All language subtitles for simon_simon_s06e01_competition_who_needs_it

you know

Hey, Dory.

Permission to come aboard?

Not now, Cliff. I'm busy.

Well, I know.

I saw the Coast Guard towing you in.
What's that, three times in five weeks?

You know you ought to rent that cutter
from them for your tours.

Cut out the middleman.

Ha, ha, ha. Very funny.

Now shove off, huh?

Come on, Johnson. Snap it up. Snap it
up. I want the food on board before it

spoils. Yes, sir.

Rich kids.

They don't know what hard work means.

I'll follow in to cut the stern loose.

Cut it loose.

Hey, where the hell is she going?

I don't know.

Test run I guess.

wasn't any chance to save it.

I don't even know what happened.

It blew up.

There was nothing I could do.

Rick, you've had some crazy ideas
before.

Why have this one again?

Hey, look, you were the one talking
about our severe financial crisis. I

decided to do something about it. But
handbills, I mean...

It's so degrading. Only if they don't
work.

Besides, it's my name on there. I'll
take the blame for it if it flops.

And the credit if it succeeds?

Yes, sir. Come on in.

Excuse me.

I'm looking for a Rick Simon.

Aha. Well, I'm Rick Simon at your
service. My name is Smithers. Mr.

have a seat, please.

I'm with the First United Bank. Ah, my
favorite.

Well, what seems to be the problem?

A new security system?

Embezzler in the ranks?

No, no, no, no. I'm with the credit card
division.

Ah, credit card fraud. Well, I can be a
big help to you on that.

That's what I was counting on.

Now, if I could have your card, please.

My card?

Yes, your credit card.

The bank is confiscating it for non
-payment.

Is another tough case solved?

No. No.

No, because I know that I just recently
made a payment on this card. I mean, I

made a payment within the last... Six
months.

...week. I made a payment on this card,
so there's no reason that I can think of

for the bank to want to confiscate...

My card.

Oh, yeah. The Olympic furniture toss.

Looks like we got some new neighbors on
the high -rent side of the building.

Yeah. Any idea where business is going?
We better hope it's a loan company.

Hey, Phillips.

I see you found another target to rent
space in this fire trap.

Arthur Dunnington, this is Rick and A
.J. Simon.

All right.

Dunnington is with Triple I. Yeah.

You're joking. What's wrong with that?

Triple I stands for Interglobal
Investigators Incorporated. We are the

private detective operation in this
country.

PIs. Excuse us.

Phillips, would you like to have a word
with you privately?

All right, Phillips. What the hell is
going on here? You can't put two PI

companies in the same building.

It's against zoning laws.

Mr. Phillips.

Mr.

Phillips, what?

Let's think about this. Is this really a
wise business decision?

I mean, consider, we are barely making
it ourselves.

Now, there's no way in the world that
two private investigative agencies are

going to survive in this building.

Good point.

Excuse me. I'm looking for Rick Simon.

Uh, hi. That's me.

Just step right this way into my office.

The triple I.

I didn't know you had offices in this
building.

I just moved in. Could I be of
assistance?

I've seen your commercials. That guy is
really gorgeous.

Is he really a detective or just an
actor?

He's an actor.

I can't believe I just wandered in and
found this triple I office.

Well, you look pretty fully recovered.

Oh, hi.

It certainly could have been worse.

I feel a whole lot better when you
replace my boat, though.

I know how slow you insurance guys can
be.

So did you bring me a check?

Don't worry, I'm sorry to have to tell
you this, but mutual fidelity is going

contest the claim.

But my boat, thank you only.

The company's preliminary investigation
indicates that the sinking...

May not have been accidental.

I was on that boat alone.

They think I sank it?

Oh.

I see.

Well, no, Sylvia, I was kind of hoping
to get some leads from Benny right away.

I can't wait three years to time off
good behavior.

Visiting days are on Tuesday. That's
nice.

Well, make sure you take it. No,
absolutely not.

Bye -bye.

I know we said we'd take anything, but
she doesn't need a private investigator.

She needs a priest.

All right.

Bye.

