Original subtitles

Come on, boys. What are we really after here? Tell the doctor.

Tonight, on Simon and Simon.

That's enough!

He's in the worst physical condition we've ever tested. Which one of the

idiots is that?

You. I'm certain that something is being covered up here. Are you talking about

murder?

I'm sick and tired of seeing bright young people turn up dead.

Okay, what do we got here?

Suicide. Yesterday, I tried to fly off of the top of the art building, and I

thought I could do it. Wait, wait, wait!

Great party, huh?

Well, at least they haven't called the riot squad yet.

Come on, guys, lighten up, shall we, huh? The night is young.

Why ruin the party?

So what do you want to talk about?

Astronomy?

But see, I think that one there is the big dipper. Let's cut the jive, Alan.

know what we want.

Sure, but I'm not going to change your mind.

Well, mine's you got left.

And you're not going to change mine.

It's Tijuana stand -up, okay?

No.

Too important.

You wrote a letter to Altman. Where is it?

It's his program. He's got a right to know what you're doing with it. He's got

right to nothing.

He's getting what he wants.

We're getting what we want.

Where's the letter?

What happened to the 440?

Carol. What?

Oh.

It's been two months now.

Everything's been thought and said about Alan.

Well, not by me.

Take your mark.

All right.

Set.

Is she okay?

She's actually talking about hiring a detective to investigate her brother's

death. That's crazy.

The police and the university went over everything.

She had to hire a psychiatrist, not a private investigator.

Hey, there she is.

Oh,

wait a minute.

Let me give you a hand with that.

Yeah, right. I know you don't need any help. I'm being a male chauvinist, but I

can't help it. See, I used to be a Boy Scout.

As a matter of fact, I just got through helping a little old lady across the

Pacific who is now happily sipping prune juice in Hawaii.

How can I argue with a line like that? Can't be done.

Oh.

What do you got in here?

Here you go.

One more time.

Here we go. Now, where to?

Oh, just to that little dingy office upstairs.

Oh, that place.

That's a nice store. You know, that's where our property value is down in the

whole neighborhood.

It's an awful place.

You two know each other?

I'm the first Simon. I'm Rick.

Hi, I'm Carol Davis.

Hi. Now, what's all this about?

Her brother was Alan Davis.

Remember? He was killed in a fall off Cap Omega Fraternity over at Western

University.

Your brother was some runner. I saw him once at the Southwest Regionals. He

could float.

Thank you. Listen, I called my friend at the coroner's office and he pulled the

autopsy report.

The only thing that he could find that wasn't normal was that he'd been

drinking. But here, here. Hey, hey, hey. Hold this.

But since the alcohol level was only .085... What alcohol?

The alcohol in his blood was .085.

But the legal limit is 0 .1, so they didn't bother to report it. That's

impossible. I don't know how the alcohol got in Alan's bloodstream, but I know

he didn't drink it.

Alan couldn't even hold a beer down.

He was allergic to alcohol.

Of course, he didn't tell anybody because he was too macho. All right,

was killed on a fall off the fraternity house roof. Maybe it was some kind of a

hazing thing. You know that happens all the time.

No, he was an upperclassman.

Listen, I'm certain that something is being covered up here.

Do you have any idea of what?

Or by whom?

Well, the university's not in great shape financially, and bad publicity

hurt it.

Or the KO house.

They've got alumni with big connections, and the house has had trouble before.

It could shut it down.

Carol, what are you talking about here? Are you talking about murder?

I don't know, but I know that there's something wrong here.

Look, I just can't stop thinking about it.

And now this alcohol thing.

Please, I don't have anybody else to turn to.

He was my brother.

Okay.

I got autopsies coming out of my ears. It's the jogger explosion.

Joggers? Yeah, they keep trying to outrun cars, buses, trucks.

I tell you, I see some great cardiovascular systems. These guys

dead. They lived a long time.

Oh, here you go.

Alan Davis.

Okay, now what we're looking for is any kind of a needle mark. Oh, no, no, no,

no. This kid was no hype. I remember the job well.

Come on, boys. What are we really after here? Tell the doctor.

Well, any way that alcohol could have gotten into his bloodstream without

past his throat.

Kid was allergic to alcohol.

Anything taken orally would have been vomited back up.

Well, we're talking murder.

You're going to have to exhume him.

That takes a court order.

Wait a minute.

Look.

See that mark?

