Original subtitles

What's he eating?

Don't they feed him at night?

Yeah.

Oh, no, not again.

Yeah, again. Now what happens is it answers the phone, beeps, and then shuts

before you can leave a message.

Pound cake?

I was talking about the pound cake. That's the third time in two weeks.

Did I ask for a show of hands for the breakfast menu, huh?

Well, at least it's improving. It's better than Mom's. Yeah, well, it is

Oh. She stopped by. She wants us to come to dinner tonight.

Is this Sunday?

No. Oh, that means she's dating again.

Yeah.

Thank you for calling Simon and Simon Investigations.

Our staff is not in the office at the moment, but you can leave a message for

when you hear the beep.

Please leave your name and telephone number, and we will get back to you just

soon as we can.

Thank you.

Morning, AJ.

How'd you know it was me?

Because you're recording sexier?

Oh, yeah.

Besides, I know your machine's broken. I took a message for you yesterday.

I was watering your plants. That's somebody from the zoo.

No, well, we already gave it the office. Thank you. No, they want to talk to you

about a job.

You're supposed to meet Mr.

Fry in the administrative offices at 11 o 'clock this morning.

Can you make it?

Oh, gee, well, we'll have to shift a lot of stuff around here, but, uh, yeah,

I'll squeeze it in. I mean, after all, this is who.

Hey, thank you. You know you ought to water our plants more often.

No, you should.

I'll talk to you later, okay?

Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

What was that about?

Nothing.

Derek Fry at the zoo? About a job?

Not Fred.

For them?

Now, Daddy.

Derek Fry is a large brother of mine.

You mean he called them and not me? And you gave them the message?

Now, Daddy, look, you're getting all upset about nothing. There's

Oh, wait a minute.

What's happening here? My friends hired the competition?

My own daughter takes bread out of the mouths of her children? Daddy, I don't

have any children.

In fact, I'm not married, remember?

Well, you keep hanging around with them, and you never will be.

You know, there is room in San Diego for two detective agencies.

No, there isn't.

J .J. Yo.

Bet you can't remember the last time we went to the zoo. Hey, come on. You stole

me five bucks for Hoplone's horse last week. Yeah, but that was a trick

question. Now, when was the last time we went to the zoo? Are you kidding?

Cubs got 10 -48. I had my bobcat, and you were going for your wolf badge.

Den mother.

Mr. Schneider.

Twerk. All right.

Now, five bucks says you can't come up with a kid who had to leave early

he was pitching pennies to kangaroos. Oh.

Come on.

Delay again.

Delay again.

Hold on. Hold on. I can see his saddle shoes.

Jimmy Dunbar. Wrong. Toby Short.

Okay. So who's the big kid who got busted for climbing onto Monkey Island?

Double or nothing?

Well, as you can see, a zoo isn't all popcorn and chattering monkeys.

Who was he?

David Howell.

An employee in charge of feeding the big cats.

And did his job right to the very end.

Now, just so we have an understanding, several other members of the board

this investigation. I did not. I was overruled.

But so you know, if you do anything to harm the reputation of this zoo...

You'll find it extremely difficult to get work again Always nice to kick

off. We'll vote confidence I'm sure you have no need to worry. Mr. Frye When did

this happen two days ago?

So far we've managed to keep it out of the papers. The police have had an

investigation. So have the insurance carriers Accidental death, of course, it

was accidental We just have to find a way to explain it You see, David Howell

was an experienced keeper, and the line was a model citizen for five years.

I think that we might look into David Howell's private life, perhaps. There

a personal problem.

Drugs, drinking, anything that can explain how it happened, if you

meaning. Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Let me just ask you, though, do you have any preference here?

Drug abuse, alcoholism, animal husbandry?

If you gentlemen don't feel that you can handle this case, well, I'm sure there

are other agencies that can. I want the right kind of results.

Just out of curiosity, Mr. Fry, what happens if he didn't have any personal

problems? I'm sure you'll find something.

Well, was there anything in the autopsy to indicate, say, intoxication?

There wasn't enough left of the body to perform an autopsy.

Now, if you gentlemen are ready to start earning your fees...

Do we have an understanding, Mr. Simon?

Oh, yes. What you want is a little discreet character assassination.

Let me put it this way.

