Original subtitles

Next, on Simon and Simon.

We completed the whole panel except for Janus' face.

The condo was going to amass Janus the Terrible.

Janus? Janus the Terrible?

I'm a bit reluctant to discuss Martin Banfield's will with a couple of private

detectives retained by an 11 -year -old boy.

Why, for one, I'm interested in why somebody would roust me for a comic

We just got a great opportunity.

Put those two detectives out of your misery.

Condor, we found the bomb. The president's safe.

Now, old foe.

Taste the Condor's wrath.

The world will know your true identity.

You? I should have known.

You trusting fool.

I knew you'd never guess.

That work?

Cool.

Stay in or go on?

Staying.

Why don't you take your jacket off and make yourself at home?

Don't want to.

It's hot out. Why don't you get it zipped up to your Adam's apple? Good

Maybe by then you'll sweat through it. It'll disintegrate.

AJ, she's testing you.

Now, she knows that shirt's not right for you.

She's trying to change your image.

Mold you to her specifications.

I never thought I'd live to see the thing.

Unplug it. Turn it off. This is motives.

Just happens to have a questionable taste in men's clothing. There's no

about that shirt.

Put your jacket on. Come on in.

Hi.

What can we do for you?

Is that enough?

For what? To hire you.

Well, let's see.

What's your name?

Patrick Jessup. Hi.

I'm A .J.

That's Rick.

Hi.

$400 a day?

Pete Rose.

Rookie card.

Mint. Wow.

With $250.

What?

That? Check Beckett's if you don't believe me.

What's Beckett's? It's a baseball card collector's Bible.

Ah, now wait a minute.

You're trying to tell me that Henry Aaron is worth less than Pete Rose?

it. Rose is mint.

Aaron's just excellent.

Oh.

Can you find him in one day? Find who? Patrick, you can't hire us. Why not?

Yeah, why not?

Because he's not an adult.

Oh. Oh, that again.

I hear that all the time from my mom.

Yeah, me too.

Who is it you want us to find?

Come.

Let's take this from the top.

Who's your grandfather?

Martin Banfield.

Oh.

I'm real sorry, Patrick. I've been a big fan of Condor's for years.

But the police are already working on that.

They're wrong.

They think it's a burglar.

I tried to tell them. Tried to tell them what?

That was someone that knew Gramps.

Had to be.

Why do you say that?

Wakanda was going to amass Janus the Terrible.

Don't you see?

Janus... Janus the Terrible.

Ten... Eleven...

Twelve...

And on is the jazz up. You can do it.

Fourteen. Okay, one more, one more, one more. Let's go.

Push, push, push, push, push. Okay, we got it.

Thanks a lot, guys.

Uh -huh.

That little wanker.

You know, it just amazes me how I do not know what's going on in his head.

I love my kid.

It's just that I have a hard time reaching him.

He's always been a little weird.

Withdrawn, you know, and he's gotten worse since my dad was killed They were

very close. Where's Patrick's father speaking of withdrawn.

He withdrew to Mexico right after I divorced him How long have you been

iron?

Oh Since about a month after I walked out on my husband my shrink says it's

compensation for a failed marriage Come on guys

Uh, anyway, as I was saying, I'm real worried about my kid.

I've tried to get him into counseling, but he's fighting me every step of the

way. To your health, gentlemen.

Now, has he told you about this cockamamie theory of his? Yeah, he,

mentioned that.

You sure you wouldn't... Oh, no.

Positive.

Well, it's a little bit off the wall, wouldn't you say?

Is not. Is too.

Is not.

is two.

Um, come on.

We'll be done here in just a minute. Come on. I want to show him this.

Oh, wow.

My grandfather was drawing this when he was killed.

Who's this?

That is Janus the Terrible.

Scourge of the universe.

The Condor's arch enemy.

Everybody knows that, ain't ya?

Si. The Condor's taken the mask off Janus for the first time.

My grandfather started to do his faith.

But Janus didn't want anyone... He did it.

Janus killed my grandfather. All right, that's enough, honey. It's true.

Look what Janus said.

