Original subtitles

Speak to Mr. Jordan.

Hello, Jordan?

Listen, McGann speaking.

Smiling Sam McGann, you robber. What's the matter with your ear?

Listen, you half -wit. What kind of electricians you send me? My lights have

been out for the last two hours and are still out.

Oh.

Listen, Jordan. The manpower shortage is supposed to be over.

Never mind.

Pebble Brain, why aren't you more careful when you climb up a ladder?

I only climbed up seven steps.

The ladder had six.

What's going on here?

Listen, you nitwits. The lights are still out in my office.

I want juice and I want it right away.

Everything.

Keep smiling again.

We better get busy before he finds out we were breaker -uppers in the peanut

brittle foundry. Hey, porcupine, trace that wire.

Grapehead, give me a hand.

Which one?

Never mind.

Get out of there. You want to get a shock?

That's intricate stuff. Stand aside.

That's pretty intricate.

and I used these in the first place.

I

always

knew he was a groundhog.

Hey, look out. You'll get a shark.

Shark? No shark.

What do you know?

No shark.

I need more muscle.

Looks like we resigned.

Hey, you know what we ought to do? Go somewhere for a nice long rest.

Yeah, we need a rest. Yeah.

Hey, here's just the place.

Rest your cares away. Mallet's Rest Home and Clinic.

High altitude, low prices. No matter what you got, you'll lose it at

Sounds good.

Yeah, but what do we want to use for money?

Boy, we'll just... I never thought of that. Hey, I got something put away for

rainy day.

Leave it to him.

Oh, wise guy.

Badass.

Oh, Moolah, queen of the realm.

Well, kid, we accept your apology.

And what's more, you can go with us. Oh, thanks.

Not a sound.

I guess he's gone.

Take the patient off, nurse.

Now, don't worry, Mr. Grimble. We'll have you fixed up and out of here in no

time.

Ah, nurse, be careful. The patient has a very bad foot. Be careful, please.

Yeah, he'll get out of here when we get the rest of his dough, not before.

Say, Doc, is there anything really wrong with his foot? No, it's mostly in his

mind. But if our patients like to stay sick and pay us for the privilege, it's

their business.

What a racket. Doc, you're a chiseler after my own arm.

Thank you. Thank you, boys.

I beg your pardon, but three new... Patients are here.

Fine, fine. Send them in, Miss Shapely.

You boys wait in there while I give them the once -over.

We'll run them ragged and take them for every nickel they've got.

Won't you come in?

Of course, you know our treatments are expensive.

Who cares about expenses?

Splendid, splendid.

And now the first thing to discuss is your diet. We'll begin by cutting out

starches, sugars, proteins, and carbohydrates.

What do we eat?

Vitamins and calories.

Oh, boy, with cream gravy.

As I was saying, I'm going to prescribe your daily schedule.

You'll arise at 5 a .m., horseback riding until 6, chopping wood until 7,

work until 8, and then breakfast.

A nice big bowl of milk.

After breakfast, more road work, more wood chopping, a good stiff workout in

gym, and then lunch.

A nice big bowl of milk.

In the afternoon, more road work, more wood chopping, more gym. You punch the

bag for an hour and then dinner.

I know. A nice big bowl of milk.

Oh, no. No milk. You drank it all for lunch.

I'm still hungry.

You got a tapeworm.

Well, let me see.

I'll have to get you a couple of nurses.

Oh, nurses.

Beautiful nurses.

Nurses. Nurses. Beautiful nurses.

Take it easy, Bloodhound. I'm running a fever myself.

I ain't freezing.

Would you nurses mind stepping in, please?

Nurses. Nurses.

Hey, you want to break the joint up?

Hold still, baby.

What's it say?

Ninety proof.

You two nurses will have charge of these guests.

Start tomorrow morning bright and early.

Yeah, Doc. Bright and early.

Gentlemen, who came in? This way, please.

Please, gentlemen, this way.

You guys, get up. You snore so loud, my ears are ringing. Yeah, mine are

ringing, too.

Mine, too, like an alarm clock.

It is the alarm clock. We'd better get up.

Come on.

Five o 'clock. That's the time you get up and get shut

at sunrise.

Quit squawking. This early morning air is good for you. Face the winter.

Take a deep breath.

That's the fresh air.

What do you think you're doing?

We're breathing. Well, cut it out. It ain't on the schedule. Get this stuff

Let's get going.

