Original subtitles

Bye.

Why is it the bank can never give you the right key?

Anything I can help you with, young fella?

No, not at the moment. Thank you.

What do you think you're doing?

My job.

I'm a medfly inspector.

You have some evidence of infestation. See in here?

Looks like I may have to shut you down.

Can't we work something out?

Are you talking about a bribe?

Oh, you're not worried about a little ding like that, are you?

Come on, I'll take you down to T .J. tonight. Mom will give you a discount.

I'll even get him to buff up your upholstery for you.

Hey, look on the bright side. At least we're not doing a divorce case.

Oh, come on.

Look, I'll even buy you a chocolate milkshake, okay?

Oh, excuse me.

That's all right. Come on in.

You're just in time to meet our new client, my brother Rick, Mrs. Jean

Hi. Hi.

Chocolate milkshake?

Oh, yes. That sounds good. Thank you. Okay.

It's about my husband.

I think he's seeing another woman.

He's been coming home late after work, and then when he is home, he's distant.

He's very secretive about his phone calls.

Mrs.

Edmunds. Edmunds, may I give you a piece of advice?

Go home right now and forget about it.

Oh, well, you don't understand.

Oh, yes, we do, Mrs. Edmunds.

We understand all too well. Let me give you a little scenario of what happens in

a case like this.

You hire us, and we become a part of your life.

Infidelity is a pest.

All right, now, you got a pest you want to get rid of. Who do you call? You call

an exterminator, right?

That's us.

Oh. Well, I don't want to get rid of Kyle.

I love him.

I just want to find out if he's having an affair.

You shouldn't worry about the occasional termite.

The house is solid.

It's not going to cave in on you.

The point is, we will be sticking closer to your husband than his hat band.

We will know more about his life than you do.

Well, maybe so, but... And then there are always the pictures.

This is the point where a lot of people start to get really queasy.

Hundreds of pictures.

Each one of them open to literally thousands of interpretations.

Yeah, and don't forget about the electronic surveillance.

Now, that's where we're really state -of -the -art.

Last year, we took first place at the Phoenix Private Investigators

Uh, yes.

Yes.

And, of course, we'll be listening to you, too.

We have to monitor all of your husband's phone calls.

So which is more important to you, Mrs. Edmonds?

Your peace of mind or privacy?

Peace of mind.

I want you to find out if my husband's having an affair.

Oh, well, look on the bright side.

We could be doing a repo.

Yeah, a periscope.

management and there's been seismic rumblings in this area. We're trying to

measure their intensity so we can tell if it's going to be an earthquake or

Who are you guys trying to kid?

That's not a seismograph.

That's a parabolic microphone.

You guys are listening in on something.

How would you like to listen to the sound of your head going bong?

Get rid of him.

Okay, I'll tell you what.

I'll give you two bucks to get out of here and keep quiet.

Five.

Two.

Okay, two to keep me quiet.

And now three more if you want me to leave.

Everything I got is good.

Yeah, but what do you got in the basket?

Oh, see, I got a turkey with avocado whip on a caraway seed bread.

And here's some cream cheese with pickle on seven -fiber whole wheat. Or I have

some yogurt with some crushed vitamin C and roast hips mixed in.

You don't by any chance have in there bologna and cheese on white bread with a

little mustard on it, do you?

No.

I didn't think so.

Hi. Hi.

How much for everything?

You mean everything?

Yeah, the basket, coin changer, everything.

Uh, $50 to cover it?

Yes.

The suggestion I've got on Thurlow Mayor shows that we'll have half occupancy by

June.

Now, that's not going to help us.

We're going to need 85 % deposits right when we open.

Howdy. I'm from Snacks After Dark. It's a new service. Just got started for

people that work late. I got some really good stuff here.

Anybody hungry?

Claire would... No, thanks.

No, no.

What do you got? Oh, I have got this.

fantastic turkey and avocado whip on whole wheat bread. That is just

And let's see what else. I've got a dill pickle and cream cheese on rye bread. I

just had one of those, and they are far out.

I'll have the turkey and avocado whatever.

You will?

Oh, yeah, sure. I got one of those right here.

Mrs. Edmonds, A .J. Simon.

Oh, yes.

It's 926.

Do you know where my husband is?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. He's in the office working.

Oh.

Who's he with?

Claire Hipple. Is that the redhead?

Yeah. She's the company's accountant.

She's there, isn't she?

Yes, she is.

Hmm, I knew it.

