Original subtitles

You are the thief, the jaguar. What? You are under arrest.

That's not mine. Are you crazy? Tonight on Simon and Simon.

$100 ,000 worth of jewelry from the Finnegan estate.

Gone. Kaput. I am not a thief. I am not the jaguar. Do you honestly think this

mild -mannered little bird watcher is an international criminal?

Take my advice. Drop your client. The most exciting thing in my life was

the nest of a keel -billed toucan.

Cats like birds.

That's not mine. Are you crazy?

$50. $45.

$36.

Expense report.

$85. $90.

$120.

The old round ball team at your alma mater had a squeaker over Pepperdine

night. $2 .65.

$70 .68 in overtime.

$70 .68.

Thank you,

Rick. Anytime.

Of course, I assume that your monthly expense report is locked, loaded, and in

your inbox.

Rick, it has to be itemized by Kate.

Who is Lorette? And why did we spend $150 on her at Ernie's house? Yeah, I

forgot to tell you about that.

She's going to get us a discount on some wigs and makeup and stuff that we can

use in our undercover operations.

Rick, I hate to break this to you, but the United States government is not

to consider surf and turf on your beautician of the week a legitimate

expense. We did a lot of business that night.

One catcher's mitt right -handed? AJ, the thing was completely ruined.

This is ridiculous.

Diamond and diamond.

The IRS is never going to buy this nonsense.

We're in a strange line of work. They bought the business about the 1 ,600

towels last year. Yes, sir, I am listening.

Dog collars?

Uh, strange man following you.

Well, I can see that that... Real interesting. Hey, CJ, I think you're

like this one.

Orthopedic stockings. Yes.

The bone structure is particularly delicate and unique to the species.

Notice the joint and the radial located between the distal end of the radius and

the proximal part of the carpometacarpus.

Ah, yes, of course, this is Bubo virginianus, or the great horned owl, as

more commonly known.

If I actually observe her eggs hatching, I have to be very careful. The mother's

protective instincts are fierce, and she is perfectly capable.

of using these slashing talons to kill a man.

Yes. Well, please appreciate your reluctance to go, but do try to force

yourselves to leave.

Professor John Wilbur, I'm Rick Simon. Ah, yes, Professor Simon. Good of you to

come. Good to see you.

Please, in my office, I enjoyed your paper.

It's very kind of you to say so.

I thought it was mediocre paper myself.

Downright boring.

Sorry about the pretense, but as I said, somebody's watching me, and I don't

want him to know I'm hiring you.

Talk about role reversals.

Although I think he might be connected to what happened to me in Morocco last

August.

I was out in the Kassar -e -Souk studying the Rufus tale, Jackamar. Back

Marrakesh, the police stopped me and accused me of being a jewel thief.

It was like a Hitchcock film. One moment I was an ornithologist, the next

they're calling me the Jaguar.

The Jaguar?

Yes. Did they have a reason for that?

They found a diamond bracelet in my camera bag.

At least it looked like diamonds.

I never saw it before.

I ran.

I just panicked.

How is this tie -in with the guy who's following you here in San Diego?

Maybe it doesn't.

Uh -huh.

I shot these of the man.

Last Monday.

He's just following you. I mean, there's no other form of contact. No phone

calls, no letters.

I just look around and he's there.

Then he's gone.

First time was last week in the old Sternbach building.

Isn't that all boarded up?

I'm studying a brooding great horned owl who's nesting there with a clutch of

eggs, of all things.

That's a forest bird.

Very rare in the city.

Anyway, I saw him again in Balboa Park and then here on the campus.

I'd ask him what the hell he thinks he's doing, but I can't get close.

Well, we'll ask him for you.

You just concentrate on your birdwatching, Professor. We'll watch out

tails. Just do whatever it is you do normally.

It's just a perfectly ordinary birdwatching outing. Has either of you

Been birdwatching before?

No, but we can wing it.

There.

There.

You see it?

Uh, I think it's green.

Yes, of course. It's the lovely hooded yellowthroat.

It is beautiful.

Look at that red. Look at those colors.

It's really lovely.

Do you see it?

