Original subtitles

What tools?

The tools we've been using for the last ten years.

Oh, those tools.

Now, let me see.

The door goes on the right.

Right. Wait a minute. The man says the door goes on the right.

What's this?

A fist.

Right or left?

Oh, ignorant, eh?

Now,

listen, grapehead.

I'll explain it so even you can understand it.

Now, here. Get over here.

Now, when I say go, we both point to the right.

Go!

Hey, porcupine.

Come here.

Point to the right for this jump, will you?

See?

Get busy. Come on. Where's the mat?

Over there.

Get me in, boy.

Get me in.

What's keeping you?

Make it six inches.

Make it six inches. Make it six inches.

Get me the saw.

The saw.

You only fell 14 feet. Why are you getting sore?

Is that all it was?

Yeah. Oh, well, I'm sorry, fellas.

Why, you rat.

Break it up. Break it up.

Inspector wants to see you down at headquarters.

I didn't do it. He did it. I saw him. I'll be a witness. He had the money

in his hand.

Relax. You're not under arrest.

The inspector has accepted your applications.

You mean we're going to be on the police force? Oh, boy, free apples.

I'll be a manhunter. A bloodhound.

Mysterious burglaries panic city.

Police shake up as ape man strikes again.

There you are, Commissioner.

There it is in black and white.

This ape man is making a monkey of the police department.

That ox can't call me a monkey. Shut up, you baboon.

Now look here, Commissioner.

You've got to catch that ape man.

Just a minute, Mr. Dill. We're doing the best we can. As a matter of fact, we

suspect he's not an ape man, but a real gorilla.

Real gorilla. Bah!

Look here, Commissioner.

You've got to catch that ape man.

And if you don't, as head of the Citizens League, I'll have to demand

resignation.

I don't want to make you any trouble, my friend.

But this thing has gone far enough.

As a matter of fact, it's gone too far.

And something's got to be done.

But, Mr. Dill, give me a chance. We're trying.

After all, policemen are only human beings.

You know how the newspapers build these things up.

I had six phone calls yesterday.

Six calls from the irate citizens demanding action. And I'm not going to

goat. But, Mr. Dill, nobody's asking you to be the goat.

My men will catch this ape man or gorilla or whatever it is.

You're supposed to have an efficient police department.

And yet you can't catch a third -rate hoodlum who masquerades as a monkey.

Remember, Commissioner, this is your last chance.

Good night.

But, Mr. Dill, Mr.

Dill, let's understand each other on this. That Dill sure has the chief in a

pickle. I'd like to get that ape man by the throat. I'd tear his ears open,

gouge his eyes out. Shut up, Tarzan. You're all wet.

The ape man's robbing a store?

Where? Yes?

The Bruckman building.

Come on, boys. The ape man. Let's get him.

I'm going to this thing.

It's locked.

Where's the pass key? Oh.

I had one.

Yes.

Hmm.

Which one is the pass key?

Oh, the pass key.

What are you, cowards?

I'll lead the way. Go ahead.

I give up. I surrender.

What's the matter with you? I'm scared.

You coward.

What are you scared of?

Calm down. Calm down.

You stand guard while we press the joint. Me?

You. Me.

I'll lead the way. Go ahead.

I'm not scared.

Why should I be afraid?

Babies are afraid.

I'm no baby.

How could anything happen? I'm not scared.

Hey, Moe! Hey, Larry!

Oh! Oh!

What's the matter? Oh, woman! She screamed! She clawed me on the leg!

Is that bad?

Is she pretty?

I mean, where is she? Come on, show it to us! Come on!

Where are you going?

Come on!

Oh, do I have to? Yes, you've got to! Oh, please!

She's in here.

What woman?

Where? Well, I didn't see her, but I could swear... It's a bad habit.

You stand guard while we search the rest of the room. Where's your gun?

Gun? Oh, the landlady's baby was crying, so I gave it to the baby to play with.

Here, take my gun.

Maybe it'll give you some courage.

Now listen, you see that front door?

Well, keep your eyes glued to it.

Don't let anybody come in.

Don't let anybody come out.

You get it, don't you?

All right.

Now, no more of your screwy ideas.

There's no dead woman in here.

See,

I told you.

Wait a minute.

That woman's a dummy like you.

Can't hurt you.

Say,

for a dummy, she sure gets around.

There's something rotten in Denmark, and we're going to find it.

Oh, boy.

We're going to Denmark.

We are searching for more clues, and don't disturb us. Wait a minute. I don't

trust her.

Don't be yellow.

You don't have to be afraid with that gun. Gun? Oh, is it loaded?

Okay, but hurry back.

Right. I'll lead the way. Get going.

What happened?

I'm dying and you start a quiz program.

Shut up and start talking.

Remember my big toe?

Yeah. Shut off.

Almost. Next time you handle a gun, shoot yourself in the head. I'll make a

of it.

How do you spell head?

B -O -N -E, head.

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh, look!

Why... It's that crook, and he's wearing a fur coat.

Come on.

Hey, fellas, look. No human is strong enough to bend a gun barrel like that.

It's real. A real chimney pansy. That's no chimp, you chump. That's a gorilla.

We've sure been running.

Yeah.

As soon as we get our breath, we're sure going to run some more.

All the way home.

Pazzo.

Pazzo.

Where's that agent of yours, anyway? He's been up here for an hour.

He's in here somewhere, Mr. Dill. But you've got to remember that gorilla was

trained for a circus.

This robbing business is new to him. Yeah.

Well, this will be the last halt for a while.

You gotta lay off until I get the police commissioner fired.

And when I become the police commissioner, we'll really go to town.

like that?

Dill's been using this job as a front.

He's really a crook.

Come on, we'll get him.

He must be in the store.

Shut up!

We got you. One phony move, Mr. Dill Pickle, and I'll shoot.

Oh, monotonous, eh?

That's a coincidence.

You all right?