All language subtitles for simon_simon_s01e12_matchmaker

Could be any one of her clients.

You know, you might have to date half
the rich, beautiful women in San Diego

before we ever made contact.

Could we go to your place?

Hey! Come!

Guys, look, I'm not into anything kinky.
Sit down, Vicki. We need criminals.

You need us.

Then it's a double cross?

Whitaker. There's just no honor among
thieves anymore.

This is the police.

We've got the police surrounded.

Help!

Oh.

And don't water the cactus. Last time I
came back to a case of root rot. Got

you, Mom.

And the cleaning lady has changed her
date of Thursday.

Somebody has to let her in. It's on the
list. We'll take care of everything.

I don't want a mess like last time. No,
no, ma 'am.

And, um, no parties. Mom, the last time
that happened, Rick was 17 years old.

Big opportunity. Well, I think without
growing a knee, for a while, parties at

your house.

Get your ear scratched. Yes.

Oh, sweet boy. Well, come on.

No. Oh, come on now. We got the
basement.

We got the attic. We got that whole big
yard.

I promised Mom.

I didn't.

Rick, listen to me. You get me in
trouble one more time. I'm good.

Hi, fellas.

Marlo, kill.

Bye, Whitaker.

Please don't be mad.

The back door was open.

We will lock it behind you.

You'd better let me tell you what I've
got. It's a good one. The last one was a

good one.

We nearly got killed on it.

But think of all the money you made on
it. Enough for the down payment on your

boat.

And this one's even sweeter, if you pull
it off.

Yeah.

For old time's sake?

A .J., I missed you.

I'm also in trouble.

If I'm going to keep my job at Cal
National Insurance, I need your help.

Up to you.

Please?

Please, please?

To better time, past and future.

I'll make you a deal, Whitaker.

You forget about the future and I'll
forget about the past, okay?

Does that mean you'll take the job? What
do you want from me?

The last time we both got hurt.

Too much, too soon.

Yeah, well, whatever it was, let's not
do it again.

What, you want to know if you still turn
me on?

All right, yes, you still turn me on.

Now, isn't there anybody else you could
go to for this?

Your brother is the best there is.

And you're pretty good, too.

And I'm in trouble.

All right.

But it is business.

Just business. Nothing personal.

Agreed. And no tricks.

Would I? Yes, you certainly would.

No tricks.

Got anybody steady?

Yeah. Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do.

I don't think so.

How would you know?

I looked in your desk.

No love letters.

A hundred grand.

And that's just the down payment.

Always knew I should have gone into the
insurance business.

It's pretty impressive, isn't it?

Well, it depends on who you're trying to
impress.

Something valuable got stolen. You want
us to find the thieves and buy it back

again, right?

Yeah, the antiques that got ripped off
last week.

We wrote the policy.

A very big policy.

The New York office would rather not
have to pay it off.

How much were they worth?

Two and a half million dollars.

How much are you in for?

Two and a half million dollars.

I wrote the owner a replacement value
writer. The company stuck for the whole

thing. Oh, ain't that a shame.

Not too swift on your part, Whitaker.

Well, Herbie Gresher had a 47 outlet
chain of health food stores.

I wanted the corporate account.

We're willing to pay a half a million
dollars in cash to have the antiques

returned in good condition. No questions
asked.

Well, you can get a lot more from a
fence.

Yeah, but this is safer. And it'll come
from you. And they'll trust you. Maybe

they'll trust me.

This time, no tricks. No marked bills,
no double crosses. Otherwise, you blow

credibility forever.

No tricks.

What's our cut?

Your usual fee plus expenses. And if you
show results, you get a bonus.

$25 ,000.

Okay.

Just sign the receipt.

it was a good idea to leave it in the
office.

Besides, if you tell those guys what's
in this briefcase, they'll never believe

it.

Hey, Joe.

Hey, Lenny, what's happened? Oh, man, it
is slow tonight.

Why don't you give me a couple of dogs
and a cup of coffee to go, okay?