Yeah, it's a bird.

Uh -huh.

Nothing like the song of the tortoise and the cypress.

Hustle, Wilbur.

I don't believe it.

Black -chinned sparrow.

Seems to be heading toward its nest.

Typically, they build them in some natural cavity, a hole in the... Dr.

shall we track them separately?

Yes, Professor Simon.

You, too, take the sparrow.

I think you went that way, Professor Wilbur.

Black -chinned sparrow.

Last time I saw one of those was in New Guinea. Same time I sighted that little

bluster. Big part?

Bluster. With a U.

Terrestrial bird. Short, flat -billed, long -throated.

Quite a rare sighting. And today, we've seen two unusual species in the same

exhibition.

All that has to do with experience. One can go for months.

You want to tell me just what you're doing?

clowns think you're doing.

But you better stop it, because it's police business.

Check the pockets.

Detective Frank London.

NYPD.

Attached to Interpol.

What it boils down to is that Mr. John Wilbur there is...

He's the Jaguar. The car or the cat?

Thief. The jewel thief. Then why is he still walking around?

Because I'm still making the case.

I only got on to him three months ago in Morocco.

You've made a mistake.

Professor John Wilbur would trip over his own shoes if you weren't

concentrating. It's a fact.

Tell it.

Every store, every location, cross -indexed with the whereabouts of one

Professor John Wilbur.

But I won't feel so bad.

I mean, he is brilliant, and right now, he's counting you.

Why? You know, as I'm closing in on him, so he hired you two detectives to

validate his cover.

You buying this town?

Detective London has the full support of this department.

The chief has asked me to personally coordinate things with the NYPD.

I have to warn you.

Officially and unofficially, Rick, stay out of the way.

I don't believe this.

I'm an ornithologist.

Trust me, London is just fishing right now. If he had any hard evidence, he'd

have charged you already.

I've got some articles here about the Jaguars' robberies. Let's see, we've got

London in August of 77.

In 79, I was in Borneo following the Rufus Capp's spine tail. In 82, I

was birding in Haiti almost all year.

Well, that's great.

Didn't explain how you were robbing a mansion in Rio while tracing around the

jungle to Borneo.

Can't wait to see the look on his face.

I don't understand.

This can't be.

There's England, August of 77.

France, January of 79.

Brazil, May of 82.

And there's Morocco.

Looks like you and the Jaguar have the same travel agent.

They might find you here.

It's an old habit.

Birds are particularly songful in the morning.

Helps me think.

I swear to God, this is not my passport.

And we'll prove it, Professor.

For right now, you just stick to your normal routine.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

Try not to worry.

You know...

This thing is books.

Nope. Nope, what?

I just thought maybe the photo had been retouched, but it's his.

And the lamination is smooth and unbroken, meaning the photo wasn't

one passport and put into another one.

The paper's the real McCoy.

So is his signature. No forgery.

What about the entry visas? Are they forgeries?

Good. That's good.

And I checked them.

I checked the stamps against proof samples from each country.

Now, A .J., believe me, no one, no matter how good he is, can make an exact

forgery of visa stamps from 30 separate countries.

They're real.

So is this.

Okay, ditto.

I don't want to.

I believe you.

Sorry.

Hi, A .J. If the guy wants to skip the country, I can dummy him up a new

passport over the weekend.

Do me a favor.

Check it over one more time.

You got a seven -letter word for scavenger?

Vulture.

Thanks.

John Wilbur?

I'm sorry. You startled me.

Can I help you?

Are you one of my students?

In a bugging device is when I entered. We're clear.

Who are you?

What the hell do you want from me?

My name is Michelle.

We've never met, but I'm a friend of a friend of yours. Lois Leopold. I don't

know anyone named... You were in Monaco on similar business, and Lois asked you

if you could help.

A few well -placed bribes, and I was free.

Without the tiara, of course, but then... You can't have everything in

life, can you? That's all. I teach biology here.

I have tenure.

Oh, I see.

Well, perhaps I do have the wrong man. But if you were, I'd tell you this.

That I've admired your work for years.

I'm very grateful for the help you gave me.