Gentlemen, the gymnasium. Come on. Pay attention over here.

All you gotta do is pull them up and down.

Too much weight.

We'll use the schedule.

Hey,

muscle brain.

Up and down.

Up and down.

What's the matter with you?

Sweet, sweet little birdies. I get it, Doc.

We'll run them ragged and take them for every cent they got.

You hear that? That mallard's nothing but a clack. That means duck. Come on.

Oh, for heaven's sakes. George.

George! Stay away.

The patient slugged us. Yeah, and got away.

They did?

Watch this hallway and don't let anyone out. Come on, we'll search the grounds.

We gotta get out of here.

But how? That mug has gone in the door.

I got an idea.

Yeah? We'll get some grease.

Yeah? Spill it on the floor. Yeah? And slip by. Yeah.

No. Come on, now's our chance.

Come on.

Yeah, I think we'll have to operate.

Well, you're doctors. Oh, sure, sure.

Yeah, we're doctors. Dr. Windbag, I presume.

Well, blow me down.

Well, gosh, we gotta go right in the operating room.

So we do.

Well, hello, Mr. Grimble. A couple of new doctors.

Doctor, will you examine me?

Boy, you look terrible.

I'll give a thousand dollars to anyone who cures me.

Hey,

wait a minute. You gotta operate on him first.

Don't get better. We'll be...

an operation. I think... Go on, for a thousand bucks, I'd have cut that guy up

like a Christmas turkey.

Hey, can I watch when they cut you up? Yeah, bud.

I... Yeah!

By the way, I'll need to track the homeowner like a meter.

That one right here.

That's a big one.

Gonna cut him wide open, I see.

Yeah. Say, I'll also need a hammer to even see the fan.

Got one coming right up.

That guy's got everything.

We gotta get rid of him. Yeah, but suppose we can't.

Well, in that case, I'll have to start cutting. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I got it. We can put him to sleep with this.

Fine.

I'll have my favorite scent, flirty polecat.

You sound like a

light. What'd you give me?

Either. Either?

Yeah, either the bottle or the hammer.

George!

George! It's Doc Mallard.

We'd better get him out of the way, quick.

Miss Shapely! Miss Shapely, where's that stupid guard? Oh, he's in the

laboratory with the new doctors. Oh, I see.

New doctors.

Come on.

Wait, Doctor, what in the world? The patient's in a transom. Oh, I'm sorry,

Doctor. I wasn't expecting you. Well, that makes us even. We weren't expecting

you either.

Go ahead, find those men. If you catch them, put them in the steam room. Give

them the works.

Some patients escaped. It was most unfortunate. They were unbalanced, you

Proceed with your operation, doctor. Don't let me interrupt you. Oh, thank

Well, you're going to use that?

Then, of course, you're going to cut straight.

By the way, what does the patient have?

You see, Doctor, he has a very bad case of gut -to -palmatina beans. Oh, indeed.

Well, then, of course, you're going to need this bone saw.

Do tell.

Well, in that case, Doctor, would you cut across here or cut across there?

Oh,

Doctor, now you're joking. Of course you don't cut here or here.

Naturally, you saw straight through the skull.

You'll fool that guy. We'll cut through your skull so fast he won't know the

difference. What about me?

You won't know the difference either.

It's on.

Let me take over, doctor. I'll have him opened up for you in just a minute.

Oh,

doctors, eh?

I'll doctor you. Come to this institution.

No, I get the whole thing. Go ahead around, bat your brains out.

Yeah, you and who else?

Oh, please be careful. Oh, my foot.

Oh, my foot.

Oh, my foot.

Oh, my foot.

I'm cured.

It doesn't hurt anymore.

Doctor, doctor.

Safe at last.

We sure gave them the slip. They don't know where we are.

myself a cheap lawyer.

I'm a citizen. You can't do that to me.

I got a brother in court. I'll tell you that.

Take it easy.

That'll hold him for a while. Come on, we'll find the other one.

What are you doing here?

The valve.

Oh, you push the first valve down, and the music goes.

The other

way.

I'm going home.

Worth every cent of it.

A thousand bucks.

Nearly a million.

Yeah. Beautiful girls. Great lights. Wonderful food. Travel luxury. Monte

Wait a minute. You know what you ought to do?

What? Go somewhere for a nice long rest.

Yeah. This rest almost killed me. You need a rest like a hole in the head.

in the head. That's a good idea.