Okay.

Ricky!

Outside talent pulled off this one.

Outside talent?

In your territory.

Hey, man, it happens.

It's a free country, you know.

Hey, man, you want to buy some shirts?

I got alligators, horses, little guys
swinging, golf clubs, man, ten bucks.

No, thank you, Lenny, really.

How about this invaders from Mars game,
man?

Look at this.

This game's hot.

I mean, it sells a lot, man. No.

about one of these two little TVs. Look
at this, man.

You could get one for each eye.

It's like seeing 3 -D, man.

Lenny, I really do need to get a line on
this outside talent.

Have they pulled any other jobs?

I mean, whoever these people are,
they've got to be leaving some sort of a

signature, right? What do you think I
am, a snitch?

No, man, I'm a salesman. I've got a
business to run. Right.

So, you guys want to buy or you want to
schmooze?

Have there been any other jobs, Lenny?

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

What are you guys doing?

Working.

Trying to find a signature.

Something all these robberies have in
common.

All this stuff is really slick. Look at
this. A guy named David Henderson is out

to a restaurant with no valet parking.
They ripped his 37 Pierce hour right off

of the street.

This one here, I remember this one. This
woman was mugged outside the Mantra

Hotel. The mugger just ran up and tore
the diamond necklace right off her neck.

She hadn't worn it in years.

Inside information?

Yeah, I guess.

Ah, here's one.

William Kirkpatrick.

He came home one night to find his safe
blown open while he was out at the Globe

Theater. Oh, and here's another one. A
lady, Carolyn Dawson, had her first

Macbeth stolen while she was out of town
on a ski weekend.

And this one, this one I like.

Spanish doubloons.

A guy named Zabo had a whole collection
of things and he figured they were real

safe because he had them behind this
really tricky secret panel light.

He came home one night and they were all
gone.

Nothing else touched.

Definitely something to be admired.

Yep. Now we've got Herbie Gresher, the
health food king.

Well, they were all rich.

That's it.

Robin Hood did it. Why didn't I think of
that?

Single. Hmm?

They were all single.

She's right.

They were all single.

Not only that, they were all out on
dates, too. Wait a minute. What's

out on a date?

Doesn't say.

Let's go.

If I can ever do anything else for you
guys, just let me know.

And this is where we pack the caps.

It's done by hand.

We want our top -of -the -line vitamins
to be 100 % natural, untouched by

machines.

What about this machine?

We sell these to the cut -and -rate
drugstores.

It's been quite a shock to you, coming
home, finding all your best pieces gone.

How long have you been collecting
antiques?

17 years.

Where were you when it happened?

Palm Springs.

I spent the weekend in Palm Springs with
my fiancée.

Mr.

Gresher, perhaps it would help if you
could give us the names of everyone who

knew that you and your fiancée were
going to be in Palm Springs that

Everyone? Everyone.

My secretary, of course. My mother.

She lives in Philadelphia.

The dry cleaners.

Penny Russell. Maybe one or two of
Vicki's friends.

Vicki? Vicki Hansen.

Oh, my fiancée. Oh, yes. And you
mentioned Penny Russell.

Vicki and I met through a dating
service.

No kidding.

Yeah. P -R -I -V -A -T -E.

Maybe you've heard of them.

No. Oh.

Oh, well, it's quite exclusive,
actually.

It's computerized.

Penny Russell owns it.

The computer keeps track of all her
clients' dates.

That's amazing. That's amazing.

Thank you. Thank you very much, Mr.
Gresham. We'll be in touch. Oh, here.

Take one of these.

On the house.

Vitamin E.

It'll clear that skin right up.

Ah, thank you. Thank you very much.

Whatever it is, I'll clear it right up.

Hi, I'm Louisa.

And I'm looking for a man.

Not just any man, but the perfect man.

He should be about 30. Good looking.

Maybe blonde.

And he should have an exciting
profession.

