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1
00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,740
I say environment.
2
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:39,860
Heredity. Heredity is the very
foundation of social distinction.
3
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:41,840
Environment. Heredity.
4
00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:48,000
Your theory, my dear Professor Sedlitz,
is completely illogical, preponderantly
5
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,940
impracticable, and moreover, it stinks.
6
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,720
Just say nothing of people.
7
00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,400
I'll wager you a thousand dollars that
my theory is correct.
8
00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,440
Poo -poo and hubba -hubba. I'll accept
that bet.
9
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:06,740
And I'll take a man from the lowest
strata of life and in two months,
10
00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:08,940
environment, make him a gentleman.
11
00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:14,760
Now, shake him. Come on. Oh, excuse me,
sir. The plumbers.
12
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:17,280
Come on.
13
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,060
This is it.
14
00:01:22,340 --> 00:01:26,860
You men connected this gas log backwards
yesterday. Now, please fix it properly.
15
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,680
Don't worry. We always fix it right the
second time.
16
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,700
All right, boys, let's get busy.
17
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:42,140
The world speaks of one missing link,
but I swear there are three.
18
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:46,240
I'm going to cut that pipe with a
chisel. I'll hold the chisel. You hammer
19
00:01:46,420 --> 00:01:47,420
Larry, you guide him.
20
00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:52,040
Okay. Get it right now. All right.
Square off. Little to the left. To the
21
00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,380
Okay.
22
00:02:04,650 --> 00:02:09,030
If you can make gentlemen out of them,
you'll go down in posterity as having
23
00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:10,949
proved the Darwin theory.
24
00:02:11,450 --> 00:02:12,830
Quite so, Professor Sedlitz.
25
00:02:13,650 --> 00:02:17,010
Now, I'll show you how an expert does
it, Lunkhead. I'll do the pitching, you
26
00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:18,010
the catching, Larry. Come on.
27
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:19,430
Let us interview them.
28
00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:28,250
I'm sorry, bub, but you should have
honked your horn before you approached.
29
00:02:28,570 --> 00:02:29,790
Oh, I'm all right.
30
00:02:30,810 --> 00:02:31,890
You were the mattress head.
31
00:02:32,290 --> 00:02:35,880
Now, if I gave you a dollar... and your
father gave you a dollar, how many
32
00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:36,880
dollars would you have?
33
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:37,920
One dollar.
34
00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:39,620
You don't know your arithmetic.
35
00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:41,020
You don't know my father.
36
00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,820
How would you boys like to make a
thousand dollars?
37
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:45,240
Who do you have to murder?
38
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,980
Oh, nothing like that. All you have to
do is let me make gentlemen of you.
39
00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:53,940
No, no, not that. Our father would never
forgive us. There ain't been a
40
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,780
gentleman in our family for 50
generations.
41
00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:57,180
Quit bragging.
42
00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,680
Okay, for a thousand bucks, we'll even
become gentlemen.
43
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,400
Then it's settled.
44
00:03:02,460 --> 00:03:03,460
Please sit down.
45
00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:06,840
It's a good thing Kilroy wasn't here.
Yeah, we'd be disgraced for life.
46
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:09,100
Now, please cross your knees.
47
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:11,860
May I borrow this?
48
00:03:21,460 --> 00:03:22,740
Remarkable, my dear Sedlitz.
49
00:03:23,340 --> 00:03:24,900
Inconceivable, my dear Quackenbush.
50
00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,500
...definite evidence of vacancy of the
cranium.
51
00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:46,740
Gee, thanks!
52
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,240
You've made the bet. You were stuck with
him. I'll be back to collect my money
53
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,260
in 60 days.
54
00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:54,080
No, no. I'll win.
55
00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:56,740
What? With these morons?
56
00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:58,500
Yeah, but we're organized.
57
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:04,000
Amalgamated Association of Morons. Local
6 and 7 -8.
58
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,540
We are morons, tried and true, and we'll
do our yell for you.
59
00:04:15,370 --> 00:04:16,370
Professor? Rare and ago.
60
00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:18,450
Oh, that's fine, boys.
61
00:04:18,670 --> 00:04:22,790
By the way, my daughter Lulu arrived
from college this morning to help me
62
00:04:22,790 --> 00:04:23,790
your education.
63
00:04:23,870 --> 00:04:27,110
She's preparing a little lunch for us.
Now, I'm sure that you... Here I am,
64
00:04:27,110 --> 00:04:28,110
Daddy.
65
00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:29,390
Gentlemen,
66
00:04:30,030 --> 00:04:31,190
this is my daughter Lulu.
67
00:04:32,070 --> 00:04:33,070
What a Lulu.
68
00:04:37,130 --> 00:04:38,130
Listen,
69
00:04:42,890 --> 00:04:44,890
you! Boys, boys, no more nonsense.
70
00:04:45,210 --> 00:04:45,989
Yes, sir.
71
00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:49,110
Now, gentlemen, the first lesson in
etiquette will be table manners.