My family has been supporting this institution for two generations with

extensive contributions.

I will do anything necessary to protect it.

Anything.

I just wanted to tell you that I don't agree with Mr. Fry.

When you work with animals, some of their instincts rub off.

There's just something wrong about this.

It just never should have happened.

David knew the lion was ill. The lion was sick?

No, we were just about ready to send him off to a research clinic.

I was treating him for meningitis.

I don't know, he probably would have died anyway, but when an animal injures

someone, we have him destroyed.

It's like losing a friend in Leo's case.

Funny thing is, these people will never know the difference.

I'll just wait for us to acquire another line.

Well, I've got rounds.

Let me know if I can be of any help, okay?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Alan Gray.

Alan Gray?

What? The kid on Monkey Island.

Alan Gray.

Wrong. What? Wrong. It was Alan Gray. It was not. He wasn't even along that day.

He had chicken pox, remember?

Five bucks a month.

You're really asking for it, aren't you? Five bucks.

Five bucks?

I'll spot you a minute or two and I'll make you call. What did you say the

name was?

Leon Mendoza. That means I'd better bring our favorite bureaucrat out of

retirement. Art Sanchez?

Oh, come on.

Oh, Art nearly got me busted the last time I went fishing. Don't worry, this

will give you good cover. Here he's got a fancy new position with a building

inspector's office.

Great.

You've got an apartment for rent.

Well, the guy's stuff is still in there, and they haven't come to get it yet.

And I'm really not supposed to... Would it be all right if I just take a quick

look around?

Yeah, I guess it'll be all right. Great. What happened? Did you get transferred

or something?

Something like that.

This guy was really into animals, wasn't he?

His stuff ought to be out of here in a few days

How

come he's moving

Business I guess he was a nice guy quiet. No trouble Listen, that's for me.

Hold on. I'll be right back. Sure. Hey, no problem. Take time

Mendoza, manager of the Del Capri Apartments on Cabrillo Avenue?

Yes. Hi, this is Art Sanchez with the Municipal Building Code Office.

Yeah, we're preparing for some on -site inspections, and I'm going to have to

ask you a few questions.

Okay, now let's move on to Erica. Are we talking about central refrigeration

here?

Okay, now the code states that you've got to have one parking space for each

unit. We already have two.

Well, yeah, two is better.

This won't take much longer, Mr.

Mendoza, and from the way it looks, I'm not even going to have to send a man out

there to poke around your place at all.

Nah.

Listen, can you hold on for just a second? My other line's ringing.

Okay, now let me just go down my list here and see if I missed anything, okay?

Oh, yeah, let's talk termites. Could I have the date of your last inspection,

please?

going to get it juiced up for you. Oh, great. Okay, well, plumbing looks

terrific to me.

Sure, we do everything by the code around here.

In fact, we just got a stamp of approval from the building inspector.

Really?

Thanks again.

You bet.

Surprise, surprise.

Uh -oh.

Yeah, looks like Mr. Howell did have a little problem with drugs. You're

kidding.

No. Oh, what is this, PCP? You ever hear of anybody shooting PCP?

Well, we'll get an analyst to find out.

You know, it's awfully nice of Mr. Howell to make it all so easy for us,

it?

Now,

if you were a cop...

Yeah? You were searching a man's apartment.

Wouldn't you look under the bottoms of the drawers? Yeah. Uh -huh. And if you

found a bottle with some funny little pink pills in it, wouldn't you take it?

Of course I would. All right.

So?

It's phony. Yeah.

Obviously we're being set up. I mean, somebody put the pills in the syringes

there for us to find.

Oh! Oh!

Foul! A foul.

That was clean.

Now, obviously we're discussing Mr. Fry from the zoo here. Am I correct?

What does he think we are, stupid or something? No, he thinks we're greedy.

Checks around town, finds out that we need the business.

He figures we'll take a quick buck and keep our mouth shut, right?

Open and shut situation.

Question is, what is it that he's trying to cover up?

Well,

we're not being paid to find out what he's trying to cover up.

Yeah, I know.

We're being paid to do his dirty work for him.

Pass the buns, please.

And the butter, please, Andy.

Thank you.

Mom, do you know a guy named Derek Fry?

Wasn't he married to one of the Lennox twins?

