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All language subtitles for The Three Stooges (1947) - S14E01 - Half Wits Holiday

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Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:34,740 I say environment. 2 00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:39,860 Heredity. Heredity is the very foundation of social distinction. 3 00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:41,840 Environment. Heredity. 4 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:48,000 Your theory, my dear Professor Sedlitz, is completely illogical, preponderantly 5 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,940 impracticable, and moreover, it stinks. 6 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,720 Just say nothing of people. 7 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:59,400 I'll wager you a thousand dollars that my theory is correct. 8 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,440 Poo -poo and hubba -hubba. I'll accept that bet. 9 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:06,740 And I'll take a man from the lowest strata of life and in two months, 10 00:01:06,740 --> 00:01:08,940 environment, make him a gentleman. 11 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:14,760 Now, shake him. Come on. Oh, excuse me, sir. The plumbers. 12 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:17,280 Come on. 13 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:22,060 This is it. 14 00:01:22,340 --> 00:01:26,860 You men connected this gas log backwards yesterday. Now, please fix it properly. 15 00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:29,680 Don't worry. We always fix it right the second time. 16 00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,700 All right, boys, let's get busy. 17 00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:42,140 The world speaks of one missing link, but I swear there are three. 18 00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:46,240 I'm going to cut that pipe with a chisel. I'll hold the chisel. You hammer 19 00:01:46,420 --> 00:01:47,420 Larry, you guide him. 20 00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:52,040 Okay. Get it right now. All right. Square off. Little to the left. To the 21 00:01:52,380 --> 00:01:53,380 Okay. 22 00:02:04,650 --> 00:02:09,030 If you can make gentlemen out of them, you'll go down in posterity as having 23 00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:10,949 proved the Darwin theory. 24 00:02:11,450 --> 00:02:12,830 Quite so, Professor Sedlitz. 25 00:02:13,650 --> 00:02:17,010 Now, I'll show you how an expert does it, Lunkhead. I'll do the pitching, you 26 00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:18,010 the catching, Larry. Come on. 27 00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:19,430 Let us interview them. 28 00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:28,250 I'm sorry, bub, but you should have honked your horn before you approached. 29 00:02:28,570 --> 00:02:29,790 Oh, I'm all right. 30 00:02:30,810 --> 00:02:31,890 You were the mattress head. 31 00:02:32,290 --> 00:02:35,880 Now, if I gave you a dollar... and your father gave you a dollar, how many 32 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:36,880 dollars would you have? 33 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:37,920 One dollar. 34 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:39,620 You don't know your arithmetic. 35 00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:41,020 You don't know my father. 36 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:43,820 How would you boys like to make a thousand dollars? 37 00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:45,240 Who do you have to murder? 38 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:48,980 Oh, nothing like that. All you have to do is let me make gentlemen of you. 39 00:02:49,980 --> 00:02:53,940 No, no, not that. Our father would never forgive us. There ain't been a 40 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,780 gentleman in our family for 50 generations. 41 00:02:56,180 --> 00:02:57,180 Quit bragging. 42 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,680 Okay, for a thousand bucks, we'll even become gentlemen. 43 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,400 Then it's settled. 44 00:03:02,460 --> 00:03:03,460 Please sit down. 45 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:06,840 It's a good thing Kilroy wasn't here. Yeah, we'd be disgraced for life. 46 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:09,100 Now, please cross your knees. 47 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:11,860 May I borrow this? 48 00:03:21,460 --> 00:03:22,740 Remarkable, my dear Sedlitz. 49 00:03:23,340 --> 00:03:24,900 Inconceivable, my dear Quackenbush. 50 00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,500 ...definite evidence of vacancy of the cranium. 51 00:03:45,740 --> 00:03:46,740 Gee, thanks! 