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1
00:00:38,590 --> 00:00:40,110
No, I shall get it myself.
2
00:00:40,710 --> 00:00:41,710
That's all.
3
00:00:42,690 --> 00:00:45,070
Oh, I beg your pardon, sir. I didn't
mean that. I'm sorry.
4
00:00:45,810 --> 00:00:49,790
Larry, of all people, I haven't seen you
in years. Champ, you're a sight for
5
00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:52,290
sore eyes. Sit down and have a drink. I
don't mind if I do.
6
00:00:53,650 --> 00:00:54,950
What kind of stuff is this?
7
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:05,760
When did you join the Woman Haters Club?
Oh, that's a long story. I'll have to
8
00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,960
tell you a little later. All right.
Right now we're busy with this, you see,
9
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:09,960
brother.
10
00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:35,790
Too much seltzer.
11
00:01:42,850 --> 00:01:45,270
You were right. They do make that
seltzer strong.
12
00:01:46,250 --> 00:01:48,330
Well, you asked me a question.
13
00:01:48,670 --> 00:01:50,550
It's a long story, but you asked for it.
14
00:01:50,750 --> 00:01:54,170
I was sitting at home reading the
newspaper when I happened to glance at
15
00:01:54,170 --> 00:01:55,170
personal column.
16
00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:56,930
There was an ad that caught my eye.
17
00:02:00,410 --> 00:02:02,090
Tired of being beautiful and alone.
18
00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:05,580
Would like to meet clean, well -dressed,
handsome man about 35.
19
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:10,620
Object matrimony. Address box 41144,
Daily Journal.
20
00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:12,480
What an opportunity.
21
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,040
Beautiful and alone.
22
00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:17,040
But a handsome man, that might be a
problem.
23
00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:18,580
What time is it?
24
00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,640
Every time I look at the seven -day
clock, it stops.
25
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:29,480
I can't be that ugly. Or can I?
26
00:02:33,310 --> 00:02:37,250
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the
fairest of them all?
27
00:02:39,790 --> 00:02:41,870
I break more mirrors that way.
28
00:02:43,090 --> 00:02:47,710
Well, believe it or not, she thought I
was handsome.
29
00:02:48,430 --> 00:02:50,510
And I fell for her like a ton of bricks.
30
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:55,250
Well, a few nights later, I went over to
visit her apartment as usual, and,
31
00:02:55,390 --> 00:03:01,190
uh... Close your eyes, I have a surprise
for you.
32
00:03:17,890 --> 00:03:20,070
Oh, I'm going to relax and smoke a bit.
33
00:03:21,390 --> 00:03:22,388
You want to smoke?
34
00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:23,390
Thank you.
35
00:03:36,030 --> 00:03:37,790
Oh, excuse me. I'll get it. I'll get it.
36
00:03:47,210 --> 00:03:48,910
What can I do for you? This.
37
00:03:49,190 --> 00:03:50,190
Oh!
38
00:03:51,890 --> 00:03:52,930
Didn't you make a mistake?
39
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,010
Yeah, I hit the wrong arm. Oh!
40
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:57,770
Oh,
41
00:04:00,150 --> 00:04:04,930
my beautiful Jane, while it's in my
brain, may I deign again to ask you not
42
00:04:04,930 --> 00:04:07,030
refrain the chance to make us twain.
43
00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:31,800
kiss me indeed hey what the hey
44
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:37,440
who is this spotted raccoon oh he tried
to get engaged to me with that miserable
45
00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:41,380
little two carat ring just a minute that
was two and a half carats you gold
46
00:04:41,380 --> 00:04:45,460
digger why don't you watch your manners
how dare you call my tomato a gold
47
00:04:45,460 --> 00:04:46,960
digger get away from here
48
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,160
I guess I told him a tour thing.
49
00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,400
Took care of that guy, I'll tell you.
50
00:05:08,620 --> 00:05:14,440
That caterpillar thinks he's smart. But
he's not smart enough for me.
51
00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:16,380
I'll... Uh -uh. Look out.
52
00:05:18,780 --> 00:05:19,780
Oh, baby.
53
00:05:20,260 --> 00:05:21,260
Speak to me.
54
00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:22,440
Yes? This.
55
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:24,620
Hey,
56
00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:27,240
hey. I'll murder you.