I remember that.

Don't ask how. I mean, I'm just amazing.

It bothered me at the time. But with the kid on the track team, it could be the

way he was injected.

But since I wasn't looking for anything at the time, I do five stiffs a day.

Is that a solid maybe?

The best I can do without the body.

Would you ask Rubenstein to make Chopin without a piano?

Certainly not.

Well, I got a patient waiting.

I mean, it's not like he's going anywhere or anything. It's just that

laying around getting ripe. Oh, thanks, Jerry. We'll see to it that you get your

piano and everything, okay?

Okay, guys.

Well,

that's it for me.

How are you doing?

Rick?

I burn the midnight oil, you burn the late show.

I think better with the TV on. Oh, you breathe better with the TV on, too. Nice

and regular.

If I were a cruel man, I'd say you were asleep.

No, no, no. I'm on top of it.

See, I got Alan's records right here.

It's a good class schedule. See, it's a psychology major.

So I figured what I'd do is, in the morning, I'd just kind of, you know, go

and hang around the campus.

That's a very good cover, actually.

A lot of weirdos hang out around the campus.

So what are you going to do, pledge a fraternity?

No, I'm going to be a transfer student from Modesto, and I'm going to join the

track team.

Doing what?

You're going to do what?

My old specialty, the mile.

You say you do this on a steeplechase, too.

Okay. I've had pretty good luck with transfers.

You come back at 3 o 'clock, and I'll set you up with a locker.

Okay?

Who is he?

Who cares?

So long as he can run.

aren't healthy.

Yeah, I know, but I'm on the Philadelphia diet where you build up an

junk food.

Oh. Mm -hmm.

You know where Psych 204 is?

Yeah, I'm on my way.

Oh, terrific. Are you in the class or you just did an experiment?

I haven't decided yet.

I do both.

Huh? Professor Altman is wonderful.

He's really with it if you want to meet.

Totally. He gave us a lecture on the who.

Who?

That's right.

You're old enough to see him about a thousand times.

Anyway, Professor?

He showed us how the who is a psychosocial phenomenon.

How we find transferences for our own fantasies of sex and violence in their

music. No kidding.

Really, you can see for yourself.

Classroom is something special. Like church. Or video games.

These experiments now, are they the kind you get paid for?

For sure.

$22 .50 an hour.

Wait up.

Can I help you?

Ah, yeah, sure.

Is this the place where you sign up for the lab experiments, you know, the 2250

an hour? Yes, but everybody's at lunch.

Oh, oh.

When do they get back? Because I really, you know, I want to sign up for the

program.

Well, the next session's at 1 .30.

You can start then.

Oh, terrific.

Give me a hand. Get me up here, huh? What are you doing up here? This is no

for 20 questions now. Come on, get me up.

Okay, okay, I'm morbid. I wanted to see where the guy fell.

Ah, ah, ah.

Stay away from the KO house.

Ah, right. Good idea.

Got me? Oh, yeah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Nice talking to you.

Hey, I tore up the whole 26 miles, and I never felt better.

Two hours and 32 minutes.

Terrific. Team really looks good this year.

Keep up the good work, Ellie.

Hey, I think the only work out of Korea is with me.

But don't worry.

I'll have a nice cool one while I'm thinking of you guys.

Great Scott.

Are you all right?

What do you mean?

Your feet are hamburger.

Hey, you're right.

I think I better have somebody look at that.

Okay.

You just keep looking for it, Roger. It's here someplace. I know it is.

Well, I found it. I just can't count that fast.

You know, a cold rule. Slow that down.

Come on. What do you say, buddy? Let's go to the union. Quit the time, right?

You've got to be kidding.

We've only been here 20 minutes. We paid $22 .50 for an hour.

Well, if you guys had put a clock up in here or something, I'd know what I was

doing. I'll let you know how to pace yourself.

Right. I might screw up another variable we're testing for you. Oh, I wouldn't

want to have that.

What's that?

One of the seven early warning signals of death.

I gotta tell you, Rick, you've breezed through phase one easier than most of

these kids.

What? Yeah, that includes over half the varsity track people.

You're ready to move up, phase two.

Oh, gee, good. I was getting bored with phase one. Bored stiff.

Okay, Roger.

I think phase two will keep you nice and limber. Oh, good.

Why didn't you tell me about that?

Nothing like direct experience, right? Yeah, my father told me that once. I

remember distinctly.

