Original subtitles

It's a hoax.

Elaborately planned hoax.

It is not a hoax.

Look, that is Michael's handwriting.

Tonight, on Simon and Simon.

Michael's dead.

He's alive.

It's like saying, I don't know my own husband when I see him.

If I don't get that money, I'm a dead man.

You'll never see me again. She's gonna give it to him. 500 ,000 piglets.

He's not on deck.

Ouch, it's gone. He must have taken it out before this hit. Out of this storm?

My God, we must find him.

Ow! My God!

Margaret, it's Cecilia.

Margaret?

Margaret? Margaret?

Seats, come here. Look, it's Michael.

He's come back.

What did you say it was?

Michael. It's a miracle.

Margaret, Michael's dead.

Oh, no, no, he's not. You just saw him.

I saw somebody.

You saw Michael.

Oh, Cece, talk to me. He touched me.

He's alive.

Aren't you afraid of losing a finger?

That's what your finger bowl's for.

Come here.

I'll show you how you do it.

Okay.

Now, just keep the knife coming down the same place on the board

and push the food into the knife.

That's right.

That's it.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Isn't your sauce boiling over?

It certainly is.

Ah!

You're right. It is boiling.

Not to worry.

I'll just put the milk in it.

I'll take care of that problem.

Milk. Actually, half and half would be better. Where is that?

Here we go.

Okay.

Adam. Hey, babe. Would you... Cindy?

Cindy? Cindy?

No. I can tell that you're... New at this and probably inexperienced, so I'm

going to show you how it's done.

First of all, you insert the index finger under the tab and then gently but

firmly pull it toward your body.

Oh, is she with you?

Saved by the bell.

To Lucille Trek Bar and Grill. Short order specialty, no long wait, little

people welcome.

Uh, hi, Mom.

No, ma 'am, just, I was just fooling around.

No, I've got a date.

Mom always calls him. She likes him better.

Is she okay?

Well, what happened?

Oh, yes, yes, I agree entirely.

Oh, no.

I'm sure he wouldn't mind.

In fact, I think he'll be glad to go over to Margaret's house. He was just

saying he had nothing to do this evening.

Telephone.

For you.

Come on, Bill.

Ladies, would you care for me one? No, thank you. No, thank you.

I'll be right back.

Yes. He's in some kind of trouble.

He needs my help.

Margaret.

Michael's dead.

He's been dead for four years.

They never found his body.

He was 13 miles offshore.

I remember that storm as one of the worst I've ever seen.

Well, he survived.

Somehow. And simply disappeared for four years?

Yes. I don't know where he was or what he was doing, but he seemed very

frightened at the restaurant.

He wouldn't tell me what was going on.

I think he's trying to protect me from some kind of trouble he's in.

Did he mention anything about money?

What if he did?

Margaret, it's a setup.

It's a fraud.

Someone is impersonating Michael trying to bilk you out of your savings.

He was not an imposter. He was my husband.

Look, Michael told me it was important that nobody knows he's alive.

I shouldn't even be telling you.

Well, you're forgetting something.

We loved him, too.

When Dad died, it was Michael who filled that hole inside me. Remember he used

to go to all the ballgames that either one of us ever played in?

Taught me how to tune an engine. Taught me how to sail.

We'd like him to be alive just as much as you would.

He is, A .J., he is.

Margaret, I want you to do me a favor.

I want you to let A .J. and Rick stay here with you in the house for a few

until we find out for sure what's going on.

You think I'm crazy.

No, we think that there's a chance that somebody is trying to swindle you out of

a lot of money.

Well, that's the same thing as saying I'm crazy.

It's like saying I don't know my own husband when I see him.

There is another possibility.

Maybe Michael is alive.

And maybe he is in danger.

And if that's the case, you're in just as much danger as he is, no matter how

hard he tries to protect you.

Okay.

Isn't that nice?

Never seen such beautiful roses.

They're so pretty. Come on, Chad.

Balloons, balloons, catch your balloons.

If this were really Michael, Michael knows AJ. He wouldn't run away from it.

Wasn't really him, was it?

I don't know.

I love it when you're so specific.

Rick is right.

No matter what kind of trouble Michael was in, he wouldn't have run away like

that. No, wait a minute. What did you say?

I said if it were really Michael, he would... No, no. Skip back to the first

part of that.

I said you were right.

Thanks, Mom. That's the first time you ever admitted I was right about

ever. Don't let it go to your head.

Could we get back to the matter at hand?

Yes. Margaret, do you still believe it's Michael?

Yes, I do.

A .J.? Well, it looked a little like him.

Well, then this whole thing really doesn't make any sense. If it's really

Michael, why doesn't he just come forward and claim the money?

Legally, it's his.

Half of it, anyway.

