Original subtitles

A couple of sleeping beauties, eh?

Come on, wake up.

Come on, you slugs, get up.

Where's the girls? Where'd they go?

I'll help you, termites.

I was lucky to get this decorating job from the landlady. She'd have tossed us

out on a skulls if I hadn't talked her into letting us pay our rent this way.

Come on, get busy. All right, all right.

Well, we'll have your apartment fixed up in a jiffy, Mrs. Magruder. I hope so.

These furnishings cost a pretty penny, you know.

I wouldn't want anything to happen to them. No, we...

Now, don't worry, Mrs. Magruder. Just relax and it's all

done. Will you be surprised? I hope so.

Look at that rug.

Why don't you watch what you're doing?

Clean it up! All right, all right.

Oh, it's belting somebody.

Clean it up, clean it up.

Sorry, Bo. I didn't mean it. It was an accident.

Oh, shut up. What's the matter with you?

Take your tonsils out one of these days.

Hey, imbecile.

Move the radio.

Oh, move it.

Stupid, ain't he?

Look who's talking. Get out of here.

What'd he say?

Get a bucket of water, we'll drown it. Get a bucket of water, we'll drown it.

All right.

Wait a minute.

See if I can get the eighth race.

Get away from here, eighth race.

I had a sure winner. 50 cent parlay player.

Get away.

What's going on here?

Oh, yeah?

No wise dying, huh?

Let's fix you. That'll kill you for a while.

Oh, no. You ain't gonna get me this time.

Oh, please

forgive

me. It was purely accidental, I assure you.

What do you know? It works.

Yeah.

before we did all that work.

Shut up and finish packing.

How come you give all the orders around here?

Because I got all the brains around here. Any objections?

Yes.

Objections overruled.

You finish packing? Just these few things right here. That's the only one

it on the right side. We need those in there. Lock her up. All right.

Wait a minute. You're getting no place.

Let a guy do it that knows how. Spread out.

Now, when I bounce it shut, you guys snap the lock. Right.

ring the doorbell.

It's from my Uncle Phineas. He's coming to visit me.

He says he can stay two weeks. Oh, he can?

Two whole weeks.

But we're so broke we can't even feed ourselves.

Let him go sponge on somebody else. Sure, let him stay at a hotel. He can

it. He's got six million bucks. Sure, why should we... Six million bucks? And

he's your uncle? Yes.

We can't let our... our Uncle Phineas stay at a hotel.

Certainly not. But you said... Never mind what I said. Our Uncle Phineas

right here. But, Mo, haven't you got any family loyalty? Why shouldn't he stay

here? Well, we were thrown out by the landlady, weren't we? Remember?

That's right.

I wonder if Uncle Phineas would like to sleep on a park bench.

Wait a minute. Mrs. McGruder can't evict us at a time like this. We'll talk to

the old battle axe. We'll explain the situation to her. Go on.

Oh, no.

We're scared of her.

Scared? Of a woman?

a thing or two or three?

Where does she come off to with that frog face?

I'll tell her.

Women? I tame them like Frank Buck tames tigers.

Sometimes I'm kind to them, sometimes I... ...the whip and make them jump.

Listen, when I give her that sweet talking stuff, she'll probably wind up

me the apartment rent -free. But, Moe, you... Quiet!

Charm, that's the ticket.

Women swoon when they turn on the old personality.

in the romantic way down in here. Take Mrs. Magruder. You take her. You got

You were. You miserable creature.

Now, wait a minute, Mrs. Magruder. Look, Shemp's uncle's coming here.

Worth six million bucks.

A likely story.

Phineas Bowman. Mrs. Magruder, you want your back rent, don't you? Yeah, and if

Uncle Phineas stays with Shemp, he'll probably make him a sole heir.

Phineas Bowman. His sole heir, Shemp.

They mean Mrs. Dragon. What?

Magruder, I think... That is a bat -like. Yeah, I was right. What you

for? You said deep down, deep down. Come on, already.

You go in and clean up the bedroom. We want everything spick and span when

Phineas gets here.

Oh, why do I always have to clean up the bedroom? You were about to say, we want

everything spick and span when Uncle Phineas gets here. Right, then get with

Vino, at this point, follow Vanilla.

You imbecile, don't you know how to open a bottle?

Now you go on, mix another cake while I get cleaned up.

Lucky for him that I was in the midst of making a cake. I'd fix him.

Upside down cake.

Oh,

Uncle Phineas.

Come right in. I was just sweet... Wait a minute. You're not Uncle Phineas?

No, I'm not.

I'm your new neighbor, Mrs. Duggan. I just moved in down the hall.

Oh, hello.

I was wondering if I could borrow a cup of sugar.

Well, you know how it is when you move. You always forget something.

Oh, certainly, certainly. Follow me. Just follow me. Come on.

Right in here.

Duggan, Duggan.

I know that name from somewhere.

Well, you must have heard of my husband, Rocky Duggan.

The big guy?

That goes around tearing telephone books in half? That's right. He's the

strongest man in the world. Oh, you think that's something?

Fearless.

Oh, oh, not so hard.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Oh, upset, Daisy.

Upset, Daisy.

Oh, now look what you've done. I'm sorry, lady. I'm sorry.

Oh, hey.

What's going on? Oh, it was an accident, Larry. I'll pay for the dress. Look, if

my husband sees me like this, all you'll pay for is hospital bills.

Oh, that's all right. I got insurance.

Oh, Mo, her husband tears telephone books in half. And people, too.

We better get her out of here.

Fine goings on. Larry, get a rope. All right. If you, any time you want to come

in.

I'll see if the coast is clear.

Is he so high?

Yes. And so wide? Yes. And has he got whiskers? Yes.

That's him.

Hi, neighbors. I'm Rocky Duggan.

Hi. I come down here looking for my missus. Yes, I know. I mean, I know all

about you. You're the strongest man in the world. That's right.

Want me to tear a telephone book for you? No, thanks.

Never can tell when we need it. They call a doctor or something.

Yeah. My missus said she was coming down here to borrow a cup of sugar.

I guess maybe she changed her mind.

Yeah, yeah, she changed her mind. Well, uh... I'll be seeing you, boys, be

seeing you.

If my husband found me in here like this, there's no telling what he'd do.

I beg your pardon, where is apartment 304?

I'm looking for my nephew, Mr. Shemp Howard. Well, 304, right this way, sir.

just came from there.

Oh.

There you are, sir, right there.

Happy to see you.

How do you do? Meet Chromedome. How

do you do, Mr. Chromedome?

Oh, that's the luggage man. I'll get it.

You homewreckers, I'm going to tear you limp from all the... Take it easy. Take

it easy.

How did they fall?

Leave him alone.

Who said so?

I do.

Beat it, lady. No dame's going to tell me what to do.

Oh, Rocky, you dope. This whole thing was a silly mistake.

Mistakes?

Look at the choppers.

Look at my choppers.

Where's your uncle?

In there.

No one's honest.

Well, what?

Shep's going to be rich. Yeah, his uncle's in there. He's got six million

And Shep is his sole heir.

Nephew, this is wonderful.

Wonderful!

I want you to meet the future Mrs.

Bowman. We were childhood sweethearts.

She's the only woman I ever cared for. Oh, pretty.

There goes our six million bucks. There goes our share.

There goes our oil wells.

There goes my...