Original subtitles

I'll follow her. No, you stay here. You watch the house. All right, just be

careful with it, okay? She just had it painted.

Good night on Diamond and Simon.

Many of your friends have a history of practical joking.

Who in their right mind would think that this is funny? How dare you accuse me

of shoplifting?

I'll sue you. I know this customer.

Did you know he had three arms?

Anything else happens, I may be dead.

You better hurry up and open it, Val. The wedding's only a week away.

Wait, this is beautiful. I want to read this.

Wishing you the full enjoyment as you share dreams for your new life together.

Uncle Mike.

Oh.

I love it. A smoking jacket.

Well, I think every man should have one.

I wonder who got mine.

I'll exchange it for the right size.

Let's see. Well,

another one addressed to Taylor.

Let's see what this says.

It reads, to Taylor, from a secret admirer.

It's ticking.

Watch out, Taylor. It's a bomb.

Must have been wrapped at our gift wrapping department at Bartlett's.

Taylor, why don't you use your teeth?

Yeah, honey.

You're going to need a lot of practice undoing things.

Yeah, don't say I never gave you anything.

I hope it's a grandfather club.

There's number 86, Golden Boy Rick Simon, moving into third place. He's

tied up in quite a battle with Morgan Melvin.

Number

14,

Morgan the Monkey Melvin, is still playing in second place.

This just in from our paramedic, Walt Truman, the brave rider who was forced

retire.

Here

comes

that golden boy, Rick Stein, ready to do things with the dark knight, Sam

Samatini. They're trading places back and forth.

Here we go.

Hold on.

We have to go through with this part of it. Come on. Tell the man to go away and

die in peace.

Come on. You know, it's the only sane way of getting over.

This is funny.

Well, it depends.

I mean, who do you know who isn't in his right mind?

I have varying caps here. The nitro's been hollowed out.

There's nothing here that can blow up.

Does your fiancée have any old boyfriends who might not like the idea

chose you?

Not that I know of.

Things are rather delicate with the family.

Valerie's father is Mike Bartlett of Bartlett's Department Store. Uh -huh. So

you're marrying into the family business.

I am in line for promotion, yes.

But it's not what you think. I deserve it. I mean, I've been working at

Bartlett's ever since I graduated from college. It wasn't until a year ago that

Valerie and I fell in love. Oh, okay. Hey, all I meant was, you know, you can

land the boss's daughter more power to you. I didn't land her.

I didn't plan this.

It just happened.

Mr. Martin.

I really don't think you're in any danger here. I mean, this is just a

joke. It's not very funny, but that's all it is. You know, I had a couple of

people decide to get married. All their friends and relatives got to pull out

the joy buzzers.

Uh, read the card.

Bye -bye, Taylor. You're dead.

That's no joke.

Well, if you feel that way about it, you better call the cop.

Well, you don't understand.

See, Valerie's father is a very important man in this town.

He only wants to read about our wedding in the society pages.

That's how come I came to you.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

Before we take any of your money, why don't you take this?

If anything else happens, give it to me.

I think we handle that pretty well, don't you?

Close the door.

Dad, I should call you.

I think it's a call cause.

Did it go off?

No. I think the string was too loose to pull the trigger.

You know, it was just too loose. Too much... Too much slack in it?

Right.

Who are you calling? Leave him a cute note.

We will try to keep the police out of this as long as possible. In the

let us concentrate on finding your secret admirer.

Who's got a key to this room besides you?

Uh, the janitor, security, Mike Bartlett. He has a key to everything.

Um, I don't know who else.

Nothing but a piece of cake to get into if you know what you're doing.

What, through the whole store?

I mean, you have to go past security, the cameras, and everything? I mean,

you'd have to be someone who knew the store awfully well.

Or was known.

The other day, you couldn't come up with any enemies. What about friends?

Well, most of my friends are the people who work at the Thor.

Okay, well... Who's your best man, for instance?

Gary Murcott. He's the head of the radio and TV, but he wouldn't think this is

funny.

Hello?

Uh, thank you.

Um, Mike Bartlett's coming in.

That's Valerie's father. I can't let him know that you two are private

investigators.

Okay, uh...

Tell me somebody that you invited to the wedding who can't make it. Somebody

that your father -in -law wouldn't know.

Brian Cody, my old college roommate.

He couldn't come. He's supposed to be in Europe. I'm Brian Cody.

Who's he?

New security man.

Taylor, I... Oh, sorry.

I just needed your account for the caterer, but I can get it later. Oh, no,

in, please. I was just talking with...

