Original subtitles

My dear doctors, it is indeed a pleasure to welcome you here for the beginning

of your practice.

This letter states that in this group there are three of you who are not

bright, but were graduated because you had been in the senior class too many

years.

Your identity I shall keep secret and will disclose to no one on one

that you try hard and forever devote your lives to the glorious cause of duty

and humanity.

We will.

Hello, Doc. How are you? Glad to see you again.

Spread out.

Do you hereby solemnly swear to devote the rest of your lives to the cause of

duty and humanity?

For duty and humanity.

And remember, when you hear your call come over the loudspeaker, rush

immediately to answer, as seconds mean lives. Yes, sir.

Calling Dr.

Howard. Dr. Fine. Dr.

Howard.

Calling Dr.

Howard. Dr.

Fine.

66, 72, 83.

66,

72, 83.

On track 13, all aboard for Philadelphia, Chicago, and points west.

Emergency call. Emergency call. 66, 72, 83.

Pulling off! Pulling off!

I want to talk to you.

Open your mouth.

What's your name?

Anaconda. Anaconda what?

You know, just Anaconda.

Anaconda. Anaconda.

Anaconda, 95 and an eight.

Anaconda, 95 and an eight. That's awfully low, doctor.

Yeah, we ought to sell.

Did you ever see an apple with a skin on the inside?

Oh, sure I did.

You did?

Uh -huh. Where?

Didn't you send for us? Yes.

How'd you find that patient in 66?

Under the bed.

How'd you find the patient in 72?

Up on a sand lid.

What'd you do for him? Nothing. What'd he ever do for us?

What are you working here for?

For duty and humanity.

Calling Dr.

Howard. Dr. Fine. Dr.

Howard.

Calling Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, Dr. Howard.

What? There is a messenger boy down in the lobby to see you.

Send him up.

Here I am.

What service?

Give us a message.

Can't. Seventy -five cents.

Collect. Who's it from?

It's from a dame by the name of Nellie.

My girl.

What does she say?

She says she loves all three.

But she'll marry the one that does the greatest thing for duty and humanity.

Thanks. Hey, how's about my money?

I'll tell you. We'll toss for it. Pay a double or nothing. Yeah, he'll call it

because he's sun -tied.

That'll make it easier.

Have you got a coin?

Yeah.

That'll really make it easier.

What is it? Head or tail?

None.

What? None.

Is that it?

Certainly. Oh, then you lose. We'll split this relay, sir. You telling me?

Just a victim of circumstance.

How is she, doctor?

A slight hope.

That's too bad. What's the matter?

She's in a coma.

The joint is haunted.

How old are you?

I'm 35.

Nah, you couldn't get that fresh in 35 years. Lay down.

Give me that thing there.

Can't live till morning.

Just a minute. Just a minute.

What do you gentlemen know about medicine?

Why, we graduate with the highest temperatures in our class.

Some class.

You said it, kid. Some class.

What are you trying to do?

Why, you don't even know how to deliver a proper anesthetic.

Boys, give the doctor a little anesthesia.

I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid you are.

Oh, thanks, Doctor. You don't know how I really appreciate it. Doctor, we're

mighty proud of you.

You've done a wonderful thing for humanity.

And when we leave here, we're going right down to the President's office,

won't say a word about it.

Yeah. What's the matter? What are you butting in for?

Remember our oath for duty and humanity.

Get going.

Right away. Colonel, did you call us?

Yes, and just another thing.

that body go out on 84 until the bill is paid.

I ain't got nobody.

Yes, it's in 84.

Yes. Hello. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Line's busy.

Say, there's nobody on your line.

I know, but I'm expecting a call.

Just a minute.

Go to room 81. There's a dangerous patient there. Hurry.

Hurry. Don't get nervous.

The patient ain't going no place.

That is the momentous question.

I once asked Hamlet, and he made this suggestion.

He said, go for a walk, and I met a dog.

Let's give him some medicine.

Oh, yes.

Anaconda can.

Cetus grams.

Cetus grams.

Four targets.

Four targets.

Anaconda corn. Anaconda corn.

Enoch. Enoch.

Sick? That's it.

We're not duty and humanity.

Once I was crazy.

You see that buttonhole?

Rats used to come out of that.

As fast as they'd come out, I'd grab them, throw them down, and another one

would come out. Hey, hey, you ain't well yet.

Why? There's another one coming out now.

You take it. I've got another one.

I'll be seeing you.

Look!

Great big giant green canaries.

Green canaries.

The shoes are too tight.

The cool's breaking up.

Wait a minute.

Pitch down an octave higher.

Yeah.

You? Yeah.

Give him the anesthetic and see me in the operating room later.

Good.

One,

two, three, four.

Femina. Femina.

Anacinic. Anacinic. Cotton.

Cotton.

Cotton.

Cotton.

Cotton. Cotton. Cotton.

Cotton. Cotton. Cotton.

Cotton. Cotton.

Needles! Needles! Needles!

Scissors! Scissors! Scissors! Scissors!

Success!

What's this?

Where are the tools?

The tools?

Tools?

Get out of here.