Woman's convinced that Elvis is haunting
her attic.

I'm sure something is.

I never thought I would live to see the
day that there weren't enough...

bail jumpers and missing relatives and
messy divorces to go around.

Utopia. Couldn't have come at a worse
time.

Rick, AJ, sorry to disturb you. Would it
be all right to make a couple of quick

measurements?

What kind of measurements?

What for?

Oh, uh, just a couple of contingencies.

In English.

Well, one of our...

guarantees for moving here was an option
on the first available storage space.

And Mr. Phillips tells me that this
should be vacant soon, so... In your

Artie, the only thing likely to be
vacant around here in the near future is

space between your molars!

Perhaps we came at a bad time.

Fine.

There's plenty of time to do this later.

After you're evicted?

There is no way that blazer boy

there is going to put us out of
business.

Time and time and investigation.

Lester! Yeah, what's up?

A repo?

We'll take it.

Um, we might be interested.

Uh -huh.

Okay, I got it.

Thanks, Lester.

What? What do you got?

It's a houseboat repo down at the marina
from a guy named Popeye Duncan.

Popeye? Popeye.

That's kind of a weird nickname.

Why would you call a guy Popeye?

Job necessary.

Not if you want to surrender to Artie
Dunnington.

Come on, Dunnington!

Nobody takes my boat!

Oh!

Hey, can I get a little help over here,
huh?

Popeye, you disappoint me.

My mother hits harder than that.

They shouldn't call you Popeye. They
ought to call you Sweet Pea. Come on,

one right here.

Come on, right there.

when he found his little spinach patch.

No wonder he was willing to kill to keep
it.

Yeah, well, he gets bailed out before he
gets his lock changed, and he may try

again.

Who's stopping you?

Hi.

Hi. Is this your boat?

Uh, well, uh... Uh... Not exactly.

Too bad.

Nice boat.

Nice boat.

Nothing.

Not one phone call all morning.

We got that repo yesterday.

Oh, whoopee.

The fee covered one week's back rent out
of eight weeks due.

Some of the economic realities of being
a private detective, not only staring us

in the face, but kicking us in the
teeth.

So we'll kick back.

It's not that simple.

I do know I'm not going to sit around in
this office waiting for the phone to

ring. Let's go.

Where?

I don't care.

Let's go fishing.

Let's go to a ball game. Let's go
alligator wrestling. Just anywhere but

Went alligator wrestling last week.

Yeah, well, you lost.

Two out of three falls.

Come on. Wait up, AJ.

Does this mean you're throwing in the
towel? Fight's over?

That's it? Over and out? Adios?

You know what they say about beating
your head against a brick wall?

No. It feels so good when you stop.

Well, maybe we should stop.

Excuse me.

Hi, Rick.

Hi. Dory Wilson.

Dory. And you're A .J., right?

You remember Dory. Mom's club took that
whale -watching cruise on her boat last

year. Oh, yes.

Yes, of course. And then, as I recall,
you two took a few moonlight cruises of

your own.

We are friends, A .J.

Ignore him. He's an animal. So, how
are... Ooh.

What happened to you?

Well, I got that during the explosion.

The what?

That's why I'm here.

I lost my boat last week, and now my
insurance company won't pay.

And I need a good detective.

I see.

And you're on your way to see Triple I?

No. Triple I is representing the insurer
against me.

I'm looking for someone to fight them
for me, and I found one of your flyers,

so...

So, what you want us to do is take on
Triple I directly.

Head to head, no holds barred. May the
best investigator win. Is that right?

Right.

What do you say, AJ?

That's what I thought he'd say.

There wasn't any warning at all?

No, the boat was running fine.

I just shifted it into neutral and gone
forward, and then boom! All of a sudden,

the engine compartment just blew up.

I was far enough away that I was blown
clear.

It must have been a fuel leak or
something.

And now Mutual Fidelity is claiming you
scuttled the ship for the insurance

money?

I just wouldn't do something like that.

I mean, anyone who knows me will tell
you I love that boat more than anything.

I'm down for that.

My father worked all his life as a
commercial fisherman.