If the computer makes an inappropriate
selection for a matchmate, our video

introduction allows you to decline
without injured feelings or

Oh, yes, of course. Yes, I can see the
advantage to that.

Tell me, do the men make tapes also?

Oh, of course.

Could I see one?

Perhaps. I should recommend a service
that caters exclusively to men.

Ah!

No, no, no. You've got the wrong idea.

Simply, I've never introduced myself to
a camera before, and I should like to

have some idea of what I should say.

Of course.

These are our tapes.

Select any one you wish.

Thank you.

Shall I choose one for you, sir?

Ah, thank you, Richard. Yes, if you'd be
so kind.

Very good, sir.

that I'm not one to go in for soft
lights and gossamer wings.

I can boogie all night and still come up
asking for more.

My hobby.

My hobby is looking for sunken treasure
and finding it.

Well, most of our clients aren't quite
as... Well, they're subtler than Mr.

Zabo. Oh, they're all very well -to -do.

Now, would you care to fill out a
personality profile?

Actually, if it would be all right, I
should like to look at some more tapes.

Oh, certainly.

I'll just go and start the paperwork.

Excuse me.

Is that both the ones with the
doubloons? Yeah, they're all here.

Henderson, Kirkpatrick, Dawson.

It's a pretty nice little scam Mrs.
Russell has going for herself.

I don't think it's Mrs. Russell. Oh,
come on. It's got to be her.

No.

Think about it.

It could be any one of her clients.

Oh, that's a shame, AJ.

You know, you might have to date half
the rich, beautiful women in San Diego

before we ever made contact.

I really feel sorry for you. That's
awful.

Well, that's rough, dirty work. I know,
but somebody's got to do it.

Oh. All right, Mr. Stevens, we're
rolling.

Go ahead, Mr. Stevens.

Just relax. Be yourself.

It's all right to be nervous.

Okay.

Tell us about yourself.

My name is A .J. Stevens.

I'm in the escrow business.

Tell us about your hobbies.

As a matter of fact, yes, I'm very
interested in art.

I've managed to assemble an exemplary
collection of modern artists, modern

All right, put it down. That's a good
dog. Go on now. Go on.

All right, go on over there.

All right, come on over here. Come on.

No, over there.

Come here, Marlo. Come here.

Why couldn't you have just said you were
into stamp collecting? Get over there.

Because where are we going to get our
hands on a top -flight stamp collection?

There's a stamp collection upstairs in
the attic. You got three albums, almost

full. I had, until you traded them to
Billy Bartell for a surfboard. How can

surf on a stamp?

Go on over there.

Marlo, go.

Oh. Your mother's right.

You guys are irresponsible.

I put down a drop cloth.

Oh, good. Good. What are you doing here?

Oh, no, don't tell me.

Mom asked you to come by and not water
the cactus.

Something like that, yeah.

What is all this?

Well, Marlowe's therapist suggested a
hobby.

I really think he's getting into paint.

He's really getting off the drop cloth.

Marlowe! You big plummet! Come on!

Audio out.

Sync.

$648?

For a videocassette recorder?

It's a legitimate expense.

You couldn't rent one.

Hey, look, it was on sale.

I'll tell you what, we'll buy it back
from you as soon as we get the $25 ,000

bonus. Oh, great.

I can't wait to explain it to the New
York office.

Audio. Okay, we're all set.

Gee, I'm really nervous. I don't usually
go around advertising myself or talking

to cameras or anything.

Gee, I feel dumb.

Gee.

My name's Catherine.

Well, I might as well just get into it.
What we go through for you. I grew up in

San Diego.

Thank you,

Richard. Not at all, sir.

Where to, sir?

Oh, I'm sorry, Richard.

Le Chandelier.

Very good, sir.

I hope you like French food.

I adore it.

Good. I also love the French
impressionist, although it isn't chic.

Oh. Especially Monet.

Oh, well, of course. I'm mad for Monet.

I saw on your tape that you collect art.