Could the mighty Condor have a glass of... Go ahead. You'll rue this day

forever, Wind Avenger. Rue this day.

That means big trouble.

All right.

All right.

They're wet.

Yeah, I know.

Would you guys... Whatever they come up with, no matter what. Well, officially,

this is still a police investigation. Hold it, hold it, hold it.

Tell you what, we'll look into it for a few days, okay, Patrick?

So this is it, huh?

Yeah.

This is where the Condor foiled evil all those years.

That's the family portrait.

It's my uncle. It's my other uncle.

It's my aunt. And that's me.

I'm a Taurus.

Sure are.

When was the Janus character introduced?

63 or 64, I think.

Could we see a copy of that issue, please?

That would be difficult.

You see, among the many of my father's idiosyncrasies was the fact that he

saved any of the Condor comic books.

Nor were we allowed to. Why was that?

He never said.

Hold everything.

I bet I've got that. I saved every Condor comic book I ever bought.

Well, maybe if you'd tell me what boxes you're talking about, I'd be able to...

Uh -oh.

I don't think they're here.

You can stop looking, Rick.

Why?

I threw out the box that you booby -trapped with the poison needles.

Hey, I'm sorry.

I needed a place to store my trampoline, and there wasn't any room, and I

figured anything you'd use scare tactics to protect had to be worthless.

Count to ten.

Hey, come on. It was a long shot we'd ever need a comic book, right?

It is beside the point.

It wasn't just the Condor in there. I had space chasers and...

Has the will been executed, Mr. Raymond?

I'm a bit reluctant to discuss Martin Banfield's will with a couple of private

detectives retained by an 11 year old boy.

His mother hired us.

Which does nothing to alleviate my concern.

Emotionally, Molly's about a year older than her son.

Does that mean you won't discuss it?

I'll tell you this much.

The will hasn't been executed.

Martin stipulated he wanted two months to elapse after his death before the

was to be read.

Why so long? To torture his children. Why else?

This was a very eccentric man.

It got to the point that he was convinced the Condor was his alter ego,

the Condor's code of ethics, which makes the Boy Scout oath sound like the

bylaws of Gamora was rather difficult for his children to fulfill the

expectations he had for them.

Not unpredictably.

They all rebelled.

I think Martin loved his kids.

He just didn't like them.

Maybe he had a good relationship with Patrick.

Well, the situation was different.

Being a grandparent, and I can speak from experience, one has a tendency to

more tolerant. In Martin's case, I think he rather regretted the way he'd

handled his own kids.

So he eased up on Patrick.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment out of the office.

And be careful with Patrick.

Another reason that he and Martin got along so well was that they both lived

a fantasy world.

We'll keep that in mind.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I've got some information for you.

I don't think there's anything to worry about. So don't go off half -cocked, you

hear me?

Hi, guys.

I knew you'd come here.

What are you doing here?

I got to thinking.

Maybe I can help.

Let's go, Patrick.

What do you say, fellas?

What can I do you for?

We're interested in the Condor comic where the character of Janus is

You got the edition number? No. 146.

Yeah, 46.

It's mint condition, $1 ,400.

Oh, we don't care about the value. We're just trying to locate one.

I care about the value. $1 ,400, mint condition, that's a lot of money.

you own is in mint condition.

Oh, that's right.

Now, first condition will get you $650. Why are they worth so much?

Because there was only one wholesaler who warehoused Razzle Dazzle Comics.

Their facility burned down five years ago.

And you see, all those Razzle Dazzles that predated the fire become almost

priceless. Priceless?

I'll bet you don't even remember Star Chaser.

No, he probably doesn't.

I do.

I used to own quite a few of them. No kidding. No.

Fantastic.

Do you know that any one of those today on the market will get you two yards?

No kidding.

Do you have 146, please?

Are you kidding?

I wish I did. I got a lot of Condors, but I ain't got that one.

Yeah, where are they?

Aisle 3 near the window.

Thank you.

All right, so I'm sorry again, okay?

You rip them, you bottom.