Well, so's his partner, Victor. They're all three working together.

Mrs. Edmonds, are you sure you want us to keep on with this? I mean, we're

to have to take it further and further down the river.

You take it as far down the river as you have to, Mr. Simon.

Even if you follow the river as far as it empties into the ocean.

Okay.

Any good pictures yet?

Nothing incriminating.

Oh.

Well, keep digging.

Right.

She wants us to keep digging.

I get the feeling she's enjoying this.

Well, looks like they're gonna do some work at her place.

She brought the books.

It's a good cover.

Hi. Hi.

Um, I'm taking a survey, and I... Whoops.

Can you hold that for me for a moment?

Uh, this will only take a minute here.

Uh -oh.

I was supposed to ask you the question before I gave you the book. Well, here,

are you ready?

Do you like to watch TV or would you rather read a book?

I'm really not interested.

You're not?

Well, sir, sir, how about you? Would you rather watch television or would you

rather read a book?

Neither. Thanks.

Well, aren't you interested in the big book of World War I biplanes?

I'm sorry.

That was a...

bit before my time. Thanks.

Sorry.

Oh, okay. Well, um, thank you. This is my first day.

You'll get better at it, I'm sure. Oh, thank you. Well, bye.

Bye.

He just left.

I'm so scared.

Don't be.

Don't be.

Everything's going to work out just fine.

Wow, look at that. There's nothing going on there. They're just business

associates. Do they act like they're just businesses? No, they act like

something's going on.

Hello, anybody home?

Hi. Hi.

I got your message. You wanted to see me? Well, we didn't just want to see

no. We want to take you to a party. Yeah.

A nice party.

If you're from the area, then you've seen the other units that are available.

This

sure

is one swell party, all right.

What's wrong?

Free booze, free food, chance to hobnob with all the beautiful people.

A .J.

You brought me here as part of a disguise because they wouldn't recognize

and they wouldn't notice you. Darling, I brought you here because you're an

extremely beautiful woman and I'd like to be seen with you. That's all.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

I think we have a warmer feeling.

Excuse me.

Victor, I think it's time we go up and speak to these folks a bit. Sure. Excuse

me. I'll talk to you later.

Hope you're all having a wonderful time. I know we are.

My name is Victor Farrell.

This is my partner, Kyle Edmonds, and we'd like to welcome all of you to the

grand opening of Sur La Mer.

Thank you.

Thank you for coming.

We believe that this represents the most unique.

These people are criminals.

We're not going to let them turn our beaches into concrete.

Just take this guy with us.

No, forget it. No way.

Why me? You've got the suit and you've got the tie.

Have you had trouble with any particular group?

You know, radicals, protesters?

Anybody who might have had a reason to do this?

Well, there was one group a few months ago.

After we completed a beachfront development project that stirred up some

reaction. Reaction?

Well, mild protests, crank calls, that sort of thing. Nothing very serious, or

so we thought at the time.

Bunch of beach bums, surfer type.

Did they go by any particular name?

The Sons of the Beach.

Thank you.

What was the name of that club you joined when you were 15?

Chairman of the Board.

We weren't a club. We were sort of a movement, an underground group.

More like an undertow.

Our motto was, surfers unite, free the beaches.

I like Ike. Give me that old -time religion.

Your turn.

Type of canoe and Tyler, too.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Don't you remember, Mickey?

That was our slogan, the chairman of the board. Oh, yeah. I thought it sounded

familiar. Say, you sure you don't want one of these for old -time's sake?

No, no, no. I remember him. Thank you.

Put hair on your chest?

Yeah. Come to think of it, it takes it off, too.

You said it sounded familiar, like maybe you heard it recently.

Yeah.

Remember that guy that was always eating glass?

Kona. Yeah. Is he still around?

Yeah. Him and a couple of muscleheads pick up a few bucks renting and

surfboards. What's the name of the shot?

Cosmic Wavelength.

Do you happen to know where they're located?

Where else?

Surfers Unite! Free the beaches!

AJ?

AJ. What happened, man? I mean, I cannot relate to all of this.

How you doing, Connor? I just caught a different ride.

Yeah, that ride is called Middle Class. Can you believe this?

What a wipeout, man. I thought you were a cop. Oh, that is... Hey, look at this

board, man. I am bringing this baby back from the Grateful Dead.

This dude is the only dude to ride the nose through the pipeline on those 20

-footers after the 64 storm.

All right.

You did that?