52 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:51,240 You've made the bet. You were stuck with him. I'll be back to collect my money 53 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:52,260 in 60 days. 54 00:03:52,540 --> 00:03:54,080 No, no. I'll win. 55 00:03:54,540 --> 00:03:56,740 What? With these morons? 56 00:03:57,180 --> 00:03:58,500 Yeah, but we're organized. 57 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:04,000 Amalgamated Association of Morons. Local 6 and 7 -8. 58 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,540 We are morons, tried and true, and we'll do our yell for you. 59 00:04:15,370 --> 00:04:16,370 Professor? Rare and ago. 60 00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:18,450 Oh, that's fine, boys. 61 00:04:18,670 --> 00:04:22,790 By the way, my daughter Lulu arrived from college this morning to help me 62 00:04:22,790 --> 00:04:23,790 your education. 63 00:04:23,870 --> 00:04:27,110 She's preparing a little lunch for us. Now, I'm sure that you... Here I am, 64 00:04:27,110 --> 00:04:28,110 Daddy. 65 00:04:28,390 --> 00:04:29,390 Gentlemen, 66 00:04:30,030 --> 00:04:31,190 this is my daughter Lulu. 67 00:04:32,070 --> 00:04:33,070 What a Lulu. 68 00:04:37,130 --> 00:04:38,130 Listen, 69 00:04:42,890 --> 00:04:44,890 you! Boys, boys, no more nonsense. 70 00:04:45,210 --> 00:04:45,989 Yes, sir. 71 00:04:45,990 --> 00:04:49,110 Now, gentlemen, the first lesson in etiquette will be table manners. 72 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:53,950 You must always observe the rules of etiquette. Beg pardon, luncheon is 73 00:04:59,230 --> 00:04:59,670 You 74 00:04:59,670 --> 00:05:10,030 know, 75 00:05:10,070 --> 00:05:12,530 babe, you and I can make beautiful music together. 76 00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:13,910 I... 77 00:05:15,210 --> 00:05:16,210 Come on. 78 00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:24,770 Now, first you unfold your napkins and place it in your laps, like this. 79 00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:39,590 Hey, in your lap. 80 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,800 Now, boys, watch Lulu carefully, and whatever she does at this table, you 81 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:47,800 do. Yes, sir. 82 00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:49,179 Pardon me. 83 00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:50,180 I'll be right back. 84 00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,980 You know, babe, you sure are the hubba hubba kid. 85 00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:57,180 Hubba hubba. Wahoo! 86 00:05:57,580 --> 00:05:58,580 You're right, boy. 87 00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:03,460 Toots, I'd love to cover you with furs and automobiles. Well, thank you. Only 88 00:06:03,460 --> 00:06:04,460 the best furs. 89 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,020 Mink, skunk, porcupine. 90 00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:08,680 Only the best for you. 91 00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:13,710 And then I can picture you and I walking down Fifth Avenue. 92 00:06:14,050 --> 00:06:16,410 You, covered with those gorgeous furs. 93 00:06:18,070 --> 00:06:19,510 What's the idea, flattop? 94 00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:21,830 The professor said do everything she does. 95 00:06:22,510 --> 00:06:24,930 Why, I ought to tear your tonsils out. Shut up. 96 00:06:47,820 --> 00:06:50,980 Now, as I was saying, honey, you're the apple of my eye. 97 00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:53,600 You're the cranberry sauce of my turkey. 98 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,900 Say the word and you and I will fly around the world forever. 99 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:58,520 Or even longer. 100 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,500 Oh! Oh! 101 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,820 All right. Now we will resume the lessons. 102 00:07:18,350 --> 00:07:20,690 You may start serving, Sappington. Yes, sir. 103 00:07:22,190 --> 00:07:24,150 Some olives or celery, Miss Lulu? 104 00:07:24,370 --> 00:07:25,470 Thank you, Sappington. 105 00:07:30,490 --> 00:07:31,810 Some celery, sir? 106 00:07:32,090 --> 00:07:33,090 Thank you. 107 00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:36,390 I just love celery. 108 00:07:48,010 --> 00:07:50,790 Hey, pig, what do you want to eat all those olives for? I like them. 109 00:07:55,790 --> 00:07:56,790 Water. 110 00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,530 I almost choked on those olive pits. 111 00:08:03,770 --> 00:08:04,770 I ought to choke you. 112 00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:10,170 This make -believe eating stuff may be all right for you, but my stomach don't 113 00:08:10,170 --> 00:08:10,969 think so. 114 00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:11,970 Pipe down. 115 00:08:34,659 --> 00:08:35,659 What's the matter with you? 116 00:08:36,460 --> 00:08:37,600 The soup's too hot. 117 00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:43,860 What's the matter with you? There's a hair in my soup. 118 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,680 You're crazy. That's a crack in your plate. 