Original subtitles

Atta boy, Chopper. That's doing your stuff. Bring up your right hand. That's

Bring it up again.

Now try the left.

Come on, Chopper. You've got to do some training. I'm telling you. We'll wait

with you. You can start on the dummy.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. He means the other dummy.

Oh.

Oh. Cop the sneaker, right?

Oh.

Piss me.

Wait a minute.

I'll take a short count.

The winner and still world's champion.

That scared a dummy.

I'm beginning to enjoy this workout.

I even feel like a few rounds of boxing.

That's swell, but we ain't got no sparring partner.

No, no, not me, fellas. I never had a glove on in my life.

Besides, I bruise easy. Oh, don't be a baby. It's all in fun.

I hate fun.

What, are you surrounding me, fellas?

No, you've got to do it. Think of the dough. I'd rather think of my health.

Here. Here, we're going to put this on your head. Thanks. We don't want the

chopper to hurt his head.

Don't be a coward. You'll spar a little with the chopper and exchange some love

taps. Taps? Yeah, taps.

Quiet.

Come on. Wait a minute. Where did everybody go?

This way.

Get in there.

Come on, come on. All right, don't shove me.

Oh, Larry!

mocks you. Oh, now I know how a gopher feels. Get these gloves on.

Hey, there's Kitty.

Come on. This way. Come on.

Kitty.

Hiya, baby. You're just in time to see the chopper do his stuff.

Kitty, I want you to meet Chopper Kane, the next heavyweight champion.

Oh, I'm meeting a champion right now.

Why, you say the sweetest things. Oh, sugar, you're just about to see little

Chopper go into action.

Oh, I'd just love to see a good fight. Why don't you just stick around here?

I'll murder that guy for you.

Get the victim ready for the slaughter.

Wait a minute, Chopper. Remember, left hands.

Get him ready.

This won't take long.

Get a load of that Chopper. Lace that glove.

Yeah, Chopper's a bit of a wolf.

Yeah, if he moves around the ring like he moved in on Kitty, I figure we got a

new champion on our hands. Is it fixed?

He's fixed, all right.

What's the matter, kid? You nervous?

Just my left hand.

Ah, take it easy.

With a dame around the chapel box like a perfect gentleman.

Now, when I ring the bell, you come out fighting.

Any blood?

Ignore it.

Where are you going, fellas?

I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. My hand slipped.

Laptaps.

Laptaps.

Watch this one.

Just watch this one. They go chump with the left jab.

They go chump with the right uppercut. They go chump with the haymaker.

They go chump.

What's the matter with you?

Easy, boy. All right, get him up. Up you go.

What's the matter with you? I'll get it off. All right. I know how to do it. Get

your hands off. Come here.

I got a system.

Now, wait a minute. Easy.

Easy.

Take it easy, kid.

Take it easy.

Easy, kid.

Let me at him.

Let me at him. Quiet, stupid. He's gone.

Oh, he can't take it, eh? A good thing for him would have ripped him.

Easy, kid. Easy.

Easy, kid. Easy.

Hey, what's good for a fractured skull?

I don't know.

What's good for a fractured skull? I don't know either.

Is it fractured?

Wait a minute. Too bad, Shemp, you were way up in front.

That's when he should have quit. You should have quit before you got started.

Hey, which one of you guys is boss around here?

He is.

Oh, wise guys, huh? Well, I got a message for you from Big Mike.

Big Mike?

We never heard of him. You will.

Wait a minute. Are you trying to scare somebody? Yeah.

All right, now get this straight.

The palooka of yours, he ain't winning his fight with Gorilla Watson. Why not?

Because Big Mike says so. But listen... No buts. Just see that that palooka of

yours gets himself knocked out.

Come on, Chuck.

They can't do this to us.

I'll call the police. I'll call the fire department.

I'll call the Marines. I'll... Shut up.

That's what I mean. I'll shut up.

What are we going to do now? We got every cent we own bet on the chopper.

We got to tell the chopper to throw the fight.

You guys tell him. I'll be there to pick you up and carry you out.

Maybe Muscle Brain is right.

We got to find another way out.

Say, the chopper went gaga over Kitty.

I'll keep bringing her around. He won't train. And by fight time, he'll be as

soft as putty.

That's it, Porcupine.

We'll feed him all kinds of rich food. He'll soften up, and he'll be a cinch to

lose. That's a swell idea. Am I glad I thought of it?