Oh, yeah? I guess that's one thing that
really attracted me to you.

Oh.

And what do you do?

I thought you knew.

No. I'm the art critic for the San Diego
Chronicle.

I mean, how was I supposed to know? She
was a well -known art critic.

Well, if she was well -known, you should
have known.

You could at least weed out your
suspects.

You know, pick suspicious types.

Hi, I'm Barbara, and I especially enjoy
eating alfresco.

Give me a call, and we'll whip up a
dynamite picnic.

Bon appetit.

Definitely a suspicious type.

Mmm.

More papaya sorbet?

Oh. Not to worry. I have some whites in
my purse.

Here we are.

Thank you.

Good as new.

I never asked you. What do you do?

Paperwork. Mostly.

What kind of paperwork?

You ask too many questions.

Well, I'd like to ask you one more.

I'd like to ask you about the Gresher
antique collection.

The what?

The Gresher antique collection.

didn't you tell me?

Would you have asked me out?

Yeah.

Hi.

Good morning.

Have a nice time last night?

Wonderful.

Oh, tell you something, Whitaker.

Maybe you ought to join private.

I mean, if the men are anything like the
women, how

$95 for dinner?

Mm -hmm.

You were supposed to have a picnic.

Yeah, we did.

That was lunch.

Lunch.

You two had better come up with
something.

Whitaker, I'm going through them just as
fast as I can.

This one's Mark's special request.

Oh. Yeah, she saw your tape this
morning.

How nice.

Vicki Hansen.

And I'm kind of new here in San Diego.

So I guess my social life has been a
little bit on the inside. Isn't Vicki

Hansen the name of Furby's fiance? I'm
from Chicago.

I really don't understand why my private
life has to be brought into this, Mr.

Simon.

Vicki and I are no longer seeing each
other.

We had a fight.

So we called it off.

No, it's all right.

Yeah, goodbye.

You know, I never thought I'd meet such
a nice man through a dating service.

Oh, well, thank you. Thank you very
much.

You're welcome.

Have you dated through private before?

Oh, just once.

Herbie.

Couldn't actually call him a date.

Well, if you met Herbie, you'd know what
I mean.

Oh, dear. It didn't work out.

Well, one date was enough.

Dinner was just marvelous.

Thank you. Oh, you're welcome.

You know, I would just love to see your
art collection.

Could we go to your place?

I think that could be arranged.

Richard? Gotcha.

You know, I have some new Marlows that I
am especially proud of.

You have Marlows?

You can see, of course, how his use of
color was strongly influenced by the

extremists.

You know, I really don't believe I've
ever seen any finer examples of his blue

period.

Where was it that they showed his work
recently?

Was that the La Jolla Gallery?

No. That was the La Jolla Animal
Shelter.

Hey, wait a second, guys. I'm not into
anything. Sit down, Vicki. It's time to

talk.

This is my brother, Rick. Hi.

That's Marlo.

Marlo?

Mm -hmm.

Hey, who are you guys? What's going on?

We work for an insurance company.

Herbie's Insurance Company.

Herbie Gresher? That's right.

Oh, I don't understand.

Oh, sure you do. See, you work for the
people who stole Herbie's antiques. You

fingered the job.

No, see, I just went... What we want to
do is we want to ransom the

antiques we have here, $100 ,000 down
payment, four more on delivery for a

of half a million.

We want you to deliver the message.

We'll be at the diner on 3rd and B in
two hours.

Think he'll listen.

Good.

Take your order.

Uh, just coffee, black, thank you.

Give me, uh, three shaggy dogs, extra
kraut.

and a cream soda.

$4 .70.

In advance?

Once you put the chili on them, they
don't keep.

Oh, yeah.

Pay the man.

I don't have any money on me.

I've got some plastic. Do you take...
Oh, wait a minute.

Hey, I can't break a 20.

It's okay, sport. You keep the change.

Thanks.

Who's gonna know?

Hey, are you interested in what I got in
the case?

Oh, look, I...

