All language subtitles for star_falls_s01e12_the_creth

Pancakes again?

Better than those dry, overcooked
pancake wannabes.

Waffles are far superior.

Little squares for filling, crispy edges
for crunching. And don't get me started

on whipped cream.

Just FYI, the witty banter?

Seriously annoying.

So, Crest goes on their first official
date tonight.

What is a Crest?

Craig plus Beth equals Crest.

They like to combine celebrity couple
names for some reason.

Crest sounds like a cat bringing up a
hairball. So bad, right?

I had no idea people cared so much.

Thank you, ladies.

Wait, was that a paparazzi?

I don't know. I am part of Crest, so
maybe.

And, oh, by the way, I think paparazzo
is singular.

Paparazza? That sounds like an old
Italian rat.

Paparazza. The banter? Bill, no.

Big no.

Anyway, that looked weird.

He's probably only here for a quick pic,
and then you go back to L .A.

And you, uh, you got a little syrup
there.

Ah, crap.

Your grin looks more evil than usual.

What are you up to?

Just playing with my new top -of -the
-line camera drone.

Nice. Yeah, it has super long range. I
can control it from my bathroom.

And I have.

Ew. But can I borrow it?

After it's been sanitized?

It'd be perfect to take pictures for the
map I'm making.

Map? For the Star Falls Tourism Board.
How could you be young and use the words

tourism board?

I volunteered to make the map. I love
cartography.

Cartography? It's the art of map making.

Again, young.

Maps are awesome.

Last time our town was documented, there
were no roads, no buildings, and the

map was on a piece of bark.

Boring.

Anyway, no, you can't borrow it.

Drones are for the 3Ms.

Mayhem, madness, and... Map?

No, me. The one who causes the mayhem
and madness.

Check out today's victim.

No! Why?

Grip the leash a little lower. Good
practice for you. For my future as

who gets dragged around by large dogs?

Yeah. And as your granddad says, it'll
put hair on your chest.

I don't want hair on my chest.

Yeah, I know. It's a weird thing.

Here, let me help.

Thank you.

Okay.

Oh, no.

Please don't see the squirrel. Please
don't see the squirrel. Please don't see

the squirrel.

Perfect!

Seriously? So I guess he's not exactly
headed back to L .A.

I don't know.

Hard to tell with mud in my eyes.

He's at the diner, all mixed -race,

apparently next to mud puddles. Oh, that
explains all this.

I was wondering why you'd do a mud mask
without me.

These terrible pics of my mom are all
over the internet.

These are not good pictures.

Uh, duh.

Well, Vince can be sneaky.

What? Vince?

Wait, you know the paparazzi guy?

Yeah, we go way back.

Like, since I was in diapers.

Literally, I was a baby diaper model.

Some of my best work.

Well, he's gotta go, because he's
driving my mom nuts.

I love when he jumps out of bushes,
dumpsters, mailboxes. He's kind of like

paparazzi whack -a -mole. Wish I had a
giant hammer.

Anyway, he's here because Craig Brooks
is dating a non -famous, totally

but sweet marine biologist.

That's the story.

She's a vet.

Still a good story.

And you better get used to it. If our
parents are going to get married, the

will be around all the time.

Making a fix. Say cheese.

Oh, right. I'll just let you clean up
first.

Sometimes parents need a little help.

So we're helping ours get together.

My mom, my best friend. Her dad, huge
movie star.

And things might get a little crazy.

Okay, a lot crazy.

But that's just life in Starfall.

Wow, that was a quick date.

Ooh, you got fenced. Yep, again.

Might be time to consider a bib.

Understood. Not the time for jokes.
Again, I'm so sorry about Vince.

It's not your fault. But it must drive
you crazy dealing with the paparazzi all

the time. It's just part of my life.

Dating -wise, it hasn't been an issue
since the women I go out with are used

it. Actresses, supermodels, actress
-slash -supermodels.

This isn't helping, is it?

Not especially.

Is that gravy?

