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1
00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,380
Hello? Hello?
2
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:12,560
The
3
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headlines
4
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:37,079
are out.
5
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He won the money last night. Why didn't
he come home?
6
00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:42,660
I can't figure out how he ever answered
five questions correctly.
7
00:00:42,980 --> 00:00:46,620
It was all about food, wasn't it? If
it's one thing, he knows it's food. He's
8
00:00:46,620 --> 00:00:47,620
always eating.
9
00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:50,900
But where is he? He's got to split that
money with us three ways.
10
00:00:51,180 --> 00:00:52,780
We financed him. Yeah.
11
00:00:53,180 --> 00:00:55,680
Hey, maybe he ran out on us.
12
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:57,100
Oh, yeah, maybe.
13
00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:58,499
Oh, no.
14
00:00:58,500 --> 00:00:59,500
No, no, no.
15
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:02,420
Oh, Larry, pour me some water.
16
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I'm too nervous. Wait a minute.
17
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,500
I was just thinking, maybe he was held
up.
18
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He may even be laying in an alley
somewhere, bleeding to death.
19
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Oh, poor Joe.
20
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I'd better call the police department.
21
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,660
I'll get some coffee to quiet our
nerves.
22
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Hello, police department.
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I want to report a holdup and a murder.
24
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The victim's name?
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Joe Besser.
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Good morning, Moe. Good morning.
27
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Description? Well, he's about 220
pounds.
28
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Right? About 5 '5 by 5 '5.
29
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Color of hair?
30
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Skin.
31
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He was wearing a... Never mind, he's
here!
32
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Why'd you sell us your hair?
33
00:01:53,540 --> 00:01:55,320
Oh, I'm no snitch.
34
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Larry, Joe is here!
35
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Hey, Joe, let's see the check. What
check? I haven't got the check.
36
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:05,840
Don't tell me you cashed it. What, do
you think I'm an idiot or something? Of
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course I didn't cash it.
38
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He didn't care. Of course not. I
invested it.
39
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Joe, don't tell me. You bought the
Brooklyn Bridge.
40
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Certainly not.
41
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That was sold last week.
42
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I invested all our money in consolidated
Fujiama, California smog bags
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filled with smog.
44
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Oh, consolidated Fujiama, California
smog... Smog bags!
45
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Why, you idiot, let him dip you! Not so
loud!
46
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Look out, I'll blow the brains out of
your empty stone!
47
00:02:45,630 --> 00:02:47,110
No, Mo, are you crazy?
48
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Never mind.
49
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You can't shoot him here. We can never
dispose of that body.
50
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You're right.
51
00:02:52,450 --> 00:02:53,570
Never mind, I want to get him anyway!
52
00:02:57,790 --> 00:02:59,810
Oh, look what you did.
53
00:03:00,030 --> 00:03:03,510
You ought to give you the hot face.
That's what I ought to do.
54
00:03:05,230 --> 00:03:06,230
Hey, who's that?
55
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:11,770
Call your shots, will you? Who are you?
56
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J .J. Pigby is the name. Bureau of
Internal Revenue.
57
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Income tax to you.
58
00:03:18,650 --> 00:03:20,870
Which one of you won that $15 ,000?
59
00:03:21,410 --> 00:03:22,410
He did.
60
00:03:22,610 --> 00:03:25,730
The government would like a check from
you for $5 ,900.
61
00:03:27,110 --> 00:03:28,770
Well, how about 50 cents on account?
62
00:03:29,150 --> 00:03:30,570
Yeah, on account of that's all we've
got.
63
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No levity, please.
64
00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:36,890
If payment is not immediately
forthcoming, we will be forced to... Oh,
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00:03:36,990 --> 00:03:39,010
wait. We'll bring it to you in person.
66
00:03:39,530 --> 00:03:42,390
Plus $10 for a new hat. Never mind.
67
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Have mine.
68
00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:45,270
It doesn't fit.
69
00:03:45,710 --> 00:03:47,150
Oh, it looks perfect.