Janus, you have committed terrible wrongs, and I beseech you to stop

shame on those who love you.

Step forward and confess this is your last opportunity.

What's the date on that one?

April 81.

Huh, it's another Janus story like the proofs Patrick showed us. Wakanda and

Janus were always fighting about something.

Well, let's go.

Yeah, yeah, just a second. How much does that thing cost?

What do I care?

You're paying.

How much do we owe you for?

Fifteen dollars.

You got yourself a real bargain.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Can I have a receipt, please?

Good enough?

That'll do, thank you.

You know, you could do us a big favor if you put the word out that we're looking

for 146.

Uh, give him the card, A .K.

You want him in condition?

No, that doesn't really matter. I'll tell you what, better yet, just say,

anybody interested in 146, they can reach us with that number.

Anybody interested.

Got it.

That's it. Keep moving, guys.

Hey, hey, hey, come on. Pick up your bike.

I swear to goodness.

Let's go.

Keep going.

Hey, listen, go get the truck. I can't read and walk at the same time. It gives

me a headache.

Well, I swear if you were chewing gum, you'd fall down. Let's go.

Look, maybe it was some collector, you know, who saw you buy the comic book. I

mean, those guys are very competitive.

Maybe, but for a $15 comic book, the end doesn't justify the means.

Well, unless they thought it was something it wasn't.

How's that?

That's fine.

The sore spot's up here.

I'm sorry.

Who's in charge of your father's finances?

His attorney, Matt Raymond.

How much autonomy does he have?

What's autonomy?

I don't really know.

He made a lot of investments.

See, my dad was paranoid about money, mainly because he didn't understand high

finance. What's paranoid?

Caution in the 80s. Look, you don't suspect Matt of attacking Rick. I mean,

a pompous ass, but he has the heart of a mouse.

What's a pompous ass?

Mr. Raymond, honey. Look, besides, I told my brothers. They had a right to

Do you suspect them now?

This is ridiculous.

I have to talk to Rick and anything. I hired him. Well, I'm paying him. Now go

to your room.

Get out of here. I'm not going to one room. I'm going to another room. I'm not

telling you which one.

Well, fine.

Look, this has gone too far.

I feel responsible.

You got hurt and it might have been Patrick.

Well, it's up to you.

Personally, I resent getting a staff upside the head, and I kind of like to

to the fellow who did it.

All right. What happens now?

Well, as Raymond said... Oh, no, my brother Scott is.

You know, even his marriage seems to be working out.

Why? I'll never know.

He is so immature.

Uh, Scott's wife.

What is her name?

Bimbo.

I mean, Sherry.

Um, tell me something. Any of you kids ever in any kind of trouble?

Oh, Penny Andy stuff.

Nothing that being from the right side of the tracks couldn't fix.

Seems odd that he'd choose a vulture as his hero.

Condor.

Vulture. Dad always rooted for the underdog.

Over the years, he's donated a fortune to the Condor Preservation Fund and

endangered species.

Well, thank you very much.

See you, Patrick.

Yeah, it's worth having Towne check the brothers for priors.

Just because Jane is the scourge of the universe, it doesn't mean he has a rap

sheet.

My town looks a little ruined.

What do you expect? It's the third straight day of testimony.

Yo, Towne!

Hey, come on, don't be that way. Hey, no, freeze!

This is the price for whatever it is you want.

Policeman's ball?

Yeah, they still have it.

30 bucks a shot?

Yeah.

Demographically, the, uh, SDBD medium age is 24.

And the young guy's gonna go, and it's deductible.

What is it you want?

That's right, you don't have any money.

They had nothing.

And you go and have a couple of your goons muscle one of them. And for what?

worthless comic book.

Dammit, did you even stop to consider the odds against it being the Janus

introduction issue?

Oh.

So you don't consider mugging as risky.

What's the matter with you? They may suspect me. Did that cross your mind?

Of course I've got an alibi. What I'm trying to explain is... Patience.

You're just being mean.

I'm just being right.

Golly, don't yell at me!

If you weren't so stupid, I wouldn't have to yell.

Look, one more picture.