I don't know what he's talking about.

So, A .J., tell me, I mean, who shot off your curls? Well, I did.

My brother and I, we went into business.

We're investigators.

We'd like to ask you a few questions.

What do you want to know?

We already know, Kona.

Know what?

We already know it.

Our only question is, where are you keeping him?

We got him, man, so don't you worry about it or nothing, huh?

Why did you take him?

Why? Why?

Because we are still trying to free the beaches.

If it ain't the hardhats dropping condos on our heads, man, it's the Navy

parking their battleships in the middle of the best 12 -footers on the coast.

That's right, man, the Navy.

Yeah, the Navy don't surf.

That's right. The Navy don't surf, man.

Well, I tell you, Conor, the way you guys pulled this off was just, it was

genius is what it was. I mean that. Pure genius.

AJ, come on.

Snatching a guy off a destroyer?

How did you guys do that?

Oh, it was easy.

Wait a minute. Why should I tell you?

Gee, AJ, I guess we just don't have our connection down here anymore, you know

what I mean? Too bad, Conor.

Go see you later, man. No hard feelings, you know what I mean?

Take care.

Oh, and one more thing. You tell the Navy if they want him back, they have to

deal with us.

Pass that on to the Secretary.

We'll tell him.

Surfers unite!

Surfers unite!

Surfers up!

IQs are down.

Yeah, let's get back to work.

and tell them they got the wrong guy?

Well, let them have some fun, too. Come on, Marlo.

Come on.

I can't

go through with this.

She's probably in pieces.

But think about it.

Think about it. First, she thinks her husband's having an affair.

Then he gets kidnapped.

Now we show up with the bill? Now forget it.

I got rid of the goldfish. I buried the turtles when Tiger got hit by a car.

Oh, hi. Come on in.

I should have listened to you from the moment I walked into your office.

Turned around and gone straight home.

Well, a client always has to see for himself.

And I realize how foolish I've been.

I should have trusted my instincts instead of my suspicions.

I had a long talk with Claire Hipple.

I am totally satisfied that she wasn't having an affair with Kyle.

You know, Mrs. Edmonds, in a case like this, we frequently don't get to connect

all the dots, but I must say that was the way the picture was developing.

Yeah.

Poor Kyle.

I only wish I could be with him now.

Beg his forgiveness.

No, I'm sure the FBI is doing everything they can to bring him back safely.

Oh, the company received a ransom note.

There you go. That's the start.

Was it from the sons of the beach?

It wasn't signed.

How much do they want?

$300 ,000.

Oh, boy.

I know.

And that's the problem.

The FBI has recommended that we don't pay.

Mm -hmm. They want to negotiate.

Try to keep contact so they can figure out who the kidnappers are.

Yeah, well, that's sensible.

Yeah, but this is not a sensible situation.

I'm going to have to play a few extra cards.

And you two are my aces.

Looks like this might be a five -shake case.

A what?

Sherlock Holmes, remember?

The more difficult the case, the more pipes he'd smoke.

Sherlock Holmes never had to spend the night outside an adult motel. Now, wait

minute. Mrs. Edmonds was right. This isn't any divorce case. I know.

We've taken enough divorce pictures in our time to fill a coffee table book.

Yeah, we'd call it love through a keyhole.

Yeah, but these pictures are different.

These guys are in trouble.

Yep. And whatever the trouble is, you got Edmonds kidnapped.

One of them's gone.

Well, obviously everything wasn't letter perfect.

And why is Claire Hipple keeping those ledgers so close to her vest?

A couple of months from now, we're going to be laughing about all this.

I've already made arrangements to get the ransom together. We're going to get

him back, Jeannie. You'll see.

We're so lucky to have you. Oh, hey.

I love him, too.

We're just gonna have to be patient a little while longer till we hear from

kidnappers about what they want us to do with the money.

Well, the money isn't a problem, is it?

No.

It takes a little while to pre the funds.

If Kyle hadn't been so wise about our investments, it'd be a little easier to

get out that money.

Why are you asking about the money? What's wrong?

Look, Victor.

You know I've always made it a point not to get involved in Kyle's business.

I mean, I know the trouble you and Carol went through.

I felt real sad when you two split up.

Me too.

It's costing me a fortune.

Why are you worried about the money?

Some detectives...

have been asking whether the business is having any financial problems or

whether you two are in any kind of trouble, you know, with a competitor or

clients.

Police detectives?

You're not going to believe this, Victor.