119 00:08:45,980 --> 00:08:47,420 I never saw a crackle that way. 120 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:49,840 Well, that's neither here nor there. Go ahead. 121 00:09:21,020 --> 00:09:22,140 Boys! Boys! 122 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,240 Pardon me, what are we eating now? 123 00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:32,660 Lamb chops. 124 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:34,620 Yummy, yummy. 125 00:09:34,820 --> 00:09:35,880 They sure look inviting. 126 00:09:37,020 --> 00:09:39,360 Boy, I wish I had some Worcestershire sauce. 127 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:41,840 I can't say Worcestershire. 128 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,060 Hey, what's the idea of eating with your knife? 129 00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:47,820 I always eat my peas with my knife. 130 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,120 You dummy. 131 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,000 You never eat peas with a knife. No? 132 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:53,940 No. You mix them with the mashed potatoes. 133 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:56,800 Then you eat them with a spoon. Oh, thanks. 134 00:09:57,160 --> 00:09:58,160 Yes. 135 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:02,700 Oh! 136 00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:04,980 What's the matter with you now? 137 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,940 My lamb chop lost his pants. 138 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:08,680 Well, dress him and eat him. 139 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:29,440 All right, we'll now start our first reading lesson. 140 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:31,840 Turn to page one. Read them all. 141 00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:40,900 Oh. 142 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,100 See the cat. 143 00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:50,060 Does the mouse see the cat? 144 00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:51,960 Yes, the dirty rat. 145 00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:53,280 Don't get poisoned. 146 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:54,860 Ah, here, here. 147 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:56,360 Read page four. 148 00:10:56,830 --> 00:10:58,570 Oh, see the little deer. 149 00:10:58,830 --> 00:11:00,770 Has the deer a little doe? 150 00:11:01,470 --> 00:11:02,770 Yeah, two bucks. 151 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:07,670 No more levity. Read, Larry. 152 00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:10,690 Oh, see the pretty cat. 153 00:11:11,030 --> 00:11:13,310 Does the pretty cat have chickens? 154 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:17,150 That's kittens. A cat does not have chickens. 155 00:11:17,490 --> 00:11:21,670 Oh, no? Well, I had a cat and it got in a chicken house, and that cat had 156 00:11:21,670 --> 00:11:22,670 chickens. 157 00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:32,980 to myself. 158 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,260 No, thank you, Sappington. 159 00:11:37,660 --> 00:11:39,060 I'm allergic to pastry. 160 00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:49,460 Now, gentlemen, try and remember everything that you have been taught. 161 00:11:49,460 --> 00:11:53,280 your debut into society tonight is successful, the money is yours. 162 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:58,320 Professor Quackenbush, have no qualms or trepidations. We will justify your 163 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,400 faith in us indubitably, sir. 164 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,640 Professor, the vicissitudes we've encountered have elevated us to a lofty 165 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,000 position. Thank you, gentlemen. 166 00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,600 Come, I'll introduce you. 167 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:10,440 Good evening. 168 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:14,540 Good evening. May I introduce my three protégés, Mrs. Gotrox. 169 00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:16,060 Delighted. 170 00:12:16,380 --> 00:12:17,380 Devastated. 171 00:12:17,740 --> 00:12:20,880 Delapidated. And the counter, Spritzwasser. 172 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:23,280 Enchanted. Enraptured. 173 00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:25,020 Embalmed. 174 00:12:25,780 --> 00:12:26,980 Oh, pardon us. 175 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,220 Quaint, aren't they, but cute. 176 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:31,740 I hope you have your checkbook with you. 177 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,280 It's a miracle. 