Original subtitles

Where is she? I promised she'd be here by now. It was I to know. The temporary

agency swore she was perfect for our needs. Yo, what temporary agency was

Okay, okay, fine. Next time I'll let you try and find a qualified female

operative on 24 hours notice.

Five bucks says she shows up here before you get that monitor working. Yeah,

well, she better.

At least one of us has to go dig up Mom's time capsule tonight.

You owe me five bucks.

Garvey hit two home runs last night.

Bang. Right center power alley.

386 sign. Gone.

Bang. Left field foul pole.

Out of there. It was wonderful.

You should have heard it. It was wonderful.

I thought you went to the opera with Phyllis Treadwell. Yes, I did, but I

my headphones.

Phones, phones.

I'm glad this old building can't talk. Oh, not me. I'd love to hear every

word it had to say.

Eleanor, you haven't changed in 40 years. Well, a couple of inches in the

waistline, maybe. I can't wait until we open that time capsule tonight. You

know, Phil had a picture of me taken when I was homecoming queen, and he put

that in there. I was in a two -piece bathing suit, and I weighed 97 pounds.

I remember that. Has anyone dug it up yet? Oh, I have two big, strong

volunteers. Good.

Tom, a little higher on the left.

All of it higher.

Yeah, that's what I always said about your headline.

A little higher.

Chuck, you devil.

You look terrific.

Well, some things don't change.

Hey, hey, hey.

Chuck.

Chuck Williams.

That's right, Don.

It's me.

Well, damn it, don't you look great.

Who's this little cheerleader you're making out with?

Oh, no, she's just about the only cheerleader in our class that I didn't.

mistake.

You still in the muffler business?

Oh. In it?

I should see his commercial.

He's a local celebrity.

They call me the king.

I'll fix your tailpipe any time. No charge.

Johnny! Hey, Johnny, a little less talk and a little more work. Chop, chop,

chop, chop. Hey, where's our flake of a class president, lover boy Gaines? I

sent him an invitation. He never answered.

Yes, I heard. Somebody saw him in Seattle, drunker than a skunk, at 10 o

in the morning.

What a way.

You know what I bet he's going to do? I bet he's going to come in and make a big

flash of a grand entrance. I guarantee it. He just is style.

Would you hang these up for me, Chuckle?

My memory hasn't failed me.

Cecilia's the authority on that.

I think I have memory failure. I forgot to pick up my prom dress.

Carry on, Ruth. I'll be right back.

I can't believe people pay good money for stuff like this.

It's called the Madonna look.

You know, I got a theory about two -way mirrors.

I don't want to hear this. The Richard Simon theory of two -way mirrors.

Seeing as how there is a subtle but noticeable difference between two -way

mirrors and the real thing.

Anyone who disrobes in front of the ladder, despite any claims to the

is an exhibitionist.

Gee, I hope not.

Well, neat.

Getting a prom dress for a reunion.

Nah.

wait to hear the explanation for this one well um go ahead i'll go on

yeah give her richard simon's theory of two -way mirrors uh you wouldn't be

interested mom uh just suffice it to say that we're on a very dangerous uh

undercover assignment this place has been losing a ton of money to

oh of course very dangerous you sit here all day and watch women get undressed

yeah

Well, we had an operative of the female persuasion hired, but she didn't show

up. Clearly a woman of taste and distinction. She left all the dirty work

Speaking of work, I have some for you.

Don't worry, Mom.

We're going to dig up the time capsule this evening.

No, it's something else. I want you to find a missing person.

One of my classmates.

His name's Phil Gaines, and he was the only one who didn't answer the

invitation. Maybe he's dead.

Optimist? I don't think so.

He was our class president. He played football and wrote poetry, and he was

and uninhibited.

And underneath it all, so sensitive, he suffered more than anyone I've ever

known.

We used to date.

We've got a strike.

All right, I'll take care of this. You just make sure you get everything I'll

take. Rick, be careful. She's bigger than you are.

Please.

All right, lady, let's go.

That's right.

Smacked my rent -a -car right here in the Salt Lake City Airport. Banger up

pretty good, too.

I tell you, you know, the next time I'm going to initial that little box that

says I take the insurance, you know?

Well, I would have gotten more details, except I didn't want to miss my flight.

Oh, gains.

G -A -I -N -E -S, Philip. Now, I mean, he said he was going to pay for it, but

you know how people are. I just want to call him up and give him a little prod.

Oh, that's just wonderful. I do appreciate it. You got my number?

All right.

Bye -bye.

That takes care of Utah.