I was over a sawhorse in a woodshed at the time.

Now you're in your pleasure zone.

The sound is your biofeedback. You're putting out nice alpha waves.

You're a very happy man.

Yes, I am.

I think you got the picture now.

Roger. Go easy with him, Mark.

He's in the worst physical condition we've ever tested.

I want to work on your style.

If you're loose, give me an easy 880 with a 60 -yard kick.

Okay. Carol, I'll give you a half -mile of the patient. She's dragging it

anyway.

Carol, I want you to take an 880 with this guy, but take it easy on him

he says he's just getting over a poor groin muscle.

Okay. Okay.

Hi. Hi.

Remember, run, plant, up and over.

Allie, watch your lift. You're not concentrating.

So did you find out anything?

Nothing I can put together. Nothing about Alan.

Well, didn't Alan's papers give you a lead?

Nothing suspicious.

I mean, certainly nothing would lead to any sort of violence.

Mark,

it's his first time. Take it easy. That's enough.

It's not funny.

Roger!

That's enough, Mark.

What the hell is wrong with you?

I'm sorry. I just got into it too much that time.

We're not playing a game here.

You can't win in this experiment. That's not what it's all about.

Yeah, I know.

I just got into it a little bit too much and lost control.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, I think that's enough for today.

It's okay. Take a long, deep breath. You all right?

Oh, yeah, I'm just peachy.

Who designed this thing, anyway? Did Marquis decide?

I did.

Well, you know, you can make a fortune selling this to third world dictators.

I was just about to tell the deployment of all my troops, but nobody asked.

You're on the right track.

A few years back, I was involved in a study of returning POWs.

Some pretty incredible stuff.

Pretty incredible guys.

So we discovered.

I was amazed at their endurance.

It's staggering what the human mind can do when put to the test.

Anyway, let me buy you a drink.

Welcome to phase two.

Well, I was just about to ask where the lime juice and the salt was.

What is that stuff?

A low molecular weight polypeptide. It's a protein drink I cooked up.

It also replaces the body's natural salts. Uh -huh.

I know it doesn't taste like much, but I bet you a buck you start feeling good

the second it hits your bloodstream.

You're on.

I

think

I may owe you a buck.

Matter of fact, I do owe you a buck.

Wait a minute. Let me get this straight.

You're getting paid $22 .50 an hour while you're on this case?

Yeah. Why not?

Oh, my legs are stiff.

I've got muscles hurting I didn't even know I had.

Oh, poor baby. How'd you like to run a marathon getting zapped by a cattle

Well, look, if Altman and the psych lab isn't working out, just quit. There's no

point both of us being crazy. Nah, nah, nah.

I don't think it's all.

I don't know why. I kind of like the guy.

That's because he's giving you money. Ah.

You like anybody that gives you money. That's true.

I think you were a hooker in another life.

Nice place.

What? Well, what it is, it's nice.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, excuse me. But I've been through these records and,

You and you must be misinformed.

You can't exhume Alan Davis.

Yes, we can. We have an order. It's signed by his sister. Just before the

internment, we received a change.

What change?

To cremate Alan Davis.

You see, this is signed by his sister, too.

It's my signature, but I don't remember signing it. I honestly don't remember.

Carol, think about it. Now, they always give you a big stack of papers. Do you

remember which ones you did sign?

No.

So you could have authorized the cremation?

Yes.

Num -num.

She know I'm in here?

She know someone's in here.

It won't get any better till you go for your pleasure, son.

Yeah, but then she gets sapped.

It's all part of the experiment.

Come on.

You must give her pain for you to get pleasure.

Come on.

Roger. Oh, man. Maybe we better just call this up. I don't think I'm cut out

this. It's okay.

Transition to phase three is always tough.

Here, drink up.

I don't know. I just... I can't get myself to shoot the juice. Look at how

she feels out there.

But you can feel that good, too.

Come on.

Let's try it again.

On the name of science, right?

You got it.

do this to another person. Come on. Come on.

Roger.

Okay.

Just relax.

We'll take it again.

No, we won't.

No, come on. No, we won't.

Now, come on, Rick.

Rick, come on. Take it easy.

off of it. Don't hurdle it.

Go back and try it again.

Okay, that's it. Keep going.

Go, go.

That's better. Come on, let's get the last one.

Hi, Carol.

Hi. Hi. Hey there. How you doing? Just fine. Good.

