Original subtitles

The Punjab diamond, kiddies.

Fourth largest diamond in the world.

And it's all ours.

What a hunk of ice.

Yeah, hot ice, baby. Hotter than the lid of a pot -bellied stove.

Hey, Tapper, when do I get the... I said the rock was hot, didn't I?

We're not peddling this till things cool off a little.

Oh, no, you don't. You said I'd get my go tonight.

Hey, white... Smack me, will you?

Double -cross me, will you?

You ain't heard the end of this, big shot.

I'll get mine.

And believe me, you'll get yours.

Well, man, this will be a tough assignment.

Do you think you can cover it? Yes, sir.

Beat up pretty bad, Mr. Cameron, but we'll cover it. When we put it back on

chair, you'll think you got a new seat. Good, and make it snappy. Oh, I'll be

back in half an hour.

This story's able to break wide open any minute.

Couldn't you have diamonds stolen?

Daring bandits raid museum in daylight.

Museum. Museum.

Ain't that something?

Inside job? It could be. Anyway, I'm putting every available man on the job.

Of course. How about trying us out as reporters? Yeah, news hawks. That's our

dish. Tear out the front page. Stand by for a scoop. Stop the presses.

Copy boy.

Copy boy. Stop the presses.

Oh, oh, oh.

Moe, Moe. Stop the presses.

Now behave.

What do you say, boys? Will you give us a break? Well, you boys see me after a

while, will you? I'm going out and grab a bite of supper. Okay. Get busy. Go

ahead. Go ahead.

How do you feel? You look like a bird in a gilded cage.

Yeah?

Hello?

Yeah, this is the Gazette. Huh?

If you want some dope on the Punjab diamond, go to Squid McGuffey's Cafe.

There's a guy named Dapper.

but that was a hot tip on the Punjab diamond.

Boy, will Cameron be tickled to get this.

Go to Squid McGuffey's Cafe, ask for dapper.

Hey, that's a scoop, fellas.

That was our big chance.

You know, Porcupine, for a guy without brains, you're a genius.

If we get the story, the boss has got to give us a break.

Oh, boy, I'm a reporter.

Tear out the front page. Stand by for a scoop.

Stop the presses.

Stop the presses?

Okay, kid.

Okay, you're a reporter. But remember, I'm the boss.

In the movies, a reporter always talks back to the boss.

Now, listen, you glass -eyed baboon.

I'm the best reporter you got, and you know it.

You've been shoving me around long enough, doing dirty work for this paper,

I ain't gonna take it anymore.

I quit. See?

I quit. And what are you gonna do about it?

Get out of here.

Say, you didn't by any chance see that picture, too?

No, Chief. I'll take orders, Chief.

Okay.

That's for absolutely nothing.

Hey, press badges. That makes it official. Now we're real reporters.

Okay, let's get on the job, Chief.

Say, you got your press badge?

to keep out the riffraff.

What goes on?

not in the jungles now, you know.

Hawkins, what's that monkey doing in here?

I've brung him from Africa, Mr. Squid.

A circus would pay a pretty penny for the likes of him, they would.

Well, you better close your deal tonight. That killer ain't staying in my

He ain't no killer.

He's just as gentle as a little kitten.

We'll snoop around the joint and we'll find him.

Anybody want to turn back?

Now is the time.

Oh, deserters, eh?

Come on, boys, put on a bold front.

Are you?

Uh -oh.

Glasses. Yeah, you can't hit a man with glasses. Come on.

Here.

Pardon me, mister.

We're looking for a guy called Dapper.

Never heard of him. Who are you?

He's in here somewhere. Do you mind if we look around?

No. Help yourself.

Thanks.

Back room. Don't lose your head.

You'll be the high sign.

Nobody home here. Nobody home here either.

Boy, was I mistaken.

Just a minute. How dare you?

Take it easy, sister. Welcome for a guy named Dapper.

I never heard of him. I'm all alone. Good. I mean, we'll check on that. Look

everywhere, men.

Keep your mind on your business.

You, too.

Use a fine tooth comb.

I haven't got a comb. Will a wire brush do?

Why, fine.

Oh! Oh!

Yeah!

Hey, fellas! Hey, fellas, look!

D, that stands for dapper. That's my cigarette case. Just a minute.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, boy, evidence. Let's weigh it. Let's smoke it. Quiet.

Sister, you ain't fooling nobody.

We're camping right here till Dapper shows up.

He thinks I'm lying.

Any half -wit can see I'm telling the truth.

Yeah, I can see you're telling the truth.

I feel so awful.

I've never been in trouble before.

But why should you suspect me of harboring a common criminal?

With oranges, it's much harder.

She's fainted. Fellas, help. Do something.

Look out.

Get some water, quick.

What happened, kid? She must have got a good look at you.

Come on, sister. Here's the water. Oh, thanks.

How do you like that?

You all right, kid?

Oh, yes. It's just that you policemen frighten me so.

Policemen? But we ain't cops, lady. We're reporters.

Reporters? Yeah, this was our first assignment.

And your last.

Beat the press.

These guys ain't detectives. They're reporters.

Reporters. How fascinating.

Yeah, and this nitwit swallowed the diamond.

Me? That last mint was it.

Well, Scoop, are you going to give it back or do we get it the hard way? Oh,

boss, let me finish him. I love to rub out reporters.

Give me room, will you? Give me room. I'll give it to you.

Holding out on us, huh?

Hold it up.

Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Maybe you boys have some influence with your friend.

I'll give you five minutes to get that rock. Five minutes or we'll cut it out

him.

Wait a minute, we'll handle this.

Give it to him, you fool.

I would if I could, but I can't. You want him to slice you up like a

Let me try it again, will you? Go ahead.

and stubborn. I got a better idea.

Now you're getting smart.

We'll soon find out. You got a longer one of these things?

Wait a minute.

Not even a tonsil. And now

I'll try. Gentlemen, I think this calls for an operation.

No, no, not that.

Sorry, boys. This way.

Right there.

Thanks,

darling. You better wait outside.

This is no place for a weak stomach.

I got a weak stomach.

All right, muscles, let's get to work. The desk.

Thank you.

Hey, Doc, how's about talking this over?

Moe! Larry!

Moe!

Moe! Moe!

Hit the lock. Hit the lock. Hit the lock.

Oh, I'm sorry. It looked like a lock. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

The Punjab Diamond.

Great work.

Did you knock these crooks out all by yourself?

That I did, boss.

That I did.

I helped.

My buddy.