How much are we talking about?

Has he told you how much he needs?

$500 ,000.

Oh, well.

Dropped in a bucket.

$500 ,000.

You know what? She's going to pay those jokers.

Yeah, unless we stop her.

Go on out and use the phone in the hall, okay?

See if this thing works.

Hello? Hello, Cindy. Rick Simon.

Well, hello.

Listen, you remember the other night when I exposed you to the fine art of

opening a can of beer? Oh, how could I forget?

Well, I just thought you might want a little refresher course.

AJ already knows how to open a can of beer.

Speaking of the devil, here he comes.

I think maybe he wants to talk to you. Hang on just a second.

You're just jealous.

I can't blame the guy for trying.

Hi, Cindy.

You'll have to excuse my brother.

The whole family does.

Yeah. How are you?

I thought the mail already came.

Oh, it did.

This is special delivery.

Out from Randy. Oh.

Yeah, he, um, apparently needs some money.

Who doesn't?

I thought Randy was doing really well, though.

Oh, he was.

He, um, well, you know the stock market. Yeah. Up one day, down the next. Yeah.

He's, um, going through a down period.

Mind if I read it?

Yes, I do.

See you Friday.

We'll have dessert.

Bye -bye.

Hey, Chef.

Yo.

I think you better come look at this.

What do we got?

No, no, no. Margaret's and my fingerprints are already all over it. I

think we ought to confuse the issue anymore.

Dearest Margaret, I know this is hard to understand, but I simply can't talk to

you when others are present, even if it's an old friend like A .J.

You must ask Rick and AJ to stay out of this. Their interference could put my

life in more danger than it already is. Send them home now before it's too late.

Margaret.

The Hulk.

It's a cruel, vicious...

Elaborately planned hoax.

No. Yes.

You're playing with your head, Margaret. That's the only way this thing figures.

Now, whoever is behind this, they've just researched your entire background

Michael's and then found somebody who looked like him. No.

It is not a hoax. Look, that is Michael's handwriting.

Here we go.

Myron, this is Margaret Wells. Margaret, this is our associate, Myron Fowler.

Glad to meet you.

How do you do?

You guys have fun.

See you later.

Come on.

Nice place.

Just leave him alone and let him lick him and smell him and stick him up to

ear and see if they whisper anything to him.

I heard that, Mr. Simon.

I would like for you to know that I am a handwriting expert.

Not some asinine psychic.

Excuse me, but in your professional opinion, Mr. Teitelman... No, no, no.

Nobody calls me Mr. Teitelman. No.

Just Siggy.

Siggy, Siggy, please.

Siggy?

Siggy, uh, what we want to know is, were those two letters written by the same

man? This is the letter that was recently received, and this is the

written to the woman by her husband approximately four years ago, correct?

And you would like for me to tell you if both letters were written by the same

man, huh?

If that's not too much trouble.

The answer is...

Yes. Yes. And no.

And no. That is, the character seems to have the same

flourishes and arcs. And the way he dots his eyes is definitely quite

similar. And yet there's something not quite right.

Would you care to expound on that?

At your leisure, of course.

This recent sample has a lot of stops and starts in it.

If you'll notice, there's a slight ragged mark.

And then there's a solid concentration of ink on the mark. And then you'll find

them within the word.

Isn't that something?

It's as if he had a lot of trouble writing this.

You mean like he was... sick or under a lot of stress?

No, no, no, not exactly.

The letter from four years ago was written by a complex, precise,

intelligent man.

And the more recent letter seems to have been written by someone much less

complicated. So, it's not the same man.

I didn't say that.

It is the same man.

Ah.

And yet, it isn't. It is.

Yeah, yeah.

Boy, we got this one nailed right down, don't we?

Thanks,

Siggy. Yes, yes.

Yes, me, Siggy's a little soggy. No, Siggy's an expert.

He's one of the best.

Yeah, I can tell. I love the way he takes a stand on things.

My love, run this through your police lab and see if there are any

on it.

Besides Rick and Margaret?

AJ, I'm not a genie in a bottle.

Ah, yeah, but listen, Janet, now, somebody's trying to take this woman for

a million dollars.

You're not going to stand by and let them do that, are you?

Besides, we'll make it up to you.

We will.

Just spare me, okay? We will. Hey, come on, when have we ever failed to make one

of these things up to you?

Quick,

before she changes her mind.

Let me interrupt you.

No, no, that's all right.

I was tired of playing anyway.

It was beautiful.

Let me ask you, don't you ever get lonely?

Sort of. I mean, living in here all by yourself.

Anyway, somehow... Yes.

And it's ever so much nicer since you brought the air freshener with you.

Huh?

Oh, you mean the cigar.

You want me to put it out?

I don't think putting it out would help.