Are you sure you're okay?

Hey, look, my legs hurt more than my shoulder does, I promise you.

You know, that smells really good. What is it?

It's an old family recipe for oxtail soup.

I thought chicken soup was supposed to be the universal cure -all. No, for

wounds, it's oxtail.

Mom has a mother complex.

On the other hand, it was her who told me to stay away from football and stick

to track because it was safe.

Here's the police report on your accident.

Accident? That's what the report says. The ground people were working on the

and they must have left the rake. And they just accidentally greased the top

rail, huh? They just changed the oil in one of the lawnmowers. It could have

come from that.

An accident?

Sure. Just like Alan.

Come in.

Doctor, do you want to see me?

Yeah. Come in, Mark.

Something wrong? I thought the lab was closed for the day.

I needed some privacy. A lot of catch -up work.

Sit down, Mark.

Hey, Doc, if this is about yesterday... I was just tired yesterday.

It all got away from me.

Yeah. Sit down.

What's going on down on the track?

Coach been pushing you too hard?

I heard about the accident today.

This guy all right?

Oh, yeah.

Sure, no big deal.

How are the studies, okay? Hey, everything is fine.

What are you going for, Doc?

Up, Mark.

There are only two important things in this program.

The research and the people.

When one of them begins to break down, the other suffers.

And I can't afford that, ever.

So if you feel like you can't handle it anymore, maybe you should consider just

dropping out of the program.

I just want you to think about it, that's all.

Sure.

Whatever you say.

You know the high jumper?

Oh, yeah.

You're one of those private investigators Carol hired.

We're supposed to be undercover.

No, everybody knows.

That doesn't make me feel better.

Can I talk to you?

Sure. Come on in. I'll be right down.

You're like an attorney, aren't you?

If I tell you something in confidence, you'll keep it quiet?

If you want me to.

I think Alan was murdered.

And I think they tried to murder you, too.

They? The guys at the Kappa house.

At least some of them.

It's really hard to believe that guys like Mark and Sylvester, guys that I've

known for so long, are murderers. Did you see what happened that night at the

Kappa house?

No.

I was in the kitchen with Carol.

Look.

I don't know if this is important or not, but Alan used to spend a lot of

in the stacks at the library.

We used to share a desk there.

It's where he kept a lot of his personal stuff.

I mean, really personal stuff.

I've got a cave.

I'll go get dressed.

Look,

I can't handle this.

I'll meet you later, okay?

Okay.

Dear professor Altman, I'm deeply worried about the behavior some of the

athletes on your experimental program I'm trying to talk them into quitting or

telling you what's been happening to them, but they won't Try threatening

telling them that I'll turn them into the Dean You

point

I've been looking for you.

Rick? Hey, good buddy.

What the hell are you doing up there?

I already told you, man. I've been waiting for you. Doesn't anybody listen

anymore? Jeez.

Well, come on down.

Hey, you're not going to believe this.

Okay.

Be right there.

Wait, you wait there. I'll come up.

Okay, you know, it'd be a lot quicker if I just... No!

No! You stay!

Well, make up your mind. I don't have all day here. I'm coming, I'm coming.

Rick?

You sure are slow, A .J.

Guess that's why Mom had you second.

No.

Rick, this isn't funny.

Have you been drinking?

No, man, I feel too good to drink.

I feel too good for anything.

You know, we're on the threshold of a great celestial experience. Can't you

that?

What? No, never mind. Look, let's go down now, okay?

Oh, okay, here you go. No, no, no, not that way, Rick. Huh?

No, the first step can kill you.

No.

Oh, I... No, see, because I can fly.

Oh, yeah, I see. Yeah, um, no, I know you can fly, Rick.

But first, look out over there, because there's something that you need.

What?

It's good just to try it. It's not really my line of work, but... How are

feeling today?

Excited, man. Yeah?

Fits you right up here.

How's that feel?

How's what feel?

I'm not really used to talking to my patients.

Okay. Pen.

How's that feel?

How's what feel?

Tell me about it. I had to hit him twice.

Oh, I hated doing it.

If you'd liked it, you'd run me over with a truck.

Now he's starting to sound like his old self.

What were the drugs you got out of him? I don't know, but they were nothing to

kill the pain.

I did find a special kind of steroid in him, though. A glucocorticoid. But that

would only explain a temporary psychosis.

