Original subtitles

I do.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

Congratulations. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to hurry to testify at

divorce. Goodbye.

Bye. Bye.

We'll never forget you, boy. If it wasn't for you, we'd have never married

lovely sisters. So I'm a Cuban.

Anyway, better you should support him than I.

Well, now for our nuptial kiss.

What's the idea?

to show you who's going to be boss around here.

Wait a minute. Now, get out in the kitchen and roast the turkey. Yes, make

hot muffins and coffee. Wait a minute. We don't know how to cook. It's time you

learn. That's what husbands are for.

Now, get going.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What girls? I didn't... Shut up!

Now, go on. Pick the feathers off that turkey while I study how to cook it.

Crockett? Oh, come on. Peel that turkey.

There must be an easier way to get the feathers off that turkey.

I got an idea. Wait here.

Watch over lightly.

Right, sir.

to get busy with this turkey.

Gee, fellas, I didn't know my sisters were so mean. They'll prove it. I'll

you. Yeah? Well, get over there and make some muffins and coffee.

Go ahead.

All right.

I'll get back to business here.

Uh -oh. Poor turkey. I cut it. Wait a minute. I'll get a stepstick pencil.

Watch your stepstick.

Let's see now. Muffins, muffins, muffins.

Three spoons of flour.

One, two, three.

Add one egg.

Now add some milk.

Now a pinch of baking flour. No, a spoon of baking powder.

Oh, I'll make it rich.

Now mix well.

Please, make like this.

Thank you.

There we are.

Got the aftershave lotion?

Right on.

See you later, fella.

You see, in order to brown a turkey, you paint it with solid oil.

Solid oil. Let's see. Maybe it's in here.

No.

Solid oil.

Well.

There we are.

Rub them down, kid.

There we are.

Okay.

Open up the stove, boy.

Open that door.

It's already lit. Now unroast it.

That bird will be out of this world.

Yeah, it's too good for those elephants we married.

Hey, it's on fire. Do something.

way, kid.

Delicious turkey.

Nice hot muffin.

And I made them myself.

Oh, that's that cheap modern furniture.

Boy,

if that's married life, I don't want any part of it. I'll never get married. But

you hooked us, you rat.

And we'll get even with you.

Hey, wait a minute, Chef. We've got to give a music lesson.

That's enough.

That's enough. We've done enough for today.

You might hurt your voice. You know, bend it, crack it, or break it or

something. Oh, Professor, you're so considerate.

I'm just crazy about you.

Don't forget, we've got another lesson Tuesday.

Gargle with old razor blades. All right, Professor.

I know you wouldn't want anything to happen to my throat.

Except to have somebody cut it. How would you like to be married to a dame

that? Don't even say that.

I ought to. You ought to what? I ought to be a little more careful.

Well, shut up and listen. Do you remember your Uncle Caleb? Do I? Why,

tightwad, he'd steal flies from a blind spider.

But, Champ, he's... He's a louse and a weasel. Yeah? Well, he just died and

you 500 ,000 bucks. Just like that old skinflint.

500 ,000 bucks!

But there's one little catch.

You get the dough, provided you're married.

So... Married? No.

No, fellas. I'm gonna faint.

Oh!

For what?

If you get married within 48 hours of the reading of the will. What time was

that? Six o 'clock the night before last.

You just got seven hours to get yourself a bride. It can't be done. No woman is

interested in me.

Maybe not, pal.

But if you look real hard, you might find one that's interested in a half a

million bucks.

Maybe you got something there. You're darn right he has. You know any girls?

I got a lot of numbers, but I haven't had much luck with them lately.

Well, you can't get killed for trying. Where's the phone? There's a booth down

the hall. Well, what are we waiting for?

Down the hall.

Hello? Is this Ginger Gray?

It is?

Well, this is your little snoogums.

I'm about to do you a big favor.

Will you marry me?

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Hey, any luck?

I've got one phone number and one nickel left.

Well, start using it.

Oh, you clumsy ox, you. Where'd that go?

It was down here someplace.

Let's find it.

It's on that side.

Oh,

no.

Take this receiver. I got it. I got it.

All right. Just take it. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. All right.

Now, wait.

Get this out of my hair here.

All right. All right.

Easy, easy, easy. All right. Easy. All right. Now, wait a minute.

Can you dial from there? No. Can you? Yeah.

Oh. Oh.

Wait a minute. If I come around like this one and get up in this one, how's

that? Well, it don't feel as good as when I did this. Wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait. Take it easy. Now, look.

We ain't getting no place fast.

Let's get at this thing right the right way. Get this off.

that, don't you?

Right.

That's what I want to know.

Wait a minute.

Did you get a load of that?

What a dish. I wonder who she is.

We'll soon find out. Oh, boy. Yes. Who's the new dame? A Miss Hopkins.

Miss Hopkins? Did you hear that, kid?

And good -looking, too. Go get her, Shep.

Oh, wait a minute.

You can't propose to a girl looking like that. We've got to give you the words.

Come on.

Hello. Oh, hello.

Come in.

Cousin Basil. Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

I've just been dying to meet you.

You're even cuter than that lady said you were.

Oh, boy, success.

Yeah, listen to those kisses.

Cut it.

Oh, you must be exhausted after your long trip. Sit down.

Let me look at you, Cousin Basil.

Now, don't you go away.

Hello? Yes, this is Miss Hopkins.

Your Cousin Basil?

Well, then who is... I was just... How dare you pretend to be my cousin Basil?

I'll teach you a thing or two. You won't.

Don't you dare strike me.

Taking advantage of a poor, weak, helpless woman.

You horrible person, you.

What happened, kid?

Can I help it if I ain't cousin Basil?

Professor, are you all right?

Oh, I'm fine.

All I wanted to do was propose, but... Propose?

You mean you'll really marry him? Oh, of course.

He's my little old dreamboat.

Your little dreamboat is sailing.

Wait a minute. You're going to sail away from a half a million bucks? We only

got two hours left.

Come on, get going.

Say,

here's the license. My pal wants to get married in a rush. Oh, splendid.

Oh, excuse me.

Hello?

Who? Mr. Howard.

Yes, he's here.

Okay, thanks.

That was the clerk at the apartment.

Those dames you phoned this morning found out about the 500 grand and the

papers. Come on, pal, we gotta make this fast.

Have you got the ring?

Why, certainly.

Join hands, you lovebirds.

Uh -uh.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Who is this character?

She's the bride.

Oh, yeah?

Not while I got my strength.

Tell me, didn't you propose to me? Yes, but I'm with you.

didn't you? Yes, but you tied me down. That was before I read the papers. Now I

accept. Look at that. We'd better do something fast.

Yeah.