Yeah, hi.

I'm A .J. Simon. This is my brother Rick.

Oh, the private ice baby. The ones that Mongo Molly hired.

Okay. What can I do for you?

Answer some questions, please.

Look, I've got to finish these tracks by five, so let's do it in here. Come on.

Come on, come on.

Surprised to see me, Janos?

Yes, your nefarious scheme backfired.

Ah, you're good, Kandor, but not good enough.

Take that!

What? Do you have any reason to believe that you or your brother or sister have

been cut out of your father's will?

You!

Now, wait, wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Didn't I have a helmet with a sword on it last week?

We're not doing the stories in order.

Next week, we'll do one where you leave the helmet of the cave of Del. Trust me.

Listen, if you'd just send me a script a week in advance, I wouldn't slow you

down like this.

I figured you'd be armed, so I came prepared, Janus.

Ah, parry this.

I didn't know if we were in the well.

Well,

I know. He left every dime the trumpeter swung.

One of his heirs have committed... I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, you were busted for assault in 82.

Some dude made a pass at my wife. What about the one in

79? Or the two in 78? Or the one in 73?

Are you trying to make a case for me committing a terrible wrong the condor

keeps raving about?

My father cuts me out of the will so I kill him?

I ought to punch your lights out.

You sure you haven't already done that once today?

Beat it!

Go talk to Molly.

She got an abortion when she was 18. The old man wouldn't talk to her for three

years. And what about your brother Nathaniel?

He was never pregnant.

Are you sure we didn't have that helmet with the sword? It just seems to me out

of context, Scott.

We've already talked to your brother, Mr. Banfield.

Call me Nathaniel.

Scott called me a few minutes ago.

Don't be offended. He's just got a short fuse.

Tell you the truth, I have a hard time working up a belly laugh over you guys

suspecting one of us of murdering our father.

Uh, excuse me.

That was the conclusion that Scott reached. We never made that accusation.

But you're nosing around for some reason.

What? Why, for one, I'm interested in why somebody would roust me for a comic

book.

And, two, we have an obligation to satisfy our client's curiosity.

A kid who spends most of his time in Fantasyland.

Well, we all got to make a living.

Speaking of which, you used to be in the roofing and signing business?

That's right.

Apparently there were a number of complaints registered against you with

Better Business Bureau.

Look, if I can sell somebody a product for three times as much as it'll cost

them someplace else, that's a tribute to my selling ability.

There's nothing illegal in that. Come on, fellas, give me a break.

You know, the Condor ran up against all kinds of villains in this time.

Yeah, but they were all brought to justice.

Janus always gets away. I wonder why.

Let me know when you find out.

This is ridiculous.

We've got to get a look at that will, because until we know who the players

we're just wasting our time.

Great. How do we convince Raymond?

Wait till he goes for lunch.

a little bit slower this is as slow as it'll go are we on the right floor yet

don't

look down

Hi. Yeah, listen, we just got a great opportunity to put those two detectives

out of your misery.

No will.

I think you ought to take some pictures of this, though.

Well, we're pressing our luck.

Hang on, Rick.

I'm trying to hang on.

Come on, look there.

Okay, I got it.

Grab my hand.

Swing your legs up. Swing your legs up.

Yeah, yeah, I got you.

He's the man.

Oh, you're right about one thing.

It has to do with condors.

I'd like to know how much Martin Banfield really gave the Condor

Fund.

Thank you.

Hello, I'm interested in making a donation. Am I understanding that the

are a great tax shelter? Is that correct? Yes?

Good.

Yes, you see, ever since my sugar futures went down the toy -toy, I've

looking for a way to ease the pain.

Hey.

You ditched in school?

Uh, teacher's convention.

I just wanted to see how things were going.

You ditched in school.

Yes?

Are you sure?

I see. Could you tell me...

How much Martin Banfield has donated? We're old friends. We're rivals, really.

don't want to see the old goat get ahead of me.

Ah.

Well, then, could you tell me if he's made any donations at all?

Oh, I see.

No record?

Yes, well, thank you so much.

