You sure are the hubba hubba kid.

Hubba hubba. Wahoo! You're right, boy.

What are you doing, skinhead? The
professor said to do everything that she

You stoop.

You behave yourself or I'll crown you.
I'll crown you, big boss.

Baby, you send me.

Why don't you go?

You know, baby, you're the tops.

The apple of my eye.

The cranberry sauce in my turkey.

Solid. You know, babe, I go for you in a
big way. Give me the word.

Say the word and you and I will fly
around the world forever.

Thrilling. Sweet.

Gorgeous.

we'll resume with a lesson.

You may start serving, Sappington.

Some olives and celery, Miss Lou? Thank
you, Sappington.

Thank you.

I love celery.

Olives, sir.

Oh, thank you.

What's the idea of eating all those
olives? Because I like them.

Water,

water.

I was choking those olive tits. I ought
to choke you. Oh, shut up.

Your soup, Miss Lulu. Thank you,
Sabington.

Soup, sir.

What's the matter? Soup too hot?

No, too salty.

I can't say Worcestershire.

Hey, Mo.

There's a hair in my plate.

That's no hair. It's a crack.

It's the first time I've ever seen a
crack wiggle like that.

Oh, that's neither hand nor there.

Boy, I love noodles. Me too.

Boys, you do not schloop soup.

I don't know why, Mo, but I'm still
hungry. It must be a tapeworm.

Delicious. Just like the cans my mother
used to make.

Now we're going to have our first
reading lesson.

Turn to page one.

Moe, you read.

Oh.

Oh, see the pretty cat.

Does the mouse see the cat?

Yes, the dirty rat. Don't get personal.

Boys, boys.

Now, Joe, you read.

Paganini. Paganini?

That's page nine.

Oh, see the little deer. Does the deer
have a little doe?

Yeah, two bucks.

There. Now, now, no more of this levity.

Larry.

Oh, see the putsy cat.

Does the cat have chickens?

That's kittens. Cats do not have
chickens.

Oh, no? Well, my cat got in a chicken
house, and that cat had chickens.

Oh, no!

Well,

here we are.

Now,

boy, remember all you've been taught
these past weeks.

And if your debut into society is
successful tonight, money is yours.

Professor Quackenbush, have no qualms or
trepidations. We will justify your

faith in us indubitably, sir.

Precisely. The extracurricular
scholastics and the vicissitudes we have

encountered have elevated us to
astronomical fields of learning, if I

pedantic. Good gazelle.

Precisely. Oh, fine gentlemen.

Now, introduce the boys.

Go ahead.

Good evening, ladies.

Good evening. May I present...

Mr. Joe, Moe, and Larry.

Mrs. Godrack. How do you do?

Delighted. Devastated.

Dilapidated.

And the Countess Spritzwasser.

John.

Enraptured. Enchanted.

Embalmed.

Oh, this is a lovely party.

Delightful.

Champagny.

Now, Sedlitz, I hope you have your
checkbook with you.

Yes, I have, and it looks like you've
won.

Come along.

Allow me.

Oh, Joington, Yesington, did you
Collington me?

Indeedington. Oh, my, you boys are so
quaint, so amusing.

Well, thank you. I kiss your hand,
madame.

Such nice manners.

Yes, they have done splendidly.

My, my.

Isn't he charming?

Yes, indeed.

So gallant. Such nice manners.

Pardon us, ladies.

Where's that diamond? In the safety
deposit box.

You kleptomaniac. If that means what I
think it does. Yeah?

I'm guilty.

Well, give it back.

Well, what do you know?

Somebody framed me.

You imbecile, pick those up.

Go on.

Hey, hey!

What's the matter?

What is the matter with you? You stoop.

Now I gotta find something to cover this
silverware with.

What is it, raining or something?

Now behave yourself.

Oh, boys, I've been looking for you.
Come on with me. Yes, sir.

Hey, you trying to ruin us? Give me that
car. Oh. Go sit down.

I've got to get rid of this.

I hear there's quite a story about these
boys.

Uh -huh.

What? There's one of them now.

Excuse me.

You tell me about yourself.

Well, you see it. Well,

that is... You'll pardon me. If you
don't tell me all about this

I shall always feel that I've missed
something.

Lady, if you don't leave right now,
you're not going to miss anything.

Young man, what's wrong? You act as
though the sword of Damocles is hanging

your head.

Lady, you must be psychic.

I wonder what's wrong. What's wrong with
that young man?

You feather -brained imbecile, are you
trying to ruin

us too?

You know, you're a little bit too bossy.