Original subtitles

That's the worst act I've ever seen in my life. Now get out and stay out. And

take your props with you.

Well, this is the 26th theater we got thrown out of this month.

What is there left for us? Four more theaters. Except February, which has 28.

Quiet. Are you guys still here?

Listen, Mr. Smellington, give us another chance.

No. You've chased enough customers away.

You guys are a menace to society.

Why don't you climb the tallest building in town and jump off? That's a fine way

to talk to a professional.

Well,

I guess there's nothing left for us to do but bump ourselves off.

Why didn't we think of that before?

Let's do it right now. Come on.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I've got something to do before I die.

What?

Wait a minute.

If you're going to pump yourself off, what's the idea of eating pie?

So I can digest right.

Come on, we got some croaking to do.

You too.

All

right,

girls?

Yes. Then let's do it.

What's the big idea?

We've nothing to live for. We have a dancing act, but no theater will hire

So we're going to jump and end it all.

Move over. You got company.

How do you do?

I'm Larry.

I'm Moe. I'm Curly. I'm Hilda. I'm Wilder. I'm Tilda.

Look, look, look, look.

Those two men down there. They're my uncles.

Your uncles?

Yeah. They look like ants. They got ants in their...

Spread out. We've got to jump.

Yes. Let's jump before somebody interrupts us again.

Right. We've got to get this thing over with. I've got to be at the cleaners at

2 o 'clock.

Hey, Porcupine.

What time is it?

Let me see. It ought to be about... Hey, what's the idea of the three watches?

That's how I tell the time.

What do you mean, that's how you tell the time? Well, you see, this one runs

minutes fast every two hours.

This one runs 20 minutes slow every four hours.

The one in the middle is broken. It stopped at 2 o 'clock.

Well, what time is it now?

Uh, 3 .15. Simple, isn't it? Yeah, so are you.

Come on, we gotta start jumping.

Let's get going.

Everybody ready?

Yes!

All right, now.

Goodbye, Miss, uh...

Wilder. Goodbye, Miss Wilder.

Farewell, my lovely... What's your name?

Tilda. Tilda.

This I like. And I get paid for it, too.

Adios, senorita.

Hilda. Adios, senorita Hilda.

Quiet. What's the matter with you? You want to fall off? Gee, thanks.

You know, a guy can get killed from up here.

You know, honey, this is the most momentous moment of my life.

Oh, how you carry on. You know, when your eyes look at me, it makes my dreams

happen.

You and I could travel the dusty road of matrimony in double harness.

Come on, everybody ready?

Okay!

Okay, one, two.

Two and a half, two and a half. Anybody make it three?

I got two and a half, two and a half, two and a half, two and a half. Go on to

two and a half, go on to two and a half.

Lady, will you make it three?

Two.

Hey, cut it out.

Wait a minute.

Where's that music coming from?

Well, let's find out.

He must have jumped by himself.

Poor Curly.

Poor Curly.

Somebody paged me.

His ghost.

Ghost nothing. That's me.

Where did you go?

Took a shortcut.

You lunkhead.

Oh, oh, oh.

Listen to the music.

It's out there. Come on.

Oh, hello there. Hi.

Did you like my music?

Oh, swell.

Yeah, but why are you playing up here?

Oh, well, unfortunately, I happen to be a millionaire. In fact, I'm afflicted

with millions.

What a disease.

My family doesn't approve of my playing. They think it's below my dignity.

So that's why I sneak up here.

Do you happen to be musicians by any chance?

Oh, sure.

I play in five flats and get thrown out of all of them.

Do you play by ear?

Yes.

Get a load of this.

That's clever. That's very clever.

I have just written a musical play, but I just can't find the proper actors to

play in it.

Well, look no further. You've just hired a complete cast.

How wonderful.

But I can only afford to pay you $1 ,000 a week.

Mayor, pen money.

We'll take it. No, no, no, no. Not so fast.

First, I must have a sample of your music.

Right.

Show them some of your dance stuff, girls.

Oh, gee, kid, this is our big jab. We've just got to be good. Right.

Play something hot.

You know Swingaroo Joe?

Swing it!

One, two, three, four.

We're ready now.

dressed as ballerinas. Of course you know we're not.

And what you're going to see now, folks, is something we ain't got.

Listen, I'm going to murder you. Can't you stop it?

Quiet.

Okay, fellas, we've got to get dressed.

Indigestion, one tablet.

Gallstones, two tablets.

Hay fever, three tablets.

Ingrown hangnails, four tablets.

Boy, oh, boy.

Hey, Mike, get this guy ready on the double. Okay.

Hiya, stranger.

How do, bub? Say ah.

Ah.

Where were you born? In a hospital.

Why? I wanted to be near my mother.

Say ah.

Ah.

How old are you, bub? I'm 26.

No, you couldn't get that homely in 26 years. Say ah.

Ah.

Listen, you, I mean...

Take off your clothes.

Pardon me?

I said take off your clothes.

How dare you? I don't even know your name.

The name is Mike Lippincrantz. Now off comes the clothes.

Come on.

Get up.

Come on. You better get the clothes off.

Come on, I tell you.

Fancy meeting you here.

Why, you... Get it?

Why? I never heard of such a thing.

I never heard of such a thing.

If you ever get in my...

I'm worried if you get in my company... Oh, stop it, will you? I never heard of

such a thing.

Hey, what's going on around here? This guy won't let me take his clothes off.

Oh, a tough guy, eh?

We'll take care of him right now.

So you want to play rough, eh? Well, let's.

Okay.

You win.

Gee,

that was swell, girls. Oh, wonderful.

Colossal. Oh, you were all terrific.

Thanks. Thanks. I'm doubling your salary right now.

I throw my money around, I'll bet you think I'm crazy.

Hello.

All right, Mr. Walsh, you better come home before the woodpeckers get you. I

don't want to go by automobile. I want to go by train.

Okay, we'll go by train.

Oh, choo -choo!

All aboard!

Oh, no. It can't be.

He's as nutty as a nest of cuckoos.