I grew up on the docks. Dad always used
to tell me that I had to get my own boat

and not work all my life for other
people the way he did.

Four years ago, after he died, I found
out that he kept up payments for years

a large life insurance policy so I could
buy my boat.

Let me get this straight.

Arthur Dunnington is claiming he can
prove that you sank your own boat?

I got enough money to pay you for a few
days.

And if we win, there's a bonus in it for
you.

So, will you take the case?

We already have.

Look out, Arthur Dunnington.

Come on, Mixon, we've been cooling our
heels for 35 minutes here.

Why don't you buzz down or let him know
nap time's over?

Like I told you, he's in a private
meeting. No buzzers, no calls, and no

interruptions. VIP time, huh?

Wonder who it is.

Judging from the size of that heater
Nixon's sucking on, I'd have to say it

Fidel Castro.

Listen, close.

Listen, if you ever decide to take your
pension, we can always use a good man at

our Honolulu branch. I'll keep that in
mind.

Nice talking to you.

And, uh, thanks.

So he's not a big spender. You meet
Artie? Heck of a nice guy.

You don't like Berman.

Guess you meant him.

Towne!

How could you let yourself be taken in
by that self -promoting charlatan? I

haven't been taken in.

I know he's 80 % businessman and 20 %
investigator.

But even you have to admit, the Triple
I's been doing a lot of business.

Well, gee, thanks, Towne, for your
support during our life and death

I suppose you spilled your guts about
the Dory Wilson case.

Hey, guys, lighten up.

I haven't sold any secrets to your
enemy.

I don't have any to sell.

All we know is that the circumstances
were suspicious.

In what way?

Well, we know she was alone on the boat
when it went down, and we know she's a

few hundred bucks away from bankrupt
city.

What's suspicious about that? So are we.

Have a cigar and get out of here.

Uh, no, thanks.

There was gold everywhere.

There was gold all over the floor of
that ocean. There must have been at

200 bars down there lying on that ocean
floor. Harry, you told me this story the

last time I was here.

You couldn't mark the spot because there
were other divers in the area? That's

right. Yeah, and then the big storm blew
up and covered everything up. Heavy

storm we've had in 40 years.

I've heard it before, Harry.

Rick, all we need is a few thousand
dollars. We could form a little

There's millions.

Time. Me and you. Time. You and me.

This is Rick.

I don't have a few thousand. I don't
have a few hundred.

I don't have a few.

Look, if you can photograph Dory's boat
for me, maybe I can help you out a

little bit.

Oh, that's Bill, didn't you know it?

All right, all right. You got a chart.

Now, Dory marked the spot.

I would have given this a shot myself,
but she says the currents right along in

here are real tricky.

Oh, there.

She's right.

That is very tricky.

I'm going to have to have something up
front on this.

About 50.

That's tricky, huh?

Very tricky.

And a lot of cameras in the hawk.

For investors in a treasure hunting
expedition, I think we should talk.

Yeah, I haven't had a good talk all day.

Just how many drinks did you have,
Harry?

Mm -hmm.

No, Harry.

Harry.

Harry, forget about the gold.

Just tell me, what did your old palsy
-walsy look like?

Mm -hmm.

I got it.

Okay, Harry, go sleep it off.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Bye.

Somebody got Harry hammered and relieved
him of our film.

Guess who?

Dunnington.

Bingo.

Now, would you like to help me prove
that?

I'd love to.

Are you sure you're going to be able to
pull this off?

Absolutely. All you've got to do is shim
the door with a credit card.

Security Systems McKenzie 220. I just
happened to notice that when they were

installing it, so... Well, that means
you've got 30 seconds to deactivate the

alarm once you get the door open.

Piece of cake. Now, just step back,
watch your master at work.

First step is to shim the door with the,
um...

You've got a credit card on there.

Sure. 43 seconds.

Fifteen seconds.

Ten.

Five.

What are you standing around here for?
Let's get burgling.

So to try the dark room?

That seems like a good place to look for
photographs.

These are Dory's boat.

That's interesting.

What? These are all the same brand of
film.