Beef or chicken? Wait, chicken, right?

Mushroom. Ew, how...

even a gravy.

Well, since we have to leave before
dessert, I'll make us something. Just

nothing but sauce.

Oh, this whole paparazzi thing is so
annoying.

Plus your dry cleaning bills are eating
into my college tuition.

It was just one guy. What if it never
stuck?

Okay, relax.

Breathe it out.

It's not that bad.

I'm sure you'll get used to it, just
like Craig's past girlfriend.

You know, the actresses, the
supermodels, the actresses slash

I'm not helping, am I? No.

It's just... Maybe dating Craig isn't
such a good idea.

Now where are you hiding, Phoenix?

Wait.

What is that?

Okay, that is not Phoenix.

We gotta get rid of Vince. He ruined
Crest's date. He showed up at the

restaurant, took pictures, and stole
their garlic bread. Which I'm less

concerned about, but still, not cool.

Okay, so this isn't a nightmare?

It is a nightmare.

It is? I thought I was awake.

You are.

Diamond, focus.

Okay, I'm awake.

I think.

And if you're serious enough to stare at
me like a creepy doll from a horror

movie, then you're serious.

I am creepy doll serious.

No need to freak. I got this.

I'll just ask Vince to leave and go back
to L .A. He'll listen. to me. We're

total friends.

Oh, you're serious. No, I will not stop
taking pictures of Cress. Come on. I'm

asking you as a friend.

Oh, well, if you're asking me as a
friend, then absolutely I'll stop.

Really? No!

Well, I guess there's no point in asking
you to stop being a jerk. Hey, taking

pictures, being a jerk, kind of my job.

Oh, and Diamond, sweetie, we're not
friends.

Okay. Ouch.

I was just being your buddy to get the
pictures.

You are more naive than I thought.

And you're more of a jerk than I
thought. Don't take it personally, okay?

journalist. We do whatever we have to do
to get this story.

Journalist? Ha! More like... Jerklist!

Jerklist!

That is funny!

I like that. We should be friends.

Kidding. Later!

One structurally sound tangerine
pyramid.

Isn't it amazing how a tangerine can be
a tangerine and so much more?

Or it could just be a tangerine. And
therein lies the beauty.

Hey, you'll never believe this.

Dropped your germ remote in the toilet
again?

Yes, but not that. I saw a giant hairy
beast in the woods. A Sasquatch? Bless

you. No, Sasquatch.

Bless you. No, like a Bigfoot.

Really? You saw it? I thought it was
just a legend. I didn't get a picture,

I swear I saw it.

Too bad.

No one's caught it on camera before.

You get big money for that.

Then I'm going to get it on my drone
camera.

You'll excuse me.

Well, if it keeps that drone from
chasing me down alley, I say bring on

beast.

Dude, listen up.

Want to know a secret?

I want you to meet a friend of mine.

Wait.

I'm making first contact with a woodland
beast.

I should be honored.

Why did you choose me, Sasquatch?

Why?

You should have seen the look on your
face.

Just when I was on the verge of
interspecies communication.

I need your help.

You have to stop Bo from getting a clear
shot of Sasquatch. Why?

I need him to follow me, Sasquatch, all
over Star Falls.

That way, I'll get my awesome map done.

I don't know proof of a map. They draw
borders between people.

But if I can turn the cosmic tables and
get karmic revenge on Bo...

So yes?

Big yes.

And then he said we were never friends.

What a jerk.

Yeah, I called him a jerk -a -list.

You know, because he's a journalist and
a jerk.

Oh, yeah, that's funny.

Yeah, thanks.

Anyway, he said that he's not going to
leave Dad and Beth alone.

Jerk -a -list.

Oh, no.

Vince is making her totally paranoid.

Coffee. Let's go. Quick.

Okay, Beth, who's in disguise for some
reason I don't care about.

What? Leave me alone, Vin.

Um, that was the door.

Hey, wait. You forgot your change.

And your coffee.

Oh, well. More for me.

We gotta do something.