Psychosis? What are you guys crazy? I'm fine. Come on, let me up out of here.

No, no, no. In a little while... You know, we flushed a lot of steroids out

him. He comes down, he's going to sleep for a week.

Steroids. Altman told me that was a protein drink.

I'm sure it was protein.

What's a thimble for?

Sushi?

That sounds good.

Well, I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

I'm going to go over there and give Altman a little test of my own. A little

five -finger exercise. Him and good old Jolly Roger filling me full of joy

juice. Nice to have him back.

I don't get it.

You know, if Alan Davis wanted to blow the whistle on Altman's program, why'd

write it himself, huh?

I don't know.

He's right.

Like giving kryptonite to Luthor.

Well, I guess that means Alan didn't think Altman had anything to do with the

research going haywire. Oh, come on, you gotta be kidding. The guy's out there

electrocuting college kids. He's filling them full of more chemicals than

Saturday morning breakfast cereal.

Well, we're changing our tune.

Six hours ago, the good doctor was the hottest thing since sliced bread and

sunshine. Exactly my point. If he can con me, he can con anybody.

Suicide. Took a nosedive off the library over at the university.

Boy, I tell you, they're doing it more and more.

Who can figure it?

A girl this time.

Pretty, too.

Let's take a look, huh?

You know her?

Yeah.

She's Alessandra's.

You know, of course, this is breaking and entering.

No.

Not to mention littering. I don't care. I don't care if we have to trash the

whole place. I'm sick and tired of seeing bright young people turn up dead.

We're all here.

Sylvester, Elwood, Allen, Mark Wilson.

Boy, I tell you, he used the whole track team as his experimental lab, at least

all the ones who set the records.

Yeah, I'll read these clippings.

Last year, the track team was dead last in the conference. This year, they're

winning it. Boy, I think you better read this. What do you got?

These are Altman's notes on Mark Wilson.

It's labeled side effects.

Oh, listen to this.

It is possible that I have exceeded the limits of psychological testing and

crossed the line into human experimentation.

Brother.

I've got an even better one.

Yeah?

So the subject's body is aging rapidly and is substantially below the par of

the younger athletes.

He seems to possess an iron willpower and has a basic sense of morality that

only be altered chemically.

However, once it is, he could become a potent force to

send into combat.

Which one of the village idiots is that?

You.

Oh. The subject, Rick, opens up whole new possibilities for the drafting of

older men.

Drafting? Drafting.

Must discuss soonest with D .O .D. What's the D .O .D.? Oh, man.

I'm trying to talk them into quitting or telling you what's been happening to

them. But they won't. I've tried threatening them, telling them that I'll

them in.

I think maybe you better explain to us what's been going on in the experiments,

Doc. This whole program is classified top secret by the Department of Defense.

You are cleared.

You want to see clearance?

I'll show you clearance.

Come on, come on, let's go. Take it easy. Come on, come on. That's not going

accomplish anything.

Now, you listen to me.

You heard about Alice Andrews.

The police are probably going to call that suicide.

Just like they said that Alan Davis was an accidental death. He just happened to

fall off of a building.

These are not random occurrences.

Your program is turning these kids into killers.

Careful to watch for side effects. Oh, the way you watched out for me?

Yesterday I tried to fly off of the top of the art building.

And I thought I could do it!

Now look, we've read your notes.

You know you went too far. You crossed over the line.

You're using kids just barely out of their teens as human guinea pigs.

The experiment was designed to...

Natural painkillers the body produces when you exercise strenuously. Why you

feel so high, so good after a long run.

I thought I could increase the body's production of these natural opiates by

using... I think we have a choice.

These guys get out of here, we're charged with murder.

Where does the little cocktail come in?

Trigger compound. It amplifies and prolongs the effects of the endorphins.

If the body could be conditioned...

On a regular, sustained basis.

Think of what it would mean to people suffering from cancer, arthritis.

Yeah, and those guys in the infantry could just keep right on killing until

dropped.

Someone has to pay the bills.

Someone has to pay the piper.

It just blew up.

Be careful when you open the door. That stuff's toxic.

Why don't you take the door? It's locked.

Is there another way out of here? No.

Oh, yes, there is.

I'm going through the window.

Cover your face. I'll get the extinguisher.

Hey, you start on your own.

Yeah, well, I know who did it. Let's go.

Whoa.

It's really been a very enlightening experience for me.

Almost cosmic.