This one, however, is something called
EconoPix.

Well, that's hairy for you. Never one to
waste good beer money on fancy film.

Okay, why don't you get out of here and
I'll start making up some prints.

Okay.

I'll go check out Artie's place.

AJ. What?

We have a little problem out here.

What? Well, there's an alarm out here
that got tripped somehow.

Belongs to Sendrek Security.

Any roving patrols in the area? No.

Of course, this time of night, their
office is only about six minutes away

here.

Any idea how that alarm got tripped?

Not a clue.

Right.

No, it's got to be the stepdaughter. And
you call yourself an investigator?

That big old battle axe that claims to
be a distant cousin.

It's really a long -lost brother who
disappeared to have a sex change.

Hey, it's Artie.

These are the men who broke in. I'm sure
of it.

I don't know what you're talking about,
Arthur.

But you really shouldn't go about making
unfounded accusations.

We know you don't like us. Otherwise,
you'd have invited us to your jammie

party.

You know, that really is a nice top.

I had no idea that polyester could be
so, uh...

So sensuous, so macho, so... Go ahead
and make your little jokes.

But I'm warning you.

You're messing around with the wrong
person.

I'll use every resource that Triple I
has, and we have plenty to close you

You want to play hardball?

Well, gentlemen, I'm your man.

These are incredible.

Where did you get them?

Well, a reliable, uh...

We have sources. Yeah, and anyway, we
showed the pictures to a friend of ours,

the marine surveyor.

And he pointed out, if you look at the
hole, you'll see that the direction of

the explosion is all wrong for a gas
leak.

So these prove that my boat was
deliberately sunk?

Afraid so.

But who? I mean, it just doesn't make
any sense.

That's why you hired us.

Now, who would profit from scuttling
your boat?

Well, my only real business competition
is Cliff Everett.

I bet he's got three boats and 80 % of
the customers.

Maybe he wants 100%. Well, you should
also consider the possibility that it

isn't business.

Maybe somebody has some sort of personal
vendetta against you.

You mean someone was trying to kill me?

No. That's impossible.

I don't have enemies like that.

Hey!

Are you selling the boat?

What? Are you selling the boat?

What?

Are you selling the boat?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I talked to Lester. If I
can come up with a $3 ,000 in

delinquent payment, Popeye's boat is all
mine.

You're moving? Yeah.

You're actually, honestly, really, truly
moving? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't try to

talk me out of it. I know it's going to
be rough on you, but I just, I've got to

have my own space. Oh, absolutely.

I couldn't agree with you more. Yeah.
Good. Then you won't mind co -signing

lease.

And how much is this little slice of
paradise going to cost?

You're going to laugh when I tell you.
The whole enchilada, slip fees included,

is only $950 a month. You ready for
that?

That's what I'm supposed to laugh at?
Yeah.

We're almost out of business, and you're
going to pay $950 a month in rent?

Perfect. Think about it. This is the
perfect time to make this move. What?

A .J., think of all the incentive I'm
gonna have to go out and hustle up new

clients.

Your logic leaves me speechless.

See?

Fine.

It's your problem.

I'm gonna go see if Cliff Everett is
really as prosperous as it claims to be.

Oh, you have worn some hideous disguises
before, but this one, all that takes

the cake.

When Cliff Everett sees this, it's
instant cooperation.

Uh -huh.

Mutual fidelity handles his insurance,
too.

I'm going to call town, see if they've
developed anything new.

Yeah, hello.

Yes, it is still available, although a
couple of buyers are looking at it right

now.

Ten minutes.

Well, I suppose I can't wait that long.

Okay, fine.

Bye.

Yeah, all you got to do is take one look
at these lines and you know she's a

classic. Hi. Hi.

Yeah, you're going to get a lot of years
of boating pleasure out of this baby.

And the price, well, price is a deal.

Hi. Hi.

Of course, I'm not saying she's perfect.

No problem.

Well, I haven't had her in the water a
lot recently.

No problem.

Hell, the truth is, she's been parked
back here for two years. She puts this

boat in the water, it's likely to sink
like a stone.

