Original subtitles

son. Which one of you guys are really my dad?

I am.

There's something fishy about this, and I want the lowdown.

Now come clean. Where did I come from?

Well, you see, son, it was like this. It happened several years ago.

You were a neency, peency, teensy, weensy, schmeensy, uh...

What's the idea? I was just about to play coming through the corn.

You mean rye. The way I play it, it's corn.

Break it up. How much money did you loan on this junk?

Cheap, $50. That's a genuine stratosphere.

Stratosphere? Yeah.

Play some air.

Isn't that beautiful?

That's the old oaken bucket I'm playing.

Hmm. Sounds like it. Yeah.

Where'd the water come from? From the old oaken bucket.

And you, maestro, you get over there and play that bull fiddle. And no old oaken

bucket. Why, certainly, certainly.

You ain't heard nothing yet.

That's funny. I ain't heard nothing yet either.

Yeah.

Another stratosphere you bought.

That's a fine way to throw our money away.

Don't you look at merchandise before you hand it out? You nitwit, I'll bash your

brains out.

I'm sorry, sir. These two bullies were attacking me with poison gas.

Say, that's the guy that sold me this fake wool fiddle. You're dreaming, bub.

I'm Butch McGee, president of the Gas House Protective Association.

You're new around here, ain't you? Yeah, we just inherited this place from our

Uncle Tom.

Good. That'll be 25 berries a week or... Or what?

Pineapples with TNT.

Millions for defense, but not one cent for tribute. And we're pretty tough

ourselves. Watch this, shorty. They call me Mickey Moe, the murdering masseur.

I'll show you some mayhem.

Good work, Ma.

Boy, he's tough.

Ah, that's baby stuff. Let me show you the real McCoy.

I was just

toying. You better come across with the dough.

No, I'm mad.

So what?

So I ain't that mad.

You wait here. I'll really get mad.

Watch me.

us, will you? Well, we'll show you.

You're in the wrong alley here.

Up he goes.

There's your old hat. It don't fit me anyway.

Yeah. Open your mouth.

There you are. Nice little baby now, huh?

Real tough boy.

You're not so tough, little baby.

Here's your 25 berries.

Hey, Butch.

What are you doing here? The cops are on our trail, Butch. Yeah?

Say, what's the idea of the kid?

That's my sister's kid. I figured the cops would never look for Molly, the

glamour girl with a baby in her arms.

It worked.

Smart gal.

But we can't take it on the lam looking a baby around.

You better return it to your sister. I don't dare go back.

The cops are watching the house. They nab a sure.

Yeah, that's right.

I got it. Take the kid over to that hock shop and leave it with them saps.

Your sister can pick it up later. We'll mail her the pawn ticket.

Swell idea.

As long as I'm there, I might as well.

Hock, my diamond ring.

Yeah, them lunkheads are liable to fall for that hunk of glass.

I'll meet you at Joe's.

Hurry up, baby.

Hey, Larry, come here.

I can't. I'm busy.

Well, drop what you're doing and come here.

Okay, if you say so.

Yeah? What's the big idea?

You told me to drop what I was doing, so I did.

Why, you.

Beat me to it that time.

Get out.

Curly and I are going to lunch.

Don't lend any money on anything till we get back.

Here, hang up this tuba.

Come on, Curly.

How do you do, madam? What can I do for you?

Oh, an offspring.

That's sweet.

What's the trouble, lady?

He left me. My no -good husband left me. Me and little Egbert without a home,

without a sin.

All I have in the world is a 20 -carat diamond ring.

Could you let me have a hundred on it?

Even his ring was a fake.

Stop phoning.

What's the matter?

Please give me a drink. Sure.

Shouldn't be a total loss. I'll drink it myself.

Tastes terrible.

I'll kill it with a cigarette.

Oh, gosh.

Firewater. Well, what do you know?

Oh, you sweet you.

I give to give to give. I give to give to you.

Oh, you cute thing. Let me tell you a bedtime story.

Let me see. Once upon a time, there were three bears.

Max Bear, Bunny Bear, and Bugs Bear. Now bear in mind.

These bears were never bare because they ran around in their baskets, but with

their bare feet.

So the three little bears went skipping and frolicking, hither, tither, and

yither, without their mither and fither.

Skip, skip, skip, skip.

Pardon me, gentlemen.

How'd that baby get here?

Business as usual.

What? I mean, the kid walked in and asked for a match. I said, I don't

Look, it's cute.

What's the matter with you? How dare you strike a mother with an infant in his

arms? Where is that kid's mother? The bag left me holding the babe.

What are we going to do with it?

Keep it for 30 days. If nobody calls for it, it's yours.

Get the kid a bottle.

A bottle?

Oh, a bottle, yeah. Excuse me. Hurry up, we'll take care of it till you get

back. What do you do in case it cries?

We'll just change its position from one side to the other.

You would think of that.

Don't cry, baby. Don't cry. Look at him. Funny face.

Funny face.

Make funny ones. Don't scare him. Funny.

Like this. Look.

Look,

baby. Don't cry. We're going to make funny faces. Look.

Here's your bottle. Oh, swell. Got an opener?

There ain't one around the place.

Well.

Close your eyes.

Open your mouth.

Depress your lower jaw.

Wait a minute. You can't give a baby beer.

But I can give the bottle when I'm through drinking it.

Yeah, the beer's mine.

I want half.

Give it to me. Give it to me. I want it. Give it to me.

Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me.

Please, please.

Give it to me or I'll tear your tonsils out.

You got it.

Yeah, so I did.

And you're going to get it.

Get out.

Why,

you nitwit.

And you.

That kid crying.

What are we going to do with it? I can't stand it. It'll drive me nuts. I got

it. Lock the baby in the safe and you won't hear it. Good, but... Hey,

fellas. Look, I gave it a pacifier.

Two -ounce brain.

Look out.

The kid may pull a trigger.

Don't be silly. I wouldn't give a loaded gun to a kid.

Did you examine it? Sure.

See?

What's the matter with you? That's liable to go off. But it ain't loaded.

show you.

Go on, wash your ears. Go on, get washed up.

That crying again. I can't take it.

Quiet, little angel. Quiet, angel.

I'll break your neck.

Hey, Curly, hurry up, will you?

I'm coming in just a minute.

Curly?

What's that?

The baby's bottle.

Now you've got a sliver of a brain.

Right in the little mouth. There you are.

Look at the little sucker. Now he's happy.

And you, you had to make nursemaids out of us. If that kid's mother don't get

back soon, I'm going to turn it over to the police.

Oh, you thought you got rid of me, eh, wise guys?

Okay, boys, give him the works.

Come here, you. You're just my size.

You see, the police came and took them away, but nobody ever...