57
00:05:28,330 --> 00:05:29,330
Now, turn me loose.
58
00:05:30,110 --> 00:05:35,110
I'll get you. I'll tear your cuffs off.
I can't move here. Get me out of this.
59
00:05:35,430 --> 00:05:39,590
I'm through with women forever.
60
00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:42,270
Give me back my ring. That's the wrong
ring.
61
00:05:42,650 --> 00:05:43,650
So sue me.
62
00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:49,730
I'll catch up with you one of these
days, wise guy. And when I do, pow!
63
00:05:51,610 --> 00:05:55,990
Women have always made trouble. They're
all alike.
64
00:05:56,940 --> 00:06:00,240
Now, my trouble started in the subway.
It was crowded and I was hanging on to a
65
00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,240
strap. And all of a sudden, a beautiful
girl got up and gave me a seat.
66
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,980
Well, to make a long friendship short,
here I was at her home.
67
00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:10,240
That meal was wonderful. Oh, thank you.
68
00:06:10,740 --> 00:06:12,160
Beautiful and can cook, too.
69
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:14,520
Thank you.
70
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:18,880
Well, now, will you excuse me while I
powder my nose? Sure. Where does this
71
00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:19,719
picture belong?
72
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:20,720
Up there in the cabinet.
73
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:34,400
She forgot to put the dirty dishes in
the washer. I'll do it.
74
00:06:36,580 --> 00:06:36,980
Oh,
75
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:45,820
I'm
76
00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:48,480
so sorry. The automatic shutoff is out
of order.
77
00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:50,480
Oh, you're soaking wet.
78
00:06:50,900 --> 00:06:55,700
You better get those wet clothes off
before you catch cold. Come on, I'll
79
00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:56,599
you something to wear.
80
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,780
In a minute, in a minute.
81
00:07:08,940 --> 00:07:11,840
him out to be cleaned and pressed.
Meanwhile, make yourself at home. Thanks
82
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:12,840
lot.
83
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,600
Oh, I'm sorry.
84
00:07:29,540 --> 00:07:33,200
Here you are.
85
00:07:33,540 --> 00:07:34,820
Where'd you get the men's pajamas?
86
00:07:35,180 --> 00:07:36,740
Well, they're my husband's, but we're
separated.
87
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:47,220
It'll help keep you warm, I think. Oh,
thank you, thank you.
88
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,320
Boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, what a night that
was.
89
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,680
Go on. Let's wet our whistles first.
90
00:07:58,960 --> 00:07:59,960
Here's looking at you.
91
00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:35,799
Sorry, pal.
92
00:08:35,820 --> 00:08:36,980
Go on with your story.
93
00:08:37,220 --> 00:08:40,720
Well, there we were in the living room,
waiting for my suit to come back from
94
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,280
the cleaners. She was fond of music, and
I was playing the piano and singing.
95
00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:48,040
I was trying to impersonate that guy
with the candelabra. Oh, yeah.
96
00:08:48,940 --> 00:08:54,420
Home, home on the farm in Georgia.
97
00:08:55,100 --> 00:09:01,400
Our farm had such charms, and Mama's so
sweet.
98
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:08,920
Cooks good things to eat in Georgia down
on the farm.
99
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,660
How was that? Oh, that's wonderful.
You're quite a musician.
100
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:22,000
Just fair. I play that in four sharps. I
used to play in five flats, but I got
101
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,000
kicked out of the last one.
102
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:26,640
Oh, what a lovely ring. May I see it?
Certainly.
103
00:09:34,570 --> 00:09:37,850
Well, now, wait a minute. Thank you very
much. No, wait, now, give me that. Oh,
104
00:09:38,990 --> 00:09:40,290
it went down that hole.
105
00:09:41,190 --> 00:09:44,270
Excuse me, I'm expecting an important
phone call.
106
00:09:46,610 --> 00:09:48,590
I can't get my hands on that.
107
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,630
Well, gosh, it went down.
108
00:10:35,790 --> 00:10:37,370
I feel like a pretzel.
109
00:10:42,870 --> 00:10:43,509
Oh,
110
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:52,330
if
111
00:10:52,330 --> 00:10:58,390
she sees this mess, she'll kill me.
112
00:10:58,810 --> 00:11:00,010
I'd better get rid of it.