Jean, I was married to Carol for ten years. I'll believe anything. Try me.

I hired two private detectives.

I mean, before the kidnapping.

I'm so embarrassed.

I thought Kyle and Claire were having an affair.

I know I shouldn't have told you about it.

Just that I feel so guilty.

Uh, Jean, you didn't by any chance hire the same people that Carol... Oh, no,

no, no, no.

These two guys are real nice.

And very thorough, too.

Where'd you say their names were?

I'm sorry, we don't want any. Exactly right, and that's why I'm here.

We'll kill pest control.

Yeah, so?

Well, check your lease. It's in there. One time every four months.

Couldn't you then at least come back at a more reasonable hour, like tomorrow

morning? Anything you say, lady, but we're talking about night breeders here.

Um, yeah, okay. Well, could you make it quick?

You got it.

Is that the kitchen?

Yeah.

I usually work alone.

Victor? Yes, Maria.

What on earth is the matter? You sound terrible on the phone. We got some

trouble. I need the books as soon as you can finish them.

They're done and they're beautiful.

What's that?

Oh, it's just the exterminator.

At this hour?

Yeah.

From what I understand, you people are lucky to get anything done in this

building any time, day or night.

Now, I got the kitchen in there for you, and your dishes and your countertops

will be safe in just a few hours.

But there's a half -eaten banana in there that's going to have to go.

Will kill?

If it flies, it dies. If it crawls, it falls.

And you ever seen our ads? We're on right after Johnny.

The one with the big, giant, plastic cockroach.

You know, that sucker's anatomically correct.

Are you about finished?

This room and I'm out of here.

Is that stuff dangerous?

C -17, if you're an ant, it's fatal.

Just a little joke there. No, this stuff is perfectly safe.

However, when I am spraying, you might prefer to be in another room. Could you

just make it quick?

Absolutely, you got it.

How'd it go?

Great. We even got a bonus.

Bonus? Feral.

What are you doing out there?

Will you turn that thing off? We're coming out.

I said we...

Water.

Water!

They're gone.

If it flies, it dies.

Well, then he had to be a cop.

No. They would have come busting in here with 20 guys and a warrant.

Well, then who was it?

Detectives that Gene hired.

I get it.

Yeah? Farrell.

Got a little problem.

I want you to take care of it right away.

You get it.

Okay, under 24E, I have 36248.

How about you?

36248? Mm -hmm. Check.

Okay.

24F, 120295.

120295, yes.

24G? Oh, I'm sorry. We're almost through.

Okay.

Mm -hmm.

24G. $642 .50.

No. No. Okay, how much are you off?

I have $5 ,422 .16.

Okay, that's a difference of $4 ,779 .66.

Oh,

Sleeping Beauty has been a big help tonight.

Flamed out on the long division.

What were the last figures he had on his page?

I don't know.

Um, a battleship and two stick figures.

How much money are we talking about?

Oh, we're talking about a lot of money.

Could you round that off to the nearest decimal point?

Oh, A .J., my accounting course 101 did not cover juggling the books. Can we

just finish? We've got one more here. It's 24H.

$791 .47.

Uh, no.

$1 ,146 .23.

Oh.

Oh.

Sun's coming up.

Uh -huh.

A .J., we have two books for the same company covering the same time period.

Only one of them shows that they're operating in the red, and the other one

shows they're almost breaking even.

Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. What's the difference? It's a ballpark figure.

$286 ,742 .54.

What?

$286... Here.

Wake up.

We've got a winner on table 32.

Well, I tell you, if my company were in trouble badly and needed $286 ,000...

Why don't I just call an even $300 ,000 and get it in cash? Yeah.

Those boats are going to make some hot reading down at the cop shop.

I don't like this, Rick.

I'm liking this less and less.

All right, tie him up, hands and feet.

Feel all right?

Sure, he's just rested. He got bored.

On the floor, make yourself comfortable.

Where's the rest of your married band?

You know, the guys that took Edmunds. They were just one -shots.

I paid them off.

Probably back in Jersey by now.

Oh, gee, I didn't know there was an East Coast chapter of the Sons of the Beach.

That's a pretty neat little frame you got here.

That Farrell thought it up.

Yeah, I must admit, that part worked real nice. The cops shanking those goose

off the beach, interrogating for all those hours, and they say, yeah, we're

guys. You believe that? About as long as the cops will. The cops are dead

-ended. You're the only guys who got this far.

The will -kill pest control, huh?