Oh, no, no, no. That was Ed Randall. You're thinking about Evie Parker.

But she only dated Fry.

You're right. She had just divorced Bob Gordon and hadn't met Lyle Hughes yet.

Was that before or after Lyle's nervous breakdown?

Oh, it had to be before. She caused it, remember?

Could we get back to Derek Fry for just a second?

Who?

Derek Fry. You remember the guy who only dated E .B. Parker?

Oh, sorry. I only know him by reputation.

Well, what's his reputation?

Rich.

Old money.

Inherited.

Spends all his time spending it.

You know, things like charities, civic projects.

Why are you fellas asking?

Oh, we're doing some work for him. For the zoo, really.

Oh, that's right. The zoo is his pet project.

Yeah, he serves on the board free of charge.

Donates a million dollars a year to it. What are you doing for the zoo?

It's confidential, Mom.

Results are ready.

Actually, I'm afraid not, Mr. Fry.

We searched Howell's apartment yesterday and... Well?

Come up dry.

Well... I just thought we ought to let you know. Yeah, you know, in case you

any other suggestions.

Am I supposed to do your jobs for you?

I'm paying you for results.

Oh, well, we'll get the results.

It's just, you know... When a man has personal problems, it's usually the

at work that know something about it. We were just thinking that maybe you could

tell the personnel here at the zoo that we're from the poor side of your family

and get us a couple jobs here.

I think we can do that. What kind of job did you have in mind?

Relaxing drink.

Yes, room service.

Come on, I'm not dead. Look at all those washings we've got for you today.

Once they get to know you. Yeah.

Great. How well did they know the guy who got killed the other day?

Howell? Yeah.

The question is, how well did he get to know them?

He didn't catch me in the same room with those sick lions.

That cat was running a fever.

He's being treated by the vet for it.

Emotions. Didn't Howell know that?

Yeah.

But he went in two hours after shift.

Some people around here are wilder than the animals.

Quiet and move in a little closer and get a better look.

This is Dr.

Sawyer, our veterinarian.

Dr. Sawyer, would you like to tell us a little bit about your patient there?

Yes, I'd love to.

This is Ronnie.

And Ronnie is about ten months old.

And we had to bring him in here because his mother couldn't feed him.

But if he keeps drinking his milk and taking his vitamins, he'll grow up to be

big, strong chimpanzee.

Okay.

If we go back down the hall now, you can all see what happens when a leopard

breaks its leg.

Okay?

I need a favor.

If you could tell me what was in there, and if you could tell me what these are.

I think I can do that. Where'd you get them?

David Howell's apartment.

And I need another favor. For the time being, let's just keep it between us,

okay?

Better get back to my little monkeys.

Kids.

Did you want to see me, Mr. Fry?

Come in, Kramer.

I thought I told you to plant those pills in Hal's apartment.

Did? Did you?

Well, I went ahead and hired detectives who went to the apartment and found

nothing. That's impossible.

I made it so easy, you couldn't have missed it.

All they had to do was find the PCP and trace it back to the vest office where

Howell stole it in the first place. I want you to find a way to get rid of

two.

Manufacture an incident, give me an excuse to fire them and shut that board

If this backfires on me one more time, don't worry.

1 ,500 different species of birds from around the globe, including

100 races of the parrot family, a world of waterfowl, and

many more of our exotic feathered friends.

On our left, a grouping of African and Asiatic elephants, and if you look

closely, you will see a white -bearded new and the cringier

doryx.

Up ahead, you can see one of our skilled attendants preparing their lunch.

Okay, we'll stop here for a minute.

For those of you who want to take some pictures, maybe, please, save some for

the reptile house.

time. Oh, come on. I offered to flip you for it. Yeah, well, you knew I couldn't

remember all that garbage.

Well, I figure I have to memorize all that garbage so it makes us just about

even. Yeah, well, we're gonna get even more even when we split the check for

this job.

Yeah, well, just keep track of your hours. That's all. Yeah, I'm already

that one.

Hey!

You wanna know those feedbacks today?

I was thinking about it.

Good!

Because when you finish here, there's a couple of gorillas over there who

wouldn't mind seeing you.

That's a new attraction for you.

North American jerk.

It's a real jungle out here.

Come up with anything?