70
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I can't see.
71
00:03:48,850 --> 00:03:50,430
Well, rent yourself a seeing -eye dog.
72
00:03:54,070 --> 00:03:56,370
Now, we've got to get our money back
from that stock swindler.
73
00:03:56,610 --> 00:03:59,530
Tell us about him. Well, his name is
John Smith.
74
00:04:00,530 --> 00:04:02,910
Don't tell me he introduced you to
Pocahontas.
75
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Somebody told you.
76
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:08,130
Quiet. Now, where is this John Smith?
77
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In his office, next door to a barbecue
pit.
78
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Hey, does barbecues have pits?
79
00:04:14,070 --> 00:04:18,750
Oh. What are you hitting me for? I
didn't say it. He said it. Oh, you said
80
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No, I didn't.
81
00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:24,690
Yes? Incidentally, do barbecue have
pits?
82
00:04:25,010 --> 00:04:28,030
Quiet. We've got to find that Smith guy.
Come on.
83
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Wait there.
84
00:04:36,930 --> 00:04:37,930
There it is.
85
00:04:38,390 --> 00:04:41,150
G .Y. Prince, R .O. Broad.
86
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G .Y. Pete.
87
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Chip! Rob!
88
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What'd you expect?
89
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Open up! It's Joe Besser!
90
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It's the fat guy I sold the stocks to.
91
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We've got to let him in. Put on your
disguise so they won't recognize you.
92
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Come on, open up!
93
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Okay, let him in.
94
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Crook won't let us in. Let's break the
door down. Good idea.
95
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Ready, set, go!
96
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Where
97
00:05:19,740 --> 00:05:27,140
is
98
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John Smith?
99
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:30,100
We threw that crook out.
100
00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:35,280
Yes, he gypped some poor man of his TV
winnings last night, so we fired him.
101
00:05:35,550 --> 00:05:37,110
Yeah, we're the guys he gypped.
102
00:05:37,510 --> 00:05:40,210
Let's go to the police. We'll have them
catch that crook.
103
00:05:40,450 --> 00:05:41,450
Wait a minute, boys.
104
00:05:42,130 --> 00:05:45,850
You look like nice fellows, so we're
going to take care of you.
105
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Oh, boy, they're going to take care of
us?
106
00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:52,170
Yes. There's an eccentric old
millionaire who's very lonely.
107
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He would like to adopt some nice boys.
108
00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:57,330
His name is Montgomery M. Montgomery.
109
00:05:57,690 --> 00:06:00,050
Oh, boy, we'll be Montgomery's wards.
110
00:06:00,850 --> 00:06:03,590
Yeah, correct. Now, here's all you have
to do.
111
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,720
Now, we'll make all the arrangements.
112
00:06:06,580 --> 00:06:07,740
Oh, yes, G .Y.
113
00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,280
I've canceled our offer tickets, and I
understand.
114
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,140
I'm supposed to adopt them.
115
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,360
Correct. And then, of course, give them
the usual treatment.
116
00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:18,760
Oh, have no trepidations. You can rely
on me.
117
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Dead men tell no tales, eh?
118
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Goodbye.
119
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:27,300
New customers, eh?
120
00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:47,710
I'm Mr. Montgomery's secretary.
121
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Hello. What nice boys.
122
00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:52,470
You're not so bad yourself.
123
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Catch. Remember, you're supposed to be a
kid.
124
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So I'm a juvenile delinquent.
125
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,000
everything is fine.
126
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Come on.
127
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You must be my new boy.
128
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,320
Yes, Daddy.
129
00:07:34,260 --> 00:07:37,480
Well, well, I have some nice toys for
you.
130
00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:52,120
I don't blame you.
131
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:53,600
Oh, boy.
132
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,620
Havana. A clear Havana.
133
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:04,620
Havana? Oh, he doesn't smoke them. Oh,
no, I don't smoke them. He eats them
134
00:08:04,620 --> 00:08:06,580
candy. Yeah, I eat them like candy.