Try Vermont.

You know, it's funny. I have a hard time imagining Mom dating anyone before Dad.

I hate to break this to you, A .J., but Mom didn't grow up in a convent. I know

that. Would you like to hear the Richard Simon theory of premarital monkey

business in the 1940s? No. Try Vermont.

Try Vermont.

Surely.

Oh, the sea.

No, no, Shirley Graham. I guess you must have missed my last marriage.

Who's who both times, and neither one of them made it past 50.

Oh, my goodness. What a lovely little place you have here.

Shirley. Shirley.

Graham, yes.

I'd like you to meet my boys, Rick and AJ. Oh, how very nice to meet you. Let

guess. Let me guess. Don't tell me.

You must be the famous brain surgeon, and that would make you the award

architect.

I never would.

You're thinking of Mildred Larson's boy, the Rick and A .J. of private

detectives.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh, now, isn't that just like you? You know, your mother used to be what we

to call a tease, and I can see she has not changed.

Well, memory lane's been real interesting here, Mom, but duty calls.

dig up your time capsule, and then I really have to get back to the lab.

Gene splicing, it's a very significant movement. It's going to change the whole

future of human reproduction as we know it.

Mom will tell you all about it.

Okay, we're under the gymnasium. Now what?

Looking for a broken down brick wall.

Who says?

Mom says.

Ta -da.

You know, I've been thinking about credit cards.

Oh, no. Is this going to be another theory?

No, it's just since that guy took mine away, I feel like a free man again.

Not in bondage to temptation.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have just heard the Richard Simon theory of

bondage.

Looks like somebody was here ahead of us.

Yeah, somebody even lazier than you are.

Let's get to it.

It's been so long since I died of a hot pill, I don't hardly remember.

I might prefer it that way.

For a moment, I was afraid you were going to tell me you missed plunging

and being shot at. Ah, yeah, the good old days.

That's all right.

Is that off? Yes, that's off. This one is off. Can I have some help from the

younger generation, please?

This is so exciting.

There's a picture of me in there.

I only weighed 97 pounds.

I don't remember that.

The Mission Valley Eagle.

Well, the Lions win city championship.

Yay!

I told you we were something.

I guess we all know who put that in there.

As I remember, Bill Gaines was a self -appointed committee of one in charge of

directing what went into this little piece of history.

Oh, yeah, and look, here's one of his little jokes. What is it?

Well, it's a badge, it looks like to me. It's a police badge.

Let's see here.

Justicia Proteccion.

It's Mexican.

Dime store issued by no Phil.

What's that, another toy?

For a baby Rambo, maybe this thing's real.

Oh, well, Phil's idea of fun was always a little twisted.

Ah, so was Phil.

I don't think it's fair to talk about him like that when he isn't here to

explain. What's to explain?

He's loaded up the capsule with a lot of little goodies to spoil the reunion.

And then he doesn't even show up.

Now, wait a minute.

You haven't the slightest idea what his reasons were.

Oh, now, don't tell me he never did you any dirt, Cecilia. I resent that.

Sorry. Sorry.

I was out of line.

Let's see what else is in it. I'm sorry.

Let's not touch it.

This is a little more serious than a joke. The badge, the gun, and the time

capsule. We're all going to the police.

I'm sure they've already got one of you. Excuse me.

Oh, this is just too awful.

Hey, hey, hey, everybody.

Happy 40th reunion.

Well, you're right about the badge.

Mexican issue.

Forty, maybe fifty years old.

I'm going to have to contact the Mexican consulate, see if I can find out where

it's from.

And I've seen these on Federalia.

You found it where?

Under the gym in Mom's old high school.

Put there by the class president when I graduated.

Check the load, you'll see it's been fired once.

Point is, town, if the gun belonged to the man behind the badge, it would be

pretty difficult to get them both without doing a lot of bodily harm.

That's the truth.

Couldn't get mine without killing me.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to scare you.

Well, you did.

Cecilia, you look absolutely wonderful.

And you're still making dramatic entrances, which at our age isn't

appropriate.

I just wanted to make sure you were alone.

The idea of seeing everybody, especially you, has been difficult.

Why, Phil?

What happened?

Where have you been?

Well, I ran away.

Joined the army.

I wanted some adventure. See the world.

Learn a skill.

Well, what did I know? I was only 17.

What difference does it make?

You ended up with Jack, and he certainly is a better man than I ever was.

Did you put the badge and the gun in our time capsule?

I bought them in Tijuana graduation week. I thought, well, in 40 years, if

of us were still alive, it'd be a great big gag.