Yeah. Got a little steak joint I want you to see tonight.

Whew.

a reservation?

My paperwork says that all the cats consume the normal amount of meat last

That's just about 10 pounds per day per cat.

Those records are kept by whoever does the feeding, right?

Five pounds of meat they consume, they get one of these.

This is a processed food supplement.

Contains all the nutritional requirements to keep a big cat healthy.

vitamins, minerals, like that.

That's swell, Mr. Wizard.

Yeah, but there are ten more of those packages in there than there ought to

That's five days' worth. So what? The cat was thick. He probably wasn't eating

right. Aha, yeah. Well, according to the records from the meat locker, he was

eating right.

According to what's in there, he wasn't.

Now, nobody in his right mind is going to walk into a cage with a hungry lion,

especially not one that's been starved for five days.

So either Howell wasn't in his right mind and was high on PCPs... Yeah, or he

checked these records, figured the lion was eating all right, walked in there

and got one big surprise.

In which case, he was murdered.

Yeah.

You don't look like a bear.

Yeah, I look like a bear.

Hey, what do you think you're doing?

It says don't feed the animals.

Then don't feed the animals. Just beat it.

Mister, there's a bear behind you. Listen, kid, you better get out of here

before I take those peanuts and shove them...

What's it worth to you?

Five bucks.

Nope, ten.

Okay, ten. Let's go.

We're now approaching bear country, which is currently being remodeled.

When it is finished, it will be one of the most fascinating outdoor

ever created for these creatures.

Okay, well, on your next visit, you will be able to see the North American

grizzly...

A

little help here?

Stay there. I'll be right back.

I'm not moving.

Excuse me. Excuse me, please.

What did you do to yourself?

Would you hold still?

Rick, let me see the other one.

What happened? Easy. Oh, he was shitting up and down trees.

You know, I think I finally got this thing fixed. We got a message.

This is Mr. Fry's office at the zoo calling.

He's asked me to give you the following message.

I did not hire you to turn our institution into a circus.

Unrecommended. Recommendation of legal counsel, I am terminating your

without pay since you have demonstrated no ability to deliver results.

You'll be getting a letter to this effect.

Thank you and have a nice day.

Ouch.

AJ,

I'm going to go fishing. You want to come?

got a call from derrick fry we've got the zoo assignment that's wonderful

you know you two really stepped in at this time fry's got a lot of contacts in

san diego you two just might be out of business

on second thought i will go fishing let me get my stuff

I think you'd better come to my lab as soon as possible.

It was PCP, animal tranquilizer.

And it was used on an animal, Leo.

There was lion tissue embedded in the needle.

But a dose that large would have made Leo sick. Now, why would Hal want to do

that? What kind of sick?

High fever, convulsions, reduced appetite, weight loss.

I just lost a panther to it six months ago. And Leo was developing the same

symptoms. A lion and a panther with the same disease? Isn't that unusual?

Uh, who was in charge of feeding the panther? Was that Harold?

Yes.

I think I'm starting to get the picture.

Yeah, me too.

I've been with her for an open hour.

Then bring them out here.

Oh, they don't want to come.

Then do what you have to do.

I need a private talk.

Make sure Sawyer doesn't know. Now, look, she can be trouble.

I've already covered that.

The zoo's about to get a new veterinarian.

You bet.

See, Fry planted the pills for us to find, but he didn't plant the syringes.

Hal was injecting Leo with enough PCP to duplicate the symptoms of meningitis.

But there was only one problem. That PCP was stolen seven months ago, and in a

liquid form, it has a very short shelf life.

So it went bad.

Well, that means that Howell wasn't murdered. It was just an accident.

I mean, he went in thinking that Leo was too tranquil to attack him.

Yeah, got exactly what he deserved.

Here it is.

Look at these.

The two autopsy reports from the Kenner Foundation are identical, but no mention

of PCP in either the Panther or the Lion.

What is the Kenner Foundation?

It's a research clinic. It's non -profit and loosely associated with the zoo.

It must be pretty loose, because whatever the hell's going on here, these

are part of it.

Oh, I can't believe that.

The foundation was set up by the Fry family years ago.

Fry? Derek Fry?

Well, it was created by his father, but I'm sure he's in charge of it now.

I'm getting very frightened by all of this.