And I'd like...

Town, I am telling you, London is way off base.

Do you honestly think this mild -mannered little birdwatcher is an

criminal?

You're right.

Patently ridiculous.

There may be only 2 ,000 pages in this dossier of London.

Pretty flimsy case, if you ask me. Downright laughable. Okay, so he's got a

dossier. That doesn't mean it's not all bogus information fed to London by

somebody, probably the Jaguar himself, in order to frame Wilbur.

The only reason I let you see this is because I thought it would convince you

that there is a real case against your man, a real case. All right, all right.

At least we can get a list of the Jaguars' victims for a start. Rick,

finished before you start.

Now, I've read this. There isn't one particular page that nails him. But put

all together, you've got a real convincing case here.

Take my advice. Drop your client before he gets your butts in a vice that even I

won't be able to get you out of.

I'm really surprised at you, Tom.

You've seen guys like London before. He's a hot dog.

I'm going to go down and, uh... Check the wire room.

London ordered up an Interpol cross -index on your mail last night. It's

coming.

Just leave them in the basket.

Oh, and don't forget chapter 12 in the text for Monday.

I never find that about this. He's not going to like it.

Jay, you went through all that stuff. What do we know about this guy, Wells?

He's rich. He was robbed. Oh, and he's a superior court judge.

We really do appreciate your bringing us out here.

And as much as you've driven all the way from San Diego, I'm sure Master Wells

don't mind.

In fact, I'm sure he'd be delighted in having an audience.

Gentlemen, I give you Master Wells.

Which one is he?

The Black Knight.

Black Knight.

Master Wells is a hobbyist.

If you want to endear yourselves, might I suggest you call him Sir David?

Sir David.

Well done, Jackson.

You all right?

Fine.

The new challenger? Uh, no, no, uh, Rick and A .J. Simon, sir, David, into a

jewel thief known as the Jaguar.

Now, we understand you were one of his victims two years ago.

Yes, indeed.

That blagger, sacrosanctly, it should be his refuge, his, uh, castle.

Exactly, sir, exactly.

What kind of security precautions did you have, sir? Uh, guard dogs, perimeter

alarms, notes?

Strawbridges? Motion sensors and video monitors didn't stop the Jaguar. Perhaps

I should consider a... Cupboard?

Not a stone.

Whom are you working for?

Tom. Victim of circumstance.

Aren't we all?

I'd say the security there is tighter than Camp David.

Jaguar must be part escape artist, part electronics whiz, and...

Part acrobat. I remember when the most exciting thing in my life was finding

nest of a keel -billed toucan.

I got mysterious brunettes, crazed police looters. Yeah, can we skip back

mysterious brunettes? She didn't give you a last name, just... Hold it right

there! No, that's my line.

Now you hold it, okay?

Get that, it's London.

Hey, town, what's going on?

Doc?

The detectives.

John, what is this?

This is a search warrant.

Professor?

Detective London has some questions for you.

I just have one really.

Where were you last night between the hours of, say, 8 and 10 o 'clock?

Here at home.

You got witnesses?

Found them between the mattress and the box spring.

This way, please, sir. Let's walk and talk.

You have the right to remain silent. You give up the right to remain silent,

anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

He fenced the jewels for the cash we found under his bed.

Pan Pacific has a one -way reservation in his name to Tangier.

Oh, yeah, and there's the eyewitness.

Somebody actually saw the jag was dark?

You know, good makeup, good disguise. You still think this man is just a bird

watcher? Town.

Has it ever occurred to you that this case is just a little too pat?

No. It's two patsies. You and you.

There was only 3 ,000 bucks under your mattress.

It made such a big bump.

Yeah, a big, obvious bump, but it was mostly fives and tens.

The Finnegan jewels are worth 100 ,000.

Three percent hardly seems worth stealing for.

It's not.

30 to 60 percent is typical fence.

And you don't just hawk hot stones on the street corner.

Rocks that size have pedigrees.

Color, brilliance, flaws.

They get cut down into smaller stones.

Settings get melted down.

Hey, Jag, this is all old hat to you.

I can't afford bail.