Well, of course, it's stupid.

But consider the source.

Phil, please.

I tried digging it up tonight, but two guys, they beat me to it. Those guys are

my sons.

Oh, Lord, don't tell me.

They're private investigators, and when you didn't answer the invitation, I had

them look for you.

Cecilia, my life hasn't been exactly... exactly

successful.

This is a big house.

There are a lot of empty rooms now.

You'll need a place to stay.

Ah, just in time.

We need waiters.

Waiters? Hey, hey, hey.

I didn't know you boys were detectives.

Well, I thought about the glamorous fact that we try to keep well hidden.

I'll bet.

I'm glad your mama mentioned it, because I got a job I'm afraid to give to just

anyone. You know what I mean?

You get the general idea.

See, I got 26 shops around the state.

And it's hard to keep your eye on every one of them.

Sometimes the people you trust turn out to be dirty, filthy crooks. That's a

quality not unique to the muffler trade.

Yeah, well, anyway, somebody's been trying to skim off some of my cream.

My bookkeeper thinks it's a shop just outside of town run by a couple of

rednecks who figure that they invented the franchise.

Yeah, well, it sounds to me like what you need is a comprehensive undercover

entrapment operation.

Uh -huh. Yes, you do. Rick will fill you in on our fee -scheduling procedures.

I'll see you all later. What was that?

We call it Q. It's a comprehensive undercover entrapment operation.

Q. Well, it's turned out everybody here but one.

That's right.

All except the one guy who could have explained it.

Fiasco last night.

I'm curious. I've heard so many stories about Phil Gaines. What was he really

like? Well, if you ask me, I'd say he had more charm than anybody else in the

whole school.

Especially in the backseat of a Roadster.

Well, I don't know why in the world you're complaining about his car. After

he made all those tequila runs to Mexico for you boys on the football team.

Hey, Jack, you really want to know about the legendary Phil Gaines?

I suggest you ask your mother, after all she was engaged to in the last half of

our senior year.

Did you know that she was engaged to him?

AJ, you're getting to be like a broker and record on this subject.

You're not going to light that thing up, are you?

Don't you know what that does to your lungs, what it makes this upholstery

like? My lungs, my upholstery.

It's a disgusting habit.

AJ, would you just please get some sleep tonight?

He's here.

I know Gaines is here.

Right. He's here.

If only nobody's seen him.

It's because he has the power to cloud men's minds.

Nobody has seen him because he's hiding.

Figure it out for yourself, Rick.

Only one person doesn't show up for the reunion.

Why? Because he knows what's in that time capsule.

Evidence of a crime that happened 40 years ago. AJ, we turn that stuff over

Brown's police matter now.

You know what I think? I think you're going to tell me what you think.

I think Gaines came back to dig up the time caps.

And I think we interrupted him.

We scared him off.

Otherwise, why wouldn't he have finished the job?

I have no answer for that.

Neither do I.

And that's why I know he's here.

Come on, everybody gives cash customers a break.

Sir, this is your estimate.

Job's going to cost more. I'll call you before I do the work.

Bob, buddy, we're talking money up front here.

I don't need an estimate. I need a new muffler.

I'm not going to write this off, so I also don't need a receipt.

Bob.

A little bit.

Come on.

Come on, come on, come on, come on. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back it up.

Good.

Whoa, that's it.

Gary, take it up.

You need a new muffler. You need a new truck. Yeah, well.

No, stay there.

Crank it up.

Okay.

All right,

gun it.

You want me to replace this while I'm at it?

What are you, nuts?

I don't need anybody coming around here trying to find me with my hands in the

till.

How much is Brighton paying you for this?

Who the hell is Brighton?

Get him!

All right, first we got the mirror.

47 -50. Then we got the front headlight up here, including lens, water seal, and

bulb. That's another 75 -94.

Guys, guys, look, I'm sorry. Look, I'll handle it myself because... Well, the

fact is, it's my fault.

I sent you to the wrong franchise.

My accountant now tells me that the creep who's skimming us is up in

Sacramento?

So the quicker you boys boogie up there and catch that lousy crook, why... We've

decided.

that there is no longer any corporate advantage to comprehensive undercover

entrapment.

What he means is that we only accept about one of these cases a week.

And what he means is we're not going all the way to Sacramento just to get our

heads busted with the Crescent Wrench. Well, look, I'd be glad to throw in a

little bonus if you boys get on this right away.

The answer is no.

The answer is maybe.

Oh, hey.

Did the police go through our time capsule yet?

I don't know. Why?