I left it on the display case down in supporting goods. I was just bringing it

to Mr. Martin's attention.

Hank's a new man.

With, um... Security.

Security. Ah.

So, thank you, Hank. Just leave the gun here and I'll take care of it.

Ah, yeah.

Excuse me.

Oh, and this is Brian Cody, my college roommate. He was able to come after all.

Brian, Mike Bartlett.

Nice to meet you.

Glad you could make it.

I thought you were in Europe.

This man has a memory you wouldn't believe.

Well, I'm afraid the reports of my traveling have been greatly exaggerated.

I'm not going to be able to make it to Europe until next month.

Unfortunate.

Bring your friend around tomorrow. We'll play some doubles.

I'd love to.

Sorry, tomorrow's a red tag sale.

No, it'll be singles and a couple of good sets and a drink.

You can fill me in on Taylor's checkered bass.

You're on.

Don't worry.

I won't tell him about the panty raid on the Sigma Tau house.

I thought that was a fraternity.

It was a very embarrassing moment for us, sir.

Well,

see you later, Mr. Grody.

Nice to meet you.

Got to be careful with him. He doesn't miss anything.

In that case, I think you better call personnel and have them put Hank Fryer

the payroll.

You're right.

And then you better fill me in on what you were... Excuse me, what we were like

back in college.

We're dealing here with a very sensitive... The D .O .G.? You

Now watch.

All right, Tootles. Go ahead.

Go on, now. Eat. Eat.

You see?

And it can't be the food.

Tootles loves his prime sirloin a la can.

So it must be the dish.

Mr. Friar. Ah, yeah. Nick Friar. Nick Bates, head of security.

Nice to meet you. Glad to have you with us. It's good to be here. Come on, I'll

show you the store. And you can fill me in on your background.

Look around you, Hank.

What do you see?

Okay, um... Beds?

Customers? First mistake.

Clientele. Clientele. Okay.

Lifeblood of any store.

And, unfortunately, the bane of our existence.

Uh, we being the security force. That's right.

Inside this world of fantasy and wishful film, you'd hardly believe we're

fighting a war, would you? No.

Never we are.

Every day a war is waged in these aisles.

Every single day.

Any survivors?

More than I'd like to admit.

The reason we're fighting a war, Hank, is that one out of every ten people who

walk through our doors is a shot. One out of every ten.

The campus cops used to take pictures of students involved in what they called

counter -corrective activities.

They had his backside up on a bulletin board for three weeks. It was never

identified.

Well, I knew he had a wild card. He just never lets it out.

Not me, uh -uh. That story is just a figment of Brian's imagination.

Sure it is.

Well, I want to hear more.

You will.

See you at lunch, sweetie.

Hey, why don't you join us, Brian?

All right, thank you, yeah.

Great. See you then.

No, not here.

See what I mean?

I think for my wedding present, he had a streak through the store, don't you?

Good idea.

Look, don't make me too wild. I'm not like that.

Appetite. Nobody will believe you anyway.

I'll blow your cover.

Excuse me.

I'm with store security.

You want to give me the cassette player and whatever else you've got under that

coat of yours?

I beg your pardon? You took a cassette player from that table over there.

I did what?

You heard me. Would you open your coat, please?

I will not open my coat.

Who do you think you are, anyway?

I'm a valued customer at this store. How dare you accuse me of shoplifting?

I'll sue you.

Do you understand what I'm saying? I'll sue you for false arrest. What's going

on here? I can tell you that this will be the last time... Are you the new man

here, Friar? Yes. I hope you know what you're doing, Friar.

So, okay, so anyway, we almost had these three breathtakingly beautiful girls

convinced that we were French tennis.

I had a pretty good idea. School was out.

He suddenly says, girls, I'm sorry, I lied.

I'm not French. I'm not a tennis player, and I don't need a place to stay.

Then he turns to me and says, au revoir, Claude.

That is a friend.

I'm so glad to finally meet you.

Well, thank you. I'm glad to meet you, too.

Hey, it's not too late. You know, you could still change your mind. It would

an Al Capulco happy hour.

Your being here is going to be so good for him.

He's been under a lot of strain.

Yeah, getting married will do that to you.

You ought to know that.

Me? What are you talking about? I've never been married.

Why are you relieved?

The person that I was thinking of, Barbara, her former husband, well, he's

just the sort of person who might do that, you know, that dynamite joke.

Well, no one I know.

You know, jealous former lovers?

Uh, no.

Besides that, my last boyfriend is married and has a family now.