Oh, baby,

it's swell having you here with me all the time. I know, honey pie, but don't

you think you ought to start doing some training? Oh, think nothing of it. The

chopper's getting right into the condition we want him. Here, have some

puffs. They'll build you up.

That's my favorite fruit.

Well, take some more. We've got a lot of them. Go ahead.

But, baby, darling, if you eat too much of that stuff, you won't be in shape to

knock out Gorilla Watson.

Oh, honey, the way I feel now, I don't want to hurt nobody.

Honey, baby, after lunch, will you read me another poem about love?

My idea's working out swell. Look at him. He's so goofy, you can knock him

with a handful of peanuts without the shells. Yeah, the way he's packing it

the gorilla knock him stiff in the first round.

He's sure making a pig of himself.

Look who's talking.

Give me that cake.

I only had some coffee.

What? What's the matter with you?

Let go.

You're bending the stripes.

Listen, it's getting late. I wonder what's keeping the chopper.

What does your watch say?

Listen,

he ought to be here by now. We've got to get him ready for the fight.

Don't worry about getting the chopper ready for the fight. Worry about

him out afterwards.

Let me at him. Where's that given the watch?

Chopper, chopper, chopper. What happened? What happened?

Me and Kitty had a big beef. That's what happened. She threw me over for that

big gorilla. Oh, I'll murder her. No, no, no. Don't be hasty. Here, have a

puff. I don't want a cream puff.

Oh, I'm mad.

Oh, I'd like you to miss Ring. I'm going to smash him.

I'll smash him like this.

How do you like that guy? Busted a perfectly good cream puff.

You lame brain.

We're going to be rubbed out after the fight, and you're worried about a cream

puff. Why, you.

Gorilla, don't lose your temper. What you got fighting to do on me?

You little... Oh, my head.

Oh.

Oh, my gosh. It's busted. Come in quick. We got to call this fight off. It's a

job for... You and your cream puffs. I ought to lay my...

got nothing to worry about.

By golly, you're right.

I'd like to see Big Mike's face when he finds out what we did.

Well, take a look.

Why don't you stop popping off? I didn't open my mouth.

You guys figured an easy way out of this jam, but ain't gonna work. Big Mike has

got a hundred grand on the gorilla.

No fight, no hundred grand.

That is bad.

Look, you tell Big Mike. I'm Big Mike.

What do you want to tell me?

Oh, hello.

Isn't it a lovely evening?

Yes, it is.

And when I stand a chance to lose a hundred grand, I like to do something

it. Like taking my pals for a ride.

A one -way ride.

Back

up

against the wall. Please don't shoot me, Mr. Big Monk. I'm too young and good

-looking to die. Well, too young.

I got a father. I got a mother. I got a grandmother.

I've got a little sister.

I've got a little brother this high. And a little brother this high. And a

little brother this high. And a little brother this high.

And I've got a great big brother this high.

So am I.

Hey, Moose.

Seen anything of those guys?

We'll get them.

Wonder which way they went.

You go that way and I'll go this way.

What's the matter with you?

Oh, I'm sorry, boss.

Really, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Honestly, I... Hey,

Moe, I just got one of them. He was standing right here where you are.

Was he a short, fat fella? Yeah.

Dark hair? Yeah.

Did you hit him with that? Yeah.

That was me.

So they're in there, huh? No.

And who are you yelling at? I was just talking to myself.

Nobody else will talk to me except my kid brother. And he's only that high.

the other one is that high. Well, I met your family before.

Get something to batter the door down.

Wait a minute.

No. No, I got a soft skull. Let me go, will you? Look out there. Let me go.

You're crushing my eyebrows.

if it isn't Big Mike and a couple of his boys.

Who did it? I did it with my little hatchet. Oh, it was nothing.

Nothing? None but a $5 ,000 reward.

Good work.

Blood!

I'm dying.

Everything is getting dark.

Moe, Larry.

What's the matter, kid?

They got me.

Take it easy, kid. Take it easy. Say a few syllables.

We'd better get a doctor. Wait a minute. I studied medicine for three years.

Good. See what's wrong with him, Doc.

Is he hurt?

He's gone.

The poor kid.

And I owe him five bucks.

Wait a minute. I heard that. Give me the five. Lay down. You want to make a fool

out of the doctor?