Maybe if you buried it in the backyard.

No, really, if you want me to put it out, I... Excuse me, I think that's my

phone.

Hello?

Hello, Margaret.

Oh, Michael, I've been so worried about you.

Are you all right?

For the moment.

Did you get my letter?

Yes. Are they gone?

Yes. Good, because this has got to be between just the two of us.

Have you made the arrangements for the money?

It's in the process now.

I should be able to pick it up tomorrow, but... No questions.

Please.

You won't believe the mess I've gotten myself into.

You've got to believe.

If I don't get that money, I'm a dead man.

You'll never see me again.

Oh, you don't have to worry, darling.

I've made up my mind.

I'll do anything you ask.

Good. I'll call you tomorrow.

I love you, Michael.

Well, it's about time you guys got back.

Fine, what's up?

Where's Margaret?

She's upstairs.

Cecilia's with her now. But I'll tell you what, Kat's on fire time a little

while ago. What did you do to her? Me?

I didn't do anything to her.

I was just being my normal, pleasant self. And she comes in, yeah, and she

in and tells me to get the hell out.

Margaret? Yeah, Margaret. She told me she's tired of being watched over like a

three -year -old. And I politely told her that I couldn't get out until you

got back here.

Next thing I know, she's beating up on me.

That's right. I tell you, it's a good thing your mom showed up. I would have

to slug her or something. Margaret? Yeah, Margaret. She was out of control.

What on earth set her off?

I don't know. She got a phone call.

Phone call?

Where you going?

There's a gap on this tape that Nixon himself would be proud of.

You mean somebody erased it?

Hey, don't look at me.

She must have come in here just before she came in there to tell me to get out.

How is she?

Oh, she's fine.

She wants us all to leave now.

And she means it.

I told you.

Didn't I tell you she's going to do it? She's going to give it to him. 500 ,000

big ones.

Dollars? Myron.

Oh, wait a minute.

She's going to give half a million bucks away?

To who?

Myron, we won't be needing your services anymore.

Oh, come on, fellas. This is just now getting good.

I ain't leaving till you guys pay up.

Oh, for heaven's sakes.

$20 an hour, right?

$25. $25?

$25. All right, you got some money on you. I want that a single.

Um, see, I got... Let

me get my purse.

I don't believe you two guys. I mean, my mother would tell me to take a phone.

You want to get your money?

Keep your mouth shut.

24 hours, $500 ,000 later.

Yeah. Watch.

She'll get mugged.

What's happening?

She's heading down to the beach.

Heading for an old rowboat.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh what?

Uh -huh she made the drop in the boat.

She's leaving and heading back.

You just keep your eye on the boat.

Let me know if anything happened.

Nobody on the edge, nobody down to point.

How about now? How about what?

I don't believe it.

What? What is it?

Look, right over the rocks. Okay, okay.

Okay. All right, let's go.

What did I think I was doing?

I don't know

Where's the money?

I don't have it.

What do you mean you don't have it?

Well, I was ambushed by those two friends of hers, the detectives. I

get to touch it.

I thought we'd done it.

I thought we'd really done it.

You, me, half a million.

The old man.

To hell with the old man.

We still need him. What for?

He obviously is not convincing his wife to behave. Now, as far as I'm concerned,

Michael Wells is dead.

You shut up.

His name is Arthur.

And the one thing we don't want to do is to let him think he is Michael.

Now, Arthur is not going to give us any problems.

But when the time comes, I will take care of him.

Besides which, I've come up with a good idea.

If we can't get the wife to pay, why don't we get the detectives to do it

instead?

Nothing could wake up good old Arthur.

You have no right.

We kept you from throwing away half a million dollars, Margaret. There is no

doubt in our minds that if you had turned this money over to them, you

have never heard from any one of them again.

Well, what about my husband?

What about Michael?

Michael's dead.

Whoever it is looks just like him or has been expertly made up or whatever.

And whoever's behind this obviously knew him pretty well.

Look, this is my money.

My money and my husband.

My affair, my concern, totally my business.

You have no right.

Now look, Margaret.

Everything that we have done, we have done because we are worried about you.

Because we don't want to see you get taken in.

Oh, really?

Well, maybe you've done all this because you see a nice little paycheck for

yourselves. Maybe you've already taken some payment.

I'm going to count this and see if it's all there. Margaret. Rick, don't.

Don't even say it.

We've done everything we can here.

Come back. They've taken seats.

What?

This is Rick Simon.

Rick. Mom. You okay?

Please be careful.

And don't do anything.

Mom.

Mom? Good.

You recognize Mommy's voice.

And you do exactly as I tell you.

And maybe, just maybe, she won't get hurt.

Yes.

Janet, I can't talk now.

What's wrong?

Nothing. I'm expecting a call. I've got to keep the line clear.