Now. We need a plan.

Okay, so the plan's called Project Don't
Let Cress Become Just Beth and Craig

Again. Wordy, but gets the point across.

Agreed. And just pitching instead of
Cress, maybe Cray -Beth?

I don't hate it, but no time to discuss.

We need to focus.

Yes, ma 'am.

Aw, so cute!

Step one, plan a covert date for Cress.

Yes, a secret date will give him alone
time. Step two, create a diversion for

Vince.

One of us will dress up as my mom and
send Vince on a duck -duck goose chase.

Isn't that the game where you sit in a
circle?

A wild goose chase.

Yes, that's it. Okay, I'll play your
mom.

Hi, I'm Beth.

I like animals and... other stuff.

Wow, you've learned so much about us.

I think I'll play my mom.

Step three, terminal time for Vince.

Terminal? As in... Exactly.

The Star Falls Bus Terminal.

Oh. That's a lot scary.

Anyway, we'll trick Vince into boarding
a bus to Pittsburgh.

You'd have to be tricked into going to
Pittsburgh.

I've heard it's lovely, especially in
the summer. They have nice rivers and...

Anyway, once Vince is on the bus, he'll
be whisked to the Steel City and out of

our lives forever.

It's the perfect plan!

So, a bus leaves Star Falls for
Pittsburgh at 4 o 'clock today.

And a train leaves Boston at 6 o 'clock
tonight, going twice the speed. What

time do they pass?

10 a .m. tomorrow.

Wow, really?

No!

Now let's get to work.

Project Don't Let Cress Become Just Beth
and Craig Again starts now.

We should work on that title.

Totally.

Aha! Now I've got you.

Stop moving around, you beast.

Hey,

you blew my shot.

What? I did?

I'm sorry from the depths of my soul.

Would these make you feel better?

Yes.

Hi, Craig. It's Beth Mil - I mean, it's
Beth.

You know my last name.

I'm going to the bus terminal at the
back of the Star Falls gas station.

Then I'm going to take a bus to
Pittsburgh to meet you so we can avoid

Okay, see you there, Craig.

Bye.

He's gone. He totally bought it.

What's wrong?

I liked being tall. Come on.

Quick, here he comes.

Yes!

We totally tricked him!

Now our parents can have dinner alone
without anyone bugging them.

Want to spy on their date?

You know, just to make sure no one else
spies on them.

Totally.

Okay, Fuzzbucket, here we go.

Hey! Sorry, thought I saw a fly.

All right, you overgrown gopher.

Ow, what are you doing?

Oop.

Got the Sasquatch in my sights.

And no Phoenix.

Happy birthday to you. Oh, come on.
Happy birthday to

you. Happy birthday, dear.

Bye.

I had that coming.

To Novin. To Novin.

Sophia said they had a plan. I'm just
not sure what they did.

Best to not ask questions.

Yeah.

Oh, it's going so well.

We are awesome. Yeah, we are. Oh, sorry,
we're not coat checkers. Don't draw

attention to us.

She was saying we're not not coat
checkers.

That's a double negative that kills each
other out.

So to be clear, we are coat checkers.

I'll just take your coats.

Wait, a 30 -cent tip?

Not cool.

Oh, here comes the food. I'm hungry. Do
Coach Icarus eat for free? Would you

shh? Here we are. Hey.

Hey. Hey, what are you... Bitch!

Perfect!

She did it again!

And he really likes garlic bread.

Hey, shouldn't you be on a bus? Yeah, I
was until Beth's head fell off and

rolled down the aisle.

I should have known that was a dummy
from the cheap red hat.

That hat wasn't cheap.

It was the most expensive thing at the
dollar store. Well, see you guys later.

Oh, and here.

There's your tip. Ew!

That guy's the worst. So the worst.

I am the best!

This is just too much.

I know it's annoying, but I promise
you'll get used to the paparazzi.

I don't think I will.

What do you mean?

It's just... I'm not sure I want to keep
dating.

So our parents seem mad.