I don't know what you're putting,
mister, but I...

Jelly

donuts are on the house. Ah, there you
go.

Oh, I ordered a cream soda.

Oh, well, we got some root beer.

Sorry. Yeah.

I believe you're waiting for me,
gentlemen.

I'm Vicky's employer.

Is it okay if I go on E?

Please, it's your stomach.

Did Vicky tell you our terms?

They struck me as low.

They're non -negotiable. Why should I
believe that? What reason do I have to

trust you?

You got 100 ,000 very good reason in
this briefcase.

Suppose you bring on the heat?

Not gonna do that.

Oh, yeah? Why not?

Because without guys like you, we'd be
out of work.

So would the insurance companies. We
need criminals.

You need us.

It's mutual.

Is it?

Yeah.

I picked a time and place.

You name it. 5 a .m. tomorrow.

I'll call with the location.

The briefcase?

Oh, yeah.

There you go.

Well, it's light.

Final payment better be $400 ,000.

Plus the 20 he gave the cook.

Enjoy your dinner.

How do we know it's all here?

Count it.

We'll trust you.

What time's the meet?

Morning. Seven o 'clock.

Oh, where?

We don't know yet.

And nobody better follow us.

Would I do something like that?

Yes, you most certainly would.

Good morning.

Your skin is looking better already.

I have the inventory for you.

Of course, if any of the pieces have
been damaged.

Oh, we'll cover the damages.

Mr. Gresher.

There's something I think we ought to
tell you about Vicki Hanson.

Miss Hanson and I have broken off our
engagement.

I've already told you that.

Look, the thing is, Vicki is part of
this burglary ring. It's been operating

on a private dating service.

She set you up, Mr. Gresham.

She never had any intention of marrying
you.

Sorry.

Oh. That's all right.

We had such a big fight.

I didn't even know what it was about.

Now I understand.

Thank you.

the same feeling that I get?

Yeah. Lickers up to something.

Maybe I've got a little good news.

Your insurance premium won't be going
up.

We're not taking a loss on this deal.

What do you mean?

The ransom money will be returned along
with your antiques.

I've got the time of the transaction.

The police will be there and waiting at
7 o 'clock tomorrow morning.

Then it's a double cross?

I like to think of it as good business.

This is the antique store.

Yes. We need to know the location.

The warehouse at the corner of 98 and
Marine.

Got it.

5 a .m.? Depends on who you ask.

That's right.

98th Street.

You're welcome, Miss Whitaker.

Hello,

Vicki. I've got to see you.

Herbie!

Herbie, Gresher.

Vicki, listen to me. It's important,
very important.

Herbie, this better be important.

It is, Vicki.

Believe me.

I want you to come to Europe with me
like we planned.

Herbie, look, I already told you it was
over. I didn't come down here to rehash

everything. I've been talking to A .J.
and Rick Simon.

Well, they sure get around, don't they?

I want you to take a message to your
boss.

Tell him the insurance company deal is a
double cross.

He can expect the police at that 7 a .m.
meeting.

Police?

Wait a second. I don't understand.

You don't want your stuff back?

Not as much as I want the settlement.

You and I had plans for that money,
remember?

Herbie, you still want me?

Knowing what I did?

Oh, I tried to steal a few apples.

I'm offering you the whole tree.

Come to Europe with me.

After six months, if you want out, I
won't hold you.

Six months?

I've never lasted that long with any
guy.

I could use the rest.

Herbie, you've got a deal.

I came down to buy some antiques.

Please.

This double -cross has cost me the
sweetest number I've ever run.

We didn't double -cross you.

You're lucky that maybe I believe that.

When Vicki called me, she told me the
cops would be here at 7 a .m.

Whitaker.

I checked your rep, boys. You're clean.

I guess you got shafted right along with
me.

There's just no honor among thieves
anymore.

Come get the ropes. Oh, yeah, yeah,
that's a good boy. That's a good boy.

get the ropes.