Taylor's been the only man I've been involved with for more than a year.

area more than anything else in the world and i know that that uh joke it's

really freaked him out if you could just uh be with him and talk to him maybe

well i know he trusts you how can you be so sure because i trust you sorry

i'm late well well well i hope you haven't been making

I'll second that motion.

I don't know when I've had such a workout.

Oh, come on, Brian.

You're just being easy on an old man. You could have taken me any time. Oh, no

way. Let's get a drink up the house.

Boy, you've got a beautiful place here.

Large, too. You must have raised a big family here. You'd think so, wouldn't

you? There's room for one, but Valerie's all I have.

Well, I had a son, but he passed away.

I'm sorry to hear that.

You're about to add another son to your family.

To tell you the truth, Brian, that's one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you

alone.

I don't think I can ever feel like Taylor's my son.

Why? I don't know.

Instinct?

I don't like him.

It's going to be rough on all of you.

Maybe so.

A man can't change his feelings.

Well, I don't think it's unusual for a father to resent having his little girl

taken away from him. No one's taking her away.

I'm not a possessive father.

Just cautious.

Is there any room there for trust?

Plenty.

Trust for my own instincts.

Sir, I think you're feeling a little panicky.

I mean, I think your instincts are telling you not to give the bride away.

At any cost.

Value sends you.

Save something for Saturday night.

Very romantic fellow, you know that? You bring it on me, Val, really, you do.

I never thought I could feel this way.

I never dreamed I could feel the way I do right now.

Hold on.

Stop.

I don't get it.

Nobody forced a lock on the door.

Nobody broke in through the windows.

When could this have happened?

Sometime today.

And from the time I left this morning until after I dropped Valerie off this

afternoon.

It had to be somebody with a key.

One of your neighbors have a key?

Okay, uh... Old girlfriend, former owner?

Friend who stayed with you once, maybe?

Well, damn it, man, it has to be somebody. I mean, did you ever lose the

Leave them somewhere for a couple of days?

Was the house ever robbed?

Anything?

Looks like something was written on the mirror in there. What did it say?

Catch you next time, Taylor.

Well, even that doesn't make any sense.

I mean, if he really wanted to catch you, he would have waited, right?

Hey, I was going to say her father. I was going to say her father.

Ah, gee.

Uh, mind if I join you, Mr. McCann?

Not at all.

Make that Gary. I didn't get a chance to thank you the other day for nailing

that shoplifter.

If you knew how much my department loses in stolen goods every year. No problem.

It's just happy to do something right the first day, you know, especially

Mr. Martin got me this job.

Can I get some coffee, please? I didn't know you knew Taylor. Oh, sure. We go

way back.

Just, uh, casual acquaintances, of course, you know.

Me? I'm the best man.

Is that so?

Besides, Taylor's always been a little skittish. What do you mean?

You know him.

Paranoid. Oh, yeah. But not serious. Nothing serious.

Did he tell you about the time he thought somebody was getting inside his

No. Moving things around. Not stealing anything, just moving things around.

Crazy, isn't it? Yeah.

See if anybody's been watching Taylor that I made the Camaro. She's driving

Huh?

Taylor?

I can't tell. Hey, here, let me have the keys to Liz's car. I'll follow him.

What are you talking about? Follow him in this.

No, no, no. If he's been in the house, then he's seen the truck and the car.

I love it.

Taylor, really think you could hire this bum to track me down?

Not a question. What are we going to do with him?

That's real good, Morty.

Too big.

Does Morty steal all his clothes or just the hat?

I would imagine just that.

What do you mean?

I'll hang on to that. You get over there.

Move!

Now, I don't know you, but I was determined to make your acquaintance,

especially after you knocked me out and tried to make a submarine out of my car.

What happened to the car?

I told you, I went in the water.

You didn't say you went in in the car.

What happened to Liz's car, Rick? AJ, I'm a little busy here.

Since I don't think you make it a habit of trying to kill every stranger you

meet, I want to know why you tried to do it with me.

I like your nose job. You want to try for a little dental work? Hey, stop it,

huh? Leave him alone.

Well,

now that we've got your attention...

Do you know the guy in this picture?

No.

Go for the dental work.

Yes, I know him.

All right, what's his name?

Flack. His full name. Reynolds.

Flack Reynolds.

Does he come here often?

Often not.

Well, what do you know about him?

Not a whole lot.

What does he do for a living? Where does he live? What... Can you tell us? I can

tell you that he's pretty wild.