Well, I think you have very good reason to be.

And I think it's time you and I had a little talk with Mr Fry.

Yep.

You've been shot with a tranquilizer, Doc.

You've been drugged. You're going to have to be quiet. You understand me?

Shut up.

Are you going to be quiet?

Quiet.

Hey, Rick.

Why'd you hit that guy that danced?

Shut up.

He was only dancing with her.

Huh? Boy, Dad's going to be mad at us when we get home.

Shut

up.

Did you see the face of the guy who got the water balloon? He's convertible.

If you don't shut up, I'm going to tell Dad what you did to old man Edward Rose,

Pat.

I gotta get up from my paper route.

Maybe he'll only eat.

little creep you finked on me.

What's going on?

Can you walk? I think so.

Look, we got to make a run for that tram. I feel like I'm playing at 33 and

third. You better speed it up to 78.

Hey, Rick, drop me off at Barbie Herman's on the way home.

Barbie Herman's married and has four kids.

But she's only a freshman.

Oh, wonderful.

Retracting attention.

Try explaining this to the cops.

Grand theft zoo trap.

Just to get a grip. Where is that lousy microphone?

Ladies and gentlemen, support your local zoo.

Yes, it's our annual fun drive, and we're taking to the streets to pass the

on to kids of all ages.

The zoo.

needs you.

Hi, folks. Come on in to the zoo and see the North American grizzly bear.

Like the song says, it's all happening at the zoo.

Looking for a cheap date?

Try the zoo.

You don't have to wait in line for romance and adventure.

Yeah, okay. We'll be there in half an hour.

Yeah. Bye.

How long was I out of it last night?

16 years. Here you go. Put your act together. We got a date with Dr. Sawyer.

Mom! Gotta pay a little visit to the Kenner Foundation.

Hey, Mom, can we borrow the car?

Let's go.

Bye, Mom.

A stolen zoo vehicle parked in front of your house. There is?

There certainly is.

How do you suppose it got there, officer?

I was about to ask you the same question.

Well, I didn't leave it there.

i've been here a few times before the clinic is in the back of the building

Listen, there's something going into that truck I think you ought to take a

at. Come on.

It's Leo.

I kind of thought it was.

Yeah, but he's supposed to be dead. You saw the autopsy report.

I get a weird feeling if we don't do something pretty fast, he's going to be

dead. What?

Ah, look, you're going to have to follow that truck.

Whenever he gets to where it's going, you call the cops.

Yeah, but where are you going to be?

With him.

Come on.

Okay, he's all yours. You can take him away.

Is that thing drugged?

Nope.

Better be careful.

I help you, ma 'am?

Excuse me, I was just curious.

Who lives here?

This is the Fry estate.

Don't do it, Mr.

Kramer. Now, you might get one shot off before that cat was all over your boss,

but there's nothing bad about a wounded lion, now, is there?

Why don't you just lock that thing up again?

Why don't you tell your friend Kramer to put his gun down?

Do as he says.

What? I got a clear shot here.

Do it.

Everybody except Mr. Fry here, just back off nice and easy.

No way for the animal to get out.

Just a matter of time before the great white hunter makes his kill. Right,

Brian?

How much is it going to cost me to keep you two quiet?

Oh.

Oh, I wish you'd made an offer sooner. It looks like it's a little late now.

Are these from the zoo?

We should have kept you with this, too, where you belong.

We just came over to take care of your share of the fee.

Well, how much?

Daddy, we can't accept anything. We didn't even assign anyone to the case.

I was handling it personally.

I sort of figured you were. You were our subcontractor, you might say, right?

You realize you have to report this on your income tax?

Okay. Well, now, what we did was we designed a formula based on the maximum

amount of time that you had since Fry hired you and divided by the amount of

time it took us. successfully conclude the investigation.

It came to $7 and change.

But, why quibble over car fare?

It's making it even eight.

Real pleasure having you aboard, Myron. We'd like to have you work for us again

sometime real soon. There you go. Thanks again.

Oh, um, can you hold on to that for about ten days?

Thank you.

I know the meaning of amigo.

We're not alike, yet everybody we know knows we're more than brothers. We're

best of friends.

We may not look or think like one another, and there are times when we

each other.

Still, we're more than brothers. We're best of friends.