135
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:11,220
Go on. Eat the nice cigar, Joey Woe. But
I don't want to.
136
00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:18,140
You have to coax him, Daddy. He's
bashful. Go on. Eat that or I'll brain
137
00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:20,540
You ain't going to grab this act. But I
don't want to.
138
00:08:21,070 --> 00:08:22,150
Oh, I see.
139
00:08:24,930 --> 00:08:28,110
Never mind, Joey, will we? Come with me.
140
00:08:29,730 --> 00:08:34,250
Now sit on Daddy's knee.
141
00:08:34,950 --> 00:08:36,210
Is Joey hungry?
142
00:08:36,510 --> 00:08:38,610
Always. Well, then eat your nice cigar.
143
00:08:38,970 --> 00:08:39,970
But I don't want to!
144
00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:07,100
Now chew it up good, Joey, so you don't
get indigestion.
145
00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:16,320
How would you like to play games?
146
00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:19,100
Exactly what I was thinking.
147
00:09:19,920 --> 00:09:22,400
How about post office?
148
00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:24,300
Oh, that's a kid's game.
149
00:09:24,620 --> 00:09:26,300
Not the way I play it.
150
00:09:28,060 --> 00:09:29,880
Let's play blind man's buff.
151
00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:31,750
You kids blindfold yourselves.
152
00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:32,689
Oh, sure.
153
00:09:32,690 --> 00:09:33,690
Oh, boy.
154
00:09:34,910 --> 00:09:41,090
All right, ready?
155
00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:42,490
Right.
156
00:09:43,470 --> 00:09:44,790
Come on, follow me.
157
00:09:45,650 --> 00:09:48,290
All right. First one catches, he gets a
kiss.
158
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:49,630
Right.
159
00:10:22,130 --> 00:10:24,730
Oh. Come on, follow me.
160
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,210
Over here.
161
00:10:30,110 --> 00:10:31,210
Where are you?
162
00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:32,349
Right here.
163
00:10:32,350 --> 00:10:33,350
Oh.
164
00:10:35,530 --> 00:10:36,110
Am
165
00:10:36,110 --> 00:10:46,650
I
166
00:10:46,650 --> 00:10:47,329
getting close?
167
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:48,330
Mighty close.
168
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:27,290
Oh, no, Joey, there's no more cigars in
there. I'll get you another one, all
169
00:11:27,290 --> 00:11:28,290
right?
170
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:56,920
Hey, what's the idea of conking me?
171
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:58,640
I didn't do it.
172
00:11:58,880 --> 00:11:59,880
You didn't?
173
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,180
Hey, I smell a rat.
174
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:04,760
Yeah, a beautiful blonde one. She
conkers.
175
00:12:05,020 --> 00:12:06,340
Let's get you and get out of here.
176
00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:16,880
Ouch!
177
00:12:18,220 --> 00:12:19,980
Go away, you crazy you!
178
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,720
Come on, we're leaving.
179
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,260
Get out of here. They're trying to kill
us. Kill us? Oh.
180
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:41,280
You should never have hit them with that
bat. That would never kill them. But
181
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,220
their rat poison will. Be sure to pour
plenty in.
182
00:12:44,780 --> 00:12:48,560
Right. They must be stiff as planks when
Prince and Broad arrive to claim the
183
00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:49,560
bodies.
184
00:12:51,740 --> 00:12:54,420
They're murderers. Let's get out of
here. Keep an eye on the door.
185
00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:07,580
Wait a minute. You rats, you thought you
were going to get us bumped off, eh?
186
00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:09,360
You shut it.
187
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,620
And this time we won't miss.
188
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:14,180
Hey, don't move any further or I'll let
you have it.
189
00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:17,080
Lay that pistol down, man.
190
00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:19,060
Okay, you asked for it.
191
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,800
supposed to be done. That's fair enough.
Here's your share.
192
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,040
Here's your share and this is my share.
193
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,480
Hey, wait a minute.
194
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:00,640
Give me the income taxes.
13805
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