No problem.

No, look, you don't understand. See,
this boat, put this boat in the water.

Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop,
bloop.

Bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop,
bloop.

Mr. Pagama, I think you're absolutely
right. You put a fresh coat of paint on

her, stick your name on the sign, and
she's going to make a great sign for

salvage yard.

Aye. Aye.

Aye. Bye.

Yeah, I got it.

Okay, town, thanks for the info.

Got you later.

Bye.

How'd it go?

We should have Everett's bottom line.

Dory sure wasn't hurting him
financially.

What did town say?

Well, the police lab reconstructed the
detonator. It wasn't your basic

flashlight, battery, alarm clock, timing
device.

They think it worked off the number of
revolutions the propeller made, some

of a microchip control.

Boy, somebody went to a lot of trouble.

But who?

Can you do me a favor?

Sure.

Take that jacket off.

Sorry.

There's little point in going on with
this little charade, Miss Wilson.

We know you scuttled your own boat, and
we can prove it if we have to. So if

you'll sign this quick claim absolving
mutual fidelity of all responsibility

your loss, I will do my best to try to
convince them not to press charges

against you.

I did not sink that boat, and I'm not
signing that or anything else.

So look who's here.

Yes, sir.

What are they shooting at us for?
Because they're stupid.

It's getting any brighter.

Just keep your hands up.

I knew you were desperate, but an
assassination?

Are you people nuts?

If you knew your business, you'd know
that was a rifle shot.

Rifle shot?

Rifle shot, Artie. Keep pointing this
thing at me, and I'm going to make it a

permanent part of your anatomy. If I
wanted to assassinate you, which I am

seriously considering, you'll be the
first to know.

All right, Dory. What happened?

There was some sniper over there
somewhere.

The Rambo Brigade here put down enough
firepower to scare away a Panzer

division, so he's gone.

We were just defending ourselves.

And I'm planning on making a complaint
to the authorities about your part in

this. Our part in this was to be clay
pigeons for you and your posse.

I will be happy to cooperate with the
authorities and inform them just how

mindlessly incompetent you were.

Wilson Tours.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Bradford.

Yes. Did you get your deposit check
back?

Good.

Oh, I'm so glad it all went well in
spite of the... Yeah.

Okay, thank you.

Bye.

Oh, what a nice lady.

Can you imagine having your daughter's
wedding all planned and then finding out

the night before that the boat you
chartered sank?

What? What did you say?

You had a charter the day after the boat
sank?

Yeah, but I had to cancel it.

Why didn't you tell us this before?

Well, it never happened. What difference
does it make?

Maybe a lot of difference.

AJ, you have that inspired look again.

Remember the detonator?

It wasn't a simple timing device. It was
primed by the number of revolutions the

propeller made.

What would have happened if Dory hadn't
taken her boat out for a test run?

It would have sunk the next day.

With the wedding party on board.

Do you have a copy of the guest list?

Yeah.

Here.

It all fits.

The sniper wasn't really after Dory.
Just trying to cloud the fact that he

trying to kill someone on that list.

Now what we have to do is call town.

Find out if anybody on that list really
was murdered. That would be the easy

way.

No, I really would prefer to do this the
hard way.

Oh, I couldn't agree with you more.

Looking good, guys.

Watch out for the pigeons.

I just eat this up with a spoon.

It's going to work.

A company like Triple I has access to
databases with millions of records.

Incredible. reports, police files,
insurance files, anything you can think

Can you get my credit card back?

Never mind.

Okay.

Now the only trick is going to be
getting into their system.

Would you consider Dunnington an
egotistical man?

Okay.

Now, let's see if anyone on that gets
the kind of violent death since the

Well, hold, hold, hold, hold. There's
one.

Johnson? Yeah, Charles Franklin Johnson.

We got a Charles Johnson on the list
here.

Auto accident.

Okay, well, let's see if I can bring up
the accident report.

Here we go.

Alone in the car, went and took a swan
dive off of Bryce Point.

Moderate alcohol level in his blood,
classified as accidental death.

Could be our man.

