Original subtitles

I've decided to give you boys your diplomas in private because you've

with the lowest honors in our school's history.

Gee, thank you, Gunga. You're a swell guy.

Oh, cut it out.

And I might add, you will never get a job in the United States with your

record, but as we find jobs for all our students, I've decided to take care of

you. That's great. We'll get that part.

I'm sorry, Dean.

Now, what about the job and where do we go?

Oh, you're going to Glen Heather Castle in Scotland.

Oh, boy, Scotch, I love it. You take a tall, thin glass, you put the ice in.

Quiet, McNothing.

Quiet yourself.

You know you tell me to be quiet, but I'll make a noise around.

Put him alone.

Ow, ow, ow.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Dean. Now, what about Scotland?

Well, in Glen Heather Castle, certain valuable objects of art have been

disappearing. And the servants are blaming it on ghosts.

Ghosts? Quiet.

You will prove there are no ghosts and find the culprits who are stealing these

objects of art.

Ghosts, give me the creeps. I'm not going. Hey, wait a minute. We just got a

deployment home. What do you mean you're not going?

You're going to Scotland and we're going to Scotland. We all graduated together.

Everybody goes together. Don't forget it.

Remember that.

You idiots!

We're sorry. It's merely an accident. That couldn't happen again in a thousand

years.

Oh, you have a little fleck on your chin. Pardon me.

There we are.

Now, take it easy, boss. Don't get excited. We'll help you clean it up when

get back from Scotland.

And you guys, you had to spell the ink, didn't you?

Oh. Come on.

Look at the size of this shack.

What's the matter with you? This is a castle, you nitwit.

Say, they say there's a lot of ghosts in castles. That's a lot of baloney.

There's nothing in here to be scared of.

The Earl will see you new.

This way, please.

Hey, Moe, is my slip showing?

No, go on, go on, go on.

Nice to know you, laddies. A charming bit of thistle down, if I say so myself.

Aye. And what might your name be, lass?

Perhaps you've heard it. It is Lorna Doon.

Hi, Lorna. How you doing?

You must be a bit weary after your long journey.

Aye. Aye. Aye, aye, aye.

Would you like a wee snifter?

Put, ma 'am. That we would. That we would. Yowza, that's what a man said. He

said yowza. Say, what part of Scotland are you from?

He's from southern Scotland, below the MacMason -McDixon line.

Macyowza, that's what a man said.

MacMason and the Scots broth?

Yes, my lord.

Good health to you.

He said snifter. He wasn't kidding.

Have another?

No, thanks. I got to drive.

McPherson, lock it up again.

It's 150 years old.

With a little luck, it should get to be 250.

McPherson, fetch me the rest of my correspondence.

Yes, my lord.

Aye.

And now, lads, I'll tell you what I said for you.

I want you to guard me valuables tonight, for I'm off to a gathering of

clans. Oh, a clan bake, eh?

You've got nothing to worry about, Earl. Say, Earl, there's no ghosts here, is

there? No, it is only a rumor.

Not a foolishness.

The taxi is waiting, your lordship. One moment, I have some instructions for

these lads. Beg pardon, sir, but it stops a minute for waiting time.

Taxi!

We've got to scare those jokers out of the castle and make our last haul before

the Earl gets back.

But what if they don't scare easily?

Then we'll use drastic measures.

Ah, it is good.

I'd better show them to their bedroom now. See you later.

You'll find this very comfortable when the cold, clammy wind howls over the

moors like a lost soul.

Good night.

Good night.

Pleasant dreams.

If you want anything, just wail.

Like a lost soul.

Say, fellas, I ain't tired anymore. Maybe one of you guys ought to turn in.

on, get in the bed.

You grab some shut -eye while Shep and I go downstairs and look around.

Come on.

Wait a minute, Mo.

I feel kind of edgy myself.

I ought to take something from my nerves.

Like what? A trip home.

Come on, get going.

But wait a minute, I am nervous.

Well, if you're so nervous, grab that gun.

Hurry up.

I didn't mean it, Mom. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. Are you all right?

Yeah.

Next time, be more careful.

Lorna, you see if you can open the safe and get the jewelry while McPherson and

I take care of those comic books, Sherlock.

Gosh, I hope nothing happens.

What kind of talk is that?

What could happen?

Go ahead, tell me, what could happen?

Nothing, I guess.

Well, then, go ahead.

Solid gold.

Worth a...

Hey, fellas, cut out that racket, will you, please?

Yikes!

With you

nobody

robbing anything in here Hey, I'm getting tired. Let's relax.

Uh -uh.

You need bicarbonate.

What's the matter with you? Are you crazy or something?

What's the matter? Are you crazy or something?

Why don't you mind your own business? I just said that.

There's something going on downstairs. I'm glad I'm up here where it's safe.

This little marble will come in handy.

That ought to take care of any visitors.

You're dead to the covers.

Say, you ought to see your dentist.

Why don't you get to sleep?

The guy with the big teeth took him. Oh, you're crazy. He's right.

Somebody stole our bed.

It's worth a king's ransom.

It's solid gold.

I caught you stealing red -handed. I'm going to call the police.

You won't live to.

Operator, get me the police. Get me.

Sorry, Maul. We didn't mean it. You doughheads.

That's what you've been doing, Lorna.

Lads, I'm a grateful man.

And it is only fitting that I reward you.

No, but I will.

Come on.

The scotch broth, lads. And this time we'll really drink it. For you prove

are no ghosts in Glen Heather Castle.