113
00:11:00,490 --> 00:11:01,810
Ah, in here with it.
114
00:11:02,770 --> 00:11:05,070
Never saw a piano with so much junk in
it.
115
00:11:26,230 --> 00:11:27,930
Oh. She'll never know the difference.
116
00:11:28,210 --> 00:11:29,210
Hello.
117
00:11:29,830 --> 00:11:31,210
You wrecker.
118
00:11:32,010 --> 00:11:33,490
Your ring.
119
00:11:34,330 --> 00:11:36,590
That will pay for the damage to my
piano.
120
00:11:37,370 --> 00:11:40,610
There must be a way to get that ring
without getting in trouble with the
121
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:46,739
I forgot my key.
122
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,980
It's my husband. But I thought you were
separated. We were. He was on a trip.
123
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,380
That's separated, isn't it? Yeah.
124
00:11:51,940 --> 00:11:55,140
Oh, he's terribly jealous. If he finds
you here, he'll kill you. If you think
125
00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:56,760
I'm afraid, you're right.
126
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,100
Where will I hide?
127
00:11:58,460 --> 00:11:59,460
Upstairs in the bedroom.
128
00:12:05,220 --> 00:12:08,100
Darling. I'm sorry, honey. I must have
forgot my key.
129
00:12:08,380 --> 00:12:10,000
Boy, are you a sight for sore eyes.
130
00:12:11,380 --> 00:12:14,680
You got home early, didn't you? Yes, I
flew.
131
00:12:18,900 --> 00:12:20,000
I'm expecting a wire.
132
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,420
Oh, oh, oh, a tiger.
133
00:12:35,780 --> 00:12:38,200
The boy said you told him to clean and
press this suit.
134
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,439
Whose is it?
135
00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:40,500
Who are you hiding?
136
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:42,660
Never mind, I'll find him myself.
137
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,500
Oh, no, no, no, honey, please.
138
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,560
Because that's where I hide when I...
What am I saying? What?
139
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:04,360
Never mind, I'll find him. Oh, the
closet.
140
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:07,200
I'll get that home record. Listen to me,
please, please.
141
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,620
I'll find him.
142
00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:10,360
He must be amongst these clothes.
143
00:13:11,220 --> 00:13:13,080
No, I told you there was nobody here.
144
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:17,360
Liar. Well, that's not my suit, and I'm
going to find the guy that it fits.
145
00:13:17,620 --> 00:13:18,620
Oh, Mo.
146
00:13:19,140 --> 00:13:20,960
Mo, please listen to me.
147
00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:22,240
I ain't listening to nobody.
148
00:13:22,780 --> 00:13:23,780
Shut up!
149
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,880
You're getting all upset for nothing.
150
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:37,460
Well, maybe you're right.
151
00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:39,520
Well, certainly you're being silly.
152
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,120
You know I wouldn't have another man in
this apartment.
153
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:09,600
I pinched for masquerading as a woman,
and I had to pay $50 fine.
154
00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:12,620
How do you like that? Oh, I hate women.
155
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:13,940
I don't blame you, Shemp.
156
00:14:14,660 --> 00:14:15,660
$50 fine.
157
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:16,900
Oh.
158
00:14:18,620 --> 00:14:20,960
Hey, there's Charlie. Let's say hello.
159
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,460
All the dame wants is diamonds.
160
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:27,580
Two carats, four carats. Hiya, Charlie.
Well, hi, fellas. Say, I want you to
161
00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:30,640
meet a new member. This is, uh... Why,
you rat.
162
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:32,539
Oh, yeah?
163
00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:33,540
Easy already.
164
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,259
I'm sorry.
165
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:36,260
Oh,
166
00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,180
you're going to fight, eh?
167
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:40,840
Get out of here.
168
00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:44,320
I'll bring you.
169
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:47,960
Thank you.
170
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,200
What the hell?
171
00:15:09,430 --> 00:15:11,390
Oh, Moe, Moe. Wait, I'll get you out of
here.
172
00:15:12,890 --> 00:15:13,890
Hold still.
173
00:15:17,290 --> 00:15:19,890
Moe, can I do something? Can I get you a
glass of water?
174
00:15:20,310 --> 00:15:22,530
A truck hit me. Come on, let's get out
of here.
13224
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