Get anything else on him?

Cross -check all the other databases.

Why don't you cross -check all the other
databases?

No.

Woo -hoo.

Checked that one out.

Million -dollar insurance policy.

Mutual Fidelity, sole beneficiary, Dan
Johnson's son.

If you can get an address, I've got a
sudden urge to go visiting.

Now, Blister, I'll check the end of your
directory.

That's what I love about our modern
technology.

Blister does the easy stuff and then
leaves it to us to track down the guy's

address. On the bright side.

Johnson's. Johnson's. How many Johnson's
can there be?

Under Johnson's.

Daniel, Dan, or Dee might say, well,
only about 50 of them.

All right, Elmore. This better be worth
getting me down here at dawn.

I was making my rounds this morning. I
noticed the light on your search

suppressor was on. It was off earlier.

So I checked the computer time codes,
and someone made several inquiries

4 .30 this morning.

The Simons.

I better check everything that they
called up.

You Dan Johnson?

Yeah. You're a hard man to find. Mutual
fidelity says it. You might be here.

We're with Interglobal Investigators
Incorporated. I'd like to ask you a

questions.

Yeah, sure. Come on in.

Mr. Johnson, are you aware that private
detectives are investigating you? Just a

minute. Let me turn this off.

Yeah. I know why you're all after me, so
you can drop the act.

I need you to finally figure it out.

What are we up to?

Well... This is D. Johnson, number 19.

You ring the bell on this one. I rang
the bell on the last one. No, no, no.

Dee Johnson turns out to be Denise
Johnson in a filmy negligee, that

count. When Dee Johnson turns out to be
a longshoreman or a truck driver or a

professional wrestler like my last three
did, then that counts.

Somehow I don't think we're going to
have to ring the bell.

What are they doing here?

Stealing our case.

Give me 30 seconds to get to the front
door.

And you play Mr. Postman.

I could have just gotten you people off
my back.

But you wouldn't give up, would you?

You had to keep hounding.

Our company car is in the driveway. If
someone doesn't answer, they're going to

get... Shut up!

Yeah?

Messenger service from Mutual Fidelity.
Special delivery.

Just leave it.

You got a sign for it.

the lowest human being with handcuffs I
have ever met.

I really

hope there are

no hard feelings, Arthur.

No, I mean, I hope we didn't interrupt
your operation.

Yeah, he's right. I'm afraid we did, AJ.

I mean, look at it, Artie's just...
Standing here, handcuffed with a

tissue, waiting for one of his computers
to show him how to escape.

Don't get carried away, Rick.

You've managed to offer some assistance
in one minor case.

But Triple I is still dedicated to
putting you out of business.

And we'll be right across the hall, day
after day, until Simon and Simon goes

belly up.

We'll just have to see about that. Now,
won't we, Artie?

Boy, this is living.

I never knew you loved the sea so much.

Hi, Rick. Hi, Betty.

Lorraine.

Oh, yeah, he's just a regular John Paul
Jones.

I love the sea.

I think it's lovely, Rick.

I was wondering about the mirrored tiles
in the bedroom. Yeah.

Oh, those.

Well, that's for space, see, because the
room is so

small, and the mirrors make it look
bigger.

It's your life, but I don't think you'll
find some of your angles very

attractive.

Well, I just can't thank you guys
enough.

Maybe this bonus will help.

Oh, thank you.

$2 ,000.

Thank you.

I see that's a month's rent on the boat.

A little trip down the Mazat line.

Care to join me?

No. I wasn't asking you.

That two -month back rent on the office
plus utilities, after which it's all

yours, should come out to...

About $46.

I'll call my travel agent.

Oh, well, what the heck, I didn't do it
for the money anyway.

Did it put Artie in the toilet?

Speaking of toilets... Yes?

Artie called.

He called to say thank you. You're
kidding.

I didn't think he'd have the class to do
something like that.

He doesn't. Ah.

Mutual Fidelity paid Triple I a fee for
avoiding payout on the Johnson policy.

Ten percent of value.

One. hundred thousand dollars.

Let's hear it for justice, folks.