You guys are good.

That's pretty easy when you're dealing with amateurs like Farrell.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

In our business, only the pros survive.

Over the long haul, yeah, but, you know, every once in a while an amateur gets

lucky.

Not this time.

No.

We're playing the percentage here, Victor.

The FBI has an outstanding record. Over 90 % of the kidnappers in this country

are either caught or killed.

And the return of ransom percentage is almost that high.

But the important thing is we got Kyle back.

Of course.

But if we don't get the money back...

Arrangements will have to be made for Farad to pay it back in due course of

time.

I understand.

Good. I believe the ransom note specified $300 ,000.

If you'll just sign here.

Thank you.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Are you going to miss San Diego?

Mm -mm.

Do you?

What do you think?

Victor.

Victor engineered this whole thing?

Mm -hmm.

Why?

Because juggling the books wasn't enough for him.

Oh, come on. We know you've been picking your own pockets.

A little bit here, a little bit there. It all added up pretty soon. You count

and it was in a big hole.

$286 ,000 isn't exactly petty cash. I mean, that's embezzlement.

Five to ten.

And only the three of you knew about it. Didn't even tell your wife.

I couldn't tell her. You know, I planned to make restitution within a year. The

dummying up the books was just a short -term fix. A band -aid.

Yeah, but Farrell didn't think it was going to stick, did he?

No, so he hires these guys, they grab you, and he sets the ransom at an even

$300 ,000.

But that's where it doesn't track.

Well, the $300 ,000, you still have to pay that back, don't you?

Don't you see?

It's brilliant.

We can write it off.

Well, there's this new IRS ruling that allows companies to write off ransom

payments.

Well, it's not bad for an amateur.

Yeah, but of course...

Amateurs are unpredictable.

Yes, they are. Very skittish sorts.

A couple of private detectives trip to the books. They get real nervous. You

know, if I were Farrell, right now, I'd be getting real nervous. I would be

tempted to take the bird that I have in the hand and just fly away with it. Oh,

I would.

Oh, yeah.

Rio, here I come.

You bet.

$300 ,000?

You could live forever down there.

You ready to go? We're going to have to hurry to make our flight.

Claire, what's wrong?

You didn't want to leave me holding the bag now, did you, Victor?

What are you doing here?

Surprised?

Is that the money?

He said he'd kill me if I tried to warn you.

Put the briefcase on the table and step back.

Is any amount of money worth dying for, huh?

Wow.

How'd you get it past the FBI?

I buried it in a wastebasket.

Janitor emptied the basket. I followed him and picked it out of the bin when he

wasn't looking.

Clever.

Risky, but clever.

Okay, let's go see your old business partner.

He misses you.

You two got a lot to talk about.

All right,

over there.

Amateur.

I don't understand.

What are you doing?

No, please!

Stop! Shut her up!

What are you doing?

You forgot one thing, Frost.

All those bills are marked.

Yeah, the first time you buy a candy bar, the FBI's gonna nail you.

The only candy I'll be buying is Swiss chocolate.

Stay back behind me at least 12, 15 feet, okay?

The FBI arrested the men as they came out of a roadside cafe near Bakersfield.

Frost and Sachs offered no resistance.

Back in San Diego, it was a more festive occasion. Ah, look at that. Private

investigators credited with breaking the case and bringing the criminals to

justice.

Richard and Andrew Simon are seen here at the courthouse receiving the mayor's

special citation for distinguished service to their community.

A senior officer lauded Simon and Simon's efforts in aiding law

officials. and bringing a satisfactory conclusion to an unsolved kidnapping.

Hiya, folks. I'm Joey Marcotti. That guy had the plaque in front of my face the

entire time.

Aw.

Behind every successful case, there is an unsung heroine. Well, thanks.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Oh, no, come on in.

It's Jean Edmonds. This is our friend, Janet Fowler. Hello. She's a friend.

This is for giving me peace of mind. Oh, thank you. We're sorry about your

husband. Thanks.

Our lawyer said that he'll probably have to spend six months at the honor farm.

I don't know what he's going to do when he gets out. The business is shot.

But his credit.

It's still good with me.

There you go.

Now, let's get down to business.

Business? Yeah.

It's about my sister.

Oh, you have a sister?

Yeah. I think her husband is seeing another woman.

And everybody we know knows we're more than brothers. We're best of friends.

We may not look or think like one another.

And there are times when we have hurt each other.

Still we're more than brothers. We're friends.