Original subtitles

Attention all cars in District 15.

Go to 6th and Main Streets. Armored car held up.

Surround area and search for three men who made their getaway on foot.

Use caution. They are heavily armed.

garbage. Come on, get out of here.

Here we are, Captain.

Okay.

Hey, what's that on the stool?

Must be a stool pigeon.

I know you pulled that car robbery.

Hey, you, sit down on that chair.

The hot seat. They can't fry me for nothing.

Hey, brave kid, it'll be over in a minute. And we'll see that you get a

send -off. Shut up.

That's a lie detector.

Oh, not that. Oh, no, there's one there.

Here,

hold that.

If you tell the truth, that pen will travel in a straight line. But if you

a lie, we'll know it.

Have you ever been to jail before?

Why, of course not.

That's a lie.

Just as I thought.

Have you any visible means of support?

Sure. I got suspenders.

So you have.

I mean, have you guys got a job?

Why, certainly, Captain. We work at the Eli Cafe on Main Street. Check on that,

Jackson. Yes, sir.

Hold that.

Now then, I got a couple of questions I want to ask you.

Me? Yes, and so have I.

Did you or did you not take that quarter out of my shoe last night? On my honor,

Moe, I didn't do it.

Oh, a chisel.

That's enough.

Break it up.

Now then, what were you doing at 11 o 'clock last night?

I don't know.

What were you doing at 11 o 'clock?

I was at a lunch meeting.

The last question seems to have broken the machine, Captain.

What's that?

We didn't do it, Captain. You're wasting our time.

Come out here.

Gee, it was swell of you to tell the cops we worked here, Miss Harmon. Yeah,

it wasn't for you, we'd be set up for life. You sure got us out of a jam.

Oh, that's all right, boys.

I'm sort of in a jam myself.

Yeah? What's the trouble?

Oh, trying to make a go of this restaurant.

I can't afford any help. And most of my customers sign their checks instead of

paying. You mean they sign all these?

Mm -hmm.

Why, they're dirty chisels. Who are they?

Larry Fine, Larry Fine, Larry...

You nitwit. You got a lot of crust you have.

I wonder whose this is.

Shemp Howard, Shemp Howard, Shemp... What's the matter with you?

I'm coming right back.

Hey, this guy must have had a tapeworm.

Moe Howard, Moe Howard, Moe... What are you guys looking at? Get out of here.

Miss Harmon, you got yourself three new helpers. Yeah, and for free, too. Oh,

boys, I couldn't let you do anything like that. Oh, forget it. Spread out.

go into the kitchen. You get behind that counter. Oh, really, you should. That's

all right, Miss Harmon. They're going to go to work and like it. And if it's

absolutely necessary, I'll go to work, too.

We're out of almost everything.

Then you run along to the market and stock up.

We're in business.

Well, it'll be, sir.

I'll take the short ribs.

I think we got some delicious chicken soup.

Just short ribs.

I know, but you haven't tried our chicken soup. I know, because I have...

ribs. Short ribs.

Chicken soup's coming up.

Why ain't chicken soup coming up?

I'm sorry, sir.

Why, Captain Mullins, how are you?

Funny thing, I was just thinking about you.

Yeah, I'm thinking about you right now.

And it could be murder.

Now, don't get excited, Cap. Here, sit right down and have something on the

house. Yeah, yeah, have something on the house. Right back here.

Sit down.

Out of the draft.

Now, how about some nice vittles?

Chicken soup?

Cereals? Yeah, Captain.

Nice cup of hot java.

What's on your mind?

You ever see that guy before?

Hey, that's one of the guys who was in on the car robbery.

Yeah, I'd know him anywhere.

I had a hunch it was a lefty woman's job.

Thanks for the tip, boys. Oh, anything to accommodate the police department.

Hey, Cap, don't let your coffee get cold. I'll get you a piece of pie.

This is on the house. Thanks.

Oh, you like it, eh?

That tastes like paint.

Paint?

What are you talking about?

It is paint.

That's the coffee.

This is better.

Oh, boy, 12 o 'clock.

See you later, fellas. Wait a minute. Where do you think you're going?

Oh, to lunch. A wise guy, huh?

Listen, if the customers can stand to eat, you're cooking, so can you. Sit

Yeah, what is it? A letter from the lawyer who was handling my father's

Someone wants to buy our old homestead in the country for $1 ,000.

Did you say $1 ,000? Yes. Oh, I'm so excited. Now I can pay all my bills.

I'd better call Mr. Scott right away.

Can't be much of a joint for $1 ,000.

Must be a rat trap. Yeah, that's what I think. Hey,

maybe she's being gypped.

Yeah, why don't we go out there and look the joint over before we let her sell

it? I think you've got something there. No, you're showing intelligence.

Am I?

Let's go on.

Oh, boy.

Fresh clams.

Boy, clam chowder.

Oh, a cracker swagger, huh?

What's the matter with you?

Get your teeth out.

You too.

What's the matter with you?

Slight of fantasy.

Spread out. Go on. Get out of here.

I'm going to murder you.

Hey, how far can you guys reach?

The clam just bit me. You're crazy. A clam can't bite. That one did right

I can't see any clam.

He's got me. He's got me.

He's got me. He's got me.

Let go.

Hold steady.

I'll get it.

Hold still, will you?

Is it all right?

Oh, you're all right, aren't you? Yeah, yeah.

We

make

a clean getaway and these mugs put their finger on us.

What are we going to do, Lefty?

What do we usually do with guys that know too much?

Yeah, but how are we going to find them?

You don't expect them to walk right into our hands, do you?

Well, here we are.

Don't look like much. No. Have you got a key?

Yes, here it is.

Okay.

It won't open. It must be bolted from the inside.

Oh, that can't be.

Well, it is.

Spread out, you guys. Find something to pry this door open with.

It's them.

Let them have it.

I don't see nothing.

Oh, a hunk of pipe.

This ought to do it.

Hey, Moe! Hey, Moe! What do you want?

Moe!

What is it? I had a piece of pipe in my hand and it disappeared right out of my

hands. Maybe it's still in your hand. No!

Get away.

You had a hallucination.

No, I had a hook of pipe.

You're all right. Come on.

Hey, Shem, what's the matter? I wonder where Gladys went.

Where could she go? I don't know.

Gladys!

Gladys! Hey, fellas, you think this will open it?

Swear, where'd you get it? In the house. Oh, in the house. Yeah, can you use it?

And how?

Come on, get going.

They're all in, Lefty. Shall I bump them off?

I think that's a job for Angel.

Strangers in the house.

He'll do a nice quiet job.

We should have stayed outside.

What's the matter with you? You're getting on my nerves. What's that?

That's a statue.

Oh, it must be Washington. He slept everywhere.

Gladys! Where can she be? Oh, Gladys!

Gladys! Gladys!

I can't... What's the matter with you?

Washington is gone.

So are you. Go ahead.

This joint gives me the creeps. Well, start creeping. We've got to find

This looks like a good place for a murder.

Quiet.

I'm glad you guys are behind me.

Hey, quit shoving me, will you?

What are you grunting about? I'm doing the looking.

I can't see a thing. It's so dark in there, I...

Is that you in there? No, I ain't in here.

Hey, Mo, is that you?

Why, certainly.

Who are you expecting, Santa Claus?

Good add.

Pardon me.

Don't get excited. I'll let you in in a minute.

Boy, am I glad you came.

Did you see that big guy outside?

Honest, mister, I didn't mean nothing.

It looked like Shemp.

My God, you're right. It was Shemp. I'll get him.

Look on my shoulder. I want to get Shemp.