Don't you want to know about this letter Rick gave me?

What letter? Letter.

Oh, yes, the letter. What happened? Did you get it back from the lab?

Yes, I did.

Rick's prints were on it, along with a woman's, I assume to be Mrs. Wells.

Yes. Was there anybody else?

Yes. There were a third person's prints all over it, as a matter of fact. It

looked like they were deliberately placed.

Could you match them?

Mm -hmm. The prints belonged to Michael Wells.

Um, thank you very much, Janet.

It's Michael.

He's alive.

What? Michael's prints were all over the letter.

Margaret, we owe you an apology.

Oh, no.

No, I just want him back safely.

Narcissus in it, too.

Why don't we just give them the money?

It's not worth two people's lives.

The problem there is if we give them the money, they'll just...

Kill them both.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. If that's Michael. What?

All right.

We're getting somewhere.

Yeah. Where are we getting?

On the phone. I could hear a motorboat with a bell clanging. So? This means he

was calling from somewhere near Marina. That doesn't exactly narrow it down. All

right. But.

The other night when I came over to check the house out, the first day that

Margaret saw Michael, somebody called.

I answered the phone. It wouldn't say anything, but in the background I could

hear a boat engine and a horn sounding.

You still own the yacht?

No, no, I finally sold it.

I never was very much for the ocean, especially after Michael's accident.

Who is this guy?

Oh, that was our mechanic who serviced our yacht.

His name is Hickman, Earl Hickman.

Michael said he was very good, but I found him sort of cold.

Now, you guys kept the yacht in that little private marina north of the big

marina, right?

Yes. Why?

All right, let's say that Michael is behind this or somebody's forcing him to

it, right?

Where's a good place to hide out?

Why not on a boat?

I think we ought to talk to this guy. Rick, you're crabbing at straws. That's

what drowning people do. I think we ought to stay with the money and wait

the call. Okay, fine. You handle that.

I got a boat needs repairing.

I'm back tomorrow.

I can't do that.

I'm going out of town. I'm going to need the boat when I get back.

What kind of a boat?

I don't recognize that voice for the next 30 years. Now, where is she?

What are you talking about?

I'm two seconds away from justifiable homicide. Now, where's my mother?

Yes? Shut up and listen, because I'm only going to say this once.

Do you have the money?

Yes. Is my mother all right?

She's doing fine for now.

Now, I'm going to give you a new drop point.

Now, one of you is going to come alone.

If I see two of you in the car, your mother dies.

If I see any sign of the police around, your mother dies. Do you understand?

Yes.

Yes, I know where it is.

Yes, I'll leave right now. If you don't show up within the next 30 minutes,

don't bother.

I'm on my way.

It'll all be over in a little while, Arthur.

As soon as we get the money.

What do you think?

I was right twice in the same week, huh?

I'm sorry.

Uh, it's Rick. What about Cease? What happened?

She's okay.

Did you talk to Hickman? Yeah, I found out where the drop point is. AJ there.

Keep moving.

Hold it.

Now, I know you're carrying a gun.

I want you to reach inside, take it out, and put it on the ground.

Easy.

Now walk forward a few feet.

That's enough.

Where's my mother?

We've got her.

She's okay.

As soon as we're sure of a clean getaway, we'll let her go.

You open it.

Well, come on. What's the matter?

You want to see your mother alive, don't you?

Show me there's money in that bag.

Here you go.

Here's your money.

Watch him, Rick. He's got a gun.

Mom all right? Yeah, I found her. She's okay.

Thank God.

You all right?

I've never been in this house before in my whole life.

I'm not the Wells fella. My name is Bristol, Arthur Bristol. B -R -I -S -T

-L. I wouldn't be too insistent about that if I were you. Yeah, see, because

you're not Michael Wells, these guys behind you here are going to arrest you

put you in jail for a long, long time.

Oh, Michael.

I'm Arthur Bristol.

It's alright.

I think Siggy was right.

Thuggy Siggy?

The handwriting expert? He said it was the same man, but it wasn't the same

Oh, don't worry. It's him. He just doesn't know it yet.

I don't understand.

Well, to understand, you have to go back four years to the night he disappeared.

Michael couldn't sleep. He took the launch.

The storm came up, capsized.

He managed to hang on to something and make it back to shore, but when he got

there, he wasn't Michael anymore.

Amnesia? What happened was Hickman was visiting his sister in Albuquerque.

He bumped into Michael on the street. Michael was little more than a vagrant

that point.

Michael didn't recognize him, swore up and down his name was Arthur Bristol.

So that was when Hickman got together with his old army buddy and hatched a

to swindle you.

I'm sorry.

I just don't remember.

He needs some time and rest.

It'll come back to him.

That's helpful.