Well, Phil put a picture of me in there naked as a jaybird.

Oh, well, if that's embarrassing for you, I'm sure Lieutenant Brown will let

have it.

Who's embarrassed?

I just wanted to have some photocopies made and have some coasters made for the

prom.

You're a sick person, Doc.

and down to work, we won't be able to afford a phone.

Hello, Simon and Simon Investigations.

Yes.

Okay.

Thank you.

That was the VA with Phil Gaines' records.

He was discharged from the Army in 1947.

Six months after he enlisted.

Since that time, he has been treated at various VA hospitals all over the

country for depression, alcoholism, a variety of psychiatric disorders. I told

you, Rick, this guy is a psycho.

AJ, what's gotten into your skin?

A 40 -year -old crime or the fact that there was somebody in Mom's life before

Dad?

You can ignore this if you want.

I think Mom deserves a fair warning.

He thinks he's gone.

His car's in the shop.

I'm driving.

There's absolutely positively no way in a hundred years I would believe that.

You don't have any proof of any of this.

And I can see the way your brother is sitting there. He's not so sure you're

right either.

There are facts, Mom.

The gun is a fact.

The badge is a fact.

The man spent time in and out of psychiatric hospitals all over the

that is a fact.

Rick, I'd like to know how you feel about all this.

I think what A .J.'s trying to say, Mom, is just be cautious the next few days.

That's no answer.

No, it isn't.

No,

I don't think it's as serious as he does.

See? The whole thing's ridiculous.

No, it's not.

I'm sorry, Cece. It's not.

I'm gonna take a flying guess and say this is Mr. Gaines.

He came to see me last night after he avoided the reunion for personal

I'd sure like to know what those were.

Stop it, A .J. I came back to dig up the time capsule.

I wanted to hide something.

But I muffed it up just like I have everything else in my life.

I didn't want to leave without seeing your mother, though.

Phil, you don't have to say any.

Cecilia, I killed a man.

I was 17 years old. I was drunk and scared.

I've paid for it every day of my life since.

I was on a booze run to fuel up for the graduation parties.

I was so stooped, I hardly knew what I was doing.

Next thing I knew, somebody was yelling that I stole a case of tequila and the

police were coming.

For some reason, I still can't explain, I tore off his badge and I crushed it

till my palm bled.

And my mind was reeling with visions of a Mexican prison.

My parents, the girl I loved.

So I crawled to my feet, I got to my car and I ran away from there in shame.

All these years and ever since, I've continued to live with that shame.

And you're saying that the .45 was not the policeman's gun?

No, it was mine.

I used to keep it under the front seat of my car.

That's why you went away like that?

Right after graduation?

Yes.

If you were trying to hide it, why did you put the badge and the gun in the

capsule?

To appease my conscience.

I didn't have the courage to face up to it then, and I don't have the courage to

face up to it now. So I came back to dig up the pistol and the badge before

anybody else got a chance to see them.

I'm sorry, Mr. Gaines, but there is no statute of limitations on murder.

What do you mean, release him?

You know how many unsolicited confessions we get in here every day

Fruit and Nut Brigade?

People claim they've burned everybody from Madonna to Lassie, and they all

it. But town, this is different.

How, AJ? You told me yourself the guy had a vacancy upstairs.

Well, can't you at least hold him until you hear back from the authorities in

Baja?

Sure, for two, three weeks.

Come on, guys, I'm not kissing this one off.

We're talking about the death of a fellow police officer here.

You can believe I'm taking that very seriously.

You have to consider the possibility that Towne's right.

He's wrong.

A .J., have you been sneaking off those open -mindedness classes behind my back

again? Look, I'll make you a deal. Oh, no.

You help me do a real professional investigation.

And if we can't put together enough to convict Phil, or if Towne doesn't hang

him first, I'll drop it.

Amen and hallelujah.

But if we do find evidence that he killed a Mexican cop...

We bury him five miles deep with his head between his legs.

Mom's not going to like that part.

Well, got one of the football team, one of the Halloween ball, some mildly

risque shots of cheerleaders practicing high kicks.

Well, as Mom knows.

Hey, careful. You're going to blow away all my hard work here.

What have we got?

Being of marginal mind and great body, do hereby bequeath my class... This is a

class will, Rick.

Written by our friend Mr. Gaines.

Um... Aha!

He mentions the gun and the badge.

My legacy to my classmates... is the truth.

Something, something, something.

Night in Mexico with my friends.

Something.

Shun.

Graduation.

It's his confession, AJ.

Of course, he left out a couple of details when he told us about it.