Nobody believes me.

You don't have to pick... All right, look.

We are on your side, and we're staying.

Now, if you want bail, we'll arrange it through Bronco.

Uh, but I'd wait until you're really desperate.

Now, don't worry.

We will get you out before then. We'll just keep prying under the corners, and

something will come loose.

I like that Finnegan chick. Pretty convenient witness, huh?

Mm -hmm.

Won't let your friend help me anymore.

Well, there are other ways.

Some of these have dope in them.

Some do not.

Others did.

I don't know which is which.

Frankly, I do not care.

This is your problem.

The lab can sort it all out. Once I get it to you, it is up to you.

I am a records technician, and I shall be extremely happy when I can get back

my filing cabinets.

Look, just keep these in the box, pal.

One of them's liable to get lost and stepped on or something.

Step on it.

I will need... That's disgusting.

Why, they're evidence.

Excuse me, sir.

Would you mind waiting your turn? I am transacting DEA business here, and this

gentleman must sign more than 100 forms for me. All you gotta do is check in my

dirty picture, so how about it?

You locals may scoff at the rule book.

We at the federal level take it much more seriously, I assure you. Oh, we

not mess with this animal, son.

You tend to his forms. I've done this before.

Thank you.

Sign the pink form four times, starting with the letter of preparation, Mr. B.

Then countersign the indemnification letter. We'll have to get a notary down

here to put a seal on the total copies of the second and fourth pages before we

separate them. And then we'll have to attach the file flag to the air, freight

these forms to Washington.

Sign the green forms three times and once on the reverse.

Each signature.

I think I'm going to enjoy being a member here.

I can't find my doubles partner for the tournament. I've never met her. Maybe

you know her.

Sylvia Finnegan?

Ah, Sylvia.

The mainstay of the club's cocktail bar each and every night. The question

should be who doesn't know her. Or better still, who can afford her?

I hope you're heir to a sizable estate.

Flowers, gentlemen, for the lapel. Brighten up your day.

Well, that's a very nice idea, but I'm afraid unless I can sign for it. Oh,

here, let me. My treat.

Sit down.

Club tradition?

It is now, apparently.

Thank you.

Two dollars apiece, that'll be six dollars.

There aren't any.

Precious metals, sold short.

But then again, Sylvia was always a resourceful woman.

Just be careful you don't become one of her resources.

build this for you? What, a double?

Yeah, I'll make it ultraviolet.

Let's see. Yeah, I do have some of the green stuff.

I hardly ever use it anymore, especially not in business.

And what is your business, Mr.

Simon?

Rick Simon.

Petroleum products, I commute out here about five or six times every month from

Houston. I blow out the old Learjet every once in a while, you know,

it's prep.

My father found it at Yale. Well, I'll be damned. Isn't that something? You

know, my company has accounts in your Boulder, your Tucson, and your Seattle

branches.

Really? Yeah.

Conglomerates do make strange bedfellows now, don't they? Yes, they do.

Are you drunken? Look at what you've done.

Let's get out of the way now.

I'll be the judge right now.

Good. Thank you.

Unbelievable. Remember, they let him now. I'm absolutely happy. That's

something. I can't wait to have him win.

Hi, Tanner, what are you up to? Trying to get a little sleep.

I don't understand.

You're free.

Released. But my bail was $200 ,000.

Oh, that reminds me.

This isn't mine. It's a note from the lady who put up your bond. She couldn't

wait around.

move it sylvia's probably in the powder room right now making a midnight call to

her broker to check out my portfolio enjoying your work so much i thought you

might take it home with you that's a pleasant thought but i'm afraid that she

a cautious investor

what

did sylvia have to say oh she loves to talk about her possessions about her Fox

gray baby Mercedes, her designer wardrobe.

Her credit card tabs. Yeah, that was definitely between the lines. Anything

the purse?

A pair of ruby and diamond earrings that she reported stolen.

Mistake, you think?

Maybe. The town says the insurance company's already cutting a check for

entire loss.

So if Sylvia gets to have her cake needed, too, courtesy of the Jaguar.

I don't think that would be off the air too long. I don't know.