I'll get back to you later.

Bye -bye.

The largest single donation made by an individual was $30 ,000, and that was

made in 1979.

I saw $100 ,000 on that donation's record.

Twice. You saw it twice.

But the Condor Fund has no record of any donations by Martin Banfield.

Maybe he did it anonymously.

Maybe. Exactly how much was on the attached page?

I don't remember, but it didn't come to more than $2 ,000.

Well, he's probably doing it through Raymond to keep his name on it. Curt

Oh, yes. Hi, Kurt.

Hey, a guy just left my shop a little while ago. Yeah, he's a regular

a real condor freak.

Yeah, I gave him your message just like you said. He didn't even bat an eye.

This guy would sell out his country for a 146.

That is, unless he already owns it.

Wouldn't you say so?

Gary Gumowitz is a real collector.

He's not going to tell anybody what he's...

Who is it?

Gary Gumowitz.

Hold it.

Man.

I've been looking for the Pete Rose rookie card for five years.

Where'd you find it?

I can't remember my sources.

We understand you have the Condor 146.

Oh, yeah?

Says who? Yes or no.

Yeah.

146. Can we see it, please?

Don't pick it up.

Hey, here he is.

There's nothing new here.

Let's see, what have we got? We've got three words underlined, but that's just

some sort of comic book -y. He's not even introduced as Janus. The Condor

him that name later on.

Oh.

Besides, he's introduced wearing a mask, so who cares?

Well, why did he call him Janus?

The Condor accused him of being deceitful because Janus was passing

as good when in actual fact he was evil.

Oh. Like the Roman god with two faces.

So, um, what do you want for this?

Forget it.

Ah, wait a minute.

There is something different.

Uh, do you have another issue with Janus in it?

Okay. And the cape.

Before, I saw all these symbols, right?

This math, this music, this science.

But here... Two fish.

Pisces. Birth sign.

Who's a Pisces?

My mom's Libra. I don't know what Uncle Scott and Nathaniel are. Hey, what's

going on here? You want 146, you can have him for Ty Cobb.

It's got something to do with their astrological time.

There were signs on the family portrait in his studio, right?

What I ever got from my father was the back of his hand.

And for what? To be disinherited?

I deserve a third of his estate. I earned it.

What did you have in your office those detectives could use?

Not the will.

It's in a safe deposit box.

Along with Martin's cottage, they're disinheriting you. So don't get any

I'm expendable.

Anything else?

What? A list of his charitable contributions.

So?

There were two lists.

One I sent to Martin.

The other was an exact record of how much we skimmed.

What the hell did you have that for? To make sure you didn't rip me off.

Hello.

Meet me at the corner of Woodburn and Cahill.

Where are you going?

Go back to your office.

And just keep in mind you're in too deep to get out now.

Daniels of Pisces.

Did he kill Gramps?

Well, we don't know for sure.

What time did your mom get home?

Around 5 .30.

Would you get her on the phone for me, please?

Yes, Molly.

Yes, right away, please.

Right, thank you.

Why do you want my mom to come home?

Patrick, just let us handle this one, okay?

You guys must think I'm pretty stupid. No, we think you're pretty smart.

Janice must be Uncle Nathaniel. Why did he kill Gramps?

Had no choice, Patrick.

Why in the hell couldn't you just leave Willard?

Okay, let's get it over with. You don't expect us to just jump.

One word.

I killed my old man. It was premeditated.

Yeah, why did he have it in for you?

20 years ago, I asked him to bankroll me in a business.

He told me I had to get the money on my own.

But he didn't approve of my methods.

Look, tell you what.

You take the kid, let us go.

We'll keep our mouths shut, okay?

That's wonderful.

Did you do this?

Uh -huh.

Well, you inherited your dad's talent. Oh, some of it.

Well, it's nice to know the Condor is going to be airborne for a few years yet

to come. Oh, oh, I don't think so. Why not?

I don't know how my dad would have felt about that.

He'd be glad, Mom.

He didn't want the Condor to quit.

We'll see, honey.

I'll tell you, it's a big day for me.