All language subtitles for the_three_stooges_1955_-_s22e04_-_bedlam_in_paradise

He's got galloping hoofs to the heart.

My goodness, hoof and heart disease.
That means he's nearing the finish line.

They're going around the first turn.
Shep is in the lead by a... Come on,

dying. You're telling jokes.

We should take his temperature. If we
only had a thermometer.

Wait.

Here's the thermometer.

Good. Open your mouth, Shep. No, I don't
like pills.

Give.

Ow!

Now you go on, heat him a hot water bag.

Heat a hot water bag?

Ten degrees below zero.

Hey, it can't be.

And what do you think you're doing?

What? You told me I'm heating a hot
water bottle.

Oh, I see.

Oh, get out of here.

You made him swallow the thermometer.

Now rub his stomach. Maybe he'll
regurgitate the broken glass.

It's no use. He's full of glass.

You got to close, fellas.

I'm going to kick the bucket.

Oh, no.

I'm gone, boys.

Now you behave.

If you don't, I'll come back and haunt
you.

He's sunk.

He's gone to the dogs.

the earthly report of my nephew, Mr.
Shemp.

Shemp, there seems to be some mix -up
regarding your eligibility to enter

portals. But, Uncle Mortimer, I... Is
this what you want, sir? Thank you.

Shemp!

I hope you brought your asbestos suit
with you.

Asbestos suit?

Gosh, no. I wouldn't eat it up here.
I... But your report shows that you and

your cousins, Moe and Larry, have been
pretty bad boys.

Oh. Oh, well.

All right. Give me a pitchfork and a red
union suit and I'll go.

Fret not, my friend. We will supply you
with everything.

Come along with me. Not so fast with
your devilish wiles. I haven't released

Shemp yet.

Thanks, Uncle Mortimer.

Champ, I will give you one chance to
save yourself from our arch enemy.

You will go back to Earth and reform Moe
and Larry.

And if you do, you can come back here
for good. If not... Wait, wait. I'll

succeed. I'll reform that Moe and Larry
if it kills me.

What am I saying?

I'm already dead.

You realize that they will not be able
to hear you or see you.

They won't hear or see me, eh?

That's great. Just perfect.

Ha! Not so perfect. For I have Moe and
Larry under my evil influence.

And I'll thwart you.

Hello, big boy. My name is Helen. Helen
what?

Helen Blazers. Oh, charm to know you.

Why don't you come down and see us
sometime? We have some real hot...

Dance? Mm -hmm.

What am I doing? Eat it, you devils. Go
to blazes.

They nearly got me, but I'm okay now,
and I'll reform that Moe and Larry.

Good. Good!

All aboard.

Sailing Express leaving from Cloud 49.

Bound for the Big Dipper.

Mars, Venus, the Earth, and Cucamonga.

Board!

You'd better hurry if you want to catch
that train.

I'll catch that train, but I've got to
do something here first.

You see that?

Goodbye.

Listen,

you old rain cloud, why don't you look
where you're going? I had the right of

way.

the idea.

You think you're in California?

Gee whiz.

Cut

it

out, Uncle Mortimer.

The stooge, being of unsound mind, do
hereby prove it by leaving all my

possessions to my cousins, Moe and
Larry.

Share and share alike.

This is all of poor Shemp's worldly
goods.

$140 to be divided equally between you.
Poor Shemp, he left us all his money.

Money? I got that.

It's a good thing you hit me with money,
or I'd resent that.

Quiet. We've got to divide this dough up
fair and square.

Say, there seems to be some more in
here.

Wait a minute.

Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

Ow, ow, ow, ow!

140 smackers. That makes 70 bucks for
you, Larry.

One, two, three, four.

Robber. Say, tell me, how old do you
have to be to collect your old age

65. 65.

66, 67, 68, 69, 70. There we are.

Hey.

Your pile is bigger than mine.

Here's where I start reforming you,
mister.

Why don't you watch what you're doing?

What are you talking about?

You know what we're talking about.

Yeah, you blew the money right off the
desk.

I'll divide it this time.

That's better.

I think you gypped me.

You've been picking on that little guy
long enough. It's about time you got a

dose of your own medicine.

Oh, a wise guy, huh?

I didn't do nothing.

Oh, no, wait. Oh, mass, you! Hey!

That's enough of this nonsense. Pay me
my fee. I've got a luncheon date. Oh,

yes, your fee. How much is it?

$150.

Why, Shemp only left us $140.

I'll take it.

Are you sure this is all you've got?

That's the last red cent, Mr. Fleeceham.

See?

Any other lawyer would have taken the
case for $20.

Oh, is that so?

That's what I call easy pickings. Are
you telling me?

Well, be seeing you later, chump. Don't
stay in the office too long, dirty

crook. You mind if we breathe?

Dirty crook. Well, I did it with flat
broke.

Got a dime for coffee?

Say, I had some airmail stamps.

Well, what do you know?

I know you're trying to jip me again.

Mo, I wasn't trying to jip you. I
thought I had a couple of... Mo?

Yeah? You took my money, didn't you?

Yeah, sure.

My pocket was empty, wasn't it? Sure.

Well, what's this?

Hey, there's something funny going on
around here.

I got it.

You know, Shemp said he was coming back
to Earth to haunt us.

Ah, let him come.

I ain't afraid of that fathead.

Oh! Oh!

Mo, why'd you hit me before?

I didn't touch you.

That's what I was afraid of. Shemp's
here. It's him. This ghost just hit me.

Oh, I ain't afraid of ghosts. Stand
aside.

I'll prove it. Keep your hands in your
pocket.

Shemp, if you're around here, give me a
smash on the chin and convince me.

Oh, I'm

convinced.

Well, things are looking up.

Well, so far you boys have had easy
pickings, eh, what?

We certainly have. You know, we've made
a small fortune thanks to you.

I must admit that I did give you some
devilish good ideas, eh?

Sure thing.

Now, if we can only get the DePices to
buy our phony fountain pen invention for

$50 ,000 today, we'll be on easy street.
Yeah, and when the DePices see a

fountain pen that writes under whipped
cream, they'll fall for it like the

suckers did.

You know, you've been very kind to us.
Now, what can we do for you?

Oh, don't worry.

When the time comes, I'll let you know.

This guy must be in too high an income
tax bracket. Well, uh, good day,

gentlemen.

Goodbye, Mr. Heller.

Here's where I really start reforming
you two.

Well, a toast to easy money. Toodle -oo,
skip the gutter, break your leg.

Hey, what's the big idea?

You did it and you're asking me?

I didn't do it.

It was Shemp. He's come back to haunt us
again.

Shemp, if you're really here, give us a
break, will you? But no tricks.

Oh, no?

Shemp, where are you?

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Hey, that's the depositors. Get ready.

I'll get the invention.

Here is our invention.

Well, I'm dying to be the first one to
see a fountain pen right under whipped

cream. Indeed, so am I.

Now you take the fountain pen and place
it... In here.

And put the paper in thusly. And pour
the cream over all.

Now turn the motor on to low.

Low.

It must turn slowly.

Otherwise, it would overflow.

Now would you care to make out your
check for 50 ,000 now or later?

Yeah.

What next?

A towel.

I'd like to have a towel.

Oh.