Like the fact that he wasn't down there alone.

Internal revenue service.

I've got the place surrounded.

It's in the mail.

Rick, go buy yourself some breakfast. I want a word with your brother.

Uh -oh.

I'll just be out on the porch.

I asked you to find an old friend as a favor to me.

He was someone I wanted to see very much.

Yet somewhere along the line, you decided to become moral arbiter of

my affairs, past and present, and I'm here to tell you to butt out of that

role.

I apologize.

I don't know what's been wrong with me.

Do you feel like I'm being unfaithful to your father?

It's really none of my damn business, is it?

I want you to know this.

I loved Phil because he was a wonderful person.

And I happen to think he still is.

And what we had together was very, very special.

We learned some stuff, some new stuff last night that may cast some doubt on

confession. At least, you know, how he explained it to us.

Oh, honey, I'd be forever grateful to you if you could find out what happened.

What really happened.

Even if it's something I don't want to hear.

I can handle it if you can.

I'm a tough cookie, kid.

I'll say.

It's in the genes.

You're the authority on Mexico. What was the name of that place again?

San Cristobal Del Rio.

You know what I say?

I say three cheers for our buddy Lieutenant Brown.

Don't get carried away.

Come on, Rick. He saved us a good week's work coming up with the name of the

town. Yeah.

I can't believe how cooperative they were.

Cops love me, A .J.

Doesn't make any difference what country we're in.

He just sensed Rick Simon as a man of integrity and honor.

Fooled another one.

That's me.

What would you gentlemen like?

Oh.

Well,

we wanted to talk to you about your former partner, Luis Ortega.

The man who was shot?

So long ago.

Come, sit.

I will tell you the whole story.

I was young then.

Strong.

Not as strong as Luis.

But then, who was?

I heard the shot.

I

asked him,

mi amigo, quien?

Quien? All he could say was, yes he says.

Yes he says.

was not enough to lead us to those men.

Jesse says 16, right?

Let's see.

What would that be?

The number of guys.

Bill was 16, 17 years old then.

All right, seems a little slow.

You guys want to come with us?

Someplace a little quieter?

We think we can prove that Bill Gaines is guilty.

We can't prove it without your help.

What's this all about?

Phil.

Hi, Don.

Hey, hey, hey. You hope to lose?

Chuck.

How you doing?

Hey, Phil.

Phil, why don't you tell these guys what you told us over at Mom's?

June 10th, 1946.

I went over the border to pick up supplies for the graduation parties.

Tequila.

But you weren't alone, like you said.

I took some friends with you.

Hey, hey, hey!

You killed him.

You crazy fool, you killed him.

I didn't mean to.

I didn't mean to.

Come on, let's get the hell out of here.

Damn it, Phil, another cop's coming.

¿Quién, mi amigo?

¿Quién?

Dieciséis.

Dieciséis.

Number sixteen.

That'd be you, Mr. Mufflerkin.

But you were all guilty.

You all knew it.

So you swore yourselves to secrecy.

Only Phil's conscience couldn't handle that.

So he buried evidence in the time capsule.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Bad dreams.

If you knew all this would be exposed, why did you come back?

I wanted to end it, Chuck.

I figured that the man was dead.

He was dead a long, long time.

But you didn't even pull the trigger.

That's true.

But we were all guilty.

The difference being, well, you had a business, and Chuck had a wife and

children, and I didn't have anything worth keeping.

My life was already ruined.

Why ruin yours?

It's just one other part of the story that you should all know.

The policeman didn't die.

What?

Not from that gunshot wound, anyway.

Took a drunken driver to kill him.

July of last year.

make me feel one bit different.

What's going to happen now?

There are no charges, not from me or from Mexico.

You're free to go.

If you ever need a job,

anything, let me know.

Sure.

They say that... There's a bus out of here just about every 15 minutes or so.

Well, in that case, the big rush.

Ma 'am, we've got a gentleman caller.

May I?

so fly

Say one thing for your friends, Mom.

They're not boring.

Bill, get off, okay?

Well, he's decided to stick around for a while. His Uncle Bill owns a hardware

store, and he's looking for someone to take over when he retires.

I hope everything works out well for him.

I hope so, too.

But you know what the nicest thing about the reunion was for me?

You, too.

Knowing after all these years that I have something very special to show for

life.

You made me very proud.

I may fail, Buster, but I'm not forgetting what you

did. What I did? You put a right cross on me, gave me a headache for three

You testify against me, I'll give you a headache for life, you little wimp.

I'll say one thing about my sons.

They aren't boring.