178 00:12:33,820 --> 00:12:35,320 But the evening is still young. 179 00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,100 Good evening, Miss Lulu. 180 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,480 My, but you look charming. 181 00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:41,920 Oh, thank you, boys. You look charming, too. 182 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:47,500 Oh, by the way, may I present Mrs. Smythe Smythe. Oh, very, very happy, 183 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:49,480 Oh. 184 00:12:50,980 --> 00:12:51,980 Champagny. 185 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,120 You know, this is our first entree into society, and we find it very delightful. 186 00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,700 So different than our first party at the reform school. 187 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:05,580 Oh, uh, Curlington. 188 00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:13,220 Yesington. May I present Mrs. Smythe Smythe. You certainly may. 189 00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:15,640 Hiya. I'm tall. 190 00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:18,560 I kiss your hand, madame. 191 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,120 Isn't he galant? 192 00:13:27,150 --> 00:13:33,870 Would you please excuse us? Come on, come on. 193 00:13:33,970 --> 00:13:36,230 Where's that diamond? In my safe deposit box. 194 00:13:37,210 --> 00:13:38,210 Give it back. 195 00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:39,310 I lost the combination. 196 00:13:41,430 --> 00:13:42,430 Well, 197 00:13:45,650 --> 00:13:46,650 what do you know? 198 00:13:47,310 --> 00:13:48,990 Tell me. I hope nobody saw us. 199 00:14:04,130 --> 00:14:07,470 You stupid... Now I've got to get something to cover this silverware. 200 00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:16,810 You fool. 201 00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:19,870 Boys, I've been looking for you. Come along. 202 00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:22,430 Yes, sir. This is the most interesting experiment. 203 00:14:22,890 --> 00:14:25,270 I'm very anxious to really talk to those boys. 204 00:14:25,590 --> 00:14:28,870 Well, they're here. I know they'll be very happy to speak with you, Mrs. 205 00:14:28,870 --> 00:14:29,870 -Smythe. 206 00:14:30,330 --> 00:14:32,490 Are you Penny Larson -y, Stooge? 207 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,720 What are you trying to do, ruin us? Give me that pie. 208 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:37,100 I'll get over there and sit down before I crown you. 209 00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:38,499 Go on. 210 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:42,220 And you know, my dear, when they first arrived, they were absolutely uncouth. 211 00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:44,540 But now they're the epitome of refinement. 212 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,260 There's one of them now. 213 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,400 Excuse me, dear. 214 00:14:48,620 --> 00:14:51,200 My dear young man, do tell me about yourself. 215 00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:58,360 Well, you see, it... Well, that is... You'll pardon me. If you don't tell me 216 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:01,340 about this metamorphosis, I shall always feel that I've missed something. 217 00:15:05,130 --> 00:15:07,610 Lady, if you don't leave right now, you're not going to miss anything. 218 00:15:08,010 --> 00:15:10,170 Young man, what's wrong? 219 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:13,490 You act as though the sword of Damocles is hanging over your head. 220 00:15:15,670 --> 00:15:17,030 Lady, you must be psychic. 221 00:15:17,290 --> 00:15:19,950 I wonder what's wrong with that young man. 222 00:15:20,950 --> 00:15:21,950 Psychic! 223 00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:37,250 Got the brain, then, Basili. You trying to ruin us, too? 224 00:15:42,750 --> 00:15:45,610 You know, you're a little bit too bossy. 225 00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:50,230 I'm too bossy, huh? 226 00:15:50,930 --> 00:15:51,930 Wise guy. 227 00:15:56,930 --> 00:15:59,190 You forgot the duck. 228 00:16:00,650 --> 00:16:01,650 So did you. 229 00:16:11,950 --> 00:16:13,630 out of this. Your drink, madam. 230 00:16:16,330 --> 00:16:17,370 Pardon me, madam. 231 00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:24,470 Stop it! Stop it this minute! You disgraceful vagabonds! 232 00:17:07,470 --> 00:17:10,650 And believe me, I've learned that you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's 233 00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:11,810 ear. Yes, Professor. 234 00:17:12,270 --> 00:17:14,270 And I've learned something, too. 235 00:17:14,730 --> 00:17:15,730 What's that? 236 00:17:16,109 --> 00:17:20,510 This! A wise guy, eh? See you later. 16484