I like him pretty wild. I like the Clydesdale over here. Hey, it's my

Ah.

Well, I would guess that your brother is now facing a charge of attempted

homicide. That is, unless you care to tell us what you know about this slack.

I don't know anything about him. He doesn't let loose about himself.

He likes to talk, but not about himself.

I did meet his mother once.

What?

You do that a lot, Rick?

Oh, absolutely, Liz.

The car was a lifesaver.

Sure.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, Rick's getting it washed right now.

Oh, no, darling, I think I might need it tomorrow.

Why don't I just hang on to it for a couple of days and you drive Camaro?

That's her.

Thank you.

Mrs. Martin?

An old woman, you know.

Where did you get that shiner?

Somebody hit me.

They did?

Did you hit him back?

Eventually. Good for you.

That's the trouble with most men nowadays. They don't know how to use

fists. Not like in the old days.

Yes, um... We came to talk to you about your son.

What's there to talk about?

He's a spineless piece of jelly. He has been since the day he was born.

Slack?

I don't have a son named Slack.

Well, we were told that you did. We were told that he comes to visit you, brings

his girlfriend.

No, thank you. You do have a son, though.

Taylor.

All right.

Let's... Talk about Taylor.

We think he's in trouble, and he may need your help.

My help? I wonder why.

Taylor's done well for himself, from what I hear.

Who do you hear it from?

Does Taylor come to visit you?

No, no, Taylor never comes to visit me, never.

Are you proud of him?

I mean, he's done quite well for himself.

I'm more surprised than proud.

And Taylor had a lot to overcome.

His father didn't like him very much.

He always said, the wrong one died.

The wrong one? Taylor had a brother?

Taylor was one of two. You didn't know that?

Twins, boys.

One died and one didn't.

Taylor survived.

The meek one survived.

The one who didn't want to cause anybody any trouble. His father couldn't stand

him.

Did, uh... Did Mr. Martin beat him?

Mr. Martin beat me.

He beat both of us.

If, uh... If Taylor had just stood up to him once,

just once, maybe things would have been different.

What'd Taylor do, run away?

No, no, he never did.

He had an act of imagination. That's what he used to escape.

I used to catch him sometimes, pretending he was somebody else.

It was like he really was somebody else.

His brother?

Was this after his brother died?

Did his brother have a nickname?

His father gave it to him.

That's who comes to see me these days not Taylor slack

How'd

you know Taylor's dad used to hit him

This is the cat.

Rick?

Come on, Rick. Talk to me.

You ever remember Dad spanking you?

Hitting you, I mean, even if you deserved it?

No, he never laid a hand on me.

No, not you.

He did me.

Especially right after you came along with this warm -up.

Yeah, we used to have some good ones.

I guess he learned I was the oldest at first.

There were times, though, especially right after Dad and I would have a

I used to wish I were you.

Instead of me.

I didn't know that.

It wasn't your call.

I know.

It's all right.

Rick? What do you got?

Let me get a hold of you. Listen to the tape on the answering machine. I've gone

to try and save Valerie.

I tried to warn you, Taylor. I tried to scare you away from this wedding, but

you're determined to go through with it, aren't you?

You fool. You see, I can't let that happen, because eventually she'd find

about me, and she'd try to get rid of me.

And even I can't fight the fact that the two of you are in love.

Your love would destroy me, Taylor.

Valerie's love would destroy me.

So, I guess the only solution is to get rid of her.

It's a reason to kill her, he didn't know it.

Hello, Mr. Bartlett?

Damn it, you better talk to him.

Hi, Mr. Bartlett, it's Brian Cody.

Yeah, fine, how are you?

Is Valerie there?

She's out with Taylor.

Do you know where they went?

Okay, no, there's no problem.

Right, thank you very much.

Bye -bye.

You're so quiet.

Yeah, I know.

Now me, baby.

Must be thinking of Taylor.

Taylor, what's wrong?

I'm not Taylor.

My name's Slack.

Slack? Yeah.

Now, you are a damn good -looking woman.

Just too bad I can't let Taylor marry you.

Taylor, what's going on?

There they are.

Bye.

Drop the knife.

Make me.

It's over, Slack.

We've got you on tape.

We'll do a voice print.

Cure, maybe.

Cure means bye -bye, Slack.

Okay, you can give us a knife now. We're your friends.

I don't have any friends.

What about Brian?

Brian's your friend.

Brian doesn't exist.

I made him up.

I made up everything.

Well, what about us?

We're your friends. You didn't make us up.

And Valerie didn't make her up. She loves you.