72
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:53,950
You must always observe the rules of
etiquette. Beg pardon, luncheon is
73
00:04:59,230 --> 00:04:59,670
You
74
00:04:59,670 --> 00:05:10,030
know,
75
00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:12,530
babe, you and I can make beautiful music
together.
76
00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:13,910
I...
77
00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,210
Come on.
78
00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:24,770
Now, first you unfold your napkins and
place it in your laps, like this.
79
00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:39,590
Hey, in your lap.
80
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,800
Now, boys, watch Lulu carefully, and
whatever she does at this table, you
81
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:47,800
do. Yes, sir.
82
00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:49,179
Pardon me.
83
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:50,180
I'll be right back.
84
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,980
You know, babe, you sure are the hubba
hubba kid.
85
00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:57,180
Hubba hubba. Wahoo!
86
00:05:57,580 --> 00:05:58,580
You're right, boy.
87
00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:03,460
Toots, I'd love to cover you with furs
and automobiles. Well, thank you. Only
88
00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:04,460
the best furs.
89
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,020
Mink, skunk, porcupine.
90
00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:08,680
Only the best for you.
91
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:13,710
And then I can picture you and I walking
down Fifth Avenue.
92
00:06:14,050 --> 00:06:16,410
You, covered with those gorgeous furs.
93
00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:19,510
What's the idea, flattop?
94
00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:21,830
The professor said do everything she
does.
95
00:06:22,510 --> 00:06:24,930
Why, I ought to tear your tonsils out.
Shut up.
96
00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:50,980
Now, as I was saying, honey, you're the
apple of my eye.
97
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:53,600
You're the cranberry sauce of my turkey.
98
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,900
Say the word and you and I will fly
around the world forever.
99
00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:58,520
Or even longer.
100
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,500
Oh! Oh!
101
00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,820
All right. Now we will resume the
lessons.
102
00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,690
You may start serving, Sappington. Yes,
sir.
103
00:07:22,190 --> 00:07:24,150
Some olives or celery, Miss Lulu?
104
00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:25,470
Thank you, Sappington.
105
00:07:30,490 --> 00:07:31,810
Some celery, sir?
106
00:07:32,090 --> 00:07:33,090
Thank you.
107
00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:36,390
I just love celery.
108
00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:50,790
Hey, pig, what do you want to eat all
those olives for? I like them.
109
00:07:55,790 --> 00:07:56,790
Water.
110
00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,530
I almost choked on those olive pits.
111
00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:04,770
I ought to choke you.
112
00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:10,170
This make -believe eating stuff may be
all right for you, but my stomach don't
113
00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:10,969
think so.
114
00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:11,970
Pipe down.
115
00:08:34,659 --> 00:08:35,659
What's the matter with you?
116
00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:37,600
The soup's too hot.
117
00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:43,860
What's the matter with you? There's a
hair in my soup.
118
00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,680
You're crazy. That's a crack in your
plate.
119
00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:47,420
I never saw a crackle that way.
120
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:49,840
Well, that's neither here nor there. Go
ahead.
121
00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:22,140
Boys! Boys!
122
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,240
Pardon me, what are we eating now?
123
00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:32,660
Lamb chops.
124
00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:34,620
Yummy, yummy.
125
00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:35,880
They sure look inviting.
126
00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:39,360
Boy, I wish I had some Worcestershire
sauce.
127
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,840
I can't say Worcestershire.
128
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,060
Hey, what's the idea of eating with your
knife?
129
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,820
I always eat my peas with my knife.
130
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,120
You dummy.
131
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,000
You never eat peas with a knife. No?
132
00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:53,940
No. You mix them with the mashed
potatoes.
133
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,800
Then you eat them with a spoon. Oh,
thanks.
134
00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,160
Yes.
135
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:02,700
Oh!
136
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:04,980
What's the matter with you now?
137
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,940
My lamb chop lost his pants.
138
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:08,680
Well, dress him and eat him.
139
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:29,440
All right, we'll now start our first
reading lesson.
140
00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,840
Turn to page one. Read them all.
141
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:40,900
Oh.
142
00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,100
See the cat.
143
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,060
Does the mouse see the cat?
144
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:51,960
Yes, the dirty rat.
145
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:53,280
Don't get poisoned.
146
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,860
Ah, here, here.
147
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,360
Read page four.
148
00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,570
Oh, see the little deer.
149
00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:00,770
Has the deer a little doe?
150
00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:02,770
Yeah, two bucks.
151
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:07,670
No more levity. Read, Larry.
152
00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:10,690
Oh, see the pretty cat.
153
00:11:11,030 --> 00:11:13,310
Does the pretty cat have chickens?
154
00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:17,150
That's kittens. A cat does not have
chickens.
155
00:11:17,490 --> 00:11:21,670
Oh, no? Well, I had a cat and it got in
a chicken house, and that cat had
156
00:11:21,670 --> 00:11:22,670
chickens.
157
00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:32,980
to myself.
158
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,260
No, thank you, Sappington.