Yep, pretty mad.

I'm grounded.

Me too.

I blame Vin. Totally. He's ruining their
relationship and our lives.

Our lives. You know, the grounding.

Yes. Grounding ruins lives.

Now let's figure out a way to stop him
fast.

Oh, we got it. No buses to Pittsburgh.

Cincinnati? I'll keep thinking.

Wait. That's it.

Thinking. We just have to think like
this.

What does Vince want?

Garlic bread. True. But that's not
enough.

Oh, a big story.

But right now, let's crash.

Then we need a bigger story.

Something Vince can't resist.

Okay, but like what?

Hey, girls.

Strange.

Agreed.

Wait. I know that voice.

And now I have an idea.

Finally. All alone.

Time to find me that hairy beast.

I wonder if his name is Harry.

That'd be weird.

Looking for me?

Wait, do you speak English?

Or do I speak Sasquatch?

Phoenix? What's going on?

Although this has been immensely
reinvigorating for me, I think he's had

Gotcha! Wait, what?

I tricked you into taking pictures of
Star Falls from my map.

Angel Bro helped me, so thanks.

Wow. Well played, boys.

Well played.

So if I could just download the pictures
from your drone? Sure.

Ten bucks.

That's fair.

Maybe that'll teach you not to use your
drone for the powers of evil.

Yeah, right.

Guys, we need your help.

Okay, I just posted online about Dad and
Beth going on a picnic.

Vince will be here any time. Good. And I
linked it to the local paper. There's

more than one newspaper in Star Falls?

There's the Starfall Gazette. It's three
pages long.

And then there's Ginger's weekly
newsletter, which includes town gossip,

Ginger's current rants, and a bacon
-themed word jumble.

I also brought some garlic bread to lure
Vince.

Yeah, while I know he likes garlic
bread, I don't think that's what makes

magically appear.

Well, I can't argue with results.

You're not Beth.

What was your first clue?

You're a kid.

That's all right, I'll just...

Shoot you until Crest gets here.

What on earth is that?

Ah!

I think it's the shortfall of Sasquatch.
Yes, the mythical woodland beast.

Sasquatch? This is a huge story.

I can finally become a real journalist.

More like jerk -list.

Get it? Because he's a jerk? Yeah, you
told me.

I'm going to win the Pulitzer Prize!

Sasquatch is big news. It's all over the
papers and online.

Even made my newsletter.

Right above the rant, which is about
your witty banter.

Hey!

So!

Admiring my work?

Yep. Too bad it means you've delayed
Starfall.

Why would I do that?

Sasquatch and Kreth are here. I'm not
going anywhere.

Things are finally looking up for old
Vin. You're gonna leave because of this.

What? You've got the hat!

It's just a mask.

Yep. Sasquatch is fake. It's just our
friend's name.

But if you leave Star Falls forever, we
promise not to tell anyone you were

tricked by a bunch of kids in a fuzzy
Halloween costume, which will tell

in your new career as a serious
journalist.

Diamond, I thought we were friends.

Yeah, we're not.

Ginger, we're not friends here, Vince.
We'll take the bill.

Thanks again for getting rid of Vince.

Not that I condone blackmail. Of course
not.

But with Vince out of the picture, now
you can keep dating Craig.

I guess.

Maybe. But even with Vince gone, there
will always be more paparazzi.

True. But when you love someone, like
someone, you put up with stuff.

Like how I put up with you crying over
cat food commercials.

Excuse me. And your complete lack of
athletic ability. And how when you

you say,

All right, enough.

But I love you.

And in relationships, you put up with
things.

Okay, good point. Slightly hurtful, but
good point.

And I do like Craig.

Maybe enough to put up with a few
pictures.

That's my girl.

After all, I put up with you and your
sleep laughing and how you put your

directly in the peanut butter. It isn't
about me. It's about Chris.

You know, I think that name's kind of
growing on me. Me too.

Oh, no.

Don't look now, but... Please don't say
paparazzi.

Oh, no.

The squirrel!