Original subtitles

Professor Dunkfeather is concentrating.

Ah, just as I suspected that she had dandruff.

Proving absolutely a case of suicide.

What is it, Perkins?

This is Mr. Wallace from the Times. He's come to interview you.

Excellent. That will be all, Perkins.

Professor Dunkfeather, my paper wants the inside story on the breaking up of

Great Spy Ring.

By far the strangest case in all my experience.

It began one day when three master salesmen were canvassing from house to

If we don't sell one of these reducing machines today, the landlady said we'd

sleeping on the sidewalk.

Say, I stopped the landlady this morning.

How? I says to her, do you want us to be patriotic and buy war bonds, or do you

want us to be unpatriotic and pay the rent?

You had her there.

That's what I thought. But if we don't pay the rent, we still sleep on the

sidewalk.

Yes? Good day, madam. We... Pardon me. We represent the Miracle Reducing

Company, Inc. Our machine is guaranteed to take off ten pounds a day.

Are you kidding?

As I said before, this remarkable machine puts on ten pounds an hour. I

want any. You peddlers are driving me crazy.

Precisely why we are here, madam. We too loathe those scarless door -to -door

leeches. My vice president will show you exactly what I mean. Show her, vice.

Thank you.

That'll be 50 cents.

Thank you. Now about this remarkable machine of ours.

You know, we generally get what the... What are you walking into me for? I

almost had a soul.

The miracle machine of the age. And if you increase the voltage, you can knock

off 20 pounds.

Really?

Really. Ready? Contact!

Contact! Contact!

See those pounds oozing off?

Yes. Yes. And if you get tired of using it as a reducing machine, it makes a

remarkable cocktail shaker. I'll take one.

Take her out of her seat.

Hey, it's off.

Oh. How do you spell 50?

Make it 75.

What did you say?

I say it's nice to be alive.

Wonderful rain we had last night.

Marvelous. It simply drenched the place.

Practically wet everything.

What has that got to do with the spy ring?

Nothing.

But late that same day, they came to the home of Graves, the great inventor.

They had been walking for miles and miles and miles.

Boy, what a neighborhood. This is the first house we've come to in five miles.

Guy lives here, must be a hermit. Yeah.

If we don't sell anything here, me and my feet is quitting.

What is it?

What, what?

You didn't say nothing.

No, but I did.

Shut up.

What do you want?

We want to see the owner on important business.

This guy don't want to buy nothing.

No, he's heavy enough.

Say, what's the idea of all the clocks?

Mr. Graves, the master, will show exactly what time it is in all

time is it?

Shh. In two seconds, it'll be five o 'clock in Russia.

Hey,

let's come back at 12 o 'clock and hear the whole song. Shut up.

Mr. Graves is in his den.

Follow me. Go ahead.

Firetakers, fine, fine.

Now, your wages are $100 a month, room and board.

But we're not cool. Yes, we are.

I want you to look out for spies, especially Jap spies.

You're not a Jap, are you?

Me, a Jap?

I'll kill you. Wait a minute.

He meant sap, not Jap.

Oh.

I want one of you boys to take this gun, just in case.

Are you sure you know how to handle that gun?

Are you kidding?

That's the front end. That's the back end. This is the gimmick you pull.

This was the gun.

Then Graves was the master spy.

I'll tell the story.

Mr. Graves was called away on a secret mission.

So he had the three salesmen brought to his den where he gave them instructions.

Gentlemen, I've been called away to Washington.

To demonstrate my new death ray machine.

It will destroy millions.

Yeah, but what's that got to do with us? Just this. While I'm gone, I want you

men to sleep in the house. So enemy spies won't break in and steal any of my

invention. If enemy spies get fresh with us, I'll dash their head against the

wall. I'll chop off their arms. I'll break their rear door. I'll destroy

I'll tear them.

If an emergency arises, use this bomb.

It will destroy everything and everybody.

Oh, he won't need that, as long as I've got my old trusty shooting iron.

Be careful with that thing. You've got nothing to worry about. I unloaded it,

see?

You unloaded it, huh?

I'll unload your brains if you've got any.

Now remember, boys, you will defend my property until your life's blood flows

down the Florida rivers.

Goodbye. Okay, boss, you've got nothing to worry about.

Those graves and his bodyguard. This is our chance.

What about those three guys in the house? We'll take care of them.

What do you suppose I got these outfits for?

I'll signal when I get inside.

The place is all locked up and we're the only ones in here.

Oh, Rachmaninoff's prelude. And believe me, that's a hard piece.

May I have this dance?

Say, you're not a bad dancer.

You got your legs on backwards. I bet you tell it to all the boys. Wait a

minute. If we're here alone, who's playing the piano?

What difference does...

There's

nobody there.

Let's sneak up on them. Go ahead.

Yeah, see, we got nothing to worry about.

But, Professor, who threw the pie?

That was one of the mysteries.

You will see as I continue.

The next thing that happened, the salesmen were in a conference.

What was that?

Shortwave, take it down, quick.

What's it say?

Ah, shut up.

What'd that mean?

You too?

We can't cover this place right unless we split up. You go in the den. You go

the basement. Go ahead, get started.

That's a strange story, Professor, but who was throwing those pies?

Ah, wouldn't you like to know? But wait.

Right after that, there was something else happening that baffled description.

around here to be afraid of I hope

friends and keep them. Four volumes.

Where's the other one?

What's the matter? Did you see what happened? No.

No?

Look in there.

I don't see nothing.

Stand aside.

head right through your socks.

Hey, Larry, is there anybody following me? No, but when I opened the door,

was a Jack Spice in there.

He had flame coming out of his nose.

He had a big long...

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