159
00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:39,060
I'm allergic to pastry.
160
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:49,460
Now, gentlemen, try and remember
everything that you have been taught.
161
00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:53,280
your debut into society tonight is
successful, the money is yours.
162
00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:58,320
Professor Quackenbush, have no qualms or
trepidations. We will justify your
163
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,400
faith in us indubitably, sir.
164
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,640
Professor, the vicissitudes we've
encountered have elevated us to a lofty
165
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,000
position. Thank you, gentlemen.
166
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,600
Come, I'll introduce you.
167
00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:10,440
Good evening.
168
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:14,540
Good evening. May I introduce my three
protégés, Mrs. Gotrox.
169
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:16,060
Delighted.
170
00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:17,380
Devastated.
171
00:12:17,740 --> 00:12:20,880
Delapidated. And the counter,
Spritzwasser.
172
00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,280
Enchanted. Enraptured.
173
00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:25,020
Embalmed.
174
00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:26,980
Oh, pardon us.
175
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,220
Quaint, aren't they, but cute.
176
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:31,740
I hope you have your checkbook with you.
177
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,280
It's a miracle.
178
00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,320
But the evening is still young.
179
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,100
Good evening, Miss Lulu.
180
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,480
My, but you look charming.
181
00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:41,920
Oh, thank you, boys. You look charming,
too.
182
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:47,500
Oh, by the way, may I present Mrs.
Smythe Smythe. Oh, very, very happy,
183
00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:49,480
Oh.
184
00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:51,980
Champagny.
185
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,120
You know, this is our first entree into
society, and we find it very delightful.
186
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,700
So different than our first party at the
reform school.
187
00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,580
Oh, uh, Curlington.
188
00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:13,220
Yesington. May I present Mrs. Smythe
Smythe. You certainly may.
189
00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:15,640
Hiya. I'm tall.
190
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:18,560
I kiss your hand, madame.
191
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,120
Isn't he galant?
192
00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:33,870
Would you please excuse us? Come on,
come on.
193
00:13:33,970 --> 00:13:36,230
Where's that diamond? In my safe deposit
box.
194
00:13:37,210 --> 00:13:38,210
Give it back.
195
00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:39,310
I lost the combination.
196
00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:42,430
Well,
197
00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:46,650
what do you know?
198
00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:48,990
Tell me. I hope nobody saw us.
199
00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:07,470
You stupid... Now I've got to get
something to cover this silverware.
200
00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:16,810
You fool.
201
00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:19,870
Boys, I've been looking for you. Come
along.
202
00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:22,430
Yes, sir. This is the most interesting
experiment.
203
00:14:22,890 --> 00:14:25,270
I'm very anxious to really talk to those
boys.
204
00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:28,870
Well, they're here. I know they'll be
very happy to speak with you, Mrs.
205
00:14:28,870 --> 00:14:29,870
-Smythe.
206
00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:32,490
Are you Penny Larson -y, Stooge?
207
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,720
What are you trying to do, ruin us? Give
me that pie.
208
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,100
I'll get over there and sit down before
I crown you.
209
00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:38,499
Go on.
210
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:42,220
And you know, my dear, when they first
arrived, they were absolutely uncouth.
211
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,540
But now they're the epitome of
refinement.
212
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,260
There's one of them now.
213
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,400
Excuse me, dear.
214
00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:51,200
My dear young man, do tell me about
yourself.
215
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:58,360
Well, you see, it... Well, that is...
You'll pardon me. If you don't tell me
216
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,340
about this metamorphosis, I shall always
feel that I've missed something.
217
00:15:05,130 --> 00:15:07,610
Lady, if you don't leave right now,
you're not going to miss anything.
218
00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:10,170
Young man, what's wrong?
219
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,490
You act as though the sword of Damocles
is hanging over your head.
220
00:15:15,670 --> 00:15:17,030
Lady, you must be psychic.
221
00:15:17,290 --> 00:15:19,950
I wonder what's wrong with that young
man.
222
00:15:20,950 --> 00:15:21,950
Psychic!
223
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:37,250
Got the brain, then, Basili. You trying
to ruin us, too?
224
00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:45,610
You know, you're a little bit too bossy.
225
00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:50,230
I'm too bossy, huh?
226
00:15:50,930 --> 00:15:51,930
Wise guy.
227
00:15:56,930 --> 00:15:59,190
You forgot the duck.
228
00:16:00,650 --> 00:16:01,650
So did you.
229
00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:13,630
out of this. Your drink, madam.
230
00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:17,370
Pardon me, madam.
231
00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:24,470
Stop it! Stop it this minute! You
disgraceful vagabonds!
232
00:17:07,470 --> 00:17:10,650
And believe me, I've learned that you
can't make a silk purse out of a sow's
233
00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:11,810
ear. Yes, Professor.
234
00:17:12,270 --> 00:17:14,270
And I've learned something, too.
235
00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:15,730
What's that?
236
00:17:16,109 --> 00:17:20,510
This! A wise guy, eh? See you later.
17511
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