Shall we? Yes.

Come over as soon as you can.

I won't leave.

How did you get in here?

What is it you want from me?

I just thought you and me, we could do a little bird watching. You know, down at

that old building you like so much.

What?

You're not going to need the book, Doc.

Come on.

We finally tipped you off, did I?

I tried everything.

X -rays, ultraviolet.

Binding. The stitching on the spine?

Mm -hmm.

All right, so the cover is the real McCoy, but the visa pages are from two

different passports mixed together?

You got it. So some pages from Wilbur's passport and the visa pages from the

Jaguars. I guess.

Mix and match until you get a frame.

The Jaguar.

That's for real? Yeah.

You guys are after the Jaguar? Someone happened to mention who the job was for?

He dealt with a middleman. No names.

That's a good question.

Where's Buddy located?

I have no idea. He's got an 800 number.

800? Buddy is big time. He recently incorporated.

I'll see you guys.

Yeah, take care. Thanks. Thanks again.

Well, we don't have an 800 number.

Okay.

We know how, we just don't know who.

Michelle? Yeah.

Might as well ask her.

What do you say we jerk our fish into the boat?

Well, there was a message from Wilbur saying he's waiting for us at his

apartment. Do you want to yank now or later?

Why waste time?

Let's go get your posy.

How soon do you figure Fort Town can put the Jaguar on ice?

Oh, just as soon as Wilbur gives it to us.

Professor, I hear you've got something I want.

Hi there.

Hi there.

I thought you were listening to a lot of music.

Yeah.

Where's the professor?

He's gone when I got here, don't you know?

If he's gone, he's in trouble.

London's probably got him.

What would he be doing with London? He's out of jail.

You bailed him out.

Don't you know?

Know what?

London is the Jaguar.

Michelle Norton, Commonwealth United Insurance Company.

That's pretty good.

Where'd you get it, buddy, the brush man?

It's real, but I can't prove it sitting here.

I work freelance. I recover stolen goods for the reward.

Okay. Then why all the song and dance? Being a student of the Jaguar, why not

just bag him?

Because I can't prove anything.

What do you mean? Prove what?

It's my theory that this is all an insurance scam.

That the Jaguar's been pulling off these robberies with the collusion of the

victims.

And now he's rich enough and he's ready to retire.

And he's setting the professor up to take the fall.

So far he hasn't made a mistake.

So I threw a boomerang into his plans, hoping he would.

I think bailing the professor out accomplished that.

I would imagine, if that's the case, that Mr. London wants to make it final.

That's what I was thinking.

What do you got there?

That's trash. It's a parking stuff for the Sternbach building.

Isn't that where the professor's owl is nesting?

That's also where he saw London for the first time last week.

Doc.

It goes to trial, which I doubt.

There's no jury that's ever going to think that you are a jewel thief.

See, that's what I keep saying.

But why not find somebody convincing?

This doesn't make any sense, bringing me here. How are you going to tie me up?

Put on these on your wrist. Oh, no, not again.

I brought you here because I need a little time to get good and lost.

I'll give you a fat little bank account to make up your trouble.

I don't want money.

An apology, then.

I mean, you're gonna have to wait here, tied up, until someone thinks to come

look. Come on, let's go.

Rick, that's London's car.

This owl of yours, what, likes the heights or what?

Oh, yes, partially.

It's also the seclusion.

Oh, and the rodents. You see, this building is a ready source of food.

Yeah, I can see that.

Where would it build its nest, this owl?

Why do you want to know?

Well... My line of work. I got to know a lot of things. You see, it took me

about a week to find the nest myself. I saw the owl flying in and out of those

open windows there, and then I followed it to the elevator shaft here.

You see?

Probably a forage.

She had three eggs. I think they've hatched. Here we go, Doc.

Hold it!

Grab my wrist. Grab my wrist.

I can't reach.

Come on.

Come on.

You guys found my clue.

He was going to... I mean, all the time he meant to... I know. I know.

You're lucky to be alive.

That wasn't luck.

That was Bubbo Virginianus, the North American great horned owl.

It's fiercely protective of its young.