Original subtitles

I could do this forever and ever.

Oh, no.

Onesie, twosie.

Ring a bell, my beautiful wildflower.

I declare to goodness how you do carry on, curly lock.

I'm asking you all, would you be my all's wife?

Would you all give me all...

Please, Maribel, if you'll marry me this once, I'll never ask you all again.

Sure enough, I'll marry you, Moe, darling.

Oh, Maribel.

Sorry, girls, you'll have to wait for the wedding till after the war.

How long do you reckon it's gonna take y 'all to win?

Oh, about a week, I reckon. You know, it takes time to win a war.

Sure enough.

For such a man as you all, I'd wait till the cows come home.

But we haven't got a cow.

Then we all get a cow.

Right. Well, goodbye, cow.

Lula Bell, I'm...

Must be some other place, I reckon.

No, I'm reckon. Oh.

Hey, fellas.

Look. Look.

I joined. I joined. Pretty, huh?

There's something wrong here. We don't match.

Company. Halt. Second squad, come in the house.

First squad, forward.

Halt.

Detail. Halt.

Sergeant, follow me.

Keep your mouth shut and your eyes open.

Who is this man?

He's our prisoner, sir.

In the smokehouse, I reckon.

I reckon they're gone. Say, we all better hide you or you all gonna get

full of holes. Oh, no, not that.

Listen, here's what we gotta do. Who are these men? These are my brothers, my

prisoners, sir. I surround them. Good work.

Lock them up. Yes, sir.

We all better get some Confederate uniforms.

We belong on his side anyway.

You're right. Our hearts belong to Dixie. You gotta come on.

You see any trace of them? No, sir. They're not around here, sir.

All right,

boys.

It will all be over before we change our clothes.

Where's my cap?

You all got the coat on, you fool.

That's right. I knew I felt the draft.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We all are union men.

Well, you belong to the wrong union.

We all surrender. We surrender.

But only to General Grubblebump.

Who is General Grubblebump? You all don't know who General Grubblebump is?

he walk like this.

General Grubblebump don't walk.

He runs!

Three Confederate spies just escaped.

Go and get them!

Foreign men, get them!

I'm sorry.

I didn't touch you, did I, Lieutenant?

Blockaded on the south, encircled in the east, and stalemated on the west.

As a matter of fact, Colonel, we're caught with our tents down.

Our army is in a very precarious position.

If the Confederates hear about this, we'll loss her.

If we all can get that map down to his headquarters, we all could win this war.

Then we all could get married.

Brother, you all ejaculated a mouthful. We all is going to get that map.

Oh, way down south in New York City, the cotton grows on the trees so pretty. On

the trees?

On the trees.

In the south?

South Brooklyn.

Oh, south of the Bronx where I was born. The storms are rotten and the jokes are

corn.

I don't know

Tell him to.

Hey, where am I going to get a blue uniform?

I got it.

You find them? Not around here, sir.

I want those men.

Well, we'll find them. Maybe they're in that bar. We'll look in there. Yes, sir.

Hey,

did you men see three Confederate spies?

No, we didn't see nobody.

You're sure now?

Search the place.

We just make him flutter. There were two men and one woman.

Oh, so there you are, huh?

How did he get in here?

Fall in.

As soon as I report that I've caught this spy, we'll take him out and shoot

Lock him up in the smokehouse. All right, hunch.

Say, we all got to get him out of this here mess.

It ain't going to be easy on him.

Nice idea, brother.

Say, I reckon you boys is hungry.

Sure are. Give me one of them hams.

A ham? Yeah.

Look at that. Oh, look at that ham.

Pack your rifles here, boys.

Let's go and eat. Come on. Where'd I get the knife?

Oh, boy.

Oh, look at that.

Put those black cartridges back in the rifle.

Hey, Al, come on and get some of this delicious ham. Come on.

Charlie, come on. Some sliced ham is swell. Come on.

Hold on.

Come on.

Hey, Colonel Knox, when they all shoot at you, all you have to do is, I

understand.

and be shot like a man.

Ready?

Aim.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I reckon there is. I ought to send you back to Massachusetts

the fire.

Stop and catch. We have the wrong guns.

I'm going to faint.

Get a little discipline around this, Army.

Bury the prisoner!

Paul Curley's dead.

Hey, I could have sworn that corpse moved.

Sure, and if he had wings, he would fly away.

Maybe we ought to ask him if he's dead or not.

Hey, corpse.

Will you tell my dumb friend here whether you're dead or not?

Yes, I'm all dead as a doornail. He told himself that he was dead.

Wait a minute.

He went around that -a -way. Let's go this -a -way and head him off.

It's time to take a nap. Come on, get up out of there. What happened?

Come on.

Come on out, Curly.

The coast is still clear.

Where you all? It's me all.

Oh, that sure is all a grand disguise, all.

You got all the maps with you? Yeah, in my blouse.

Well, you all got to get your maps down to headquarters.

Yeah, go grab that horse and wagon, quick.

Oh, sure, I'm a bad horseman.

Come on, we gotta get you back to headquarters. Get a horse.

With the power vested

in me by the sovereign state, I now pronounce you men and wives.

To our charming brother.