You remember? Now chew the ropes.

Come on, boy. Chew the ropes.

Marlo, no, no, no, Marlo.

No, no, don't sit up, Marlo. Come here.

Marlo, come chew the ropes.

Come on.

Marlo, don't crawl. Get over here. Come
here.

Come on.

Marlo, kill your master.

Remember, there's two and a half million
dollars worth of antiques in there.

All right in there.

This is the police.

We've got the police surrounded.

Help!

Hey, it's us!

Come out with your hands up.

Can't you hear us?

It'll be a lot easier if you cooperate.

Hey, one.

Tell us about the cops this time.

Well, it was on a need -to -know basis.

Need -to -know? Mm -hmm.

Need -to -know?

Why did Herbie Gresher need to know?

Well, I felt sorry for him. He was so
unhappy about his girlfriend.

But, of course, since he told her about
the cops, why, that puts him in

collusion with the thieves, and we don't
have to pay the claim, and I'm off the

hook.

We're happy, too.

Well, I wouldn't be too happy.

You owe the company $500 ,000.

He signed for it.

Look, you can't stick us with it. Oh,
it's not me.

It's not my money.

You had better be kidding.

You signed the receipt.

No, no, no.

We get the money back first, then we
kill her. No, I'm going to kill her

now. No, no, no.

Miss Charlie Chan was a very fine
detective.

In fact, if you watch that show more
often, you might have learned something.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh. Uh, what?

Uh -huh. I got a phone number. Uh -huh.

What?

It's our number.

Oh, you very clever detective.

You are, oh, you such a smart man.

Oh, oh, oh, Rook, I got a number, too.

flight numbers and departure times.

I wonder which one's the right one.

Well, if I had half a million dollars in
a suitcase, I wouldn't worry about

that. I'd be interested in the first
flight out of the country.

All right, well, he's missed the 715.

Hi, Tom.

Hi. Yes, this may sound like a strange
question, but could you tell me... Which

airline has a flight number 766 leaving
at 9 .20 this morning?

Where to?

I don't care. Anywhere.

Oh, preferably out of the country.

There we are.

Oh, this is heavy.

What have you got in there, gold bars?

All right, here is your ticket, Mr.
Lloyd. Enjoy your flight. You still have

few minutes. You might want to visit our
duty -free shop in the departure

lounge. Thank you. You're quite welcome.

children or needing assistance boarding
please come to the gate that's the check

-in area

The guy he's looking for, okay? We'll
just go claim his luggage.

Take me along. That flight leaves in
five minutes.

I'm afraid we have a bit of a problem.

Problem?

We looked on the plane, and the suitcase
is not in the cargo bay.

Wait a minute. That isn't possible. That
was checked on less than half an hour

ago. Yes, I know. What we think happened
is one of the...

baggage handlers misread the tag. It was
supposed to go to Rio. We think it was

loaded on the flight to Rome.

Rome. Yes, we think so. All right.

What time does the flight to Rome take
off?

It just took off.

That's it now.

There's really nothing to worry about.
Our recovery rate on lost luggage is

good.

How good?

60 or 70 percent.

And, of course, if the bag is lost, our
automatic insurance coverage will pay up

to a maximum of $1 ,000.

$1 ,000? Yes.

That's wonderful.

There's really nothing to worry about.
This happens all the time.

Does it? Yes.

Next, please.

Next.

$494.

$495.

$496.

$497.

$498.

We're $20 short of $500 ,000.

Don't you trust me?

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You know, it's not all that late, and I
haven't eaten dinner yet.

Oh. Well, I'd be happy to recommend any
number of excellent restaurants.

You know how I am.

Whitaker, we had a deal.

That was until the job was finished.

The job is finished.

No.

How about a kiss goodbye?

All right.

That's the way you want it.

Would you mind hooking me up to the...

No, I can't.

Whitaker? The only keys in the main
office in the insurance company.

And, well, they don't open until 9 o
'clock tomorrow morning.